Afraid to step off

Consider you are in SLC how do you drive to El Paso?  My huby and I we like the back roads, we take the long way around on all sorts of roads in life in more ways than one!  Why of course you take a four hour drive over mountains... it was beauty let me tell ya Grand Jct to Durango you must do it some time, take the time don't be afraid to step off the main freeway.  Well in some of those pull offs You Should Be Afraid!!! Hwy 550 in Colorado was an often traveled road in my youth. Not a road to be considered lightly! Views are spectacular, extra time should be allowed. It's on this road I had the thought, "don't be afraid to step off".  But then asking myself how to do that as a happily married "couple" well that's been enlightening to consider!!!

the road over the mountain

May 2017... But, I ask; How then are we to step off when our lives are so intertwined with the love of our lives, or our family or our work when we are controlled by other peoples choices - how do we step off on our own?  I can make choices and goals, dream dreams all the day long but when it comes down to it ... if he isn't going to step off with me - their ain't no steppin' off going on!

Feb 2019...I've been hand writing my "blogs" for the most part the past year or so, I do like coming back to see where I was at in my head, what were my thoughts I can see from my last entry more than a year ago I was pretty down and out I like using my blog entries (maybe they only influence or help me) so here I am.  I feel like I write more and in a little more depth of thought when I am typing it out on my blog vs paper so let us see where I am at here in Feb. 2019!         

 Lets back up where am I and why before I see where I am going to step off ....

I started this entry in May 2017! Entitled Afraid to step off, the title jumped out at me today and then in rereading it it seemed to only be gibberish -notes making no sense, yet it is exactly how I feel today  Afraid to step off, make the cut (Feb 21) so I am going to Step off here start blogging again and move forward. I am going to put up or shut up or as my dad would say "shit or get off the pot"!  It's time for me to Not be afraid to step off, afraid of answering the phone, afraid to open the door, afraid to write, to make a choice, to commit.

My Happiness Project Oct 2016-2017 stepped off well!  Executed and followed thru with, I was committed.  I will ever be grateful for my experience #MyHappinessProject.

Endeavour to be... 2018 every month I stepped off into a new goal.  Endeavour to be was in everything.  Megan bought me a necklace that I love and still can feel the desire to step off into endeavouring at something new (example of one of my topics).

My theme for life 2019 is "Consider Your Ways" so I have indeed been doing that with about every choice I have had before me, sometimes to the point of overthinking it.  So far in 52 days we have considered buying A Unity Motorhome, A 32' travel trailer, Trading in our truck for a different bigger beefier Truck, Moving to Texas, then Arizona, then Colorado and back to Arizona!  Each time it seemed "consider your ways" actually talked us out of those choices.  Yesterday we decided to move back to Washington!
Now in considering our ways I have reviewed all our moves searching for Why on earth He would suggest this when he is the one that wanted to prepare to retire in the Sun of the Southwest.  We have been married coming up on 38 years 20 of those years in Washington!! We moved often, we've stepped off lets say into 7 states and more times or houses than years! This is how I see it. Every time we stepped off it was for the purpose bettering the career.  Finally it's time for Us! We are the parents that didn't ever take time away from the raising of our kids, right or wrong in the long run it's what we did and now it's time for us.  And so we ask ourselves - Where do We love living?   We love Washington.  I loved it from the moment I got out of Arizona. He was raised in the PNW so he loves it too.  He asked Where would I live if I could live anywhere? I said Washington and here we go!!! Consider that will ya!!!

Mountain Baker

Now!
We are all moved in.  We have really gotten organized, we have gone on drives, walks, dinners ... now it's time to get back to work.  I have my own space.  He has his.   Some goals, some dreams require only one of you to step off, some require 2.  I'm not good at dreaming or imagining even which makes me afraid of stepping off of everything.  Of that which I can control I commit as I did in 2016 to step off and be productive.  Consider my old ways and better them, improve everyday everyday everyday to be a little better.  When you are not bread winner you have limitations, you can't just step off when and where ever you want.  You kinda have to follow the job.  It's a complete drag.  I feel like I let that make me dependant and more subservient than I pictured myself ever being. Control your choices to the edge of what you can control.

Neptune Beach just above Lummi Bay

 I am hoping and dreaming and imagining taking back some of my choices.  I will blog, write, sort, quilt, travel walk, maybe hike again someday!!! I consider it time to step off, I don't have much time left.  How many chances can a girl get anyway?

Last night I debated posting this, its committing myself if I do right!  This is my problem being afraid to step off to commit to be consistent with my goals, dreams and lets just say it - My expectations of myself -- I gotta step off.

again i say - Wish my luck!

It's a Process ... Progress~

Dig In

Richie and I have moved so much in our married life. Always in the search for the next best better job and or "lifestyle"! I recall on Strawberry Hill saying "just dig in", in Roswell saying "this is it" and on Memory lane saying "lets just start over and dig in" and then again in Valley saying "lets drop an anchor or at least a boat in that lake and Dig in"! As my Grandpa Lyman would have said "its all joyful to the purpose"! Transitions are hard. Commitment is necessary. Experience necessary. 

For now we are transitioned, committed and experienced.  We are us for the first time in 36 years! Richie is indeed digging in!!! Just wanted to share his little project remember it's a work in Process to Progress!!!  Plus I found a new app!!!

I guess it won't load so I have loaded it on YouTube!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_xpDUnxV0I

To self destruct or Not to Self Destruct....

IWhat a crazy last few months.  I was home minding my own business when Richard appeared and whisked me away to a new place, a place on the skagit River in the middle of no where with no internet! and then he suggested we MOVE there!!!  WHAT? I said to myself...I am just now settled again. I am Unpacked, I thought this would be forever - right?  Not!!!

i really like this quote too

To avoid all the details of selling a home when you've already moved and in this economy lets just go... long story short ... we ended up paying people more or less to buy our home.  Thus we have NO money any more and can't afford to live in the home we live in and it's time to pack it up again.  Well I shut down, closed the books, the blogs, the letters, the walls went up and Kelly once again I went into self destruct mode.  I found this amazing definition of what I've learned thru this last few months that I've done to myself my whole life!

thanks to whoever wrote this I couldn't figure out how to describe what I do to myself now that it's out there described and all maybe I can get a better grasp of how to overcome it.

Thus I am behind on my goals, dreams and anything that I would have wanted to do since FEB.  But in all of that I have been to Vermont, Arizona and Utah.  I have built relationships with my babygrands, nephews, nieces and children ( i will hit these experiences all up in other blogs).  I have moved, yes again and this time Richie promises it's the last - and FYI; he has NEVER said that before! I am unpacked, had family here to visit and even done some yard work!  

I've set up a great place for me to write, sort through all the things that I hold on too and now need to do something with and hope to be inspired and guided both in writing and sharing why these "things of this world" matter.  When I get tired I even have a place to sleep without going back up the stairs!!!

I love living by the ocean.  I am going to need to study up on when and why the tide is sometimes out in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon.  I mean I get it, but I do want to learn more about it.  I am grateful for this season that Richie and I have to build a relationship, home and memories together, to "fall in love" all over again.  Even now I find that I'm afraid to let go to really be vulnerable.

and this quote! totally me!

When family life gets busy, burdened and chaotic I think we forget to be "in love".  I tend to self destruct in any all relationships too, even from my youth.  Not wanting to be embarrassed, hurt or left behind.  As the saying goes "everybody leaves", I am living proof of that! It's heartbreaking.  It's prideful though to be the one that makes that happen.  But what I am better able to see these days is heart break happens. Find the good in each day and keep moving.  
Even though I put up the walls, I did strive to keep moving (it helps that other people had plans and I had to go with the flow) because if they hadn't drug me along with them I would have drowned in my own mud hole of SELF DESTRUCT.  thank you to my FAMILY for loving me and not deserting me, even when I push you away, don't agree with what you are doing or how you are doing it, don't answer my phone and hide you are always here for me.  
For that I am grateful.

P.S.  Note to self....  TIMING PATIENCE PRAYER MOVING 

Proverbs 4:5 - 7 Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not...Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

August.   Home.    Job.    It's time to move again.  Some things you just Feel. 

House in October sat in it for an hour placed all the furniture.  Went to look at it the next day. Sat in it.  Immediately we started to "change" things; like buy the lot across the street cut down the trees knock down walls, put up walls, reassign drainage.  But this was all good, we still WANTED this house.  We desired to be and see the lake, put the boat out next to the house or down in the water.  HOA Rules boat can't be by the house has to be in garage. This last min knowledge was news to us.  Unknowingly after a few days maybe,  but for sure weeks we seem to take note that we had forgotten all about this house in our continued search for the "one" house.

Nov. The One house is available with Lease Option. I didn't think it looked like us. But it was the One thing that fit we moved in. I unpacked and set up again, as I do, For the long haul. 

Feb found house on skagit river went to the temple fasted felt good about it. Richard really wanted it. I could see us there. It was something we would buy. I support him, but I'm not excited about it. I shut down quit doing everything at home and at church. This idea faded and the choice was forgotten.

March went to look at house listed on Samish Island. Really like the lot. House needs thousands of dollars of work.  LOVE love love the feeling of being there. Now this is where I "Feel" good about living.  Realtor took us out to see it. and introduced us to a house just down the street. This is the house. this is it. Buy it now!  It was laid out for us, it wasn't easy we had to work at it thru paperwork and time.  But we are blessed. I love it here. 

Listen to the promptings be patient and wait for the Lords Timing.  One year later and two moves down the road we are settled and ready to get back to serving and forgetting self.

Merry Christmas 2013

TOP TEN 2013

The Sobczak Family

Richard Eugene, Kelly Sue, Apryl & hers, Austin & his, Ayris Joan and Amric Zane

 1.  Amric enters the MTC

 2. New York City here we come!

 3. Nevada by Way of Arizona it is!

 4.  Charlotte Anona

 5.  Lets celebrate together 29 Jun at our house on the beach the 4th of July!!!

 6. Dairies!! Dairies!!! and more Dairies!!!!!

 7.  Vaughn Baptized in Vermont!

 8.  Richard transfers back to the Northwest!

 9. Sisters Jones and McCauly move into the house in Valley for a 6 week transfer!

10.  Ayris is engaged to Shawn Fielding

1. #PROVOMTC #ElderSobczak

#theygrabbedhimandtookhimaway #Jenni

in the car to the MTC doors

Accidental meeting!

zone at the MTC

his first real official pic

this is real Amric
the inspiration for "flat Amric"!

Dana point

Newport Temple

Mission Pres Cooks & Wife
CA Carlsbad Mission

Mission Pres & Wife

Bonds for Eternity

2. #NYC #Plays #2013NewYorkCity

#couldn'tgetanybetter #littleCitieswithinaMetroplolis #Awesome

Pizza in "Little Italy"

looking at the
World Financial Center
from the hudson River

3. #Arizona #Rens #Lanzillos #mariners #Dairies #FAMILY #loveathome #nopicsofAuntSharonwhat?!

The Rens on their phones!
 so glad we got to visit!
Really I love this picture

Olaf Kelly and Matthew
 at the Mariners game

Aunt Kel and Little Matt

In Phx at my parents graves

4.  #charlotte #Womensconference #Ireallymessedup #gottaloveUtah #anonashomebirth

Charlotte and TheNana!

TheNewMom and her girls!

The Dad and 2 of his girls!

Charlotte is a beauty!

American Fork Temple
 trip with Ayris

the white sunglasses!

5.  #ValleyShores #4thofJulyCelebration

The summer brought us home! Austin, Anona Samantha, Felicity and Charlotte came a week before everyone else!  It was super fun to get to visit, read stories, watch fun show and play in the Lake.  When Gramma got here we did puzzles and had great visits!  

The Lake and the Boat were a hit! Kathy, Don and Rachel brought life and, patience and family memories and togetherness.  Apryl did not tell me that she was going to drive out from Vermont to Nebraska!! I was sad that everyone couldn't be together and then ... BAM! there she was ... along with Vaughn, Pax and Gage.  It was so cool I was super happy and way excited to see them all.

I will note that in review of my past Christmas letters I have commented on favorite TV & Movies! All I can say is - WOW! Nothing is appropriate and everything (just about) is depressing and negative ... I would caution all in their choices of media and that's all I have to say about that!!!!

 6.#Dairies!DARIES!DAIRIES!

This is a Tornado on our travels! There really are no dairies in this section because they are "work" pictures and they are "Confidential"! Amric is here with Elder Strong and below them is a horse track in Nashville, Tennesse was beautiful!

7. #Vaughn turns 8 and is baptized

We loved our Drive to the east.  and our HOT Time along the way.  We went to Chicago and toured - I do love Chicago!  We were blessed to see the church history sights along the way.  Shawn was very brave to come on this long of a trip with us! While in Chicago Richard interviewed for a job in Washington!  From Vermont he flew there for an interview, thus I was at the wheel and drove all the way home.  By the time we got home I think Shawn was thinking - "What the heck?!!!

8. #Washington #backtotheNorthWest

The Omaha Mission asked us to invite the Sister missionaries to live in our house.  We fasted and prayed and felt like this was the thing for us to do.  The day within the ½ hour that the sisters were moving in we got the oFFeR to move back to the NorthWest.  We asked How can we feel good about both things?  The answer was a 6 week transfer! As we readied our house in Valley Nebraska to sell and worked with the missionaries we learned two things timing, and offerings . Immediately We listed our house we cleaned, we prepped, we “staged”, we raked the sand on the beach, we mowed the lawns, we did everything we could to present the home so that someone “that one” person would want to make an OFFeR!  But could we make someone buy our house?  No! So knowing that this needed to happen quickly and not knowing what else to “go and do”, We fasted together, I fasted individually.  I know that when I fasted I literally felt the feeling “I have nothing else to give, nothing else to offer” Please help us sell our house.  All the while the sisters were asking us about people in the ward, for help in teaching them, and driving people to church!  It amazed me ALL the people I did not know in our ward!  It’s not an easy thing for me to go and do to OFFER service it’s kinda out of my comfort zone A LOT!  Thru this 6 week transfer We learned so much about the Lords timing and the words MAKE AN OFFER! 

 Two days before we were to load up and take off for Washington Zane and Marion came to Nebraska and helped us load up and drive west!  What a kind and thoughtful thing for them to do.  I wanted to drive all the way cuz I just like to drive but too, I'd already driven from the east coast I wanted to drive to the west coast to check that off my "bucket list" to drive across country - Check!  When I dropped Marion off in Vancouver I cried all the way to Seattle, I guess it finally sunk in ... we were starting over again! This time as semi empty nesters!  Richard has his new routine! He loves his job he is an AG Appraiser thru and thru!  HE has switched from FORD to CHEVY!  

9. #AyrisandShawnR=engaged

I guess for this one you have to go to her blog at ayrisjoan.blogspot.com

 

10. #MissionaryWork #Loveathome #exertyourself #Bconsiderate!

This my count down chart for Amric's mission we are almost 1/2 way there!

these are our favorite sisters missionaries Sister Jones and McCauley!