I "POaST" about my Life --- 1967 ...

4th grade

Spending more and more time at the stables.  
Dad and Tom tease me that I like "a little black kid".  I don't get it?? 

 My Friend Annette had a birthday in March and I wanted to take her a gift. My mother tried to tell me that it just wasn't going to happen, that we don't go into that part of town, again I don't get it.  I've learned since then that they called it "north town" or "the projects".  I did not know or even care that it was different place to live. "Please take me Mom" I asked again and again. I remember a long discussion at the kitchen table. She did take me. I will never forget that day. Mom driving me into that neighborhood and people actually coming out of their house and standing up on their porches watching us.  Again I didn't get it.  Mom sat in the car while I went up and knocked on the door and handed my friends mom her gift. They look bewildered.  I didn't get it.   
This girl was my friend, why wouldn't I take her a present or be invited to her party (which I wasn't by the way!). 
 I ran across this link I think it's super interesting and something at the time I didn't understand or even know about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MILe8kYcwAY

Tom and Kelly

Seems as if mom is working LL THE TIME! I have to be home alone or go to the stables to do chores. I am not found of either thing.  I get in trouble when left home alone, I either bring people in or watch too much tv alone.  I definetly do my chores, Mom scares me! But the threat of Daddy scares me more.  Tom is now going to the stable everyday after school.  I miss hanging with him.  Sometimes he lets me go with he and his crowd to Papago Park to ride horses ... really, he wants me there so I can stand and hold the horses while they skinny dip in the lakes there.  I would never do that or even go in that gross water!  But I love going to this park and hiking and riding horses.  I am scared though when we ride on McDowell with all the traffic.  I love all of Toms friends.

Once my friends Marie and Cotton and I went riding on the canal bank and we were racing the horses back.  My horse screeched to a halt at a place where a side walk path went across the bank and I did not stop! I went over head first! Cotton road like the wind to get Tom.  When he got there he roped me and made me walk back to the stable behind he and his horse with that rope around me.  I went to school after the weekend and Mrs Hunsaker said "Kelly I think your arm is broken". She called mom. We went to the Hospital and sure enough, I'd been 3 days with a broken arm and all my hurting WAS real after all!!! Even though "It was too far from my heart to kill me",  "nor was it Bleeding!" as they all told me over and over again all weekend!!!

KellySue and Judyann when we still lived in the little green trailer

FHE  INSTRUCTIONS -Please Write your Dreams and your Fears...
Daddy
dreams;
Money
good race horse
new truck for my horse trailer
Fears;
I get the Blues
Lack of Money
Tom 
dreams;
Being myself in the Mountains and having Fun
RODEO
Working on a ranch I own
Fears;
revenge
that I'll run
not acting like "I should"
Mother
dreams;
Having all my family going to and in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Going Back to School
Being thin enough to wear pants!
Fears;
no unity in my family and they don't go to church
neglecting my home
I don't study enough to improve myself
I wish I could SING!
Kelly Sue
dreams;
i want to be a fairy to make everyone happy give them what they want
i dream of being a teacher and hallering at the children!
I dream to be a mother
Fears
mom and dad mad at me
my toys are broken and gone
being left alone

Kathy and Tim

The Birth of Tim Michael McCoy in El Paso Texas ...

October 16th 1967     7 lbs 13 oz. to the parents Kathy and Tim McCoy 

Mom went to be with them in Texas. 20 Oct these are some Journal entries;
"I am lonesome daddy comes home late. I wait up for everyone to come home Tom isn't even here yet. I watched Perry Mason while I waited. I played like I was having Family Home Eve only no one showed up. I was alone and I turned to the 2nd lesson and I read about knowing Heavenly Father and that he loves me, it helped make me not to be afraid."

and a different night ....

"I was afraid tonight in the dark house I prayed and Tom came home in 5 min. It helps to pray I am glad I read about that last night for my Family Home EVE. I love my mom, I miss her.  Tomorrow I think I have to go sleep at the stable."


and then...
"always people at the stable, but I am still alone. I worked on my hook rug and cleaned the floors. Is that all I am good for to Daddy cleaning?  I believe I picked my mom to come to live with, I wonder why she is always so busy?  I love you Mom.  I miss doing your hair tonight."

TV/Movies/Music

Playing baseball at recess I was pitching and got hit smack dab in the pelvic bone fell to the ground. It was hot. I cried. They called mom I am ok.  I don't like to play baseball.  I like to go to the movies, dance, I like 4 square, jacks and kick ball!  I can't pay attention to read.  Story problems are the worst, reading and Math  eeeeewwwwggggghhhh!

I found this letter that Grandma wrote because she has a new great grandson thought I'd include it here... 

To you my unknown great grandsons and daughters,

I bequeath my love of God and all the revealed principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I bequeath my love of your great grandfather and for our children Otis, Iris and Elda Tomney. I hope you will cherish the memory of Philip Michael Tomney your Great Grand Father. And I hope you will love truth as he did and cultivate the virtue of honesty that he did.  I bequeath to you too the honor and respect for your step Great Grand Father Albert Robinson Lyman that I feel for him. He is truly a man of God, a patriarch, in the church of Jesus Christ and in age is now 87 and still eager to DO all he can for everyone to help them gain Eternal Life and I am grateful to him for all he has done for me.  May God bless you with a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel.  With heartfelt for all my own 

Gladys Perkins Tomney Lyman

Trust

Trust God before yourself before others

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” 
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

If I don't like myself, I can't like others.  The scriptures say - "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." and  "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding" 

What does it take to trust? If I can't trust myself, believe me I can't trust you or God.  Thus I am on a journey to learn to trust.  As I learn something or notice something about trust I'll be back.

Dictionary defines it as: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

When you agree with someone to do something together no matter what, as they say "Come Hell or high water"/ "Thru thick and thin" / "I Promise", and you don't do it then I assure you you are not going to trust them either.  For instance when I teach I don't like the room to be on their phones even if they say they are in their scriptures - I just know it's too easy to not be.  I think it's wrong and yet I catch myself doing it!!!! Partners in dieting, budgeting, exercising, waiting for the missionary, the child who promises whatever and then doesn't do it, the parent who says tomorrow, next week, etc. etc.!!!  Then too, if the person only looks out for herself, they aren't going to look out for Me or You!

Love All Trust a Few. Do wrong to know one.  -WS
31 jan 2014 A challenge given by Ballard in the talk "write Down a Date" ensign Nov 1984 and quoted from an experience recorded in the book Everyday Missionaries by Clayton Christensen -  "...as the date approaches, you become more and more desperate. And when you become desperate, the Lord can trust you.  He knows that you'll invite anybody He puts into your path.  I labeled this phenomenon "Spencer's Principle of Desperation."  

Let me know how it feels to let go and not worry because I do feel like I've been led down this road in peace and in hope


Trust. It takes years to build it. and a few seconds to destroy it!



To love is giving someone the power to destroy you but 

TRUSTING them not to.

Will it go 'round in circles?

Today it's been hard to move.  Last night I dreamt that I was driving backwards sometimes on the drivers side, sometimes on the passenger side.  It's amazing how that has affected me all this day.  I feel the feelings that I had reaching for the pedals for the gas and the brake.  I feel the helplessness in looking in the rearview mirror and seeing; at times darkness, then bushes or nothing, nothing at all.  I feel the air suffocating me as I looked down on this as if looking at myself driving around in the driveway backwards and to top it off even in circles. 

Dream Intrep of this...

To dream that you are driving a vehicle signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals.Similarly, to dream that you are driving at night suggests that you are unsure of where you are headed in life. You are experiencing obstacles toward your goals. Perhaps you do not want to see what is ahead for you or you are afraid to confront certain issues. You may be feeling apprehensive about the future. If your view is blocked or obstructed while you are driving, then it symbolizes your lacking awareness of something in your life. You are overlooking certain aspects in your life. 

Alternatively, the dream indicates dangers or problems that are not yet made known to you. If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are having difficulties in achieving your goals and accepting the changes associated with it.

To dream that someone else is driving you represents your dependence on the driver. You are not in control of your life and following the goals of others instead of your own. If you are driving from the passenger side of a car, then it suggests that you are trying to gain control of the path that your life is taking. You are beginning to make your own decisions.

Well, so there is Hope!

or is there???

2014 "PROJECTS"

As One Might Say "2014 is going to be My Year"  :)

I say "Projects" because it is a list of things I NEED to get done before... heaven forbid another move! or I die!!! Also, I want it to mean I am really doing something, accomplishing something, not just new year goals or resolutions.  I WANT TO COMPLETE AND DO PROJECTs. My theme for the New Year ... Give myself Wholly to each and every "PROJECT"!  14 being the year I will list the top 14 Projects on my list and go from there!

My 2014 Scripture Link; Omni 1:25 and 26  - Doc and Cov 12:8 and then to 123:14-17. They play out like this in my mind and heart...

I am SUPER SIMPLE but I can offer myself wholly to the project, the calling, the family (not in that order prbly!), be humble, cheerful and then stand still and listen! 

well thats my perspective of them and how I "Project" to see 2014 play out!!!!

of course with the theme from last year - Exert Yourself and be Considerate as my foundation!!!!

1. VHS to DVD Home Movie. 
2. Quilts out of rags and tshirts (cleaning house of extras).
3. Remind myself how to and then make hook rag rugs - I remember Liking it when I was young (really I have this many rags and tshirts around the house) - I like to keep things!
4. POaST - Blog one year a month (need to catch up since the move) and then continue as I was already doing.
5. Learn daily
1. Budgeting ... money and healthy eating; apply to menu, habits and finances.
2. Educate ... genealogy, writing and religion. I could write a book!
3. Computer ...Learn how to use this blasted thing!  Then Clean it up.  For instance my photos are a mess they exist 1 -400 times each!!!! YIKES!
4. Spanish!  I promised Marcela I'd try it again!!!
6. A journal Blog. . .Update Journals into blog and throw away journals no on wants them, I don't anyone to have to go thru them.     Again -A BOOK??? Entitled - Purely fiction mawhahahahahaha!
7. A Wedding.
8. A Mission Blog.
9. Arrange 6 and 8 into hard copies.
10. Garage it's definitely better than before the move, but still needs work.

note:

Please feel free to read and or remind yourself what these Scripture links say!

http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/omni/1.25-26?lang=eng

http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/12.8?lang=eng

http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/123.14-17?lang=eng