Showing posts with label Emmeline B. Wells. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emmeline B. Wells. Show all posts

Thursday, February 02, 2017

MyHappinessProject Feb. Updated!

Reposted and Updated Mar 6, 2017


Emmaline B Wells

I'm so excited ... I got my book in the mail!!! 

this is a great read for me so far. I'm a very slow reader.  She is inspiring.  She never stops, she is industrious, and sees the needs of others.  One thing I found inspiring for me was, at age 51 she had a defining moment that sent her off in a direction of hope, work and the cause of the rights of women every where.  Her interest in people motivated her to cross boundaries of all sorts when making friends and building alliances.  She experienced much sorrow but did not wallow in it or express it in public. She was very self reliant. Her ambitions were high and her purposes lofty. (She had purpose, even her last 4 decades - she lived to 92)!  She wore a blue neck scarf and a pocket watch on a chain around her neck. (As an inspiration to be more like her character traits I've been shopping for these items!!!) Her consistent message in both her writings and her speeches was to live up to your potential, embrace the opportunities for development offered, shun traditional but artificial dependencies, that lock women into perpetual childhood (which is how I feel actually as a wife sometimes like another child).  She always urged women to seek the qualities of "real womanhood: an active mind, common sense, knowledge for themselves, respect for individuality and a desire to enlarge their own experience.   I want to be like Emmeline!

The following are Notes to myself along with Action Items

Today's February 1 
I already knew I was a list person I know I think it more so .
At the beginning of the month I make my agenda, my table of contents, my list for #MyHappinessProject lining out the things that I need to do.
I've noticed as I've done this that at the month I go back and see how I feel about each item and write out what I did and what I didn't do with the exception of a few notes throughout the month here and there.  
So this month I am going to apply myself a little differently and make paperless yes I am that person I am a list person and I need the daily list not just the monthly list the daily list! This month I also learned I think I already knew I am a control person I like to control things I've lost control of so many things in my life that I let it get me down knowing that about myself the only thing I can change is me the only list I can control is my own so if it makes me happy to control things I need a daily list!!!  

Joy

joy joi/noun.
a feeling of great pleasure and happiness."tears of joy"
  1. synonyms:  delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation, rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture
Work.Work

The life changing magic of tidying up I choose to call this months resolution Joy because of the book titled the life-changing magic of tidying up, as I read it a few months ago it stated that as I sort and organize to in fact "tidy up" I will feel joy at the thought of keeping something and if I don't it will be dismissed from my life!!! Or anyway that is how I remembered reading it, so this month is the month of Joy and I feel alot of sorting and organizing ahead, now to prepare myself for the dismissing!!!

Work. Eliminate. Restore. Books. Clothes. Dishes.

remind myself part of my joy and search for happiness is to identify; "Feeling Good Feeling Right in an Atmosphere of Growth."  GR

I very much like the idea of clearing out all my clutter and I'm usually ALL in or not in at all so for this reason I have found some of the things in this book harder to do I really love the additional comment of Gretchinrubin in this blog post http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2016/05/disagree-marie-kondo-life-changing-magic-tidying/#disqus_thread "KNOW YOURSELF!"  thank you Gretchin!!!

GlimpsesGlimpses into the life and heart of Marjorie pay Hinckley

Questions to ask myself this month...Be myself.  I am Kelly.   find out who I am then separate who I want to be or who I wish I was from who I am! when are my goals not a natural extension of myself?  What do I want to do and like to do and think is important to push myself to do versus what I just don't like to do?  What is an atmosphere of growth FOR ME?

Repent

2-1-17 This is my sub focus for the month of February and it's amazing on cue this morning I literally fell physically and I guess spiritually repentant and my knees asking for help!  I believe that I am learning really learning after having heard for so many years "you have to think it before you do it" because the thought is out there, it's stirring around in my head all these #Myhappinessproject resolutions! last month was a testimony to civility and I am carrying it forward and I could tell you what I have done every month, so it's in there and something about me is changing. I am curious to see what and how it plays out and if I can actually be resolute!

The spiritual side


  • How do you receive revelation - 1. light is just turned on and you just know. (to me that would be an AHA moment!!!)2. It is like a gradual sunrise.  (to me that says slow and steady light)  3. Foggy and just a little lifting our of a darkness you've been in.   Check out this video - it's 3 min!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slTa15a3mp0


  • When I was visiting my babygrands this month I had this revelation.  We went to McDonalds for a meal - for 4 kids meals!!!  the prizes inside were distributed 2 of each, I'm sure the kid thought that was only fair! Well one of the girls DID NOT want the prize she was given. She went kinda CraZy about it. I went and ask for the prize to be exchanged.  On our way home after much playing on the inhouse playground and eating all of their suppers the prizes were in hands!  The Mask vs the cup was given to the one who was not pleased with her cup.  Again NOT HAPPY and wanted to throw it take it back give it up.  Only one of the girls could even put the stupid mask together and then it was Lame, I admit it!  Seemed the only one really ok with this eve was the one with the cup!  Well as you see it's not a tale we haven't heard before or experienced before with our own children.  The thing that was different for me, was the Aha moment the thought, the wonderment, the self reflection - Do I do that?  Am I blessed with prizes, gifts, rewards, talents and then exchange them, have a tantrum about them, refuse them and or throw them out?  This month Repentance is my objective along with Joy I am going to work on this. Seek out my blessings, gifts talents, treat them like prizes and use them vs rejecting and fearing them as is my character standard.  
  • I'm asking myself what should I pray for.  I'm asking that in my prayers everyday now. I feel like the thugs are happening underneath me and I am not sure where I'll fall. Saying that I'd like to Land and not fall! So I need to know what to pray for!  One specific day in deep solace I found myself praying to not hate myself, to forgive me for hating myself from within for so long now.  I pray for children and my childrens children, My nephews and nieces, people I know that are sick and for my friends that I really want to find and feel happiness. I pray for Heavenly Father to not give us this or that just because we keep asking!!!   I think and RIchard will tell you that as kids we got things from our parents because we just kept asking, I don't want that anymore, I want to be smarter than that to not be selfish and greedy!!
  • #DEEP THOUGHT!   Another eye opener was in a Sunday School class the teacher ask the question Do you remember when you were given the priesthood or do any of you parents remember when your boys were given the priesthood and can or would share that spiritual experience with us today? No one had any comments in a chapel filled with (kinda) with people.  it made me think and wonder about my boys and Richard and ask myself what in the world do I journal about?
  • Yes this #HappinessProject stays in my head now 24/7 #DEEPTHOUGHT 2; when I am confused about life and choices I need to keep the "whole Plan in mind",  I really liked this thought when I heard it.  asking myself when I mess up how do I act in that moment? who or where do I turn in THAT moment?  Do I panic? Do I access shame? Guilt? Anger?   One time in my life that I did keep the whole Plan in mind is about marriage! I can testify that that keeps us together, working, in love and moving forward hopefully in and toward the light, sometimes it can be dark and hard and in the moment, in that darkness things get lost and people are hurt so I am SUPER GRATEFUL for the image and my tiny hope, understanding and knowledge of the Whole Plan!   https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/rise-up-in-strength-sisters-in-zion?lang=eng  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-great-plan-of-redemption?lang=eng

Habits

Notes to self from #the4tendencies to look back on and study 
#1 how do I respond to expectations?

Upholders
Questioners
Obligers
Rebels

The theme of the 3 goddesses
The fateful tendencies we bring into the world
Colors the way we see the world

Questioners hate to wait in line
Respond to an expectation only if it makes since? Inner expectations questioners resist rules for rules sake come to own conclusion uphold or rebel
Need sound reasons.
Upholders reliable deal with real
Obligers motivated external demands and deadlines make terrific colleagues and friend difficult to self motivate depend on external deadlines external accountability self sacrifice is often need for accountability 
Need to be a role model do for the sake of others key 
Need external accountability.
Rebels own goals in own way high value on authenticity rebels frustrate others if you give an assignment creates a stop mechanism rebels need boundaries rebels resist habits  

We manage what we monitor
If we want something to matter we have to figure out a way to monitor it

Look for an Up Band
"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good"

"Monitoring whatever is important to me insures that my life reflects my values"

Foundation 4
1.Sleep 
2.move - Start. Consider morning person or night person. Lark or owl? 
*chapter29=3.eat and drink right
4.unclutter outer order contributes to inner calm 

"Begin by addressing big obvious habits"
"Act the way we want to feel"
"The way to loose weight is eating habits"

Essential 7? #4restrelaxrestore

Civility applied from January

Read chapter 3 making a case for morality

Read Apologue the loneliness of moral leadership

Family history from December

Me and him 4 years a month - GO!
I did this. It's really an action item that I must DO everyday a little bit - it's a massive project.

From November Be Healthy

Body in motion I started walking. I traveled alot this month but I started walking and am keeping a daily record.
What I eat I ate terrible with all of the tracking prbly weighing in at the most ever.  MARCH AND APRIL Mindful and not procrastinate will pick this topic up 100% Plus I have a contest of sorts now in play for family pictures in July - Ready Set GO!

Quotes I like this month

"I can only change myself and my behavior"
When I change, the atmosphere around me changes."

President Eyring said the atonement is not a thing, it is a something that Jesus DID for us to be able to repent.  a good reminder for me. He also explained how to share the gospel and your testimony with others to do it boldly with love without judgement with this attitude; "It's not that you are better than they are, it's that you want them to be better than they are."  I like that, I like that alot!!!!  Aren't we all sinners and so aren't we just here to be there for each other?

"We manage what we monitor" this is why I need to track what I eat, weigh and write!!!

Dreams to document 
I was in like a High school parking lot - lots of parked cars.
To see a parked car in your dream suggests that you need to turn your efforts and energies elsewhere. You may be needlessly spending your energy in a fruitless endeavor.a parked car may symbolize your need to stop and enjoy life. To dream that no one is driving a moving car suggests that you need to reassess your level of control over your life. You are unwilling to take responsibilities for your actions.

My parked car started up on its own I was in the back seat I was too fat to get over the seat to brake quickly so it kept moving.-

Brakes
To dream that your brakes fail or that you can't reach the brakes forewarns that you lack stability in your life. Now is not the time to take risks. Your life is out of control and you need to make some significant changes. It may also not a bad idea to check out the brakes in your car, as you mind might have picked up subtle cues and is manifesting the problem in your dream.

Storm
To see a storm in your dream signifies some overwhelming struggle, shock, loss or catastrophe in your waking life. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm symbolizes your rising spirituality. It may signal rapid changes ahead for you.
To dream that you take cover in a storm foretells that whatever disturbance or problems is occurring in your life will quickly blow over. Consider also the phrase "weather the storm", which refers to your ability and strength to withstand whatever comes.

I saw someone and I knew her by name 3rd grade teacher maybe?!?!! She didn't know me but she told me something like a warning

Teacher
To see your teacher (past or present) in your dream suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and are ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. What subject was taught? Alternatively, a teacher relates to issues with authority and seeking approval. You may be going through a situation in your waking life where you feel that you are being treated like a student or in which you feel you are being put to a test. Also pay attention to the demeanor and attitude of the teacher in your dream. If the teacher in your dream is mean, then it implies that you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to succeed.


Follow everyone car to house once inside I realize it's strawberryhill house but it wasn't! There was a few horses meandering I assumed to keep out of the storm I found myself wondering around in the house "hinting" to everyone that I used to live in this house. 

Spill
To dream that you spill something represents your carelessness and inconsideration of someone's feelings. You are not paying enough attention to those around you and as a result are offending and upsetting them. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for something that you are dying to say, as in "spill it."
Medicine
To dream that you are taking medicine represents a period of emotional and/or spiritual healing. It also indicates that the troubles you are experiencing are only temporary. Things will work out in the long run.


I spilled my pills into a planter or something when I retrieved them I also had bark dirt rocks and a giant worm... the worm stuck out the most it was red and black and huge and wormy!

Earthworm
To see an earthworm in your dream indicates that you need to go deep into your subconscious in order to unearth your hidden feelings and desires. Alternatively, earthworms symbolize little things that can be beneficial for your growth and well-being. It also represents renewal. Perhaps you need to restore some aspect of yourself.

and another dream...
I also had a dream about moving.  again in a high school parking lot.  i was attempting to fit in to my new congregation at church and the youth invited me to a football game!  I couldn't understand who would put maroon and blue together for school colors and the thought came to me that it was a comfort, a home feeling, an elma feeling- elma and monte merging!!!  How crazy is that!! that would not happen!!!  Anyway the colors gave me peace. I looked up school colors and came up with the Tempe Union School District!!!! Wow!!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

My Happiness Project Jan Return & Report

Who knew that this would be "THE" month that I needed to read and learn about Civility? Definitely not me!  But it has surely been what I needed to help me throughout this month. Between The Election, a quest for caring for the elderly or anyone for that matter and attempting to plan a reunion of family members -no a weekend gathering - maybe only a day to take a picture while a baby is blessed and then to top it off all the social media correspondence; YES, I have needed, really needed a guide, a constant, a direction.  #MyHappinessProject is giving me that, this month my focus is civility and my sub topic of hearken to His words.  In addition Gretchen Rubin suggests find a spiritual connection, a person even one to learn of;  follow, study and apply if you will and thus we see I have added my subtopic to each month.  FYI -My person is Emmeline B. Wells, but I'll save that for another day.



Civility

I really like the following paragraph, I think because WORK is my word for the year and it correlated with civility.  
  • " Truly great men and women resolve to dedicate a part of their lives and time to those in distress. Helping hands can lift someone out of the mire of difficulty. Steady voices can provide encouragement for someone who might otherwise simply give up. Skills can change, in a remarkable and wonderful way, the lives of those in need. It is not enough for us to get a job and for virtually work to produce income that leads only to personal comfort. We may gain some recompense in all of this, but we will not gain the ultimate satisfaction... The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: he or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she is Served...
  • DHOaks said this about civility "......on the subject of public discourse, we should all follow the gospel teachings to love our   neighbor and avoid contention. Followers of Christ should be examples of civility.  We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere   beliefs. Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable.  Our stands and communications on controversial topics should not be contentious. We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our  influence. In doing so, we ask that others not be offended by our sincere religious  beliefs and the free exercise of our religion. We encourage all of us to practice the  Savior’s Golden Rule: “Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even  so to them” matt 7:12.


The world must be a better place for our presence. And the good that is in us must be spread to others. This is the measure of our civility." GBH
Something to Work at everyday!  In my research for civility I have the need to be true, honest, to be Fun, moral and Positive these are also needed in marriage and family relationships.

True.

  • so one of the things that has been hard for me in life is death.  I have had the opportunity to sort thru the "things" of Daddy, Judyann (well not her so much), Tom, Timmy, Otis, Elda and Mom in doing so I found sadness, depression, frustration and much much comfort and joy.  This is how I was able to work thru their loss and hold on to their memories. Today in an effort to help my loved ones with civility I've gone through the house and made a list of "whats what and whos is who".  In death people who are still living can loose their civility, their true selves. To hopefully help my children, nephews and husband avoid questions I made a list of "things" in the house and where/who they came from. I really have seen people do good things in my life I hope to live up to those things I've seen ie; Ellen,Iris,Gladys,Elda,Otis,Tim,Timmy,Toni,Deb,Sis,TomandMary "salute" as they say!  and thank you to them for the "positives" in my life for "people do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." RWE

The Blind Men and the Elephant

  • Well over one hundred years ago, an American poet put to rhyme an ancient parable. The first verse of the poem speaks about:
    Six men of Indostan
    To learning much inclined,
    Who went to see the Elephant
    (Though all of them were blind),
    That each by observation
    Might satisfy his mind.
    In the poem each of the six travelers takes hold of different part of the elephant and then describes to the others what he has discovered.
    One of the men finds the elephant’s leg and describes it as being round and rough like tree. Another feels the tusk and describes the elephant as spear. third grabs the tail and insists that an elephant is like rope. fourth discovers the trunk and insists that the elephant is like large snake.
    Each is describing truth.
    And because his truth comes from personal experience, each insists that he knows what he knows.
    The poem concludes:
    And so these men of Indostan
    Disputed loud and long,
    Each in his own opinion
    Exceeding stiff and strong,
    Though each was partly in the right,
    And all were in the wrong!1    (remember tag the footnote to read the rest of the story!)  Please take a listen to this talk.
Honesty.
I need to remember this and use it in conversations in the future! #Religion #politics #FamilyReunion
  • How can you respond to an unwelcome and self-serving invitation to chill out? More or less like this: "No, I'm not going to chill out, and I'm telling you why. By telling me to chill out you are saying that I'm overreacting, which is like saying that I shouldn't feel the way I feel. I hope you'll allow me to have my feelings and express them the way I choose. Since I happen to feel strongly about this issue, there is no reason I should look the other way. I suggest that instead of making me fee bad about my reaction, you come to terms with the seriousness of your actions.” ― P.M. ForniChoosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Cond
In turn I'll remember it for them in their beliefs and feelings - just work at being civil about expressing them I say!

Be Fun.  
We went to Breakfast to celebrate our 36th year! it was fun!

Positive.  "Things will Work out!"  "Keep Trying."   "Be Believing."  "Be Happy."  
“I have to plant some trees each spring,” President Gordon B. Hinckley recorded in his journal at age 82. “I think I have done so for at least the last 50 years. … There is something wonderful about a tree. It starts ever so small and grows through the seasons. It affords shade from the hot summer sun. It bears delicious fruit. It carries on the remarkable process of photosynthesis. … A tree is one of the remarkable creations of the Almighty.”1 

Morality.  noun
  1. principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.
    • a particular system of values and principles of conduct, especially one held by a specified person or society.
      plural noun: moralities
      "a bourgeois morality"
    • the extent to which an action is right or wrong. 
    • All of us should banish hateful communications and practice civility for differences of opinion.


Marriage attitude...my favorite quotes this month;
  • Fun reading about this person (J.Story) learning more about that time in history.  Things our surroundings have changed, but really humans, civility, connections our rights and privileges "Marriage is treated in all civilized societies as a peculiar and favored contract.  It is in it's origin a contract of natural law...it is the parent and not the child of society; the source of civility..." Joseph Story  
  • So in this month of civility Richard and I have had lots of conversations about what we're going to do with the rest of our lives.  We've come up with two things well maybe 3!!  1.The reality that no one's coming here to see us. 2.Yes, we like to go see your kids and 3. because of liking to go see your kids we've lost our adventurous side, meaning we don't go places really for the fun of it, we go places specifically to see our kids and babygrands. We need some fun and adventure! Thus we see our future is...to combine adventure, fun with seeing family. Today, out loud I have said two things I would never have thought I would say -  A. I would move back to Arizona and B.   I would live in a trailer again.  Now what??? from here how do we establish the last year's of our marriage.  Are we snow birds? Are we minimalists? I "feel" like we are the very tail end of the babyboomers, definitely the sandwich generation, but what does that say about us as a couple?  There ya go... in these questions we find adventure, fun, family, and with the application of civility therein we find US, who WE are indivudaully and as a couple. #MyHappinessProject rocks our world!
  • "oh, that my husband could only love me even a little and not seem to be perfectly indifferent to any sensation of that kind...Oh my poor aching heart when shall it rest its burden on the Lord..." EBWells
  • Reading my journals and striving to make them a condensed version causes me to have anxiety! reminding me to write things that bring joy to me vs passing along all of my own weaknesses and anxieties.  But how else do we learn and break cycles but to know them? and to share them?
  • "Putting one’s committed marriage at risk by being involved in emotional infidelity is akin to selling one’s birthright for a mess of pottage (see Genesis 25)." A healthy marriage offers a secure bond and a capacity for quality and depth with which emotional infidelity—when looked at honestly—cannot ultimately compete. However, the secrecy surrounding emotional infidelity through the use of cell phones or computers can seem exciting. In contrast to this fantasy, the practical tasks of marriage—such as bill paying, childcare, and chores—may make marriage seem mundane, clouding judgment. In a technology-based relationship, people can easily control their presentations to the other person." Lori Cluff Schade LMT
  • Elder Walter F. González of the Seventy said, “The power of our covenants is greater than any challenge we face or we may face.”12 (remember tag the footnote to read the rest of the story!)
  • This year we celebrate our love in its 36+years in all it's #WORK and Glory!!! Lots and Lots of blessings and good things have been given us.
One result of these 36 years is - this 3 generations!

Hearken to His Words

  • Define hearken- to listen or give respectful attention : 
  • Isaiah 5:20 ¶Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
  • In hebrews 4:12 God's word is said to be "quick and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword."  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/02/a-two-edged-sword?lang=eng  a Short article to consider when wondering about 'hearkening to His word." and the use, meaning, purpose of the scriptures.
Scripture Study

Doctrine and Covenants
  • This is our study in Sunday School this year. It's a good reminder for me that I do in fact have a belief in a Godhead, and in the need for a Prophet and that thru him and our own prayers we have modern and continual revelation.
New Testament
  • Apply Parables 
  • https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/parable-of-the-good-samaritan?lang=eng
  •  In the concluding days of His mortal ministry, Jesus gave His disciples what He called “a new commandment” (John 13:34). Repeated three times, that commandment was simple but difficult: “Love one another, as I have loved you” (John 15:12; see also verse 17). The teaching to love one another had been a central teaching of the Savior’s ministry. The second great commandment was “love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39). Jesus even taught, “Love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44). But the commandment to love others as He had loved His flock was to His disciples—and is to us—a challenge that was unique. “Actually,” President Thomas S. Monson taught us last April, “love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love.”1 (tag footnote to read the rest of the story)
Book of Mormon
  • Reading 1 -13 first Nephi.  I didn’t like the nephi and laban story today. not very civil when my word for the month is Civility!!  I Did like how Nephi supports and respects his Father.  That he goes in his own prayer to talk to Heavenly Father. That gives me confidence and supports my own beliefs of both family respect and the respect of own beliefs.
  • Keep reading. I had such a great read of this book last fall I do have more of a desire now to know it better.

and Along the way...
Mom and Dad
you don't understand! I never saw this before!!!

Family History
  • I have connected my dad to the Bennets and Smocks!! I believe this line to finally be correct.
  • Richards line is 3/4 Norway and 1/4 Polish.  I believe to have confirmed that too! Although as I write this I am acknowledging to myself that I can't figure out the lineage of his moms mom.  I do believe to have confirmed her biological father as well as Richards bio father.
  • I've worked a tad bit on the Georg line and will continue to do so. 
  • I am still not positive about the McCoys I still ask;  is Dad from the McCoys and the Hatfields or isn't he?!
  • What is Family History? A pedigree chart? Stories? Traditions? continue i say always this search for self.
Body in Motion
  • Walking wk 1 every other day.
  • walking week 2 faster
  • walking week 3 everyday
  • walking week 4 everyday AND faster!

What I eat
  • Be Healthy. 
  • Knock off snacks. Knock it off I say. I bought valentine chocolate late in the month and have eatin them all. Can't have snacks in the house!!!!!
  • Eat every 14-15 hours. Intermittent fasting works for me - continue this research.
Notes to myself

Had this dream all month these are the objects...


To see or do a jigsaw puzzle in your dream represents a mental challenge or problem that you need to solve in your waking life. If there are pieces missing in the puzzle, then it suggest that you do not have all the facts needed to make an informed decision.

To dream that you are in traffic signifies the frustrations that you are experiencing in your life. Things are not going as smoothly as you would like it to. You feel stuck at where you are in life.


To see dead or barren fields signifies lack, pessimism and your jaded prospects for the future.