My July Happiness Project WOW is all I can Say!

Preface

Where to start.  I have to say yet again that I am amazed at how my monthly Happiness Project Goal Keywords have fit perfectly to everything in my life that is going on since I started this project.  The thing that hasn't fit is travel and not having my computer - I think I have become more paperless than I realized, so i'm now back to both the paper journal and the computer (when I have one available).

Family Appreciation

Family; descendants of a common ancestor is one definition.
Appreciation; defined as recognize, treasure, admire, respect, to realize acknowledge grasp the full worth.

Appreciate my family

We had a little family reunion and while there for a few short days I found that I did appreciate 

all the money that was spent to get there,

all the time that was put aside to be there,

all the effort that was made to put aside differences,

All the food that was provided and made specially for us, 

All of the crafts that were prepared provided and made with my baby grands, 

All of the stories of heritage and memories that were shared, 

All of the family games created just for us to play together, 

All of the conversations, 

All of the traditions brought forward 

And all of the love that was there.

Remember how I ask what's the One Thing you believe in?

I believe in family!

Friendship
As I prepare to pull up roots and move again it's been different this time because of friendship.  I have really built up walls there these last few years and have built limited friendships.  This time in letting go its been interesting to watch the man come to tears and really "feel" loss as he packed up his office and left his peers who, maybe for the first time are indeed his friends.  

It's so interesting to me to observe the ties that bind and the need for friendship and people in your life to indeed find happiness. 
Instead of note to self, lecture to self;   This next chapter I need to drop walls and be all in, the kids are gone Kel get over it and find your own self, stop waiting for the next chapter, turn the page and be grateful for friends created along the way.  In so doing be appreciative and acknowledge the blessing of living everywhere you have lived and having all the friends you do because of all the places he's drug you to and using the tool of #MyHappinessProject continue to explore, invest and build life and relationships - yes even in your 60s!

Find Joy in the Moment!  (Also Find joy getting rid of stuff)!The way I look at it is as simple as asking "what if", what if we do and what if we don't? It was me this time, it was me that said "What if hon, you should go for it".  And Thus we see... Joy in the moment!  Not that it's easy to pack it up and say good-bye to this beautiful place where we live #ilovewashington #itswhereilive Talk about a perfect topic and timing for #MyHappinessProject we made a choice to follow the dream and ONE more time make the move.  

Looking back, Feb was the month for me to find Joy in getting tidy and I totally remember getting everything out laying it on the bed and walking out of the room...and thus we see, I am not ready and will be quickly getting rid of things and taking things that I shouldn't be and will in August again be continuing to find Joy in the moment of unpacking and unloading more "things"!

This is the first time we have moved without kids and so it seems even more obvious that we have too much "stuff" when it's only 2 of us and we are loading up a semi again!  I am beginning to admire the "millennial" attitude but dang it's hard to let go.  I strive.

Restore 

Back to family. We hadn't all been together ever,  just for fun in fact the last time we were all in the same place at the same time was 2010 in Arizona when we buried my mom.

This was a time for us to restore our feelings, backgrounds, our memories, our relationships.

I liked to call it "The Gathering 2017" and when you gather you Do in fact restore.  I do so appreciate this fact and that this has happened. From Measurements on the wall at Nana and Papis to school pictures from the 80's and 90's from bowling to church on Sunday from movie time to Now the Day is Over, I pray for Blessings on my family everyday everyday everyday!

Life is Hard and then you die.

Details and Questions you might not really want to know...

My daughter messaged me asking me what questions I might have wished I had answers for concerning the care for others in my home before I took in the Aunt, The Uncle, the Mother, so... I went to look for journals to see how and what I was feeling and ended up going thru "things" again!   I found the pictures of the youth National Guard in Denver in 1930 who's in this picture dad or uncle Otis; further investigation required!

I also found a couple pictures of my sister that I don't think I've ever seen before, she was nine.

Also, I ran across a baggie of letters my mom saved that were from my dad. He had written them before they were married and the first couple of years after they were married; new insight and also, much further investigation required.  

So, the purpose for this initial investigation was journals.  I tend to get distracted, and thanks for this day of digging into the past, daughter of mine!!!
While reviewing these things and thinking about this topic the last couple of days my thought goes to my first response to the question at hand - What do I wish I would have known before caring for the elderly in my home? My answer is - I think that it would be best to not know anything! wink wink! I think for me, it was best to have not known what was ahead of me, because I might not of done it, sad to say. 😷 These are the things that I learned that I didn't know I really needed to know and now know that I never really wanted to know!

1. It is possible your Extended family will hate you no matter what you do... you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
2. Your immediate family that lives in your house loses time, involvement, connection with you and does without, because you're so consumed with caring for this person so much that your other daily "need to dos" are lost. Depending on the needs of the person you're caring for it's time consuming, it can be all consuming. Personalities and chemistries are involved and need to be taken into consideration, in this decision and yet personalities of the patient might change.  Someone who is kind and considerate their whole life can become mean and vindictive- vice versa.
3. You'll never love someone like you love them after you've cared for them while they are sick, from taking their temperature to administering pills to bathing them, to reading to them, crying and laughing with them, to making promises to them that you'll fulfill after they're gone. The gratitude and love they express brings joy, blessings and humility your way.
4. Tips on how to hire would have been good to know. The people that you hire to come fill the void's; pick up the slack when you can't do it anymore well they tend to be minimum wage people, not necessarily in it for really caring for this person that you love. I ended up with drug users, drug stealers, misc. thieves, well; a little bit of everything in my house.  I didn't know ahead of time that I was getting into this thats for sure. I guess I figured the company I used had vetted them, that they were bonded, but you know what they say about people who assume and that was me!
5. You might need a little education in law, power of attorney - choices that are going to be made by you for this person - guardianship that's required. How best to help this person with their money.  Note that it's possible your person might have the means to take care of themselves - you would think this is a good thing but it can avail the patient no Medicare and some places don't want to take care of said person if they have money, whereas if patient has no money everybody wants said person because the government helps the company, you know like school lunch!  I also found quality of care changed after the private pay money was all used and, not in a good way.
6. Emotions are high both for the person you're caring for and for the caregiver. The caregiver needs to be surrounded by people who will help the caregiver.  If that is not available this choice should not be made. In my opinion.
7. What to document, what not to document, what to make public what to keep private in this crazy media, social media world I think it's important to know what should be kept private and what should be documented at least in a journal somewhere.  
8. People who aren't even related will still judge you, will still throw you under the bus and spew out their opinion of what you're doing causing lots of conflict everywhere between friends and family.

It's a tough choice choosing to bring someone into your home and care for them or even just going to their home to care for them yes, even helping them when they're in a care facility it all can be hard on everybody.

In correlation to #MyHappinessProject January is my month of #Civility, subtitled *"hearken unto His words" brings me back to the original question - Things I wish I would've known? My answer I think still is I wish I wouldn't of known any of it because maybe I wouldn't of done it.  But, let me clarify the joy that it brought me and the satisfaction that I know I did my best is how I live with myself today.
I like what Wendall Philips said "How prudently most men creep into nameless graves, while now and then one or two forget themselves into immortality!"   Ohh that we could all forget ourselves and be helpers.  We want to live in a civil world we have to make our surroundings moral, virtuous and keep our principles high, if we don't do that how do we live with ourselves?  Gordon B. Hinckley sums it up when he states "Caring for others, seeing and reaching beyond our own wants comforts, cultivating kindness and gentility toward others from all of life's situations and circumstances -- these are of the essence of civility, a virtue to be admired, a virtue to be acquired."

I say that in this day and age we have got to look out for each other practice civility and yes I believe the ripples will last through to other generations.

* Matthew 25:40 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25?lang=eng) and I also love Alma 34( https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34?lang=eng) this chapter lists so many things we can do and pray for and about BUT if we don't help people out we pretty much suck! see verse 28!  Maybe we could take that into our daily lives in how we treat each other at home, online, at work, in public and in private! We don't have to look to far or go to much out of our way to find someone that needs a good word or a kind deed.

Why I write! and Why it's in a Blog...

TOO MUCH INFORMATION, thats your CRY!

Writing your own history is very insightful
you think you know everything about yourself
and read things that you think uncool!
To acknowledge would only pull things down from the shelf
question and answers hidden deep in the mind
buried for protection and of friends, family and my own heart!
but also enlightens and a help to Remember my own part --
and the things that Mother taught and the lessons to find.
I notice that the world indeed has influence, the media I acknowledge every year it has it's place -
deciding and discerning are lessons and standards along life's journey that are in front of my face!
This blog is the prophecy fulfilled of the Book of Life
presented to learn, grow and too, hopefully 
listen and heed to avoid depression and strife --
to lend testimony and knowledge of the Atonement of Christ.
From the experiences had by family before;  which
will bring you closer to each other and turn on the switch
so that questions you'll ask and on your knees you will turn
for inspiration and guidance from Heavenly Father you'll yearn.
Don't judge how I write, but know it's how I talk!
Bishop Watson told me that once, I accepted it as a compliment!
Look beyond the words and story; for the feelings take stock --
the recognition I give to the leaders, friends and family that to me were sent, helping me along the road of Life, 
as often the road is a valley of great decent.
From the roots of the tree to the branches and limbs; 
Unconditional love always wins! of that I testify of that I am sure, 
Good is worth living for, looking for, striving for and that ain't no lie!
Each year (and each post) has a story, each picture a memory lent.
I post it now ... and find yet more;  so to that year I add --
thus please go back and read, as in life each story changes over time as an others' perspective lends itself to knowledge helping the process of improvement a tad!
I know I go on; but, have you met my Mom? If you haven't keep reading
if you have you know what I mean!  you will know us both;
we love our family and strive to climb 
to progress and achieve to know and return --  to you we are pleading...
This life is short and eternity long from the Savior we receive redemption,
"It's all or nothing!" thats my brand; may we use courage and faith
 to choose the best road, and from hell receive exemption!


so it's not great, but it's from the heart! sometimes I just have to document for myself why I am doing this I POaST about my life thing! I still don't know how to connect one POaST to the other so I am only doing it with the Labels, the keywords!  
WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL -YOU"LL BE GLAD YOU DID! 






In the Book of Mormon we read from Alma 26

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/26?lang=eng

 11 But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength,nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak;therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

 13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us,therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?

 14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.

wholly whollly smokes it's SEPTEMBER!

Remember how I am learning and applying wisdom this year from old journals about my last 30 years? (I want to put lots of explanation marks here but I'm hearing Anona say - people over use the explanation mark!!!!) oh and is it a mark or a point?  I don't know but I love them ... so Anona dang it I may tend to continue to OVERUSE THE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  anyway that is all beside the point - hahaha get it point!!!  again I regress.  My question is where the heck have I been since April 1st?  so just to catch up with this year and then to go off on my learning and applying wisdom journal exploring escapdes let's see....  WOW as the song says "I've been everywhere man!".

from my very nearly empty paper journals I see that at the end of March I was accounting for all my wonderful weight loss but noticing that I wasn't sticking to it and could see that I needed to start over so put all the measurements and stick figures and weight scale pictures into place to restart my weight loss program and loose again the weight that I had been slowing putting back on since October.  Can I just brag for a sec that I'd lost 53 pounds and inches - that's weird too isn't it!  Well since that wonderful day I have gained the inches and 20 pounds back UGH!  I blame it on change and my lack of discipline in dealing with it so new paper entry today I start over again!!! I will loose 60 pounds by camp next summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My paper journal from the past reads like this:
"Today I start again! the goal to loose 34 pounds another 53 to 46 would be a bonus!  I need to be HEALTHY, STRONG, COURAGEOUS.  Blogging has caused me to reflect, research and remind myself of TWO things; 1.  The joy of my life   2.  Weakness therein!
2nephi 3:21, 33:4 Ether 12:23,27,37 and 40 oh and Doc & Cov 135:5 reference where I am at in life right now and give me umph to keep on going  (Oh man I wonder where all that UMPH went?).

It goes on to read... Out of our books and actions we will be judged choosing for ourselves 'our mansion in Heaven'."

So in all my wisdom it seems as if I need to reapply, recommit and re something!  Cuz my excuses that I think I have - WHICH ARE MANY, don't seem like they will fly!  Just to make myself feel better I'd like to name a few of them... Ayris left for school, Went on a little excision of Rugby games from Kansas to Colorado, Some of the Family went on a trip to New York (I will surely write about it!), Tyler came home (To his Home in Washington), I went to Las Vegas to baby grand sit while Apryl and Sean went to England, I went to Washington with Ayris, I went to Girls camp and scam home swearing never again - I'm so glad that part of my life is over! and then I was really thrown for a loop when called to be the New Stake Camp director for 2012. A different some of the family went to Wisconsin/Minnesota for a Sobczak family reunion (I will write about that later! Can you say Mice in the walls and Bats in the Bedrooms?).  Amric is a senior. Apryl and her little family Moved to Gretna Nebraska.  Oh I know its the fault of switching up our computer system and I don't even know how to run anything now - knowing that was happening just made me stop blogging!!!!!  see I have tons of excuses and none of it works and I do HAVE MANY but they sound empty and I don't look blameless.  WRITE EVERYDAY!

Email, Paper Journals, Scrapbooks, Oh my!!!

I am looking thru the journals...Today I find that I wrote... "I am at Apryls - I'm pretty busy so I am emailing people eletters and not writing so much in my paper journal!"  thus I am reminded that I have the story of my life in way tooooo many places.  This will be a tuff job, condensing the life and married times into one place! Wish me luck!!!


"A spirit persuaded first one way and then the other cannot be relied on." --Fredrick Wentworth



Sean tells stories to the kids!  These are the morals to His stories; The moral of the story of Peter Pan = "Chicks that fight can be Hot!"  and "Boys who lie die!",  "Fat is bad" and of course "Fairies are HOT!"

"So Vaughn is a little loud and crazy this visit!"  It's this tiny apt, he has no place to vent his aggresion!!!

This is my baby - I love her!!!! She loved to read before she could!!!

"The Saints of God have always been under covenant to nourish each other spiritually, especially those tender in the gospel."  Henry B. Eyring

Pictures Pictures Everywhere!!!

Well so it's really hard to be consistent and really and truly be a "Daily" report!!! 
Today I have been sorting digital pictures!  I have them saved everywhere from MySpace to Facebook and then from this computer to that computer and then from my phone to my jumpdrive!!!! Holy smoke it's a digital nightmare!!!  I like paper!  I can see paper, sort paper Visualize paper!!!  I know for sure what I have and will be able to see again and what I won't. With Digital I am always wondering!!!  It is fun to go back and look and remember the people, the places, the dreams and the heritage that makes me who I am.  Also good to note that I must want my grandaughter to be a cheerleader, cuz it seems I have replaced the infant cheerleader outfit with yet a bigger one this last year for Christmas all in the name of motivating my daughter to get done with school!!!  It is also pointed out to me, that I love to have people over to the house.  I hope to be able to do that again once the snow melts!!!  We are outdoorsy people and love to have the fire and chat...why do I live in the city again??? really??!!?!?  I miss the freedoms from that lifestyle!

Ahhh, those were the days!



technology vs paper a memory is a memory it should be safely guarded

I am convinced that technology does NOT like me!!!
yesterday I went to Walmart to get some pics developed off my phone. I ended up deleting them!
I went to Mormon.org to share with the world that YES in fact I do have a testimony of Jesus Christ and it apparently doesn't want me to share with anyone.  I am on review and have been asked to not link my account to fb or my newly created and nonDAILY blog!
I attempted to buy with my christmas itunes card Blake Sheltons new album and was told the connection is not retreiving or some nonsense!!! So now I sit and wonder do I try again? will it download later? Have I charged my account 3 times trying to buy it anyway!??!?!?!?  Then I tried for hours to skype with my daughter and no ... I guess my computer doesn't know how to talk to the line that talks to her!?!?!:(

I like my paper!!!

I so I turned to my dailys from jan 1991...
"We are reading and having scripture club regularly!!! Austin is the offical policeman!! He has the responsibility to wake Apryl and I up!!! Apryl has attended 23 out of 31 times! I promised the kids a surprised to the one who came the most! I bought Austin a sweater and he got a candy bar for acheiving all of his other PMI Personal Mom Interview) goals.  Apryl didn't get anything for either! So to avoid the tears I bought the 'surprises' for Feb already and showed them to her (a cute flowered pair of pants and neon t-shirt).  Apryl just lit up!  looking forward in my paper journal, she came 100%!!!  of the time.  To help her get to sleep so that she can get up better we put her bunk bed above austins in his room...she is now falling asleep within the half hour instead of after 11pm!    Maybe with her she has to see the reward and not just be tempted by one!?!?!  How do I prepare her for life...spritiual and/or temporal rewards are not going to be seen before she acts on obedience!  Doesn't she know that??  Austin is kicking my Butt! He gets up showers and then wakes up Apryl and I, my next goal...to be up before the boy!  Isn't the mom suppose to wake up the kids and not the kids wake up the mom!?!?!?!? can I say "I have a baby!? it's her fault?!?"  She wants to watch the war and Hunter returns all night long!
Now I have tried to add this to my blog and it did some HTML faillure thing!!! It is not my week for technology!!!!  and to add to that I just realized that since I returned from visiting Austin and his family history is repeating itself....Amric is now waking me up,  not me waking him up!!!  things have come full circle .... OR HAVE THEY???
I'm grateful for my journals and the memories they help me visualize!