Affection 101

As a child what do you remember about affection in your home?

One thing I know and that is - I was RAISED TO BE A "McCoy!" and that meant tuff, resolved, resilient, work hard, Use it up, make it do or do with out kind of girl!!!  Not to much affection, patience or need for worldly things.

My dad was not affectionate he was a cowboy. Don't touch his hat that's for sure! As a teenager though when he was in a good mood (I think cuz he was getting older and mellowing) I'd sit on his lap and rub his bald head and tell him about my week trying out my sarcasm.  I'd say "dad don't cuss at me you'll give me a complex and he'd say I'll give you a duplex!"- guess you had to be there!!! Then he'd laugh and say he was going to "put his boot where the sun don't shine"- I knew that meant that he loved me, but he never said it, not until I was 18 and moving away from home - he had taken me to KFC for dinner on Apache blvd that night! A bittersweet memory for sure.  My Daddy kept me from the cowboys and protected me from a world of disorder.  In some weird way he taught me to respect and honor my mom in a way that to this day I can't explain.  For I do know that they loved each other.  That they made a commitment to each other and they stuck to it with all their differences and there were many.

What are those ridiculous glasses mom!

Mom and I were huggers. Lots of hugs always!  Happy, sad we were hugging. She liked to have her hair combed and her head scratched with a rat tail comb. Most often I would do this for her because I loved her and knew that she liked it, but sometimes I resented it cuz I felt like I did and did and did for her without her recognizing it. Me recognizing now, as an adult how much she did and did for me, me not appreciating it then. Some of my favorite memories are laying by her in bed after prayers and talking ourselves to sleep about our day or our dreams.  My mom and I had a rare Mother /Daughter relationship we were truly best friends, but I knew my role and I knew hers somehow she knew how to do it and still be my Mother.  Parenting is a crazy thing and not really learned til it's over unfortunately!!!  I thank God my mom and Dad sacrificed their relationship (as I see it now) for me to be raised the way I was. 

And thus we see:  

Save a girl save a generation!  and my parents saved me, if from nothing else from myself.  Look for someone to marry that isn't the parent you were missing!  I always dated boys that I can see now were "father figures" discipliners and gave affection, both  character  traits I needed and missed out from my father.  I also thought the mom ran things in the house and the dad protected his job and did everything he could to provide, even if that meant never being home.  AND THUS WE SEE; marriage has been hard for me but from them I did learn I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it with all our differences and there are many!!!!  

But it helps that I married my mom and not my Dad!!! And that it always ALWAYS takes two to show affection!