Happy Apryl Fool's Day!

My Favorite Apryl Fools Day!!!    This is my visual, I can see it all happening as clear today as the day that it happened!!! This shows what a silly "fool" I am!  This is how it went down...my daughter is in the 1st grade, it's April 1st.  Does she know that a silly holiday about "foolishness" is celebrated on this day - NO!  But I do!!!  I woke her up an hour before the bus was suppose to come I yelled and acted like she was late I hurried her, she had to time to do her hair or match her socks (the folds needing to be equal or she would go into a meltdown)!!!!  I gave her her stuff and pushed her out the door without any breakfast and with NO lunch, cuz she was going to miss the bus for school!  I guess you have to know My darlin apoannie!  -She hates to get up- from day ONE she hated to get up early.  She went haulin' down the sidewalk to catch the bus, she waited and waited and waited.  NO BUS!  Finally I went down to her and said; "April Fools"  - who was the fool I ask today even as I sit her laughing to myself - me!!!!  Poor kid she didn't even know what hit her, OR what APril FooLs DaY even is, she just looked at me...
Well mom where's the bus??  Apryl I was kidding you,  you are really way early, come eat and get a lunch. NO I am going BACK TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Binge

March 31, 2010

I am cleaning house!  I'm sick of this! It's heart breaking.  I have been sorting and sorting and sorting.  I have started to look at it as a good thing, a way for me to get rid of "old weight, the dark days of my life, out with the old and in with the new" It's time for a new book maybe not even a new chapter, but a new book!!!

I have given stuff to Desert Industries, Good Will, Salvation Army, we listed items on Craigslist, I have shredded, trashed, and Burned barrels of stuff!  In comparison to starting my knew eating program I am discarding old weight  - 80 pounds of "old weight"!!!!  I have needed to loose about 80 pounds for at least 10 years, and now since Ayris and Tyler left I've gained 20 pounds ... Let it go... A new book it is!!!

Good bye Book, Hello new Book

March 27th!

So there it is. 

Nakedness.

birth.

Warmth.

Love

Family

Friends.

child

age

the circle of life

what does it all mean?

it means live each day to the fullest for tomorrow you may not be here!!!

When there is no light

Alma 19:6
Now, this was what Ammon desired, for he knew that king Lamoni was under the power of God; he knew that the dark veil of unbelief was being cast away from his mind, and the light which did light up his mind, which was the light of the glory of God, which was a marvelous light of his goodness—yea, this light had infused such joy into his soul, the cloud of darkness having been dispelled, and that the light of everlasting life was lit up in his soul, yea, he knew that this had overcome his natural frame, and he was carried away in God—

I know I know I've become a crazy woman with my religious application to every aspect of life!  What should I do?  What can I do?  The only thing I can come up with is - strive to express it and why it is and YES on a - DAILY basis!!!

Journal entry about Dad when we moved one year to Blanding Utah!!! I was reminded of this in a conversation with Austin this week, I guess he thought of it because he moved recently but my thought is this what do we do when there is no light?  Then Ayris came to me today with a scripture - the answer is we SHOULD root it out!  Now going along with my plants I am amazed and pleasantly pleased with them lately - it being spring and blooms and flowers and all, no really, where I've not ever seen them before - rambling I know.... Let me make this short for I am sure I will speak of Blanding again in another entry, think of it... Seeds, nourishment, roots, being unrooted, where is it all without LIGHT?

alma22:15

15 And it came to pass that after Aaron had expounded these things unto him, the king said: What shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Yea, what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy.

Let's move! 2008 ... Let's NOT!

Richie has made several trips to New Mexico for work, we are seriously considering moving back there.  He has been traveling there so much, he just really doesn't like it here since we moved back.  Anyway he keeps pushing it, I explained to kids today that I need to get my own condirmation that the move back to New Mexico is Right Choice we all need to support Dad and be more patient with him. 

Ok we packed up the office and Richard started off for New mexico... we saw Koski's ... he drove about an hour down the road and returned home!!  Said he just didn't feel good about it.  But wait.  He already quit his job and we already have an office space in Cortez Colorado rented!!!!  Oh Man!!! 

So now Plan is to hunker down save money fix up this place dig in Be part of the community. 


Well let's see all within a few months... I came home today and the whole plan has changed, so weird... I think we are moving to Montrose, colordao now!!!  Wouldn't that be weird.  We applied for a job with Farm Credit, He has wanted to get back there he liked that company alot.  We "feel" good about this and hope that the interview works out and maybe he'll get this job.

Well it's not happening.  Not this time anyway.   We do "feel" good about the goal to get back with Farm Credit!  I guess now we are on our own and the whole "hunker down and dig in" thing is the right road.  We must prepare this house and when it's right it will all fit together.  We just have to be prepared.  The idea of moving from her breaks me though, I totally love it here and know that it is where we are suppose to be for now, I know it.  and so I guess moving is on the calendar, but for another day!!!

Easter 2008

Can I tell you that I hate to shop!!!???!!!  But today I went with Amric and we had fun together.  We bought some clothes for he and Ayris!!!  Easter baskets include new shoes & new sunday clothes (if we can)!  This year I saved money - no baskets!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha!!!!

For Easter this year we tried something new!  No candy, no eggs.  We just had flat bread and steak with bitter herbs.  I cooked it for the kids at seminary too, and the whole church stunk up for the whole weekend!!!! Yikes.  Anyway I have to get that worked out, but I really liked it and I think the kids did too.  So Easter at our house from now on; Pita bread, Gyro like Steak, (gotta figure out how to make a good sauce),  Top Ramen salad with grapes and Strawberry cheesecake!!!!  Less sugar better health!!!!

General Conference a sign of Obedience and it is for the kids too!

I'm in the Mesa Stake Center, I can tell Nanny doesn't approve of Apryl and Austin writing during conference!!!  I just want them to be quiet, it's not like a bring games or food or anything!  They are the only kids even here - I am teaching them to be here.  I just want them to learn the importance of being obedient and I think coming to conference is a step for them in that direction.  Do you suppose kids didn't want to go listen to King Benjamin?  I suppose, but it's the act of going that shows obedience.  I appreciate that they don't rebel against me (although today was the first time Austin has ever in some way rebelled) he seemed to think that he could "read about it later"!

I remember mom making me get up to watch the one session on TV Sunday Morning!  So in my mind it's alot to ask of these little ones to come to the church for 8 hours and sit reverently and listen to these talks.  The choir sang O Divine Redeemer and we Loved it, it seemed the kids and I bonded and a sweet spirit was upon us!!! 

Pres Monson 1st speaker 2nd couns. spoke about child abuse ... suffer the little children
Pres Hunter "If we are to survive as a nation/church we must have this loyalty at home. 

This makes me feel like we have DONE something these last few years, because we do have loyalty, commitment and devotion toward each other, family and our religion.  We had had to learn to.  we will and have the opportunity to "stand in holy places to be a witness at all time" as Pres Hunter expressed I know this to be true.  I have a testimony of it, I feel like this is an answer to prayers to hear this from the pulpit today.

Spring Break 1990

Took Apryl to get her hair cut!! When will I learn; we went to the beauty school!!!! Yikes They did a crummy job! She may never talk to me again!!!    Mom and I went to see "Steel Magnolias", Holy Crap...to think that that might ever be the end for my sister - Oh man, it was so sad I cried a river!  I hope that they find a cure for sissy.

We went to that Rotary Park to have a "play day"!  It was fun.  The little mexican kids beat up Rand, and Jacob cussed at them!  Then came chased Austin down...his only response was "don't they know my cousins are mexicans? how come they want to fight? someday mom I will be able to talk to them!".

Off to Ajo Pizza with Sis and her boys!  I wish O and M were closer to me, I'd love to have them live by me. I sure want to know them and for them to never forget me!!!!!!!

Took the neighborhood to the Phoenix Zoo!  we were all of a sudden surrounded by cops who were arresting some homeless looking people that were eating out of the garbage cans! It was so sad.  Apo was sad for them that thier socks did not match!!!!

Austin helped me every morning deliver papers.  money is so awful.  Over to Pappa's grave.  Then we drove around Rallys for hamburgers!  Had to pay 25.00 for tithing and today it was hard to do that. 

I see us eventually settling down in a rural neighborhood, not in the city.  I just don't like it here in the city!!!  I so enjoy my babies.  I'm grateful to hang with them after school and to be able volunteer in their class rooms even if they are horrified at times by their crazy mom!!!! 

MONEY! Nanny's Advice...

A piece of a letter from Mom dated March 18, 1991
..what I was going to say before my suggestion to you and Richard is to NOT think of your family being poor, but think of yourselves as being smart enough to start at the bottom and going up instead of trying to start at the top and falling down.  Try,m also to remember that it is certainly no disgrace to not have money.  Also, it is wrong to pretend you have it when you don't.  There is no integrity or honesty in so doing.  Maybe you think I enjoyed saying for most of your life -- "we haven't the money", No I did not!  But neither was I ever ashamed of it.  Many times saddened by it, but never ashamed.  Personally I feel like kids nowadays should her "no it's not in the budget a little more".  I dread to see what would happen to OJ if something happened that he can't have everything he thinks he needs.  Even more so than M! 

...I am so glad that you are having a good experience with AJ, it will help you appreciate Appie and Aussie Man more as well as help make the bonding between you and the kids stronger.  I sincerely hope you can make it without going back to work, but if you do I am also sure you will be more aware of the need to do things with the kids and never neglect them as you might be tempted to otherwise.  There is always some good to find in any situation and lesson to be learned.  So many times I read something about kids and think, "wonder if Kel saw this?"  I remember you asking; what are you being tested for?'  I truly believe it is to mostly to see how really committed you are to just plain living the gospel.  You also mentioned that is much harder to stay home and not have that income than you expected it to be.  Please, be aware that old Satan will try his hardest to convince you it isn't worth it to stay home and be a mom.  There is no law that you can't want!  The trick is to concentrate on what you DO have and not to add to Richard's stress.  If you two can just remember to put the Lord first and all things will be added to it. 
Baby girl, there is so much I want to say to you I do not know where or how to finish...just to say to you that I reaffirm my deep love, my pleasure in your many accomplishments, the real joy you are, the wonder of your little ones and the since of endurance you are showing.  The fact you deliberately chose to make a success of your marriage and your life is one of great importance and is worthy of admiration.  Be know that I only advice in caution to help you live within your means, and always pay your tithing!  Love, Mama

One year ago today...

So ... again, I'm not being consistant.... I'm going to write it off to I got sick!!!???!?!  Lame I know, but can I have a sick day or two???!!!  I was talking to Apryl and her family on Sunday and I just got so sick all of sudden I think my blood pressure just dropped and I lost it!

anyway enough of that ...

One year ago today I was with Mom combing her hair and telling her stories.  I worked everyday in the month of March to scan her pictures and organize her papers writing a history for her to leave for her grand and greatgrandkids.  I just had a feeling that it had to get done, I felt that urgency of the spirit. A time in my life to be recorded that I know what it felt like to feel the prompting of the Holy Ghost to go and do.  I'm grateful I did.

As God as MY Witness!!!

So today in the Daily's I am reminded of the day I took Apryl and Austin to a Day Care place for day two!  They'd only been to this lady once, and day two was not going to happen if they could help it.  I was on my way to work it was Tempe Arizona...100 degrees and Austin was crying his eyes out.  He begged me, without the tears to not take him back to this place of childcare.  HE talked to me as a grown-up at the age of 3, then he had Apryl turn on the tears!  Then he cried in a way that I just knew that he was not just being a spoiled kid not wanting to go to nursery.   On the way over to day care my Gremlin broke down and there we were HOT, Broken, and hungry and I swear I literally raised my arm (just like Scarlett) to the sky and yelled "As God as my witness I'll never be poor and hungry and take my kids to day care again!!!!" - [my version of that Gone with the Wind quote!]

Well I didn't take my kids to that lady ever again but it was the day we sat down and set the goal for me to be home and not have to go to work outside the home any more.  That woman yelled at me that day telling me I had to leave them, she was counting on that income. Really?!  I just grabbed them and we ran...walking down the streets of Tempe Arizona!

It was a day that, (even with me not really doing things I should have been doing) I knew the spirit spoke to me for the sake of my children and said WAKE UP girl your babies need you - that is a bad place for day care and you need to get your act together.  Listen to the spirit.  I can indeed witness that there is a reason we have been counseled to LISTEN. 

"Spirituality is learning how to listen to the Spirit and then letting it govern our lives."-Carol B Thomas
Nothing is more important than to parent with real intent our babies. (to me anyway!)

History does repeat it's self!

So last I wrote I had gone to RS to lift my spirits and be remotivated to live life in a positive manner, while there I heard the most depressing Scriptures about how life sucks! and then I went to Primary and my primary teaching day well was  not doing so well and then... I went to do my DAILY BLOG and in 1990 1985 and 2004 I swear the same entries were written about life being hard, where should we live, we have no money, no job, I can't loose weight blah blah blah... I just got so depressed threw my hands in the air and gave up  not returning for the week to do my DAILY ENTRY! 

Now I am wondering what that got me.  It got me nothing, it labeled me slothful and I ate and ate and ate! Now I've decided to make a move again and DO something besides be slothful and eat!  I haven't had a diet soda for 3 days!  My birthday is Sunday so I am not going to stop eating until Monday!!!! This month has been a bust for the new start on eating...or anything for that matter.  I guess what the moral of the blog today is don't gloat, or brag about achieving anything...especially if you think you did it yourself, as soon as you do... it's over you have set yourself up for failure and that dark smoke to smother you and send you into a slothful stupor!

Alma 26: 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever
36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

Alma 38:10 And now, as ye have begun to teach the word even so I would that ye should continue to teach; and I would that ye would be diligent and temperate in all things.

 11See that ye are not lifted up unto pride; yea, see that ye do not boast in your own wisdom, nor of your much strength.

 12Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness

Today sucked!

General Conference is coming up.  Like King Benjamin President Thomas S. Monson

(not OMonson!! like my primary class called him today!) will talk to us. Be prepared. 

I heard two thoughts today that I'm tossin' around, need to process and then Please God, help me GO and DO.

1.  When we tell ourselves we are "too fat",  or other such defeatest attitudes that start with "I cannot" ... that is Satan.  He does not have a body (he choose that) but anyway he is jealous of the fact that we do have bodies so he wants us to fail and he uses the body as a tool to bring us down.

2.  Stamina is in the mind more than the body.  I can't remember if I heard it on Amazing Race or Celebrity Apprentice, none the less -- It rings true.  I keep thinking I can't keep up, it's in my head first then I act on that thought.. I know that, I teach that.  But after today at primary, I'm not sure I can, do or ever will again teach anything to anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not going into all this just leaving it there.  Think about it.

Music that leaves a memory!

Isn't music an interesting "thing"?  what is music anyway?  The dictionary says it can be an art.
Using art then I reveiw my life in music...my life in song;   Ray Price- For the Good Times, Eddy Arnold - the Last word in Lonesome is me, Barbara Streisand - People, Waylon and Willie singing Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys!, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Loretta, And of course George, Van Morrison, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Kris Kristofferson
Bob Seger - Night Moves, The BeeGees!!!!Tom Petty - Refugee, ELO, Jethro Tull, Peter Frampton, I guess I'll throw in a little Areosmith!, Journey, Styx, Bread, KISS, RodStewart, Bread,  On the Road again!, Highwayman - Highwaymen!,  REO, No Doubt, Matchbox 20, Pearl Jam, Wallflowers, Garth, Toby, Alan and then today... well I thought the 80's were bad!  Today I can't think of anyone I really could die for!!!

So as I reminisce thru music tonight on You Tube!!!! I can't find One song or even one genre of music that defines me!  It makes me smile, cry, Remember.  What I remember maybe being the problem or the not!  My thought today is BE CAREFUL the music you put into your brain...it stays there and never leaves!!!!

"Music is an important and powerful part of life. It can be an influence for good that helps you draw closer to Heavenly Father. However, it can also be used for wicked purposes. Unworthy music may seem harmless, but it can have evil effects on your mind and spirit.
"Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening. Don't listen to music that drives away the Spirit, encourages immorality, glorifies violence, uses foul or offensive language, or promotes Satanism or other evil practices."


Today I heard a quartet of violins play The Lord Is My Shepherd it was beautiful and touched my heart.  Wouldn't it be nice to just have those kinds of feelings, memories to Remember.  To this memory I add Primary Colors, I am a child of God, Tell me the Stories of Jesus and I know the Scriptures are True.

Aunt El

Four years ago today my Auntie died.  I read that we had a hard time up until that point.  She had a horrible horrible time.  well it's almost midnight and I have been sorting and reading for 6 hours... It's depressing.  I have no inspiration either to say something enlightened or insightful, how sad is that.
Auntie was a good aunt to us kids, she loved us dearly I know that.  She had two hard marriages it looks like.  She loved her Mother and her Dady!!!
I got nothin!
So much therapy needed I guess to be able to talk about the struggles involved with taking care of a sick aunt for the last years of her life!
Too bad since I have such happy FUN memories of her before that.  She took me fishing, hunting, she is the one with the scary cat (George).  My scanner is broken and huby has the computer with the pics on it so no pics tonight!  BUT Auntie I love you.  I remember flying over the bolders with you in my sweet Gremlin!!!

Delia

March 17 holds a few memories of people for me.

One my friend's Annette Harrell, her birthday is March 17.  I remember taking her a birthday present in the 5th grade.  How do I recall this memory?  My mom cautioned me that we would be out of place going to her house, I did not understand that at all.  She is my friend, why does it matter what color she is!?!?  Mom did drive me over to her neighborhood and we were starred at by each and every neighbor as we drove down the street in our Chrysler New Yorker!  I just never really understood or stand today why color is stereotyped, an issue, or defining moment.  But in my memory this is one of those moments, I can still to this day see that street in my mind and remember that it was awkward, that I wasn't invited in and that She was indeed one of my best friends. We laughed and played and studied together, at school...but NOT at home in our different neighborhoods and lives.  Later ... I loved to go to the school dances,I loved dancing with Clarence and Greg, (yes, we were judged and still starred at - this was in High School and these were my friends from elementary school I missed them),  the friendships were real.  Time has taken that all away but memories don't fade.  Please, don't judge people, it's not our job!
My goodness time does fly!

20plus years ago I met the Lebeuf family!  I was immediately endeared to Delia!  She lived with us off and on, her Dad was a single parent.  She is a fun and ambitious young woman now.  Back then she was a giggly, skinny, feisty, lovable tiny little girl!  She led in the family to do chores, to pray and to be loving and supportive of each other.  Our movie favorites were Romeo and Juliet (leo version), That thing you do, and Beauty and the Beast.  We also grew up with Dawson's Creek and 7th Heaven!  How's that for opposite ends of the media scale! 
We had the best Family Home Evening's and she always took part and would hug me and say someday "mom" I want this too!  She didn't like to read, or do math and yet she has turned out to be a wonderful student and she is a great worker, mother and wife.  She is family and I love her.  She was great to help me with Aj and Amric she was boy crazy and very much like Apryl Ann did not appreciate her father embarrassing her at school or in front of her friends!!!  Once he went to pick them up from school in his tall black rubber boots!  They choose to walk home, rather than get in the truck with him!!! teenagers!  She and Austin had a great "love hate" realtionship!  Being the same age they competed with lots of things from games to friends from who cleans up to who doesn't!!!  I've had different kids in the house over the years but Delia, well she's ours!!  And Real and Sherri they are ours too!!!!
May I speak first about the courage to refrain from judging others. Oh, you may ask, “Does this really take courage?” And I would reply that I believe there are many times when refraining from judgment—or gossip or criticism, which are certainly akin to judgment—takes an act of courage.
Unfortunately, there are those who feel it necessary to criticize and to belittle others. You have, no doubt, been with such people, as you will be in the future. My dear young friends, we are not left to wonder what our behavior should be in such situations. In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior declared, “Judge not.” At a later time He admonished, “Cease to find fault one with another.” It will take real courage when you are surrounded by your peers and feeling the pressure to participate in such criticisms and judgments to refrain from joining in.
I would venture to say that there are young women around you who, because of your unkind comments and criticism, are often left out. It seems to be the pattern, particularly at this time in your lives, to avoid or to be unkind to those who might be judged different, those who don’t fit the mold of what we or others think they should be.
The Savior said:
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another. …
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”3
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Thomas S. Monson

Today she is happily married and has so many families watching out for her from her Mother, Dad and StepMom, to Todd's family and back to Us!  She is loved and prayed for.  Happy Birthday Delia we love you.

decisions...decide to decide

Today in 1996 my journal notes are from a Know Your Religion (Gene Cook) I went to it with friends in Chehalis WA!

So from that entry I get today's blog...

First of all FRIENDS!  I miss having friends to go do things with.  Sunday someone spoke from the pulpit explaining that it took 3 years for them to feel like they fit into the ward and have friends, and now they feel like they are suppose to move so they are putting their house on the market this week.  I feel the same way.  How do we change that 3 year mark.  We need to make friends, be friendly faster so much time is wasted wishing we "fit in".  I am striving to change this about myself, it's tuff.  I actually went up to people and said "my name and what's yours" at the dinner on Friday last!  WAY WAY WAY out of my comfort zone!

Second we speak of inspiration, making choices, Decisions! Deciding on how, when and why to do things.  Elder Cook gave 3 directions on this

1. Be humble
2. Be Temperance
3. Be committed or COMMIT to it.

^{In the Book of Mormon the scripture reads  2 Nephi 32 :3-5}
3Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.

 4Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.

 5For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.

My thought is if we then are prompted to move, or whatever the choice is that we are making things should be so secure in our minds and hearts that we aren't questioning it, instead we are free to not worry about our comfort zone and only going and doing, shaking hands, being friends showing confidence in our trust of making the right choice.

Elder Cook points out that we will feel our minds enlightened, and therein have peace, the holy ghost will fill our soul with Joy.  At the beginning of this school year Amric and Ayris both got a blessing from Dad, we like to call them "Back to School Blessings".  Ayris was promised that if she would go to YSA, look after her mom, pray and read her scriptures, if she would work and make a decision about school that she then would know what she should do.  I have watched her work thru this process.  I have been blessed to see how going down a road and having the road meet a fork and then she would regroup kinda start over and pray again making a choice to go down the fork one way or the other, she has been blessed with all of the blessings promised her in that blessing, I feel because she honored her parents, she reads and prays, she wants to keep the commandments. It's kinda amazing to see the comfirmations that she has received as each baby step has been taken AND to see how she was stopped along the way being led another direction, because that road is the wrong one!!!   Elder cook commented "If you think you haven't received an answer to your prayers Make a decision that you feel is best and the Lord will sustain.  These choices need to be based on correct and good principles."  Note to self, it's easier too watching someoneelse doing it than making choices for myself!  Apply knowledge!

I know that we are suppose to be in Omaha, NE.  I know that we are really grateful in this economy to have work and that I can still be home tending those who come and go is a GREAT blessing, one that we choose and thru thick and thin have committed to and for that I am grateful to Heavenly Father and to my Richie!  I know that being home as much as possible and loving my kids is most important to keeping us together as a family.  It's been tuff, it started out way out of my comfort zone.  I believe it's easier to go to work (for me!).

The moral of the story today is ... Be humble, temperant, comitted.  Make a choice and MOVE on it. Listen for answers.  Step out into the darkness trusting that God will guide you.  Get out of your comfort zone and make friends.  When we moved to Arizona when I was 4 it's been told to me that my sister didn't want to go to church because she being a senior in high school didn't know anyone I told her "Strangers are just friends we haven't met yet"!!  Me, I said that - the one who has a comfort zone and is totally fearful of the phone.  Fear is created and let to happen. Don't be fearful. Step off!!!

  

I AM DANG FUN!

I'm so not in the mood to blog and Anona always has way funner things happen to her to blog about I want to be fun like Anona!!!
When Ayris was in Gymnastics I was going thru a slump in life and she and I made cards to help us be positive and to help Ayris be motivated to go backwards on the floor exercise!
My card said "I am DANG FUN!"  I was working so hard to convince myself and others I was, am, and can Be FUN!
Ayris' card said "I am a scary white yellow lion and I can go backwards!"  She went to a Russian Coach and to a Sports specialtist...
Ya know what we decided?  We didn't need anybody to tell us we are fun we just know we are!!!

Urlene

Today March 13th  is the birthday of my first best friend.  First best friends are like your first love, never forgotten and lots of memories.  I'd like to share a couple of memories, I actually have so many but some silly ones go like this! 

• We would like to play primary!  I would always want to be the chorister and make Urlene play the ironing board (piano!). 
• Mom would always leave me a list of chores and I would bribe her to do some of them and pay her with penny's that my Dad kept in a paper sack! 
• We went to Primary on Wed after school the bus would drop us off there at the church  and when it was over we would walk home! It was so fun!  
• We would sit on the step by my brother Tom's room and sing.  Once we were singing "Popeye" I'm popeye the sailor man i live in a garbage can... Tom came out and and just yelled at us that he was going to put us in a garbage can if we didn't shut up!  We were scared and laughing all at the same time! 
• We loved to go to our friends house and play like we were the "Monkeys"  we knew ALL the songs!!!
• we were always dressing up for something! Halloween, Pioneer Day, Christmas, Dances, Dancing, Choir, you name it!!!
• We used to go TP new houses of guys we liked
• we went to camp together
• we locked all the doors and checked on the gas and water
• I was so happy for her when she found happiness with Mike and they were married.
• One of my favorite memories was our vacation to colorado with my mom.  What a whoot! We drove mom crazy with our songs and chatter!!!
• I will always be grateful for Mike's friendship and the fact that he was there to baptize Richard.

Fast oft and have Faith

FAITH.  What is faith?  
That is the question that I went out with the Sisters to discuss with new friends in the community.  The scriptures say that faith is the evidence of things hoped for that are not seen.  What are choices that we make - in faith of the result?!?!  I send Amric off to school each day in faith that he will go there, participate, do his homework and receive an education!  I fast oft, in hope of peace and a spiritual experience.  I do things, in Faith thinking that a blessing or just the mere fact that I am being obedient will get me a good result.  THUS, Faith is an ACTION word.    I can say that it was such a spiritual experience last night sharing my testimony with this family that we taught about Jesus Christ, that I'd like to document it here tonight. 
I totally believe in the Bible, I love the stories of the Old Testament.  In the scriptures of the old world God speaks to Adam, to Moses, to all the Prophets why wouldn't He speak to and continue to have a Prophet on the earth still today?  To me, it just makes sense. 
The Book of Mormon is a record of scripture of people that came from the Old World (the times of the Old Testament).  The tower of Babel was one time that people were separated and spilt off into different directions.  Another time was in the time period of Jeremiah and Ezekiel and Lehi was a Prophet, he was told  to take his family and leave.  They do so and come to the Americas where they meet people who have already been here too.  All this because of FAITH, this family had faith to go and do.
I guess in all of this my biggest action of faith is my hope in eternal marriage and family.  These days marriage is a joke, it is laughed at on TV and mocked in all ways.  People take the easy way out leaving is the easy way out and shows NO Faith in God, family, or each other. 
As we spoke with this family last night Ed said "Whats the point if this life is all there is?"  I say exactly.  James 1:6
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

These are the good ole days!!!

Or are they?!?!?!  34 Years ago my friends Susan and Lyle got married.  The memories flood my mind. 

Let's just say I burned this journal when I cleaned house this last move.  I hold the friendship dear, but lets just say we should have done alot of things differently.  But today's memory is of Glenn Frank Butchar!  He drove me to Arizona from BYU to be in Susan And Lyle's wedding.  I am eternally grateful for this trip, because Glenn got to meet my Daddy. 
My Dad was an interesting man, not too many of my friends became acquainted with him.  But he and Glenn got along.  Glenn was a missionary that could teach my Dad.  I wanted to marry Glenn, but things didn't go that way for us. Glenn said I wasn't going to make it.  He needed someone that would endure to the end, and he didn't think I could do it.  He married some cute YOUNG east coast girl.  He died way too early in life leaving behind the cutest little boy - Sam!  anyway off point...
When my Father was dieing we talked of that visit that he had with Glenn on that trip to a wedding.  My Dad liked him.  As he died my last words to him were please Daddy go find Glenn he will teach you about the Plan of Salvation, a Real plan for happiness in a way that you will be able to understand it.  And Dad was gone.  It has been something that I've clung too to give me hope.

Funny how life plays out and for what seemingly uneventful paths that cross can mean something for eternity.  Today was an awful earthquake the 7th largest ever recorded in the world in Japan, many people died and many will be displaced.  Tonight the young women in my church served over 100 people dinner.  We cross peoples lives for a reason I have NO Doubt about that.  It's our job to be aware of the electricity when we cross and not let it slip thru time unnoticed.  The Scriptures say "if thou art not aware thou wilt fall."

I POaST about life asking ... what are your ethics?

Dance Festival ASU 1970 Can't be in the boy girl dance yet so have to dance with the girls!

ONCE upon A time

• A little girl wanted to have a watch, a pretend watch and some candy, her mom always said NO there isn't any money for those kinds of things. So she put it in her pants and the watch fell down her leg and she was busted.  What does the Mom do now?
• A boy with a friend from a foreign land went to the store and the foreigner who was older stole some things in his shirt.  The younger boy was just tagging along, what does he do?
• you are married but you go out after work with the guys!  when do you go home? and with who?
• Once a girl wanted her boyfriend to really really be hers and he wanted her to steal she did. Does he love her more or less?
• you know a secret about someone, but you take it to facebook and tell everyone on a madeup page...how do you feel about yourself?
• as a saleman you know that someone doesn't need the item, nor can they afford it and you sell it to them signing them to a contract anyway.
• You said you'd pay them back?
• You said you'd return it?
• You thought he loved you?
• You told yourself you'd eat more healthy and exercise everyday.  DID YOU?
• your married and your spouse needs you - do you pick work, friends or that spouse?

" integrity means always doing what is right and good, regardless of the immediate consequences. It means being righteous … , not only in our actions but, more importantly, in our thoughts and in our hearts.
We show our integrity by caring for and serving others.
The Lord expects us to live lives of integrity and to be obedient to his commandments.
Let us strive for personal, practical integrity in every endeavor, regardless of how mundane or inconsequential it may seem.
Having received the Spirit of Christ to know good from evil, we should always choose the good." --Elder Wirthlin

I'm not sure what mood I'm in, but I am seeing times in journals that did and did not show integrity... Somethings have happened in my life that have made me question people and ethics -- I wish I knew more about WHY people do or do not do the things they do.

It's true we need our space!

Feel lonely?   Even though the house is full of people and the coming and going is constant, without REAL communication you're gonna be lonely.  What is it that you do create the luster in life that helps you not feel lonely?

Patience in ALL things!!

once upon a time hubby was called to teach primary! the boys age 10 and 11!  He being new to Sunday School, expected the children to be well behaved and reverent!  To answer the questions presented as they were asked in the manual!!  These boys were not behaving that way it says here in the paper journal!!!  Hubby slammed his hand down on the table and demanded that they all "shut up"!  --

Those kids did an about face!  I was like freaking out and explaining we don't do that we can't do that we have to LOVE THEM!  Those boys grew to love hubby, and he them.  My how time flies that was 30 ish years ago, that would make them in their 40's -- that is just crazyness!!!  I remember that day and those kids just like it was yesterday.    When teaching it isn't the discipline, the preparing of the lesson the handouts that create the long lasting memory on either end of the learning scale - (the teacher or the learner) but instead it's the time, the one on one, the love that is applied to the relationship of student and teacher.


I have had some wonderful wonderful examples of great teachers.  Teachers like Toni Brown, Betty Abbott, Jill Beecroft, Mrs Hunsaker, Brother Kendrick, Iris McCoy, Sister Rowley and Brother and Sister Farnsworth these were teachers that I knew loved me.  From them I hope to have learned to be a great teacher too.This doesn't even touch the people that were just great examples and taught me outside the class room - but thats another blog!!!

It's not our parents fault we are the parents that we are...we choose how we parent!

Family Home Evening.  We have our ups and downs with this "commandment".  I remember the charts and the stickers!  The desserts and the lessons.  My favorite time, I suppose was when I lived in Arizona, we had a little neighborhood of moms who got together and exchanged lessons with visual aids I loved those days.  Austin would tell the stories and Apryl would lead play and teach us the songs.  They loved making the desserts and eating them too.  Oh I do miss FHE with the little ones.

Tonight I tried to have a "discussion" about family that is away from us and how we could get to know them, keep in touch with them. Pretty much the Dad scoffed at me. I shut down and FHE was over. I need to fight back in these situations and as a young mom I would have.  After he went to bed the kids and I had an activity and a dessert we read our scriptures and said our prayers...but really when everyone doesn't play along it leaves a sadness, a gap a hole. :(

So ok, I want the writing to be positive and not to be negative toward the experience I share this really is my first negative experience shared, so why am I sharing it...

I guess to remind myself of the importance of following thru doing things as a family and not giving up when it doesn't go your way.  Sunday I went to a YW Presidency mtg... my thought when I left there was "Ahhh, to be young and not jaded!".  Those young moms were happy and positive and willing to go and do.  I on the other hand felt cautious and well jaded! 

Back when we first moved away from family I took pictures and created a game that we liked to call "It's all Relative"!  I cut up pictures (back in the day I always had doubles printed) and the kids and I for FHE labeled them, mounted them on posterboard and laminated them.  Then we played games like "go fish" and "memory" with these cards so that they would know faces and family and never forget.  I didn't let myself give in to the thinking this is dumb, it won't work, who cares!

I worry too much any more that people will be offended.  I was never one to care about that!  Suck it up, is how I was raised, "It's not bleeding get back in there, if it is blessding it's too far from your heart to kill ya!"  was pretty much the theory around the child hood home!  These days too many people are offended, don't want to give it all they've got, don't want to do this or that because it's too hard.  Where am I on that scale any more?  I have kinda turned into a hermit for fear of something???         I'm just not sure what!

Church leaders have instructed members to set aside Monday night as “family home evening.” This is a time for families to study the gospel together and to do other activities that strengthen the family spiritually, create family memories, and increase unity and love.

The moral of the story tonight is, Life is hard.  Following the commandments is hard, for as easy as they are. But as it says in the New Testament we "can't serve two masters" so we have to buck up, it's important ... I can testify that it pays off, that the memories and lessons learned when parenting a REAL Family night do pay off and the rewards and blessings are many and last for generations of time!

Seamless!!!

Yesterday was a really great family day, so I neglected my blog experience to spend time with the fam! So today I will write Two times to make up the neglect!!! DAILY that's my goal. YIKES!!! still working on the consistantsy!  I watch TV everyday, I EAT everyday why are the naughty habits easier to do everyday than the good ones, the ones that promote something good in your heart and mind!??!

Sister Cook showed a quilt block that on one side had seams and on the other did not!
I am displaying it here just to show that I made a quilt! This quilt has seams but it has integrity too, my mom started it and I finished it I then gave it to Porter McCoy Noyes!

Ok this is a good thought that I had in my mind and heart yesterday!  We have this meeting that we in the Church of Jesus Christ Of Later Day Saints go to twice a year called Stake Conference.  It's where a group of small units (or wards) meet together at one time and receive instruction and inspiration.  Yesterday our meeting was with 42 stakes in the MidWest it was awesome and very inspiring.  A couple of things were said that I really liked, but thing that gave me personally a little HOPE that I'm on the right track was the fact that they refered in the talks to two scriptures I had been focused on in the last couple of months.  Which to me meant that I'm on the right track!!! I loved it.  A confirmation from the Holy Ghost that I'm heading in the right direction.

Also one of the talks was by a Sister Mary Cook, reminded us that we need to be honest in ALL our doings.  That our lives need to be seamless.  She had a visual I really liked that, but sometimes we are one person on Christmas and Easter when we go to church or if we go on Sundays and then a different person the other days of the year and week.  Sometimes we say Professional is seperate from Religion or School is serperate from Religion.  None of it is seperate or should be, we need to have ingrity, ethics, honesty always, being seamless in all we do and say.  I really liked the reminder.  These days with the internet it's easy to be anymous and gossip along with other naughty habits are easily accessible and we might think it's not known that we do the things we do, I say we need to be seamless.  I loved the thought.  Sister cook used the quote my Mom always used "To thine own self be True", it was one of her favorite quotes.

Silence

I cleaned the house in silence this morning! and afternoon...it did go on and on!  I really don't like all that goes on in my head with all the silence in the house!!!  I thought of so many things to blog about and so many items to get on my soap box concerning, which one ... where to start... what do I have to say about anything really that would be of benefit today?

Let's talk about silence.  My Daddy used to say "Silence is Golden, in other words Shut Up and get Rich"!  Goggled it and did not find it translated this way anywhere!!! But did find the following of interest:

As with many proverbs, the origin of this phrase is obscured by the mists of time. There are reports of versions of it dating back to Ancient Egypt. The first example of it in English is from the poet Thomas Carlyle, who translated the phrase from German in Sartor Resartus, 1831, in which a character expounds at length on the virtues of silence:

"Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the daylight of Life, which they are thenceforth to rule. Not William the Silent only, but all the considerable men I have known, and the most undiplomatic and unstrategic of these, forbore to babble of what they were creating and projecting. Nay, in thy own mean perplexities, do thou thyself but hold thy tongue for one day: on the morrow, how much clearer are thy purposes and duties; what wreck and rubbish have those mute workmen within thee swept away, when intrusive noises were shut out! Speech is too often not, as the Frenchman defined it, the art of concealing Thought; but of quite stifling and suspending Thought, so that there is none to conceal. Speech too is great, but not the greatest. As the Swiss Inscription says: Sprecfien ist silbern, Schweigen ist golden (Speech is silvern, Silence is golden); or as I might rather express it: Speech is of Time, Silence is of Eternity."

How do you suppose we apply this to our wealth (pun intended) of knowledge?  In silence you find peace.  In silence the heart speaks to you and the mind confirms or vise versa!?!?!  Anyway it is a way for God to answer your prayers of the heart.  I also found today that it is a way to see yourself and analyze choices.  We don't get "Do Overs" in this life, but My hubby and I like to think we get new windows of opportunity, a chance to "do over" a choice or choices previously made.

We are doing alot of that right now, choosing, trading (hopefully trading up with our choices).   In my silence today I thought as it took me an hour to clean the stairs and the foyer that no one will notice, no one will care, no atta girls will be administered yet everyday the kids thank Heavenly Father for Dads job and thank Dad for all his hard work.  I am grateful for the blessings and grateful for the silence today. But tonight I listened to a Matron of the Temple speak of the reverence, the silence of working there day in and day out and I couldn't help but think I am the matron of my home and I am grateful for today's silence and appreciate the blessing of being able to be home to welcome, teach and nurture my family as they come and go even when they don't notice!  My goal in the end is to keep us together for eternity.

Family Ties

Looking at family history is interesting and totally brings me to tears!  I spent the morning watching "Who do you think you are?"    It doesn't matter to me who it is that the story is about, my heart swells at the things that they find out about their heritage.  Plus you learn so much about history (just plain ole history) when you study genealogy!

Talking to the FAMILY each one somewhere else in on the conversation:

Apryl "You cannot get up at 6 in the morning if you are not going to be nice because you are are being a Butt Head!!! Vaughn "A Butt Head?!"  
Ayris "i think you need to go to bed earlier so that you can be nice"
Vaughn "Ayris I think you should just go to bed"
Apryl "I leave in 42 days!"
Gage  "Hi Ayris"
AJ "Hi Pax"
Apryl "that was Gage"
AJ "oh Hi Gage!"

I love my family, how awesome is it that I can be skyping, texting, on the phone with and on the computer with all of my kids at once!
Tonight is Amric's Stage Manager "Wizard of OZ" !!!  He is a technology Wizard!!!!  It is also getting ready to SNOW!!!! 
I'm so glad that it's 62 in Vegas!!! and that the temp is falling fast here in O!

Yesterday my hubby sweet thing that he is was having a discussion with my daughter about the idea of setting a good example.  Back story: Back in the day when I worked outside the home I would often say  "going out with the girls after work"... they would be drinking, "but I was just having a soda".  Today's story: Yesterday this was what the hubby said!!! It's been awhile since I've heard the arguement "birds of a feather flock together", "people judge you by who and what and where you are without asking questions!", and/or  "it's not you I don't trust" etc. etc. etc. 
  I remember the day when I would hear that people were judging me, and my prideful attitude would create something then for them to talk about.  Silly me!!! 
 I'm sure my Mother was shouting "Hooray!" up there in heaven yesterday ...
the punch line is, It was the child saying it to the parent this time. 
I learned the hard way that this isn't the way to go about life, I hope and PRAY that he doesn't have to learn it AGAIN too!   So if you're going out with people after work, don't be surprised if it looks like you are doing the same thing they are - DRINK MILK?!?!  Sometimes some of us have to wear a shirt that states what we believe so others "get it" and we have created a wall of protection or advertising!!!

Some reasons I choose to blog DAILY are to leave a history for my family, to communicate that which I believe in to others I know and the ones that are willing to read that I don't know.  I'd really hope to help someone who might randomly read my stories to not be inconsistent, to be lost or to waste time in darkness.  The things that are happening for me because of my choice to blog DAILY are... I'm falling in love with my husband all over again being more grateful for him than I knew that I was. AND I am being reminded that without my foundation in a belief system of Jesus Christ, the atonement and the Hope of redemption I would have no direction or focus in life.  I would feel so left alone without family or friends without genealogy, the WORD and my testimony of the great plan of Happiness.

Freckles are good?

Interestingly enough one year ago today I felt the same way I feel today about eating!!!  All I want to do is EAT!  It's like some trigger went off in my head and said MCDONALD's is calling you!!!  Last year I talk of being out of control in all my carvings, I guess it's the 3rd day of a new eating program and thus ... I am in withdrawal, I'm toxic and I want to eat!  I'm bloated and and crazy.  Did I say I'm flashin' and want to EAT! 

 Also today I went to the doctor and they again found skin cancers had one cut off and 2 on my face frozen!  What happened to me!?  I used to think my freckles were my cutest assets!!! I remember getting my senior picture and the photographer suggesting that he edit my picture erasing the moles and the freckles and I was so insulted because I thought they made me who I am!  Well, now...all these years later they seem to be kicking me in the butt! :(  The weird thing is the moles I think are the problem, turn out not to be and the other ones ... they are trouble!!!  Is that how life is!!!???  Things you think aren't trouble sneak up on you and turn into trouble.  Really I don't believe in that "don't sweat the small stuff" crap at all!!!! 
But tomorrow is another day and I will be back on track in the early AM!!!  

Matthew



Matthew, Sis, Olaf and Jorge

 Let's see...1975!  I was a senior in High School, the world was wonderful and I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life!  I was doing well in class, actually going to class!  I had a wonderful boyfriend - he had the greatest family!  I was the Laurel class President, I went to church and Mutual.  I was on the dance team at my high school, I was even attending seminary!!!
Yaaaa Life was good! 

My sister was expecting a baby, mom took a sometime off work to go be with her, I took a couple days off school to go be with her!!!  The kid would not come out!!! We stayed with some friends in town, her brother had the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen.  The ocean in February is gray and windy and cold, but I loved it there in the winter.  He was to be born in a little rat hole of a hospital that was painted the ugliest green - I thought it so third world!!! He was so late that I had to go back to school.  Mom stayed with Sis.  Eleven days late this kid came into the world.  He had 7 holes in his heart.  My wonderful boyfriend Terry drove me down in his awesome car to pick them up and bring them to the Hospital so my baby nephew could have surgery, getting his holes sewed up!  Poor little guy, he was gray and had the most black hair on a baby I'd ever seen!  He went to one hospital and then got into a helicopter and flew to Phoenix to another hospital.  I so grateful for my little baby nephew. 

Sometimes life gives us crazy tragedy, sometimes life seems cold and dark and hard to survive in.  But the big picture is for life to be for eternity.  A life needs roots, a firm foundation, faith the Heavenly Father can really hear our prayers.  This boy is proof that He indeed does hear and answer prayers.   I only have the best and highest HOPES for he and his family and for the future of the REN! 

Aren't they SOOOO cute! miss you sis!!! I love your boys!