No Empty Chairs

I just want to write today about my cute family!  

I have been writing a blog since 2010 and I titled it The Sobczak Daily, well it hasn't been written daily so that seemed to me this morning non applicable so I went right in and have retitled my blog and actually taken ownership of it! A step into the present day.  Last year I wrote in my personal paper journal more than here with the goal of being more "personal", today I ask - is anything personal anymore?  It's a little crazy how nothing is.

I see so much when I look at this picture of my family. 

first I see joy

then I see myself - and think I am alone.

I realize I am not alone, that Richard and I are the bookends of the children in between.

I see the Temple which gives me hope - that we will be a family continuing on into Eternity.

My goal for my little cute family is No Empty Chairs there.

Then I see an empty chair - why is Sean not there?

I see trials and hurdles that have been or are knocked over and some that aren't set back up.
  Then some that have been conquered set back up and the finish line crossed.
I see the world trying to tare us apart
and taking deceiving ways in doing it.

I see heritage and descendants.

I see that together or apart we are one,
that bonds need to be worked on continually and
cemented, that no matter where we live we are Family.

Search diligently, Pray Always and Love Unconditionally

Elder Sobczak

This is my son - Amric!  He is presently serving a mission in California.

You might (if you know me at all, recall that I mentioned a few times that I was and am missing Amric and that for my Birthday My sweet husband, Richard gave me a cardboard rendition of him, we call him "flat Amric"

"Flat Amric" and Richard summer 2013

It was a wonderful "bittersweet" kind of gift - it made me laugh and cry at the same time!

We haul him around the house, talk to him in his room bring him out to watch TV with us, I even took him to Relief Society with me once!  

"Flat Amric" hanging out by the clock!

Often you could find him just hanging out by the clock or looking out the window at the lake, he loved the lake, the beach and just being outside!

Loading up in Nebraska

Then one day we got a new job, packed up our things and moved away from our house on the lake.  In an effort to be sure that "flat Amric didn't get lost ... (mostly i was worried about him being bent) I secured a spot for him in with the Pictures that were to be packed the day the movers came over.  So I didn't see "Flat Amric" for a few weeks.  

When we unloaded in our new house I sat picture boxes in the corner - safe and sound thinking I'd get him out when the house was all sat up again protecting him, keeping him safe and sound.  I sorted and trashed, I gave away and set up. 

 Moving is a crazy crazy process.

Unloading in Washington

Well This week I felt unpacked enough that it would be safe to bring him out.  Unpacked one box and then another... he was no where to be found.  So I went to his room I unpacked everything - he was not there. I went to the garage I franticly unpacked the rest of the boxes in the garage - no Amric.  I felt the complete since of bad parenting, not doing it right, leaving him somewhere and not following up on him, what was I going to do, where is Amric??!!??  I prayed "Heavenly Father help me know where to look" -  Ok I know you think I'm nutty here but think of all the analogies! I did.  Where are our kids? How much attention do we pay to what they are doing, who they are with? what they are watching? if they are warm or too cold? fed or even if their homework is done - I don't know being a parent is HARD WORK!!!  Do we keep them so protected that they can't survive in the world? do we not pay enough attention thinking of our own selves first?  Oh I could go on and on asking myself these questions and more concerning  all the kids I've taught or the grandkids the nieces and nephews...over the years and the individual names I pray for? I could name them here too along with all my worries and stewardship  - But I won't - different story, different day!

 This is me and my story today ... I just never gave up.  I have diligently, really searched and prayed for about a week now for "flat Amric" and for myself and how to find him.  Then this morning at 3 AM out of a sound sleep I was awaken by the words "you never even opened the glass table top box,  you just gave it away".  I sat up with a start! I had sent a 36" square glass table top marked glass table top, the box about 3" deep to the DI truck - reason -because I've been "cleaning house", - getting rid of things...things that we haven't used or have dragged around from move to move - I thought, at the time, I knew what it was and I didn't even open it, sending it away!  I was as they say "judging a book by its cover!"

I couldn't go back to sleep. When Richard awoke and the thought had not gone away for hours  I mentioned the words to him that I'd heard and we said together "we have to go find him".

Bless his heart he went with me to the donation trailer and we dug for an hour under what other people had placed inside searching diligently to find that box that I had discarded without even opening it up. Oh and a side note ... People throw stuff away that isn't useable don't donate gross shower curtains, worn out mattresses, broken lamps and pieces of glass - take your crap to the dump, I digress :)  I should have taken pictures but we were searching in the rain and the cold! Also noted here was a new found confidence in my husband realizing how much he both loved and trusted me, to go and actually help me search.

YES! yes he was there!  wrapped up tightly, safely and unharmed with the glass table top!  OHHH Amric. I hope I never loose you, I pray for you out there in the world everyday for your success and safety for your health and good choices.  I hope we all pray for our kids every day - I know I do.  I know my Mother did or I'd be nuttier than I am now and you can see that is pretty nutty!!!  I know I will never give up on the ones I love, even from my perspective the ones lost and alone out in the cold.

What I have also discovered since is that during this time that "flat Amric" was lost  down south in California, Elder Amric was having some trouble he too was searching for himself, learning about who he is. It's all just a wonderful insightful lesson about stewardship, motherhood  and unconditional love. All things my mom did a great job of throughout her life with her actions teaching me.  thanks mom I miss you (was it your voice I heard?).  Miss you too Am, hang in there ;) to my kids with kids you hang in there too and Pray for them everyday of your life by name.

What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness and go after that which is lost until he find it?  Luke 15:4

If thou shalt find that which thy neighbor has lost, thou shalt make diligent search till thou shalt deliver it to him again.   Doctrine and Covenants 136:26

thank you, to who ever the angel was that put those words in my head at 3am.

You might like this talk -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B6FXdACLbI

Is it Hope or Faith?

I am watching Toy Story 3 with my babygrands, I just love spending time with them.  Movies are a way of life in "TheNana" and Larkin household!  This story seemed a tad bit scary and so I am holding on to Pax when she looks up at me and says the cutest thing.  I thought at the time, very telling;  "we better pray to Jesus we don't have bad dreams tonight".  

Well you know me and my dreams anyway!!! Soooo I HEARD this thought it spoke to me, because of who I am.

I hope you are asking why do I think that is telling?  My point is just that. 

• First she was scared and her first thought was to pray to Jesus.  
• Second she had FAITH that He would hear her and help her to not have bad dreams.
• Third there is HOPE.  Now to me at that moment I could see the difference between faith and hope for some reason.

FAITH

1.    complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

synonyms:

trust, belief, confidence, conviction

HOPE
1.    a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

She expected that Jesus would be there, she trusted to turn to him and had confidence He would help her. She also had a desire to not have bad dreams and expected a result. It seemed so simple a definition of Faith and hope, I love learning from my babygrands and I love it when the spirit teaches me quietly even during a scary movie!

and in the end I was bawling my eyes out I hate it when my kids leave!!!!   

If it's Not One Thing it's Another!

Hold On, Hold On the Light will come... (good song too Youtube it!)

I feel tension all the way over here in my basement!  
So, let me start with 3 Nephi 11:29 
For verily verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, behold this is not my doctrine...  

and ask for us to not have contention between us as a family members especially and then say a prayer before I start writing and before you start reading....

So to begin with I'm investigating, searching, learning, defining.... 

definition of Testimony - a statement or declaration, evidence of support of fact or statement of truth used under oath or in Faith of God 

definition of Polygamy is to have more than one spouse/Partners. But polygamy itself has different types or ways to live it...

• polygany: What most of religious sectors practice,Man with multiples wives, and can be pre-determinated amount of wives (like Islam) or undetermined number of wives (like Bible)
• Polyandry: Women with multiples husbands, isnt so commum but it is practice in certain cultures( in Asia and africa)and some pagan cults
• Polyamory: is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Many contend that it is distinct from both swinging (which often emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) or with 
• Polysexual (which is attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes) encompassing or characterized by many different kinds of sexuality not simplified by the term bi-sexual.

Ok so see I'm already learning! and this is just how I have to do this  - be patient with me and Thank you for asking questions - for I am slothful and need causes, focus a push to go and study for the most part.  I do like learning, it's just such a task and requires so much concentration on my part (I think Ayris might have that gene too)!  

• Covenant: an agreement between God and Man, but they do not act as equals in the agreement.  God gives the conditions for the covenant, and men (Or women) agree to do what he asks them to do. God then promises certain blessings for their obedience.  Much like an earthly contract - you get something (electricity, house, car etc) promise to pay the bill, and if you don't the owner of the contract will turn it off or kick you out!  (see that's how I understand it or relate to it!).
• http://www.lds.org/ensign/1985/08/what-i-hope-you-will-teach-your-children-about-the-temple?lang=eng
• Service:Care given or work done for the benefit of God or others. As we serve others we serve God.
• LORD - all caps in the Bible = Jesus Christ

Ok I'm reading links and blogs and web pages  -  Can I just say - Really I am grateful that I am a simple minded person.  That I am blessed with a seed of Faith already in me - I know that I am, I have to have been to be where I am at in my life spiritually, I am grateful for that blessing.

Tuesday night we went to the Temple, this time I went with the intention of getting answers!  We are taught to go with a specific question, I don't always do that but I did on Tuesday...

• One of my Questions was Why do we do this, go to the Temple? Why do we come here and do the same thing over and over again.  But then we go to church every sunday and do the same thing there to right?  I never question that?
• my second question came from seminary - Why does the Church get a bad rap, bad press you know look awful and nonsensical in the media?

I must try to explain that I felt totally drained when the session was over.  The first impression I had was "We come to the Temple to give service." (Like real words someone talking to me in my head.)  It's a sacrifice of time to go and do this.  It does take an effort and is rewarding, it brings peace to my soul.  Because each time when I go back I am going in place of someone else, it truly is an act of service.  I'm not very good at that (as I've discussed before) so YaY! go me I'm doing service.

So Ok that answered that for me. simple.

But then throughout the session I kept hearing seeing feeling more things like we are there to learn, we are taught about the creation, charity, choice and accountability, purpose on the earth, we make covenants to do those things and to be moral, The purpose of Joy but that we can't have it without sorrow, instructed what to do to get back to be with our families, Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven.

• Today I was given an article an essay if you will that explained the idea of joy and sorrow to me and the consequence of choice and the reason for knowing and trusting God and Jesus Christ well enough to get thru and do all of this.  A small excerpt was stated like this and yet there was so much more good stuff (so I have included a link to it at the bottom of the paragraph....  
• "God apparently uses such a unique and uniquely troubling test because it is the only way to teach us something paradoxical but true and very important about the universe — that trust in our personal experiences with divinity must sometimes outweigh our rational morality. Obedience to the divine commands that come directly to us must sometimes supersede our understanding of earlier commands if we are ever to transcend the human limitations of even our best inherited culture and religion. We must learn, sometimes very painfully, to be open to continuous revelation. We must learn such a lesson partly because truth and history are too complex to be reduced to simple, irrevocable com­mandments — even from past prophets — like “Thou shalt not kill” or “Thou shalt always have only one spouse.” Truth is ultimately “rational,” but it is not always or immediately clear to our present reason."

http://www.eugeneengland.org/on-fidelity-polygamy-and-celestial-marriage   - thanks anona  It's kinda over my head but a good read and plenty for me to study and reread.  I thought it worth the effort. 

Which leads me to my next question - and an answer in one eternal, what does he call it? paradox!  One reason we get bad press, a bad rap don't look good to the world.  I remember that Ayris did a paper and a illustration board to go with it for a display and grade required for History in Junior High.  She did this report on the Mormon trek west in 1846 - 47 her grade was dropped a whole level because she "left out the fact that mormons believe in Polygamy".  So let's talk about that for a second!  Well I've found out today that The World and Religion as a whole have used polygamy at times for different reasons and different purposes I listed some definitions at the beginning maybe they caught your eye, maybe not feel free to re read them now!  So I've been reading off and on since Friday or Saturday night about this topic and really most of this day for more knowledge more answers mainly to confirm what I already do or do not believe I guess.

1. FIrst of all I have found that you can find anything on the internet - anything from Doctrine to - can I say BS? probably not in this blog so let's leave it at - ANYTHING.  I like the quote "Philosophies of Men mingled with scripture".  Although I also understand that Doctrine and BS are relative to what you are looking for and believe.
2.  The fact is and the thing I don't get is the stories are all the same, why is it all confusing anyway?  The scriptures don't change, so why do people really get confused and give us a hard time? for instance; In the Old testament the Prophets talked to God face to face, they got commandement and gave them to the people, they prayed for the people to repent, they (some of them at different times) lived Polygamy Abraham, Jacob and other ancient prophets had plural wives.  Abraham had 2 or 3 and Jacob his grandson had 4 thru these 4 wives we have the 12 tribes of Israel thru them we have covenants and the Priesthood.  A line of heritage, lineage links to blessings.
3. Prophets throughout the scriptures made mistakes.  God needed different wives for different lineage, the lineage travels thru the Mother. I always find it interesting and sometimes question the way that life plays out and then remember that God knew that was going to happen.  I have asked why didn't He just say the second son would always inherit because so many times the first son screws up?  Dare to not judge them. FREE AGENCY. https://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/12/early-signs-of-the-apostasy?lang=eng They had to do things I don't ever want to have to do - ever.  We are the "natural man" we have to and it's part of the Plan to learn to choose Light or Darkness.  I just know I would never have believed I'd live in Valley Nebraska!  I just had to come to earth to see it  happen, to believe it for myself and answer for it!!!  We will talk more about the steps to Apostasy another day.

Well, I've thought and considered and reconsidered this today.  I guess I'm coming back to what I tell my children when they leave the house, "remember who you are" and "You can always find what you are looking for no matter where you are."  I know that I've had to find my own testimony of what I believe.  I've learned that for me I need to do it "ONE THING" at a time.  I've had spiritual experiences to confirm knowledge of a few things, I've had scriptures teach me a few more things, Life teaches me something every day, IF I LET IT... but that's the thing. "IF" I let it.  I can question I can be negative and bitter and - what is it called - a skeptic  - but why? Why not have HOPE.  
The first time I felt hope, that I HAD to feel hope and not be a skeptic was when my sister died If the scriptures hadn't helped me - I read Ether 12:4-7, well I don't want to share exactly where I'd be and I know where that is, cuz I went there when my Daddy died, this was worse and I couldn't go back. 
 Satan is like a Vampire - he has to be invited in. Don't do it.

4Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with ^asurety ^bhopefor a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which ^chope cometh of ^dfaith, maketh an ^eanchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in ^fgood works, being led to ^gglorify God.

 5 And it came to pass that Ether did prophesy great and marvelous things unto the people, which they did not believe, because they ^asaw them not.

 6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that ^afaith is things which are^bhoped for and ^cnot seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no ^dwitness until after the ^etrial of your faith.

 7 For it was by faith that Christ showed himself unto our fathers, after he had risen from the dead; and he showed not himself unto them until after they had faith in him; wherefore, it must needs be that some had faith in him, for he showed himself ^anot unto the world.

Ok this you can't judge, cuz this is said from my heart with all sincerity;

I went there (to the dark once or twice) because I didn't have a sure enough foundation, an anchor, a faith or a hope or a knowledge of really any "One Thing" except maybe that my Mom was a wonderful faithful heartwarming woman who unconditionally loved me.  I now have Faith in the Scriptures.  I have Faith in promises.  I have watched my sons go on missions grow and change and become converted, I seen my daughters go through crazy life crisises and I've read of the General Authorities between them all I've seen and felt miracles - preaching the gospel, testifying of Christ, Going and Doing.  Personally I believe we can't do our own miracles or get those revelations because we aren't that close to God and Jesus Christ Daily because - we aren't exerting ourselves. 
Just like any motivational speaker or testimony giver I pray and encourage us to exert ourselves every day for the Good, towards Light. This I do know - that when I question, doubt, judge others - I can't breathe, life sucks and darkness falls around me.  Believe me I know I have a long way to go, I have issues and Big Fatty problems - I could, we could fall but it's step by step not a big drop into the dark side, when we loose our families, loose our belief system and once we go there our pride our vanity our lack of willpower and self esteem keeps us there and then what, then we have nothing. The other thing is we are individuals we learn at different paces we understand at different levels we aren't always ready to hear truths and without the Holy Ghost without asking for the Holy Ghost to help us learn that confirmation, that peace and burning and answer aren't going to be there.
It sounds so simple to just say  - either Joseph Smith saw 2 Heavenly Beings and was handed the keys to the Temple by more Heavenly Beings and all that was seen by witnesses who whether they still go to church or not never denied that it happened or it didn't.  But it is that simple  - to me anyway and only because it's one of my "ONE Things" -  it's all in the scriptures we don't need to keep Deseret Book or the Internet or any anti material in business - just read your scriptures and Pray, pray often, with real intent ask your questions there on your knees in prayer and Do It always and Fast, (don't eat - not in a hurry!) fast for yourself and for others, take your questions to the Temple if you can go there. 
Believe me I don't want anyone digging into my mistakes and playing telephone tag with what they learn or anything like unto it and it's my opinion that we all make mistakes and that people are stupid and spread, embellish, blow out of proportion those mistakes and hand them down for generations - after all I am a McCoy I've seen it, I've lived it.   I don't wish that on anyone.  
The gospel is out there in it's many many forms, President Hinckley taught that all religions have a portion of the truth we just want to add to what they already have.  I believe that "One Thing" along with many other "one things" I've added to my foundation along the way One brick at a time.
I believe in the stories in the scriptures even though I don't have a memory and I have to study for hours to remember them to comprehend them to reconfirm their truth, I do believe in their "types and shadows" and in their "patterns". 
Oh my babies! and my family and friends please, keep searching - that is a good character trait - a talent if you will, don't let it turn into a "weakness".  Find that "One thing" that you know is true or that you can just "believe in" today and make it be positive and full of light, something that brings you JOY and not just happiness (for Joy is long lasting - happiness is fleeting) and especially if you think you discovered something knew don't let it bring you pain (if you feel pain, notice depression or darkness RUN!) and do it everyday - EVERYDAY find joy and light carry that image of Christ with you and your day, week, life will be better.  Amen

I hope it makes sense to someone out there I know I learned alot and I'm going to try harder to study and pray more everyday.  

thank you for your questions keep asking them - in the light! Hold on to the Light, cuz truly if it's not One Thing it's Another!

Reverence .... at ground zero

The Sunday in January that we took the subway to lower Manhattan...

Walking toward "Ground Zero" the new towers in view

Austin came to visit us from his work for the weekend. He had said that for my trip I could do "what ever I wanted to do" so I wanted to go to see the where the Twin Towers went down, now a place of remembrance I thought it a suitable appropriate thing to do on the Sabbath.  What I didn't know was just how appropriate I would feel it really was until after we had gone there.  It was hustle and bustle on the subway, then the subway stopped and we got out and walked up the stairs to light, Sunlight it seemed even brighter than before we had gone in.  We stood on the corner of - it seems like 6 different streets meeting in the middle. It seemed like it should have been also hustle and bussle - chaos and mayhem, but it wasn't.  We debated a direction and then made choice and started to walk.  As we walked we stopped talking really, and just looking - different "sight seeing" than we had been doing the last couple of days.  In the moment maybe not even realizing it, but later learning from each other that we all had felt it.  The change in Atmosphere.

A very real very humble honor

Austin and I reading names around the fountain square.

Richard hadn't wanted to go here.  He had other intentions for this day, so he was reluctant.  We smiled and spoke to all of the police officers gathering around the fences so early and then went thru the guards at the gates, the security checks just before the switchback lines started and then we were in.  As we stepped into this Memorial, the only word I could then and still today can use to describe it - REVERENCE. I felt Reverence. The dictionary says that reverence is a deep respect or regard.  My interpretation of reverence is that plus so much more, a time of silence, honor, tribute, in this case sadness and heart felt condolences and yet a wonderment at life and the symbolism of this place and how life goes on, after death.  So much death, it's not a wonder to me at all that I felt the atmosphere change, I can't think that with that much death those spirits aren't all over that place - I felt that!

Richard's heart was changed after going here,
he was very glad that we did!

The idea of the water in the footprint of the buildings is awesome and enlightening   The scriptures teach us that water is representative of the WORD and the Word represents Jesus Christ. It's the only way I know how to make the comparison and share how I felt there that day.

There is rebuilding going on, it is amazing to see the process.  To physically be able to see the adjustment and a way to go about rebuilding something that has been defiled, abused, .... death.

 Life does go on and we must rebuild after tragedy   We must see the foundation and it must be rebuilt.  Under the twin towers were 3 subways that were smashed, people had to find new roads, travel into new territory,  experiment with open minds into darkness, make new choices.  And as we all do this and rebuild on a stronger more sturdy foundation we will triumph, grow taller, be smarter and leave behind wisdom for the generations that follow. Just as they are reconstructing here.

It was very cool!  I am so grateful to go and see this place.  I remember "that day".  Watching on the television black ashes coming towards people on that street that I was now walking on toward ground zero.  It was a dark time for me, we had just moved -(twice, two different states in 4 months, My sister and brother had both just died).  I felt dark and without hope.  Seeing those people and those planes that day - it was so helpless, I remember only wanting to hear the voice of President Hinckley telling the world it would be ok.

Todays feeling is one of peace and commitment to raising tall, lifting up, being a better person and wanting that for my children and grand children, nieces and nephews.  Life is good.  Make something of yourself.  Have no regrets, don't be slothful,  Dig in those roots and stand tall.  Nourish your spirit with Good better BESTEST stuff you can!!! - Exert yourself!  "We ought to dig deep into the things of God, lay our foundation upon the rock, until we come to that water which shall be in us an everlasting fountain of eternal life." Lorenzo Snow

This is a picture of the only tree left standing, it makes me cry seeing it and all it's strength struggling to live to it's fullest produce leaves again, shed the remains of fire and blackness that were left on it.  We all NEED to be reminded that life is for living and be about good works and integrity.  Teaching  and being of service to help others put down stronger foundations and stronger roots themselves. and in turn that will make our foundations and roots stronger and deeper too!

lds.org
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng
http://www.history.com/topics/world-trade-center

Which way Do You Lean???

 SO this morning I watched The Lorax.  Really it was the 3rd time I tried to watch it, sure not my fav!!!  I just want to document the ONE THING I got out of it

"Which way do trees fall?  They fall the way they lean.  Be careful which way you Lean!"

It goes to the Root of my belief system!  Tradition.

• T =  Teach with the spirit and Keep your sense of HUMOR!  about yourself and EVERYONE around You.
• R =  Reason for rules and regulation Be Obedient.
• A = Axiom; "Birds of a feather flock together"  and "REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!"
• D = Dogma; faith is not a perfect knowledge, hoped for and not seen
• I = Instill the desire to be proud of where you come from
• T = Tongue is sharper than a beating
• I = Implant roots that will grow and hold strong
• O = knOw when to share your Opinion and when not too! But hold on to the ONE thing that you believe in.
• N = Never give up ;)  on Yourself or the ones you LOVE ((or even if you don't love them))  

because ...   unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot nothing is going to get better and all your trees will fall and you will have nothing to show for your life. All your roots will be pulled from the ground and your traditions will not be re-rooted!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PF0h7oqUEQ

31 Days of 31 Christmas' - 2001

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Nanny, Ayris and Amric is Baptized Billings Montana -- Apryl playing piano.  Austin and Gramma were there too.

31 Days of 31 Christmas' - 2000

Merry Merry and a HO HO HO!