My Happinesss Project May 2017

"It's the storm not you thats bound to blow away."  Secret Garden

Spirituality and prayer for the month of May has brought to my mind and heart my testimony, questions of faith and the reminder that we need to be those people others can hold on to during their storms; we are often called on to be "angels" to help others. It's much easier to do this IF we are getting to know each other before the storms come.

In May my Happiness Project was to seek Spiritual experiences Faith and Prayer seem to be what I wrote about last in my blog.  I can't tell you how amazed I am at how these topics fit together with my life as it is happening. 

I have been gone for 2 months.  I went to stay with my daughter who was having my 9th babygrand!  So without my computer I switched over to the paper version bought a whole new planner and really kept some good records, thoughts and well I did my Happiness Project the same but different.  Now I am home and I am reading my last blog entry, recognizing without remembering or knowing I WAS and AM on the same track - I love it! #MyHappinessProject is working and I am finding My Happiness!

"Faith Must be accompanied by action or it isn't faith at all."  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/04/the-just-shall-live-by-faith?lang=eng

Jul 16

Last week we were asked to talk about what we learned while we lived in SR first ward!  So as I sat in Sacrament mtg, after not being there for 2 whole months I observed and searched to "feel" something, asking myself that question.

Then during the week I fasted and prayed about a direction to go and was led to a talk by President Hinckley. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-miracle-of-faith?lang=eng    Today I pray that I can say something that will bless all of us who read or re read this later a faith promoting, testimony growing life experience.  (I don't ask for much do i?)

Just to be clear I am looking for more spirituality in my life but I need to say upfront I have a testimony I haven’t said that alot lately,  I think maybe I’ve felt a bit stifled and like I haven’t had “visionary” testimony experiences so I have remained quiet. I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, of A Prophet on the earth today, Of Prophets being in the scriptures just as much in the Bible as in the Book of Mormon and in our present day.  I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that because of His atonement I am given the agency to repent.  The Holy Ghost the third member of the Godhead has confirmed these things to me in my heart and in my mind.   I also know without a shadow of doubt, that Heavenly Father placed us here to learn and to grow.  Now it’s time for us to move on, it’s bittersweet. I totally love where we live.  I can see where I have gotten a little lax with my testimony and my service, I blame it on the Island life of where I live!!!   It’s been a tuff transition for me going from being a full time mom to being a retired mom. I’ve struggled lets just say that.  When you feel your worth is one thing be it a teacher, a provider, or a mom when that one thing is over, well as I said - I've struggled.  But I have come to believe that Heavenly Father does not want me to be a "One Hit Wonder"! That none of us are one hit wonders.  The thought of moving has kicked me into gear, why you ask? Because I want something from Heavenly Father and when that happens you or at least I start to self examine.  Because of that I am asking myself what is faith?  I am asking myself this for a few reasons I won’t take the time to go into here but I am grateful for the opportunity this project has given me to do my research asking myself who has "it" and how does "it" get expressed?  President Hinckley said “Faith is evidenced in all we DO…Faith is the basis of testimony. Faith underlies loyalty to the church. Faith represents sacrifice, gladly given in moving forward the work of the Lord.” 

In May Richard and I went on a little drive toBluffUtah. It’s in South East corner of Utah - a place where my great grandparents were sent by Brigham Young to settle and build the kingdom. We went away asking ourselves why? Why were they sent there? In the Present day there is a fort there now where they lived that is a mission, a visitors center there lives are still being lived there in this little tiny dirt town.  These were pioneers, my first ancestors to join the church and come from wales and end up following the prophets call to settle that corner of Utah.  Now to me that is FAITH, it is also A move of choice because of their faith.   Neil L. Anderson said in 2015 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/faith-is-not-by-chance-but-by-choice?lang=eng   “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something floating loosely in the air. Faith does not fall upon us by chance or stay with us by birthright. It is, as the scriptures say, “substance …, the evidence of things not seen.”Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible.Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe and as we seek it and hold on to it. Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker. Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil.By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name. The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice.”

My husband is our families first pioneer, because I am moving and packing I ran across a letter he wrote to our son "The (power) of the priesthood has become an extension, like having an extra arm. It has become a part of me. I know that by being worthy and having the priesthood, anything can be done. It is having that knowledge, a strong faith, a desire to do right, and a willingness to serve that will ultimately bring you happiness." It made me so happy to read this letter, to hear and recognize my husbands testimony and to remember the importance it was to him and our son at that time on his 12th birthday. And it's and additional layer of happiness because today is the 12th bday of our oldest grandson.  I invite you to write down how you feel about, what your testimony is of the priesthood, or anything that you really believe in.  From My man I’ve learned so much, but lately my favorite thing I’ve learned is his words “if you are afraid to or just don’t take the time to talk to people you come to church with how do you expect to talk to people in the neighborhood, store, office, school or the world, going to church is  is suppose to be our safe space.”  I love that!!!  Thank you hon for being my pioneer of faith.

What I've learned from the people I go to church with while I've lived here...

• I went with Debbie Merriman to visit all kinds of people in all kinds of places it was exciting she showed me the ease and importance of meeting people knocking on doors and visiting with people that might be lost or that we just hadn’t met yet.  I'll never forget that and always appreciate her for dragging me along with her.
• Saundra and Sister Wixom showed me how import it is to invite people into your home making them feel welcome.
• The Jones Family showed me thru their actions the importance of speaking to people at church and even at the dairy queen bringing new members to church.
• I have phone anxiety I'm afraid to call on it or answer it! - I know Lame! but Emily Barnett visit taught me with friendship and heart allowing me to feel the ease and the importance of said friendship enough that I actually got the nerve to call her for a favor and she stepped right up.
• I grew up and married living in the same ward for 25 years, it's made me sad that I have not had that to raise my kids. But! We've seen and learned somethings and more importantly met people, that in one way or another changed improved influenced our lives. It's ok to move around and I've started to think … we live on the 3-4 year mission transfer schedule!!! Recently My son told me "and that's ok mom!" 
• One of the most spiritual best meetings I've ever been to was the frank and humble patriotic talks given by brother Donohue and Quezada 
• We watched and observed Justin Yeates be a great home teacher and example to his son.   I can see he will be great with the youth
• Deann Fendlay showed me that being in the nursery is a wonderful place to be
• From this ward I learned to love and Really enjoy the music between meetings more should participate and really sing while just the teachers leave quietly! for Primary and sunday school. Last week we sang Hymn 302 

1. I know my Father lives and loves me too.

The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me it is true,

And tells me it is true.

2. He sent me here to earth, by faith to live his plan.

The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me that I can,

And tells me that I can.

• I hope we listen when we can and then "Do"  remember - Faith is an action word.
• Bonnie Walker ❤️  what a rock a spiritual rock and example to me an example of a great mom and wife.
• Michelle a pioneer in the gospel herself she’s so good for me. I grew up in the church so I loved being with her and seeing her perspective and the importance of service in the community paralleled with her service in the ward not just One or the other.  
• Testimony and endurance from sister chambers
• Hovendens throw great parties and as a ward we are blessed to be invited
• But mostly I hope I've learned The importance of having a calling and doing it not shutting down and hiding out.  Seeing the importance and order of the "organizations" in the church and not having paid positions.
• Seasons of life move quickly to figure them out don't wait for something different or "better" in your own mind keep moving forward with Faith. 
• Been very grateful that the bishop kept My man busy and involved, it meant more to me than anything these last few years.  When you have adult children and they go away and are in other wards where they aren’t used and don’t have callings and you see them slip away. Words just can't express the heartache and sadness that brings to a mom.   I have a testimony of the importance of serving. 

The faith of my pioneer ancestors to give service even with sacrifice. I have failed at this in my need to lick the wounds of my children actually growing up and leaving home I had told a friend, Sister Redding that when I come back from my daughters this time I will be all in and now I’m leaving I want her to know it was important for me to say that to her outloud and to be accountable and I pray that all of us will move forward in faith like those of the first pioneer in our family and be accountable say it out loud; "I AM ALL IN".  

Pres Hinckley said; “Pioneers journey to the valley of the great salt lake is an epic without parallel. Their journey to the valley of the Great Salt Lake is an epic without parallel. The suffering they endured, the sacrifices they made, became the cost of what they believed.

I have in my office a small statue of my own pioneer grandfather burying beside the trail his wife and her brother who died on the same day. He then picked up his infant child and carried her to this valley.

Faith? There can be no doubt about it. When doubts arose, when tragedies struck, the quiet voice of faith was heard in the stillness of the night as certain and reassuring as was the place of the polar star in the heavens above.

…It is the faith within us that is evidenced in all we do.”

In conclusion of my May Spiritual thru Prayer thought here today, I want to remind us we don't know who is watching us, the impressions we are making. We don't know who may be listening or reading our posts, tweets or instagram.  Imagine we are pioneers - for aren't we when it comes to technology?  In 150 plus or minus years what will be said about our FAITH when the posts are being read?  Let us endure- It is my righteous desire to have "No empty chairs" when is comes to my family on the other side of the veil.

Why I write! and Why it's in a Blog...

TOO MUCH INFORMATION, thats your CRY!

Writing your own history is very insightful
you think you know everything about yourself
and read things that you think uncool!
To acknowledge would only pull things down from the shelf
question and answers hidden deep in the mind
buried for protection and of friends, family and my own heart!
but also enlightens and a help to Remember my own part --
and the things that Mother taught and the lessons to find.
I notice that the world indeed has influence, the media I acknowledge every year it has it's place -
deciding and discerning are lessons and standards along life's journey that are in front of my face!
This blog is the prophecy fulfilled of the Book of Life
presented to learn, grow and too, hopefully 
listen and heed to avoid depression and strife --
to lend testimony and knowledge of the Atonement of Christ.
From the experiences had by family before;  which
will bring you closer to each other and turn on the switch
so that questions you'll ask and on your knees you will turn
for inspiration and guidance from Heavenly Father you'll yearn.
Don't judge how I write, but know it's how I talk!
Bishop Watson told me that once, I accepted it as a compliment!
Look beyond the words and story; for the feelings take stock --
the recognition I give to the leaders, friends and family that to me were sent, helping me along the road of Life, 
as often the road is a valley of great decent.
From the roots of the tree to the branches and limbs; 
Unconditional love always wins! of that I testify of that I am sure, 
Good is worth living for, looking for, striving for and that ain't no lie!
Each year (and each post) has a story, each picture a memory lent.
I post it now ... and find yet more;  so to that year I add --
thus please go back and read, as in life each story changes over time as an others' perspective lends itself to knowledge helping the process of improvement a tad!
I know I go on; but, have you met my Mom? If you haven't keep reading
if you have you know what I mean!  you will know us both;
we love our family and strive to climb 
to progress and achieve to know and return --  to you we are pleading...
This life is short and eternity long from the Savior we receive redemption,
"It's all or nothing!" thats my brand; may we use courage and faith
 to choose the best road, and from hell receive exemption!


so it's not great, but it's from the heart! sometimes I just have to document for myself why I am doing this I POaST about my life thing! I still don't know how to connect one POaST to the other so I am only doing it with the Labels, the keywords!  
WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL -YOU"LL BE GLAD YOU DID! 






In the Book of Mormon we read from Alma 26

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/26?lang=eng

 11 But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength,nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak;therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

 13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us,therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?

 14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.

Grandpa Albert R. Lyman 1963

Albert R. Lyman and Gladys Lyman My Grandparents

Well on the topic of dreams, and probably why I think they are even important is that Grandpa wrote me this letter when I was very young about a dream he had about me.  And believe me he has 100s of namesake to dream about, so I always felt it meant something that he had the dream, and even more that he took the time to share it with me.

Grandma prefaced his letter with one of her own:
Blanding Utah
17 Nov 1963

Dear little grand daughter Kelly Sue,
     This morning I wrote a card to your Mother and this evening Grandpa has written a letter to you.  So I am going to put your Mothers card in your letter and you can give it to her.
     The day before we went to Manti Grandpa had been taking a nap and he awakened quite suddenly and was quite upset.  He said he had been dreaming about you and would like to take you in his arms and tell you how much he loved you -- and to tell you how very much he was concerned about you, and how he hoped that you learned to love the truths of the Gospel and that you would always live them.
    Then he told me about his dream, and said he didn't realize how very much he did love you till he saw you standing alone in his dream in that door way.
     It brought back to ming the dream I had about you and Judyann, and the deep love I felt for you both and the terrible anguish I felt in the dream when Judyann fell into the water. And how I clung to your little hand and felt so terrible that I hadn't hung to Judyann's hand also.
     I am sure that Grandpa loves you and Tommy, Judyann and Timmy just like I do.  and we both pray that our Father in Heaven will always protect you all and help you always to cling to the iron rod so you won't get lost.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub-cyKa4Tk8
     Do you know the song about the iron rod? and what the iron rod is?  Have your mother or your Father read it to you and tell you more about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55h0FS11Mlw
     Do you know the primary song  "I am a child of God".  Isn't it a beautiful song.  I love it.  I'd like to come see you and have you sing it for me.
     Good night little sweetheart.  Give Tom Philip a big hug for me and tell him to give you one for me too.  

lovingly
grandmother
     

Grandpas dream - and his letter it goes like this:

Blanding Utah November 17th 1963
Dear Kelly Sue:
     I want to take time to tell you about my dream, because it was about you, and I have thought so much of it since then, that I won't be satisfied till I have written about it.  (see he has to write them down too and he was a much wiser man than I)  
     In my dream U was going along a road with your Grandma and your father and mother and you.  We expected to meet somebody at a certain place, but when we got there, nobody was there to meet us, and while we waited we saw a house, and went to it.  Nobody was at home, so we went in and waited.

     When we heard somebody pass by, we went to the door to see who it was, and where they had gone.  We all went outside but you, and I think your other told you to stay in the house.  You didn't want to stay, and as I went out, I told you to leave the door open and you could see us.  We went quite a way from the house, and I looked back and saw you standing in the doorway.
     The people we heard had gone by, and we hurried on to see where they had gone.  As we were about to go out of sight of the house, I looked back and saw you still standing in the open doorway.  I said we shouldn't go away and leave you there, but the others said you would be alright, that we would be going back in just a little while.  But we went on and on, and I was thinking all the time about you there all alone.
     We saw a car stopped some distance away, and we went to it.  Uncle Dan and Aunt Need were in it.  They had been on a long trip, and had their car loaded with a lot of interesting things, and they had a lot of interesting things to tell us.  When we had been listening to them for quite awhile, I remembered with a start that we had left you all this long time there alone in that strange house.  I said: "I;m going back right now to Kelly Sue."
     I started off on the run, the others said they would be coming soon, but I couldn't wait for them.  I found in a little while that I had been going the wrong direction, and I turned around to get right, and got still farther wrong.  I came to where I had to go down a steep hill, so steep that I began to slide, and I dropped down into a dry ditch so deep I couldn't get out of it for a long way.
     I passed people going back and forth in that ditch, and not any of them could tell me where to go.  When I found a place where I could get up over the bank, I just didn't know where I was. I looked all around and thought of Kelly Sue as I had seen you standing in that doorway, and I was just sick thinking about you.

     I thought "She will have come out and tried to sund us, and she can't find us!  And we can't find her!  We can't even find her tracks! And I had got so far away in the hills that I didn't even know how to find that car with Uncle Dan and Aunt Need and the others so we could begin hunting."
     I just wanted to sit down and cry, and I was saying "O my poor little Kelly Sue, why were we so stupid as to leave her standing all alone there in the doorway!"  I felt so terrible about it that I woke up, and it was a great relief to think: "O good -- it was just a dream.  Kelly Sue is safe at home with her father and mother."  And I thought, as I remembered how bad I felt: "I do surely hope Kelly Sue will never be left to wander away and get lost."

Now with love and the best of wishes my dear Kelly Sue, 
I am Grandpa Lyman

What do you think?

31 Days of 31 Christmas' - 1997

Affection 101

As a child what do you remember about affection in your home?

One thing I know and that is - I was RAISED TO BE A "McCoy!" and that meant tuff, resolved, resilient, work hard, Use it up, make it do or do with out kind of girl!!!  Not to much affection, patience or need for worldly things.

My dad was not affectionate he was a cowboy. Don't touch his hat that's for sure! As a teenager though when he was in a good mood (I think cuz he was getting older and mellowing) I'd sit on his lap and rub his bald head and tell him about my week trying out my sarcasm.  I'd say "dad don't cuss at me you'll give me a complex and he'd say I'll give you a duplex!"- guess you had to be there!!! Then he'd laugh and say he was going to "put his boot where the sun don't shine"- I knew that meant that he loved me, but he never said it, not until I was 18 and moving away from home - he had taken me to KFC for dinner on Apache blvd that night! A bittersweet memory for sure.  My Daddy kept me from the cowboys and protected me from a world of disorder.  In some weird way he taught me to respect and honor my mom in a way that to this day I can't explain.  For I do know that they loved each other.  That they made a commitment to each other and they stuck to it with all their differences and there were many.

What are those ridiculous glasses mom!

Mom and I were huggers. Lots of hugs always!  Happy, sad we were hugging. She liked to have her hair combed and her head scratched with a rat tail comb. Most often I would do this for her because I loved her and knew that she liked it, but sometimes I resented it cuz I felt like I did and did and did for her without her recognizing it. Me recognizing now, as an adult how much she did and did for me, me not appreciating it then. Some of my favorite memories are laying by her in bed after prayers and talking ourselves to sleep about our day or our dreams.  My mom and I had a rare Mother /Daughter relationship we were truly best friends, but I knew my role and I knew hers somehow she knew how to do it and still be my Mother.  Parenting is a crazy thing and not really learned til it's over unfortunately!!!  I thank God my mom and Dad sacrificed their relationship (as I see it now) for me to be raised the way I was. 

And thus we see:  

Save a girl save a generation!  and my parents saved me, if from nothing else from myself.  Look for someone to marry that isn't the parent you were missing!  I always dated boys that I can see now were "father figures" discipliners and gave affection, both  character  traits I needed and missed out from my father.  I also thought the mom ran things in the house and the dad protected his job and did everything he could to provide, even if that meant never being home.  AND THUS WE SEE; marriage has been hard for me but from them I did learn I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it with all our differences and there are many!!!!  

But it helps that I married my mom and not my Dad!!! And that it always ALWAYS takes two to show affection!

Forgive how bout Forget - WISE

My Mom!

I've been thinking about forgiveness.  My Mother always said that I was a forgiving person, that she in fact wished she could forgive as easily as I do.  Well Mom I don't think I am as good as it as you thought, seems I've been holding some stuff in thats bringing me down!

The scriptures I read today taught me, jumped out at me - I just want to mention here them here

• Judge not that ye be not judged, condem not and ye shall not be condemed, forgive: and ye shall be forgiven (Luke 6:37 in the New Testament)

• But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.  (Matthew 6:14)
• Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.  (Matthew 18:22).

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury".   EH Chapin

Debbie is there somewhere!

My friend Debbie (who I'd beat on the head with a spelling book and switched the heads of her barbies so I could have the cool ones, all forgivable offenses, I would think) stole my boyfriend and came to a party with him with his class ring on, I was teenage shocked and horrified.  I had had no clue, I felt it was a horrible feeling to be betrayed like that from both of them I pledged to myself to never again be conned like that, to trust, to let down my guard.  One day I had to go say I was sorry for being mad at her so that I could live with myself, she and I sat and talked for hours. We laughed about it later.  Eventually we shared stories about our kids and husbands.  She died of cancer she was one of my best friends, what would have I done if I hadn't said "I'm sorry"?
Once my Mom totally embarrassed me (well that was more than once) but this time in front of my friends; by jerking me out of a car and kicking my butt all the way into the house (not to mention here that I had lied about where I was and made her crazy with worry).  
I can remember having been hurt at girls camp, in show choir, being let down by leaders who shouldn't have done what they did, being crushed because my dad didn't tell me he loved me til he kicked me out the door at 18, the Man at the church who told my brother never to come back to a youth activity with Wranglers on ever again - he did not, he did not ever step a foot in that church again except for to sing God Be With You Til We Meet Again with Mom on his way to Vietnam.  Being so mad at my brother I didn't talk to him for 10 years for shaking my son ridiculously in his drunken state.  Should I hold a grudge should I forgive? I should've not only learned to forgive, but to forget?  Or how bout this - should I be forgiven for yelling at my in-laws, my children, my husband for stealing a watch or cigarettes for my boyfriend, for letting my kids watch movies they shouldn't or gossiping about how dumb people are - (Yes I think I just has a little confession and forsake moment!!!) 
I want to be WISE!!!! and forgiven!
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget". thomas Szasz

Wisdom is knowledge rightly applied I say!  I've had a couple very dear friends get mad at me and completely stop talking to me, and I never knew why. Do I hold on to it? Do I learn from these experiences?  I also say - People shouldn't stop talking.  People should never just be silent (well never is an absolute so in reality I suppose their is a time for silence)  but in this instance people need to speak up say whats on their mind when they don't they do things they regret.  "I don't care" isn't appropriate either when friends and family are involved. 

I found this quote today too that sums up all my thoughts;

When i say i don't care it either means:
-i'm pretending
-i'm joking
-i'm clueless
-i dont' know the situation
-i can't be bothered
-i hate the person alot
-i'm too busy thinking of other stuff
-i want to sleep now
-i'm too full of pride
or
-i REALLY don't want to care anymore.

So say those words don't keep me guessing, my mind has neurons that trigger and immediately GO TO THE WORST PLACES.  How do you forgive me or me you if we don't even know what happened?  

I write for therapy so none of this could be making any sense at all.  Just know this I'm evolving, ever learning, trying to apply life experiences, to forgive, care and move on ;).

Iris and Tim Michael

Kelly & Iris 5 years sick

I guess I need to wrap this up! Life is hard, trials have come my way.  I've been letting them weigh me down (literally like 40 pounds worth!).  My Great Nephew contacted me this week (A surprise of great satisfaction)and ask to be a part of my brothers life, (his grandfather) or at least to have something of his to know him by.  Short and to the point people did stupid things, and now My Oldest brother is dead (he made stupid mistakes as a son, brother, husband & Father), My great nephews father is dead (people killed him on a street corner), my niece is a drug addict (allegedly) and hurt us so badly when my brother died (long story), how all of this and the death of My Mothers 2 middle children (Judyann & Tom) lead her to be so depressed and angry it made her crazy sick, how for 5 years I nursed and cared for her and literally watched her give up life.  I "feel like" I could have some grudges and wish some revenge on some people.  I'm sure we all could go on and on about taking offense and in some way being wronged. I stop now with these few examples and really for the future (I will not be offended and if I am I'm gonna tell you why and how - well I hope I will!) because if anything from writing this I have learned I've made some mistakes and need forgiveness myself.  See Matthew 18:15-17 it gives a 3 step program on how to forgive!)

But Today I want to learn from the next generation (no pictures! I don't want to embarrass them, they might not forgive me!!) - I want to hear my nephew ask for things of his fathers and his grandfathers because he never knew them  - an act of letting go of grievances and handed down bitter family stories.  Also to learn from my daughter who stands up and fights for herself and is so doing without being petty, speaking badly of others or holding a grudge.

I pray my Mother can be right about me and that I can be forgiving, let go of the past, forgo revenge, not cause injury to any others, always keep striving to be a friend a family member who like my mother loved me unconditionally forgetting about everything wrong I did to her. 

I share this hoping to help anyone else who holds a grudge, who says "I don't care", who is careless with family and friends; stop it, don't pass down negative traditions - for if we don't forgive how do we expect to be forgiven and what will become of our heritage?

thank you kids (all of my kids out there that teach me!) I council; be wise in that forgiveness remember only enough to not make the same mistakes ever again.

I feel better! I hope you do too!!!