Life is Hard and then you die.

Details and Questions you might not really want to know...

My daughter messaged me asking me what questions I might have wished I had answers for concerning the care for others in my home before I took in the Aunt, The Uncle, the Mother, so... I went to look for journals to see how and what I was feeling and ended up going thru "things" again!   I found the pictures of the youth National Guard in Denver in 1930 who's in this picture dad or uncle Otis; further investigation required!

I also found a couple pictures of my sister that I don't think I've ever seen before, she was nine.

Also, I ran across a baggie of letters my mom saved that were from my dad. He had written them before they were married and the first couple of years after they were married; new insight and also, much further investigation required.  

So, the purpose for this initial investigation was journals.  I tend to get distracted, and thanks for this day of digging into the past, daughter of mine!!!
While reviewing these things and thinking about this topic the last couple of days my thought goes to my first response to the question at hand - What do I wish I would have known before caring for the elderly in my home? My answer is - I think that it would be best to not know anything! wink wink! I think for me, it was best to have not known what was ahead of me, because I might not of done it, sad to say. 😷 These are the things that I learned that I didn't know I really needed to know and now know that I never really wanted to know!

1. It is possible your Extended family will hate you no matter what you do... you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
2. Your immediate family that lives in your house loses time, involvement, connection with you and does without, because you're so consumed with caring for this person so much that your other daily "need to dos" are lost. Depending on the needs of the person you're caring for it's time consuming, it can be all consuming. Personalities and chemistries are involved and need to be taken into consideration, in this decision and yet personalities of the patient might change.  Someone who is kind and considerate their whole life can become mean and vindictive- vice versa.
3. You'll never love someone like you love them after you've cared for them while they are sick, from taking their temperature to administering pills to bathing them, to reading to them, crying and laughing with them, to making promises to them that you'll fulfill after they're gone. The gratitude and love they express brings joy, blessings and humility your way.
4. Tips on how to hire would have been good to know. The people that you hire to come fill the void's; pick up the slack when you can't do it anymore well they tend to be minimum wage people, not necessarily in it for really caring for this person that you love. I ended up with drug users, drug stealers, misc. thieves, well; a little bit of everything in my house.  I didn't know ahead of time that I was getting into this thats for sure. I guess I figured the company I used had vetted them, that they were bonded, but you know what they say about people who assume and that was me!
5. You might need a little education in law, power of attorney - choices that are going to be made by you for this person - guardianship that's required. How best to help this person with their money.  Note that it's possible your person might have the means to take care of themselves - you would think this is a good thing but it can avail the patient no Medicare and some places don't want to take care of said person if they have money, whereas if patient has no money everybody wants said person because the government helps the company, you know like school lunch!  I also found quality of care changed after the private pay money was all used and, not in a good way.
6. Emotions are high both for the person you're caring for and for the caregiver. The caregiver needs to be surrounded by people who will help the caregiver.  If that is not available this choice should not be made. In my opinion.
7. What to document, what not to document, what to make public what to keep private in this crazy media, social media world I think it's important to know what should be kept private and what should be documented at least in a journal somewhere.  
8. People who aren't even related will still judge you, will still throw you under the bus and spew out their opinion of what you're doing causing lots of conflict everywhere between friends and family.

It's a tough choice choosing to bring someone into your home and care for them or even just going to their home to care for them yes, even helping them when they're in a care facility it all can be hard on everybody.

In correlation to #MyHappinessProject January is my month of #Civility, subtitled *"hearken unto His words" brings me back to the original question - Things I wish I would've known? My answer I think still is I wish I wouldn't of known any of it because maybe I wouldn't of done it.  But, let me clarify the joy that it brought me and the satisfaction that I know I did my best is how I live with myself today.
I like what Wendall Philips said "How prudently most men creep into nameless graves, while now and then one or two forget themselves into immortality!"   Ohh that we could all forget ourselves and be helpers.  We want to live in a civil world we have to make our surroundings moral, virtuous and keep our principles high, if we don't do that how do we live with ourselves?  Gordon B. Hinckley sums it up when he states "Caring for others, seeing and reaching beyond our own wants comforts, cultivating kindness and gentility toward others from all of life's situations and circumstances -- these are of the essence of civility, a virtue to be admired, a virtue to be acquired."

I say that in this day and age we have got to look out for each other practice civility and yes I believe the ripples will last through to other generations.

* Matthew 25:40 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25?lang=eng) and I also love Alma 34( https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34?lang=eng) this chapter lists so many things we can do and pray for and about BUT if we don't help people out we pretty much suck! see verse 28!  Maybe we could take that into our daily lives in how we treat each other at home, online, at work, in public and in private! We don't have to look to far or go to much out of our way to find someone that needs a good word or a kind deed.