Was is worth it?

Went to the cemetery to pay honor to my parents.

This is my Daddy

This is my Mother!

I wondered if they think I amounted to anything and if all they went thru for me was worth it?  

As parents we go through lots for our kids.  We probably only realize and maybe a little bit understand it, after we have children ourselves.  It can be a very unselfish thing to bring children into this world. I know my parents sacrificed and struggled in behalf of their namesake.  I hope I made it worthwhile for them. I pray that when I see them again I can hold my head up high with no regrets, but that too they will be glad to see me not sorry or wishing they'd done something else!
  While in life we might wish things were different, really we wouldn't be who we are if they were and I am glad to be me and wouldn't change a thing in my circumstance molding me into the weirdy that I am today! 
Thanks mom and Daddy for being my Mother and Father.

Grandpa Albert R. Lyman 1963

Albert R. Lyman and Gladys Lyman My Grandparents

Well on the topic of dreams, and probably why I think they are even important is that Grandpa wrote me this letter when I was very young about a dream he had about me.  And believe me he has 100s of namesake to dream about, so I always felt it meant something that he had the dream, and even more that he took the time to share it with me.

Grandma prefaced his letter with one of her own:
Blanding Utah
17 Nov 1963

Dear little grand daughter Kelly Sue,
     This morning I wrote a card to your Mother and this evening Grandpa has written a letter to you.  So I am going to put your Mothers card in your letter and you can give it to her.
     The day before we went to Manti Grandpa had been taking a nap and he awakened quite suddenly and was quite upset.  He said he had been dreaming about you and would like to take you in his arms and tell you how much he loved you -- and to tell you how very much he was concerned about you, and how he hoped that you learned to love the truths of the Gospel and that you would always live them.
    Then he told me about his dream, and said he didn't realize how very much he did love you till he saw you standing alone in his dream in that door way.
     It brought back to ming the dream I had about you and Judyann, and the deep love I felt for you both and the terrible anguish I felt in the dream when Judyann fell into the water. And how I clung to your little hand and felt so terrible that I hadn't hung to Judyann's hand also.
     I am sure that Grandpa loves you and Tommy, Judyann and Timmy just like I do.  and we both pray that our Father in Heaven will always protect you all and help you always to cling to the iron rod so you won't get lost.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub-cyKa4Tk8
     Do you know the song about the iron rod? and what the iron rod is?  Have your mother or your Father read it to you and tell you more about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55h0FS11Mlw
     Do you know the primary song  "I am a child of God".  Isn't it a beautiful song.  I love it.  I'd like to come see you and have you sing it for me.
     Good night little sweetheart.  Give Tom Philip a big hug for me and tell him to give you one for me too.  

lovingly
grandmother
     

Grandpas dream - and his letter it goes like this:

Blanding Utah November 17th 1963
Dear Kelly Sue:
     I want to take time to tell you about my dream, because it was about you, and I have thought so much of it since then, that I won't be satisfied till I have written about it.  (see he has to write them down too and he was a much wiser man than I)  
     In my dream U was going along a road with your Grandma and your father and mother and you.  We expected to meet somebody at a certain place, but when we got there, nobody was there to meet us, and while we waited we saw a house, and went to it.  Nobody was at home, so we went in and waited.

     When we heard somebody pass by, we went to the door to see who it was, and where they had gone.  We all went outside but you, and I think your other told you to stay in the house.  You didn't want to stay, and as I went out, I told you to leave the door open and you could see us.  We went quite a way from the house, and I looked back and saw you standing in the doorway.
     The people we heard had gone by, and we hurried on to see where they had gone.  As we were about to go out of sight of the house, I looked back and saw you still standing in the open doorway.  I said we shouldn't go away and leave you there, but the others said you would be alright, that we would be going back in just a little while.  But we went on and on, and I was thinking all the time about you there all alone.
     We saw a car stopped some distance away, and we went to it.  Uncle Dan and Aunt Need were in it.  They had been on a long trip, and had their car loaded with a lot of interesting things, and they had a lot of interesting things to tell us.  When we had been listening to them for quite awhile, I remembered with a start that we had left you all this long time there alone in that strange house.  I said: "I;m going back right now to Kelly Sue."
     I started off on the run, the others said they would be coming soon, but I couldn't wait for them.  I found in a little while that I had been going the wrong direction, and I turned around to get right, and got still farther wrong.  I came to where I had to go down a steep hill, so steep that I began to slide, and I dropped down into a dry ditch so deep I couldn't get out of it for a long way.
     I passed people going back and forth in that ditch, and not any of them could tell me where to go.  When I found a place where I could get up over the bank, I just didn't know where I was. I looked all around and thought of Kelly Sue as I had seen you standing in that doorway, and I was just sick thinking about you.

     I thought "She will have come out and tried to sund us, and she can't find us!  And we can't find her!  We can't even find her tracks! And I had got so far away in the hills that I didn't even know how to find that car with Uncle Dan and Aunt Need and the others so we could begin hunting."
     I just wanted to sit down and cry, and I was saying "O my poor little Kelly Sue, why were we so stupid as to leave her standing all alone there in the doorway!"  I felt so terrible about it that I woke up, and it was a great relief to think: "O good -- it was just a dream.  Kelly Sue is safe at home with her father and mother."  And I thought, as I remembered how bad I felt: "I do surely hope Kelly Sue will never be left to wander away and get lost."

Now with love and the best of wishes my dear Kelly Sue, 
I am Grandpa Lyman

What do you think?

Drink long ASK QUESTIONS -

Today Richard and I went for Breakfast.  

We are having so much fun together alone!!! ;) I asked him "how do you think your parents sat at the Restaurant and talked and drank coffee for hours"?  (cuz they did)   He said "I don't know, they did though and talked and talked and talked."  

So we were wondering What did they talk about.  Anyway.... this conversation went weird - "I guess I didn't know my Dad at all." He said.  I responded "I guess I didn't know mine either. I'm still wondering why they lived apart for decades."  Richard said "They just lived separate lives.  He lived two lives.  He liked being away from home and Your Mom just let it happen that way."   

Isn't it weird that we don't know our parents?  Who they were when they were young?  who they were before they were married.  What they loved, talked about, believed in?  I made the comment that "I seemed to be more bothered by this now than I was when I was in the middle of it."  Richard said that "now you are them, you've watched your kids be them, (really ayris was your mom and it wasn't alright with her!)   And now you want to be YOU, You want to be in love, be a couple, have fun and Be happy".  He is right.  I DO.  

see I learnt alot last year!!

Today I say -  Find out who you are.  

Ask YOUR PARENTS QUESTIONS.  ASK YOUR KIDS QUESTIONS.

BE HAPPY it's how it SHOULD BE!

GO GO AMRIC BOT (as Gage would say)

 What makes us who we are?

This whole examine who I am thing thru Ayris and her college papers has me much more observant to what my role is and how it plays out in the lives of others around me especially my baby grands and my children  . . .

Here is my thought for the day...

We use to have rules in our house about the Phone, the Computer, the TV.  You have to go to school.  You get good grades, you work around the house, you don't work outside the house cuz your work is to succeed your job is School!  Amric somewhere along the line also got the job of Sports; football, baseball, wrestling all chosen jobs of his Father for him!  Things Change.

The phone isn't on the wall in the house any more.  The computer is in our hands individually without restraint, the Tv can be see anywhere anytime.  School is still school, but it has so many more "political correct"
nesses that how much "fun" can learning be and College forget it - doesn't sound fun at all!!  Jobs are hard to come by period. And Sports well thats where my thought is.  You aren't ALWAYS going to be #1.  BUT YOU CAN SUCCED YOU CAN DO WHAT EVER YOU WILL.  You don't always want to do it and You aren't always going to, especially if it's what your Daddy wants for you ;)  thus the story goes of Amric Zane and his Daddy!  Richard always told Amric and everyone that would listen "this kid is HUGE the size of a FOOTBALL PLAYER".  Along with that he would tell Austin "You better stop buggin him some day he'll be twice your size and beat the crap out of you!"  Amric has the best heart he would never do that (just so you know!).  He started Football, in the 3rd grade one day his soccer coach asked "has he ever tried Football?"  so in the 5th grade he was working out with the High School kids dragging tires around with telephone logs. Then in his 7th grade year he, himself sought after a Rugby coach and in the 8th grade was playing RUGBY with the High School kids.

He rafted the Rivers of Washington, Oregon & Montana with his dad.
they fished in Canada (but that's another story for another day!

His Sophomore year he played soccer!

ELMA EAGLES AYRIS AND AMRIC GO FIGHT WIN!

Then in his Freshman year due to him standing for what He believed in and an other Sport he loved trumping Football he retired from the game.  Devastation hitting his father.  Amric never slacked off at any sport practice or otherwise.  He always gave it his all.

KANSA CITY

His junior and senior year he played Rugby for Omaha his dad in full support anyway my thought in the beginning is He was told he was a big Kid that he could do anything, though it may not be what his Dad wants he believed his dad and is a Big Kid and Does What he Wants!!!  And is very successful at it!!!  We are very proud of him!!! GO GO AMRIC BOT!

Costa Rica!

Affection 101

As a child what do you remember about affection in your home?

One thing I know and that is - I was RAISED TO BE A "McCoy!" and that meant tuff, resolved, resilient, work hard, Use it up, make it do or do with out kind of girl!!!  Not to much affection, patience or need for worldly things.

My dad was not affectionate he was a cowboy. Don't touch his hat that's for sure! As a teenager though when he was in a good mood (I think cuz he was getting older and mellowing) I'd sit on his lap and rub his bald head and tell him about my week trying out my sarcasm.  I'd say "dad don't cuss at me you'll give me a complex and he'd say I'll give you a duplex!"- guess you had to be there!!! Then he'd laugh and say he was going to "put his boot where the sun don't shine"- I knew that meant that he loved me, but he never said it, not until I was 18 and moving away from home - he had taken me to KFC for dinner on Apache blvd that night! A bittersweet memory for sure.  My Daddy kept me from the cowboys and protected me from a world of disorder.  In some weird way he taught me to respect and honor my mom in a way that to this day I can't explain.  For I do know that they loved each other.  That they made a commitment to each other and they stuck to it with all their differences and there were many.

What are those ridiculous glasses mom!

Mom and I were huggers. Lots of hugs always!  Happy, sad we were hugging. She liked to have her hair combed and her head scratched with a rat tail comb. Most often I would do this for her because I loved her and knew that she liked it, but sometimes I resented it cuz I felt like I did and did and did for her without her recognizing it. Me recognizing now, as an adult how much she did and did for me, me not appreciating it then. Some of my favorite memories are laying by her in bed after prayers and talking ourselves to sleep about our day or our dreams.  My mom and I had a rare Mother /Daughter relationship we were truly best friends, but I knew my role and I knew hers somehow she knew how to do it and still be my Mother.  Parenting is a crazy thing and not really learned til it's over unfortunately!!!  I thank God my mom and Dad sacrificed their relationship (as I see it now) for me to be raised the way I was. 

And thus we see:  

Save a girl save a generation!  and my parents saved me, if from nothing else from myself.  Look for someone to marry that isn't the parent you were missing!  I always dated boys that I can see now were "father figures" discipliners and gave affection, both  character  traits I needed and missed out from my father.  I also thought the mom ran things in the house and the dad protected his job and did everything he could to provide, even if that meant never being home.  AND THUS WE SEE; marriage has been hard for me but from them I did learn I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it with all our differences and there are many!!!!  

But it helps that I married my mom and not my Dad!!! And that it always ALWAYS takes two to show affection!

Discipline 101

Part 2 learning from Ayris and her college interviews!!!

It is said that My Father hit my older siblings. I am the baby so it is said that he had mellowed by the time I got there. Stories are told of him hitting with anything laying around, belts, belt buckles, sticks, long wild grass, bailing wire and bobbed wire in one case!

A few times My Mother spanked, shook, grounded, glared, but more often she guilted! Then there is when she threatened with "when father gets home" but mostly she taught - lots of [at the time I thought lectures] words and many many prayers for the sake of children.

The reality of it is;
Ok so as I ponder this topic I can't and I have search my brain for times I remember being disciplined by my father. My siblings told horror stories of being hit as they grew up but I only remember being scared of him. We moved to Arizona when I was 4 I have no memories of daddy disciplining me there at that home front! I have good memories spending time with him herding sheep, walking on the canal and with the dogs and horses - no hitting or even seeing anyone be hit! Weird I never thought about it like that before til right now. After we moved to Arizona it was the threat of daddy coming home and hitting me that kept me inline!! I can remember hiding in a tree scared he was going to hit me for my grades suffering in school. I had a fear of my father that I always referred to as respect.

Mom on the other hand! I have no memories of in Colorado nothing I cannot find her there in my mind.  Maybe once hiding from her in the asparagus plants in a ditch in front of the house??? After we moved to Arizona she was the "hands on" parent (let me insert right here i got nothing from her that I didn't deserve!) she grounded me from the phone, from going places, she left a chore list of things for me to do everyday when she left for work, I was a "latch key" child no friends allowed over while she was at work. I had one older brother still in high school who was around in the mornings before school and then I was on my own, mom came home for lunch for an hour everyday and I was to have lunch ready. We watched "As the world turns" or "Guiding Light" depending on which hour she came home - we ate on TV trays and visited while eating our lunch. I got graded on my chores and given more. I believe (now) this was not only to discipline me but to teach me to work, keep me out of trouble and to help her keep up with the house work!!!
And thus we see- I only do chores when nobody is home. When people are here I like to do things with them! and I believe I know how to work and taught my children to know how to work! one can only hope!!!

Examples of her discipline:
Once I stole a watch at the dime store downtown (yes I am old enough to refer to a store as a "dime store") I might have been 8 maybe younger, mom was so mad at me I remember her scolding me on the side walk in front of the store.  It was a little kid watch in the toy  section, I had taken it out of the package left the package there and stuck it in my pants, it fell down thru the leg and out on the sidewalk as we left the store! What I really remember is her teaching me was that it was not honest and making me walk back in there give the lady the watch and say I was sorry - horribly embarrassed even at a young age.
And thus we see; Honesty is the best policy.  Discipline taught in action is remembered, let the action be calm, controlled and let the child be involved and not stuck in a corner or beaten.

It looked like this only WHITE!

One Wednesday night when I was suppose to be at mutual I went off with some friends, a group of us.  we were in Jim's car we drove around town went to Jack in the Box nothing evil or crazy, but I lied about where I was,  obviously.
When I got home my mom had already heard I wasn't at the church. She grabbed me out of that car and started spanking me and grabbed my two arms pulling them by the elbows behind me as she kicked my butt with her knees walking me into the house. She was out of control and embarrassed me so much, I didn't learn anything from that except for how uncool my mom was!
And thus we see: well you get it.  Stay incontrol. Don't lie to your parents.

As God as MY Witness!!!

So today in the Daily's I am reminded of the day I took Apryl and Austin to a Day Care place for day two!  They'd only been to this lady once, and day two was not going to happen if they could help it.  I was on my way to work it was Tempe Arizona...100 degrees and Austin was crying his eyes out.  He begged me, without the tears to not take him back to this place of childcare.  HE talked to me as a grown-up at the age of 3, then he had Apryl turn on the tears!  Then he cried in a way that I just knew that he was not just being a spoiled kid not wanting to go to nursery.   On the way over to day care my Gremlin broke down and there we were HOT, Broken, and hungry and I swear I literally raised my arm (just like Scarlett) to the sky and yelled "As God as my witness I'll never be poor and hungry and take my kids to day care again!!!!" - [my version of that Gone with the Wind quote!]

Well I didn't take my kids to that lady ever again but it was the day we sat down and set the goal for me to be home and not have to go to work outside the home any more.  That woman yelled at me that day telling me I had to leave them, she was counting on that income. Really?!  I just grabbed them and we ran...walking down the streets of Tempe Arizona!

It was a day that, (even with me not really doing things I should have been doing) I knew the spirit spoke to me for the sake of my children and said WAKE UP girl your babies need you - that is a bad place for day care and you need to get your act together.  Listen to the spirit.  I can indeed witness that there is a reason we have been counseled to LISTEN. 

"Spirituality is learning how to listen to the Spirit and then letting it govern our lives."-Carol B Thomas
Nothing is more important than to parent with real intent our babies. (to me anyway!)

It's not our parents fault we are the parents that we are...we choose how we parent!

Family Home Evening.  We have our ups and downs with this "commandment".  I remember the charts and the stickers!  The desserts and the lessons.  My favorite time, I suppose was when I lived in Arizona, we had a little neighborhood of moms who got together and exchanged lessons with visual aids I loved those days.  Austin would tell the stories and Apryl would lead play and teach us the songs.  They loved making the desserts and eating them too.  Oh I do miss FHE with the little ones.

Tonight I tried to have a "discussion" about family that is away from us and how we could get to know them, keep in touch with them. Pretty much the Dad scoffed at me. I shut down and FHE was over. I need to fight back in these situations and as a young mom I would have.  After he went to bed the kids and I had an activity and a dessert we read our scriptures and said our prayers...but really when everyone doesn't play along it leaves a sadness, a gap a hole. :(

So ok, I want the writing to be positive and not to be negative toward the experience I share this really is my first negative experience shared, so why am I sharing it...

I guess to remind myself of the importance of following thru doing things as a family and not giving up when it doesn't go your way.  Sunday I went to a YW Presidency mtg... my thought when I left there was "Ahhh, to be young and not jaded!".  Those young moms were happy and positive and willing to go and do.  I on the other hand felt cautious and well jaded! 

Back when we first moved away from family I took pictures and created a game that we liked to call "It's all Relative"!  I cut up pictures (back in the day I always had doubles printed) and the kids and I for FHE labeled them, mounted them on posterboard and laminated them.  Then we played games like "go fish" and "memory" with these cards so that they would know faces and family and never forget.  I didn't let myself give in to the thinking this is dumb, it won't work, who cares!

I worry too much any more that people will be offended.  I was never one to care about that!  Suck it up, is how I was raised, "It's not bleeding get back in there, if it is blessding it's too far from your heart to kill ya!"  was pretty much the theory around the child hood home!  These days too many people are offended, don't want to give it all they've got, don't want to do this or that because it's too hard.  Where am I on that scale any more?  I have kinda turned into a hermit for fear of something???         I'm just not sure what!

Church leaders have instructed members to set aside Monday night as “family home evening.” This is a time for families to study the gospel together and to do other activities that strengthen the family spiritually, create family memories, and increase unity and love.

The moral of the story tonight is, Life is hard.  Following the commandments is hard, for as easy as they are. But as it says in the New Testament we "can't serve two masters" so we have to buck up, it's important ... I can testify that it pays off, that the memories and lessons learned when parenting a REAL Family night do pay off and the rewards and blessings are many and last for generations of time!