Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Oh I heard you!

August 1, 2016


I'm not here to float along
behind you - I'm just not.
Yes I fear, I am drowning!
There is no more float.
Throwdown Meltdown
Get Up Get Down
Voices coming from?
Positive negative; mom,You, me?
I want my own echo.
Choices - you can't make it for me
Battles within mine
so sick of it all I choose
Choose what Submission
Pray, Pray to who asking for what?
What matters ya'll get your way anyway!
Do I Submit.
Am I Selfish? or Empathetic?
An enabler or Sympathetic?
more like Pathetic!
Find myself Know my heart.
For goodness sake
Be satisfied.
with what?
with who?
I want happiness.
To know a smile.
To laugh, I used to laugh, where has it gone?
I'm jaded and alone
I need to FEEL again.
To make a choice without hesitation
without fear.
Fear of disappointment 
Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Have faith you say
Have hope I pray
My sincere desire is eternal life
with the Love of Family and God
and self
Love In my own heart.
It's trust
I seek
and peace.
It takes two to not drown.
There is an undercurrent happening
a constant silent conversation going on.
There is white water all around.



It needs work but it's a ruff draft~
isn't that life? a ruff draft
I hope I get to edit and update in the eternities!!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Happy Birthday I'm 20

Kelly Sue McCoy

a birthday poem by Iris (you know my mom!)


K is for the kaleidoscope of events in her daily life
E is for the exuberant enthusiasm of each day
L could be for Lady but it's not more for love, or laughter, or lessons learned.
L too, might mean loneliness or leisure enjoyed or light of the gospel she holds so dear.
Y stands for the youthful quality of her heart.

S is the silky long hair, sunshiny smile and SELF for which she searches
U is the indescribable Urgency she feels in LIVING!
E the Enigma of those Elaborate dreams she has.

M what else? the Man in her life she looks for and the marvelous magnetic thought of Marriage
C well lets see -- Capable, clever, cunning, capricious or cute?
C too, can be Caring, Catty, Caustic, cautious, challenging and ever changing!
O might be oblique, or obstinate, outspoken or overflowing with love of others.
Y is for the 20 Years she has had or maybe for the Yellow of her favorite color!


Friday, September 26, 2014

Why I write! and Why it's in a Blog...


TOO MUCH INFORMATION, thats your CRY!



Writing your own history is very insightful
you think you know everything about yourself
and read things that you think uncool!
To acknowledge would only pull things down from the shelf
question and answers hidden deep in the mind
buried for protection and of friends, family and my own heart!
but also enlightens and a help to Remember my own part --
and the things that Mother taught and the lessons to find.
I notice that the world indeed has influence, the media I acknowledge every year it has it's place -
deciding and discerning are lessons and standards along life's journey that are in front of my face!
This blog is the prophecy fulfilled of the Book of Life
presented to learn, grow and too, hopefully 
listen and heed to avoid depression and strife --
to lend testimony and knowledge of the Atonement of Christ.
From the experiences had by family before;  which
will bring you closer to each other and turn on the switch
so that questions you'll ask and on your knees you will turn
for inspiration and guidance from Heavenly Father you'll yearn.
Don't judge how I write, but know it's how I talk!
Bishop Watson told me that once, I accepted it as a compliment!
Look beyond the words and story; for the feelings take stock --
the recognition I give to the leaders, friends and family that to me were sent, helping me along the road of Life, 
as often the road is a valley of great decent.
From the roots of the tree to the branches and limbs; 
Unconditional love always wins! of that I testify of that I am sure, 
Good is worth living for, looking for, striving for and that ain't no lie!
Each year (and each post) has a story, each picture a memory lent.
I post it now ... and find yet more;  so to that year I add --
thus please go back and read, as in life each story changes over time as an others' perspective lends itself to knowledge helping the process of improvement a tad!
I know I go on; but, have you met my Mom? If you haven't keep reading
if you have you know what I mean!  you will know us both;
we love our family and strive to climb 
to progress and achieve to know and return --  to you we are pleading...
This life is short and eternity long from the Savior we receive redemption,
"It's all or nothing!" thats my brand; may we use courage and faith
 to choose the best road, and from hell receive exemption!


so it's not great, but it's from the heart! sometimes I just have to document for myself why I am doing this I POaST about my life thing! I still don't know how to connect one POaST to the other so I am only doing it with the Labels, the keywords!  
WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL -YOU"LL BE GLAD YOU DID! 






In the Book of Mormon we read from Alma 26

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/26?lang=eng


 11 But Ammon said unto him: do not boast in my own strength,nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joyand will rejoice in my God.
 12 Yea, know that am nothingas to my strength am weak;therefore will not boast of myself, but will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all thingsyea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
 13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of helland they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us,therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?
 14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Today I Cry

Today I Cry

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy -Psalms 126:5


I do not know why
 it's unknown today why I cry
look at me - I shake, I cry.
I cry to blog and share why I cry!
I cry for friends and family
I cry because I have a headache.
I cry because I'm offended.
I cry to God because of this dark world in which we live.
I cry because I weigh too much.
I cry for protection for each of the ones I love.
I cry for my babygrands!
I cry to know and appreciate my heritage.
I cry in joy!!
I cry because I see skin that is wrinkled and old :(
I cry grateful to be alive!!
I cry to better show the love I feel for my neighbor.
I cry because I'm jaded.
I cry for that 17 year old inside me to LIVE ON!
I cry in sorrow for those I've hurt.
I cry for the pain I caused my Savior.
I cry because I've let myself get out of control.
I cry in celebration and appreciation of the rivers and the trees.
I cry for my mom.
I cry for that LIGHT that sometimes I let go of willfully and even at times unknowingly.
I cry because I let you go.
I cry because I miss my children.
I cry because I am so DANG PROUD of my kids!
I cry out in sadness being left alone here.
I cry when I find a black striped suit in the closet size 38L.
I cry because I have Not One Cousin!
I cry asking why is it that I have not one cousin and never have?
I cry because my hair is not doing what I want it too! or to? I know it's not 2!!
I cry because I miss him.
I cry for my parents and my siblings, I cry they are in a good place.
I cry in prayer for those I've lost.
I cry for those that need rescue, how do I save them?
I cry in prayer for their return.
I cry because I have offended someone, I cry for forgiveness.
I cry because I'm genuinely happy!
I cry to know family that live far away...
I cry again, asking how do I be a strong link to them from so far away?
I cry in gratitude for blessings I have.
I cry grateful to live in this beautiful place.
I cry because I see that I have so much,
 truly I am blessed and yet I still ... cry!
I do not know why
it's unknown today why I cry
look at me - on my knees, I cry.
I cry when I see this, for this is how I feel today! Thank you internet for sharing!

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

I "POaST" about my Life --- 1965 ...

Our childhood experiences can be very significant in the shaping of our lives. At that time we are most dependent, most vulnerable, and most needful of love, acceptance and belonging. Our parents and significant others are our role models, the course of most of our satisfactions. We identify with these models, good or bad, not so much intellectually as emotionally.  These experiences, positive and negative, have the cumulative effect of giving to us a script.  We normally think of a script as an actor’s written part which he learns, memorizes, and acts out on stage. It not only involves his/her words and actions but also his/her attitude or frame of mind, indeed his/her character. It becomes his/her part, his role.

All of us have scripts given to us which become our parts, our roles. I emphasize again that these scripts are more emotional, more subtly absorbed than they are intellectually or consciously chosen. They rise out of our deep vulnerabilities, our deep dependency upon others, and our absolutely screaming needs for acceptance and love, for belonging, for a sense of importance and worth, for a feeling that we matter.

All of this does not mean we are necessarily controlled by these scripts, but it does mean we are powerfully influenced by them. The difference between being influenced by and being determined by is 180 degrees. Determinism, whether it be genetic, psychic, or environmental, is false doctrine. In one sense the underlying assumption and tone of this entire column is self-determinism, that we can learn to write our own scripts, that we can re-script ourselves, that we can identify with new models, have new relationships with true scripts, true models – divine ones. Just consider the word scripture itself. In the gospel context, is not one possible meaning “true scripts’?

However in spite of the gospel, scripts written and developed early in life, pounded in by powerful emotional experiences – even traumatic ones – become deeply imbedded within our natures; and they may have influence upon us for the rest of our lives unless equally powerful, even traumatic, experiences divinely erase them and write new ones in the “fleshy tables of the heart”.  This is why those first 8 years of life are so critical, so supremely important.


-Stephen Covey

3rd grade

I got was baptized this year by Dennis Rogers, a priest in the ward - he is the brother of my sisters best friend (Ella).  Mom took me to a play in Phoenix and then we met daddy at Big Apple, Dad told the waitress to treat me right it was my birthday!  I was super grateful to be baptized, I knew it made mom happy. 




Judyann home now working and her problems (sickness) seem to be thyroid related.  One day she fainted while in the shower, scared me to death.  I remember her laying there past out and striving to wake her up, shaking her and hugging her.  It was a moment of terror with a memory for me.

Kelly Sue
by Grandpa Albert Lyman June 22nd, 1965

An angel came from the heaven-world
as a bird from the upper sky.
'Twas the  Heavenly Father who sent her down
and He followed her with His eye.
He gazed with the warmth of a Father's Love
As He watched from His throne on high.

And He gave her a body of flesh and bone
In which to live on earth,
He prepared her to live and to see and think
From the time of her mortal birth.
O this was a glorious gift from God,
A gift of the greatest worth.

And they to whom she came were glad
And they tried as parents true
To bless her with everything they had
And with all that they could do;
They cherished her gently to their hearts
And they called her Kelly Sue!

And now she is starting Forth to find
And follow the safety way,
To see and to turn from the ugly things
She will meet with every day,
To discover the richest joys of life
In work as well as play

She will meet with things that she never knew
And with folks of every kind;
She must always look out for Kelly Sue
And ever keep in mind,
That the path of many a little girl
Are oft with danger lined.

O how we do hope that no evil thing
Will come to Kelly Sue,
The she will continue to watch and prya
And carry safely through
With thoughts that are always pure and sweet 
With Standards bright and new.

We would clear from her pathway every snare
And make it, if we could,
A way of safety and love and light
To all that is great and good,
A way to the loveliest thing of all,
Which is perfect womanhood.


Mom and Grandma Gladys - Mesa
We still live in this tiny trailer!  8 x 30!
They totally have BIGGER Motor Homes today than this "house" we lived in then.
Cat Ballou
Oh man!!! Not that I wanted to be her, (Jane Fonda - not thought of fondly in my house) but I wanted to be her character!  Tuff, and in control - a hands on take control kinda cowgirl!!!  again - OH man!!!!

but I must have had two personalities cuz I also loved Sonny and Cher too!!!!





Monday, March 25, 2013

I can't give Up

I'm strong and immovable
then I'm weak and wilted
I'm determined
and then I'm jilted.

I'm strong and courageous
 then I'm melted to not
I'm fearless
and then I'm bought.

I'm strong and hopeful
then I'm doubtful
I'm organized
then I'm drowning in a pool.

I'm strong and spiritual
then I'm tempted
I'm wise
then I'm cheated.

I'm strong and a teacher
then I'm wrong
I'm a student
then I'm made Strong.




Friday, March 22, 2013

I "POaST" about my Life ... 1960

1960

must have been a bad year ... no pics of family!

The Kennedys

THE WORLD and their Stars

Jan 2013 I wrote this about me and the way I was feeling about life...

I'm strong and immovable
then I'm weak and wilted
I'm determined
and then I'm jilted

I'm strong and courageous
then I'm melted to not
I'm fearless
and then I'm bought.

I'm strong and hopeful
then I'm doubtful
I'm organized
then I'm drowning in a pool.

I'm strong and spiritual
then I'm tempted
I'm wise
then I'm cheated.

I'm strong and a teacher
then I'm wrong
...I'm a student.




Friday, December 14, 2012

31 Days of 31 Christmas' - 1994

I guess I couldn't bare to write all that went on this year in a Christmas letter, but I have journals full of craziness, emotional stress and Moving, Moving Moving.  We moved to Blanding Utah in December, but by Jan (6 weeks Later we moved back) all with the help of Lovena and Marty Clark!  
We loved Blanding I wanted to stay there, but the Job just didn't work out. 
 :( and thats all I have to say about that!


Remember I mentioned that Austin did some writing in the  8th grade!  This is what he wrote about this years experience!!!




Thursday, November 29, 2012

Me Myself, Mom & Tom, Life and Death




I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;

I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself

and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
the kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in shame.

I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;

I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

poem my mom made me memorize as a youth by Edgar A. Guest





I miss you mom.  Yesterday Richie and I were talking about you - about all your counsel, about how parents do know more than their kids but that kids won't, & never will admit that and learn without experience.  Sometimes secrets do come off the shelf and out of the closet, we can only hope before we meet our maker that amends have been made - as our parents have taught.  We don't always have to be the center of all the action and Drama around us that we shan't care about the mote in someone else's eye, but instead only be concerned about our own eye and be self respecting and conscience free.  
 thank you Mom for teaching me that.






I'm remembering today the days and the night we waiting beside my brother Tom for him to die.  It's such and empty hopeless feeling.  The visual of it never ever leaves your brains' storage base.  The race to drive to him from Washington to Arizona.  Austin, Mom and me ...and Tom, praying out in the little patio garden for him to not have to suffer, feeding him, reading to him, teaching him the Plan of Happiness on deaths door, the room we stayed in, the book we read together as he lay there waiting knowing the end was near, the looks between Mother and Son.  The look he gave me when I said you'll be ok - go find Big Sis.  And the moment he was gone.  The look of a shattered conscience.   He had gone to that hospital with the intent of being "fixed" of living and "fixing" things when he came out, I hope he has the chance on the other side.  It came over me like a tidal wave that feeling of whatever happens I want to be self respecting and conscience free.