Life is Hard and then you die.

Details and Questions you might not really want to know...

My daughter messaged me asking me what questions I might have wished I had answers for concerning the care for others in my home before I took in the Aunt, The Uncle, the Mother, so... I went to look for journals to see how and what I was feeling and ended up going thru "things" again!   I found the pictures of the youth National Guard in Denver in 1930 who's in this picture dad or uncle Otis; further investigation required!

I also found a couple pictures of my sister that I don't think I've ever seen before, she was nine.

Also, I ran across a baggie of letters my mom saved that were from my dad. He had written them before they were married and the first couple of years after they were married; new insight and also, much further investigation required.  

So, the purpose for this initial investigation was journals.  I tend to get distracted, and thanks for this day of digging into the past, daughter of mine!!!
While reviewing these things and thinking about this topic the last couple of days my thought goes to my first response to the question at hand - What do I wish I would have known before caring for the elderly in my home? My answer is - I think that it would be best to not know anything! wink wink! I think for me, it was best to have not known what was ahead of me, because I might not of done it, sad to say. 😷 These are the things that I learned that I didn't know I really needed to know and now know that I never really wanted to know!

1. It is possible your Extended family will hate you no matter what you do... you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
2. Your immediate family that lives in your house loses time, involvement, connection with you and does without, because you're so consumed with caring for this person so much that your other daily "need to dos" are lost. Depending on the needs of the person you're caring for it's time consuming, it can be all consuming. Personalities and chemistries are involved and need to be taken into consideration, in this decision and yet personalities of the patient might change.  Someone who is kind and considerate their whole life can become mean and vindictive- vice versa.
3. You'll never love someone like you love them after you've cared for them while they are sick, from taking their temperature to administering pills to bathing them, to reading to them, crying and laughing with them, to making promises to them that you'll fulfill after they're gone. The gratitude and love they express brings joy, blessings and humility your way.
4. Tips on how to hire would have been good to know. The people that you hire to come fill the void's; pick up the slack when you can't do it anymore well they tend to be minimum wage people, not necessarily in it for really caring for this person that you love. I ended up with drug users, drug stealers, misc. thieves, well; a little bit of everything in my house.  I didn't know ahead of time that I was getting into this thats for sure. I guess I figured the company I used had vetted them, that they were bonded, but you know what they say about people who assume and that was me!
5. You might need a little education in law, power of attorney - choices that are going to be made by you for this person - guardianship that's required. How best to help this person with their money.  Note that it's possible your person might have the means to take care of themselves - you would think this is a good thing but it can avail the patient no Medicare and some places don't want to take care of said person if they have money, whereas if patient has no money everybody wants said person because the government helps the company, you know like school lunch!  I also found quality of care changed after the private pay money was all used and, not in a good way.
6. Emotions are high both for the person you're caring for and for the caregiver. The caregiver needs to be surrounded by people who will help the caregiver.  If that is not available this choice should not be made. In my opinion.
7. What to document, what not to document, what to make public what to keep private in this crazy media, social media world I think it's important to know what should be kept private and what should be documented at least in a journal somewhere.  
8. People who aren't even related will still judge you, will still throw you under the bus and spew out their opinion of what you're doing causing lots of conflict everywhere between friends and family.

It's a tough choice choosing to bring someone into your home and care for them or even just going to their home to care for them yes, even helping them when they're in a care facility it all can be hard on everybody.

In correlation to #MyHappinessProject January is my month of #Civility, subtitled *"hearken unto His words" brings me back to the original question - Things I wish I would've known? My answer I think still is I wish I wouldn't of known any of it because maybe I wouldn't of done it.  But, let me clarify the joy that it brought me and the satisfaction that I know I did my best is how I live with myself today.
I like what Wendall Philips said "How prudently most men creep into nameless graves, while now and then one or two forget themselves into immortality!"   Ohh that we could all forget ourselves and be helpers.  We want to live in a civil world we have to make our surroundings moral, virtuous and keep our principles high, if we don't do that how do we live with ourselves?  Gordon B. Hinckley sums it up when he states "Caring for others, seeing and reaching beyond our own wants comforts, cultivating kindness and gentility toward others from all of life's situations and circumstances -- these are of the essence of civility, a virtue to be admired, a virtue to be acquired."

I say that in this day and age we have got to look out for each other practice civility and yes I believe the ripples will last through to other generations.

* Matthew 25:40 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25?lang=eng) and I also love Alma 34( https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34?lang=eng) this chapter lists so many things we can do and pray for and about BUT if we don't help people out we pretty much suck! see verse 28!  Maybe we could take that into our daily lives in how we treat each other at home, online, at work, in public and in private! We don't have to look to far or go to much out of our way to find someone that needs a good word or a kind deed.

We are Both Broken

This morning I had an epiphany!  It is that in Marriage we (the couple whoever the two people are) are both broken.  Religion aside when two people come together they merge with a past, world experience differences, and a slew of different habits.  Who are we to judge?  Seems our job is to only,  if we love each other and ourselves then we can help each other become better people everyday.  The first thing to do is accept that we are both broken.

I read others blogs and I learn, empathize and even get jealous because I want to write like they do.  My goal as I write I remind myself is to learn, demonstrate empathy and share the ability to grow progress improve with each experience, thought and lesson I have Daily!

I "POaST" about my life = 1957

Preface!  

Yes, all you english majors, I know - I DO NOT NEED an exclamation point after preface!!!!!  But throughout this section of blog entries I am certain there will be lots of !!! just like in the scriptures it will probably mean WO WO WO!!!

I have previously documented in this blog format a series entitled;"31 Days of 31 Christmas'"  these 31 blogs are the "history" of our Sobczak Family Life.  My, well "Our" son Amric just left 27 days ago to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he will be gone for 24 months.  For the next 24 months I will "blog" my individual "life History" one year of at a time!  I know, you're thrilled!!!  My only hope is that some day it might matter, I am grateful to have my moms, grandmothers and great grandMothers Histories and privileged to add these (although I don't know if I can print all of this as a book or not?).  So if you follow along every month around the 27th I will update my "history" one more year, I will tag them by year with the labels/keywords. (I have to spell the "rules" out for myself so that I remember!)  The object of this "project" is to help me count down the months, sort thru stacks and stacks of letters, journals and family keepsakes/genealogy info to get my life history finished and keep me positive and productive for the next 24 months until my Amric returns home!!!   and so the story goes....

What big ears I have!

 I was born a poor Red head!!!

as my mother and father described it the "color of a carrot" and so "Loreal"(erase the grey!) and I try to keep it along those same lines to this day!

This is me, in our bath tub I guess, looks more like a metal dish pan! Also note, that my girls are not allowed to put any kind of naked pictures online I hesitate in posting this, but it's my own picture I can embarrass myself - really - it's all about the PAN!1957

This picture is me in a blessing dress that my Aunt El bought me that I also put on Apryl when we all went to the temple to be sealed as a little family.  I still have this dress and hope that someday - well, I don't know what I hope to do with it, but maybe someday someone will wear it again.  I have a metal trunk full of clothes that my mom had from all of us, no one really wants them, but I can't seem to part with them, it seems rude and disrespectful, Plus they are like antiques!  Speaking of antiques this chair I'm sitting on is one that was made of maroon, redish velvet!  My Aunt El had a living room set with a couch and this chair - I do in fact remember this furniture and will tell you more stories about this as we go along. Lets just say George, the Siamese cat and I could not sit on this furniture together!!!

Blessing dress

hand croquette blanket Auntie made for me, also still have it!

So... I have a story for you. . .  When my mother got pregnant she was told that she could not carry me.  She had had 2 or 3 miscarriages before Timmy, so she knew that loosing a pregnancy was always possible for her, every pregnancy she had was hard for her and put her life in danger. To add to this the she was going to be 42 when I was to be born and they didn't have all the information, equipment and skills that they have today.  She said she wanted to try and carry the baby anyway. She started hemorrhaging off and on and then more and more.  The Doctors told her to abort the mission!!!  She choose not to (obviously!!!) she had the priesthood from our church come to the house and give her a blessing.  While they were there they issued her a call to be the Primary President, (the primary is the organization in the church that leads, teaches, sings, has activities with these children who are ages 18 months - thru 11 years.  She accepted.  My Dad I understand was supportive.  Maybe as time went on Judyann would support her too but as I understand in the beginning not so much!!!  Mom got pretty sick and was put on bed rest. Judyann ended up doing all household chores.  Mom asked the Bishop to release her feeling that she couldn't do the Primary calling any more.  

This is a letter written by grandma to remind of the miracle it is that "I" even was born and to keep me focused!  Thank you Grandma.

The Bishop gave her a Blessing in it he told her that "if she would keep the Primary calling she would be blessed to deliver a healthy baby no matter the circumstance".  So mom being faithful, kept the call.  Judyann kept doing the chores and the men kept being the men!  Tom 7 years older than I and Timmy 14 years older than I, (big difference), Judyann 12 years older than me.  So we were kinda spread out.  Anyway...Mom gave birth to me!  I was born!  the miracle is .... the Doctor reported that I had been carried this whole time without the availability of a whom and that is why mom had kept bleeding so much.  She said that they always wondered what in the blessing was meant by the words "no matter the circumstance".  So she always said I was a miracle baby and thus she expected from the very beginning alot from me.  It was a constant annoyance, let me just say that!!!!  But now, as I have a family and I miss my mom so much I thank Mom and Dad for their willingness to deliver and to God for even being here!

INTRODUCING --


My brother Tom Philip (named after our grandpa Tomney):

Tom 1956

Tom 1957

Tom says; "I don't really remember anything except you were born the same day that LUCKY SOCKS (A buckskin colt we had) was born!"

Disney's
Mickey Mouse Club in 1957

In the World ...

Buddy Holly and the crickets recorded the number 1 hit right before my birthday in  1957  "That'll be the day"

The world forever be changed with the introduction and flight of Sputnik...

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/space/sputnik-impact-on-america.html

In the Church  - During 1957 October 

The semiannual general conference was canceled due to a flu epidemic.

General conference canceled because of flu epidemic.

Church Membership at end of year: 1,488,314
New Converts : 71,583
Percent Change from previous year: 5.05%

[Spencer W. Kimball] Undergoes an operation for cancer of the throat; one and one-half vocal cords are removed.

A note mom had; List of people who came to visit Mom and I at the Hospital when I was born;
Daddy, Ella Arthur, Betty and Marj Lindsay, Harriet Harrison, Marquerite Harrison, Celia Hampton, Eve Lee, Ila David, Cherrill Jones, Myrtle Daily, Bill and Leona, Afton Clark (moms BFF), Arthella and Berk, Mary Morris.  
Gifts; Dress, Gloves, darning needles, tube for a radio, yarn to tie a quilt, milk strainers, lining for a quilt, and cleaner.

what is permanent?

So we have invested all this money into a new computer set up and I seem to have lost 8000 pictures somewhere somehow.  This is why I get frustrated and stop blogging and doing anything on the computer.  DOn't you hate it when you type and type and type and then it's not saved or somehow it's lost in a file somewhere in the computer that only the tech knows how to find?  I do.  "They say" that it's "suppose to be permanent" anything you put out there is out there for the whole world to see anytime of day or night! Except for me and my pictures that for 2 years now I have been attempting to get scanned, downloaded and filed to keep in an organized fashion!!!  UGHHHHH!  It's why I like my paper journals and my actual scrapbooks that are tangible and I can see on the book shelf!!!

Yesterday I went to my little Apple class to learn, I've been doing that for awhile now, but I came away feeling very unlearned.  They said they saved my 8000 pictures.  I sat in front of the computer in fact watching to really see and prove to myself that these pictures are still in my computer somewhere and as I watched these thousands of pictures pass by me at a very rapid speed what I saw before my eyes was the inevitable "Judgement Day"!!!  All of "my world" of people sitting in front of a screen revealing my life to them just like that - BAM!  Will I be embarrassed? Heck ya! Will the Lord say "well done thou good and faithful servant, I'm thinking Heck no!  It made take a moment to pause and think I'm so grateful to still be alive on this earth with people that I love and to interact with them.  It reminded me that I've seen and done some things that I need to clean up.  BUT it also gave me pause for a wonderful wonderful life and things that I've done that have been fun, good and positive, people, places and things that will be permanent memories.

so I just wanted to somewhere thank God for my life. Say I'm sorry to people I've hurt and kick myself in the butt, strap on the ole boots and kick up some fun times create some more memories and not waste any more time singing the blues quoting anyone singing the blues or regretting the past.  I've done my time.  I do my best.  The past has, well... the past is.   I am me as she says; "I am who I am"!  Thanks to lessons learned, free agency and Jesus Christ some things are permanent, and somethings aren't. ... they might be hidden in the computer somewhere,  thank goodness for that some won't ever have to see them.

does that make sense to anyone but me!!! I'm glad I cleared that up for myself!!!!!!!! bahhhhhh!!!! night!

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

I still can't figure out how to add a picture on this knew computer but I don't ant to not write so I have no excuse to stop again!  Be patient with me I must keep moving even though I don't know what to do ...


so ... returning to my original plan; today is Sept 9th!
2009 ... zip
2010 ... zip

2008 ... looks like we were planning a move to Colorado.  I wonder what our life would have been like if we would have just done it?

this is a cool note I wrote:  "Ayris told me after seminary last week that she likes when Dad gives her "back to school blessings", she said that she loves it when she hears his voice change and he is talking for Heavenly Father.  She noted that today in Seminary the same thing had happened while I was teaching.  How cool is that ... she is learning to recognize the spirit teaching her and that is so much stronger than Richard or I trying to do so.

2007...  Tyler Georg Gone. :(

1998 ... My Mom diagnose with sugar diabetics  Nice day with Amric at Lake Sylvia.  Not happily married.  gotta loose weight!  I must get my house in order!!! Really do I say the same crap over and over and have to learn the same lessons.  Come on, maybe one of these days I'll catch on.  it looks like I'm stuck between my mom and my husband and that I worry too much.  Also I'm praying for Apryl, she seems to have a "potty mouth" and be "in Love" and not being able to just let it go.  She seems to be having issues with not being able to play soccer with the rec team because they play on Sunday!  Oh how I pray for miracles for her and that Heavenly Father will bless her and watch over her.

ok so I gotta get back into how to put this together mode but tonight as I review my journals I see that marriage is hard. Friends get mad. People leave, and I can get corny and say they come into our lives at certain time for things.  But I can also testify that that is true and we are blessed when we need to learn mostly because of those who come in and out of our lives.  Our Children need our constant prayers.  Traditions like back to school blessings and Family Home Eve discussions are stronger than we imagine and those are the memories that we hold on to.  Satan wants to destroy us.  When you ask yourself what do you do when I don't know what to do???  Read the scriptures, say your prayers. But really the scriptures are loaded with answers about what to do when you don't know what to do.  Nephi said Go and DO - keep doing it.  Joseph Smith said Study and Pray.  David, well he might have made the wrong choice so that's good to know too, my journals are filled with those!  The Brother of Jared - he prayed and communicated and DID all that he could do presenting a plan.  Live what you know to be right while you are waiting to figure out what to do!  BUT KEEP MOVING.  these last months physically I kept moving but spiritually, emotionally I stopped moving it's not good.  Grieve and then Go and Do for someone else, it takes your mind off of whatever is stabling you out.    How can it be that the LORD wants to bless us and we won't let him Doc and Cov 130:20 and 82:10 tell us Live the law that the blessing is predicated upon and receive!

Movin on

Oh man it's late in the daily process!!! I thought when I saw Julie and Julia, a wonderful little story about two chefs - well I thought it was lame, asking myself -who couldn't cook something everyday and then blog about it?!!!! I named my blog The Daily ...cuz I planned to do just that write Daily!  Well it's not proving to be as simple as I had "judged"!!!  But as I am learning from my "paper Journals" that we keep records so that we can and must learn from the past.  I once prayed for wisdom ... I'm not sure what month that was in, but I know where we lived and can see myself in my bedroom, down on my knees praying for wisdom.  I have since identified with the definition of wisdom; "Wisdom is knowledge rightly applied".  So if I am to learn from the "paper", from the "past" and go and do better or even BEST in the future I must just keep moving and not give up....and so must you.  so let's move on!!!