Afraid to step off

Consider you are in SLC how do you drive to El Paso?  My huby and I we like the back roads, we take the long way around on all sorts of roads in life in more ways than one!  Why of course you take a four hour drive over mountains... it was beauty let me tell ya Grand Jct to Durango you must do it some time, take the time don't be afraid to step off the main freeway.  Well in some of those pull offs You Should Be Afraid!!! Hwy 550 in Colorado was an often traveled road in my youth. Not a road to be considered lightly! Views are spectacular, extra time should be allowed. It's on this road I had the thought, "don't be afraid to step off".  But then asking myself how to do that as a happily married "couple" well that's been enlightening to consider!!!

the road over the mountain

May 2017... But, I ask; How then are we to step off when our lives are so intertwined with the love of our lives, or our family or our work when we are controlled by other peoples choices - how do we step off on our own?  I can make choices and goals, dream dreams all the day long but when it comes down to it ... if he isn't going to step off with me - their ain't no steppin' off going on!

Feb 2019...I've been hand writing my "blogs" for the most part the past year or so, I do like coming back to see where I was at in my head, what were my thoughts I can see from my last entry more than a year ago I was pretty down and out I like using my blog entries (maybe they only influence or help me) so here I am.  I feel like I write more and in a little more depth of thought when I am typing it out on my blog vs paper so let us see where I am at here in Feb. 2019!         

 Lets back up where am I and why before I see where I am going to step off ....

I started this entry in May 2017! Entitled Afraid to step off, the title jumped out at me today and then in rereading it it seemed to only be gibberish -notes making no sense, yet it is exactly how I feel today  Afraid to step off, make the cut (Feb 21) so I am going to Step off here start blogging again and move forward. I am going to put up or shut up or as my dad would say "shit or get off the pot"!  It's time for me to Not be afraid to step off, afraid of answering the phone, afraid to open the door, afraid to write, to make a choice, to commit.

My Happiness Project Oct 2016-2017 stepped off well!  Executed and followed thru with, I was committed.  I will ever be grateful for my experience #MyHappinessProject.

Endeavour to be... 2018 every month I stepped off into a new goal.  Endeavour to be was in everything.  Megan bought me a necklace that I love and still can feel the desire to step off into endeavouring at something new (example of one of my topics).

My theme for life 2019 is "Consider Your Ways" so I have indeed been doing that with about every choice I have had before me, sometimes to the point of overthinking it.  So far in 52 days we have considered buying A Unity Motorhome, A 32' travel trailer, Trading in our truck for a different bigger beefier Truck, Moving to Texas, then Arizona, then Colorado and back to Arizona!  Each time it seemed "consider your ways" actually talked us out of those choices.  Yesterday we decided to move back to Washington!
Now in considering our ways I have reviewed all our moves searching for Why on earth He would suggest this when he is the one that wanted to prepare to retire in the Sun of the Southwest.  We have been married coming up on 38 years 20 of those years in Washington!! We moved often, we've stepped off lets say into 7 states and more times or houses than years! This is how I see it. Every time we stepped off it was for the purpose bettering the career.  Finally it's time for Us! We are the parents that didn't ever take time away from the raising of our kids, right or wrong in the long run it's what we did and now it's time for us.  And so we ask ourselves - Where do We love living?   We love Washington.  I loved it from the moment I got out of Arizona. He was raised in the PNW so he loves it too.  He asked Where would I live if I could live anywhere? I said Washington and here we go!!! Consider that will ya!!!

Mountain Baker

Now!
We are all moved in.  We have really gotten organized, we have gone on drives, walks, dinners ... now it's time to get back to work.  I have my own space.  He has his.   Some goals, some dreams require only one of you to step off, some require 2.  I'm not good at dreaming or imagining even which makes me afraid of stepping off of everything.  Of that which I can control I commit as I did in 2016 to step off and be productive.  Consider my old ways and better them, improve everyday everyday everyday to be a little better.  When you are not bread winner you have limitations, you can't just step off when and where ever you want.  You kinda have to follow the job.  It's a complete drag.  I feel like I let that make me dependant and more subservient than I pictured myself ever being. Control your choices to the edge of what you can control.

Neptune Beach just above Lummi Bay

 I am hoping and dreaming and imagining taking back some of my choices.  I will blog, write, sort, quilt, travel walk, maybe hike again someday!!! I consider it time to step off, I don't have much time left.  How many chances can a girl get anyway?

Last night I debated posting this, its committing myself if I do right!  This is my problem being afraid to step off to commit to be consistent with my goals, dreams and lets just say it - My expectations of myself -- I gotta step off.

again i say - Wish my luck!