31 Days of 31 Christmas' 1986

The Funeral for Dad / Pappa McCoy

• First Christmas without Daddy.  He died on Jan 16th Cancer of the lungs /pneumonia. 
•  Sad, Sad day.  Without him a Very sad Christmas.  
• We were blessed with lots of gifts everyone had plenty!
• Alicia lived with us this year until June.  Lots of problems.
• Richard and I may disagree on lots of stuff, but when trouble is a brewin' we stick together come out fightin' and are ONE in the effort of defense!
• We bought a diesel chevy sedan!  
• When we were in Oregon looking for a job, Apryl and Austin went to the Ward Campout with Nanny, Tia and her family.  
• We went to california to visit and on the way home the engine blew just outside LA it cost us 3600.00 to fix it and get it home.
• Life is one big expense after another.  Will it ever stop? 

The program for the funeral

Daddy, Ron McCoy, Otis Tomney, Dave Inman, Jaci, Austin, Apryl and Mom

Austin turns 4 Dewitts, Webbs, Rens

In 1997 Austin had writing assignments at school and he went thru his journals and wrote about things...this one is about childhood trips his parents made him go on...

Apryl turns 5 Mom still sews and trips to Mexico are still on the Go!

I can clean up!,  Thanksgiving at the Pool house Sharon and kids, Apryl at dance!

HE DID IT!  he graduated!!!  We did it, we got thru it!!!
 It was HELL! But Im so proud of him.  Note that sexy computer!

Father and Son Timmy's Perspective

Daddy

I had a dad,
For this I am glad.
     I didn't know him well,
     so there's not much to tell.
His life was often rough,
because of this he was so gruff.
     He had kids and a wife,
     All he cared for in his life.
If there was a fight,
He could throw his might.
     With a two by four and more -
     I have seen him show that power.
He gave his kids a home,
so they wouldn't be alone.
     In Him, He had love,
     held tight like a glove.
He would drink a beer or a shot,
didn't think a lot was too hot!
     Many friends he had,
     though some thought Him bad.
He wore boots, and a hat,
When younger chaps shaped like a bat.
     Around the race courses
     He loved to watch the horses.
He was many things this man
but never completely tan!
     He would never put his hat on the bed,
     for it was always on His head.
But now he's gone home....
Never more to roam....
    He is laying on the bed,
    Yes, My Daddy's dead.

Tim M McCoy
son of
Tim McCoy
Jan 1986

Dear Son...

Yes, dear  Son, your Daddy's dead.

Here now are some things he  said:

"I love every daughter and son,

and the Grandkids, each special one.

Then there's the ones who joined our tribe

to live with our kids, side by side.

Always I wished only to do

what was best for all of you.

I was too dumb to think and plan,

Usually failed to be a man.

Too late now to show how I cared,

and enjoy the life we all shared.

Please tell all the kids, to try hard

to not allow their lives to be scarred

by the things I did or didn't do,

but live their lives to not have to 

regret their acts, or their thought.

But look ahead to changes brought

about by the course  in life taken, 

by habits that need to be forsaken.

To show their love, declare their pride

and not those feelings try to hide.

For me the end of life is near

and death itself I do not fear.

If God be just, merciful, kind,

He knows what's in my heart and mind.

If there really be another life,

I hope to be with kids and wife.

Goodbye to all, remember me,

As the man I wanted to be."

Yes, dear Son, your Daddy's dead,

and of all the many thing he said,

None so important and so true

As the simple phrase, "I love you".

Iris McCoy

The Mom

Jan 1986

Affection 101

As a child what do you remember about affection in your home?

One thing I know and that is - I was RAISED TO BE A "McCoy!" and that meant tuff, resolved, resilient, work hard, Use it up, make it do or do with out kind of girl!!!  Not to much affection, patience or need for worldly things.

My dad was not affectionate he was a cowboy. Don't touch his hat that's for sure! As a teenager though when he was in a good mood (I think cuz he was getting older and mellowing) I'd sit on his lap and rub his bald head and tell him about my week trying out my sarcasm.  I'd say "dad don't cuss at me you'll give me a complex and he'd say I'll give you a duplex!"- guess you had to be there!!! Then he'd laugh and say he was going to "put his boot where the sun don't shine"- I knew that meant that he loved me, but he never said it, not until I was 18 and moving away from home - he had taken me to KFC for dinner on Apache blvd that night! A bittersweet memory for sure.  My Daddy kept me from the cowboys and protected me from a world of disorder.  In some weird way he taught me to respect and honor my mom in a way that to this day I can't explain.  For I do know that they loved each other.  That they made a commitment to each other and they stuck to it with all their differences and there were many.

What are those ridiculous glasses mom!

Mom and I were huggers. Lots of hugs always!  Happy, sad we were hugging. She liked to have her hair combed and her head scratched with a rat tail comb. Most often I would do this for her because I loved her and knew that she liked it, but sometimes I resented it cuz I felt like I did and did and did for her without her recognizing it. Me recognizing now, as an adult how much she did and did for me, me not appreciating it then. Some of my favorite memories are laying by her in bed after prayers and talking ourselves to sleep about our day or our dreams.  My mom and I had a rare Mother /Daughter relationship we were truly best friends, but I knew my role and I knew hers somehow she knew how to do it and still be my Mother.  Parenting is a crazy thing and not really learned til it's over unfortunately!!!  I thank God my mom and Dad sacrificed their relationship (as I see it now) for me to be raised the way I was. 

And thus we see:  

Save a girl save a generation!  and my parents saved me, if from nothing else from myself.  Look for someone to marry that isn't the parent you were missing!  I always dated boys that I can see now were "father figures" discipliners and gave affection, both  character  traits I needed and missed out from my father.  I also thought the mom ran things in the house and the dad protected his job and did everything he could to provide, even if that meant never being home.  AND THUS WE SEE; marriage has been hard for me but from them I did learn I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it with all our differences and there are many!!!!  

But it helps that I married my mom and not my Dad!!! And that it always ALWAYS takes two to show affection!

I miss my Daddy

I don't blog from post! Left from right! North from the south, east from the west??? Sync from Link!!!???
I hesitate to blog today, for my mind is reeling and anxious, frustrated and pensive.
But alas!! Maybe if I start to write I will be able to sort things out in my mind and come up with a solution.
What does one do without a "To Do List"?
It looks like I did figure out how to get my phone pics on my computer though YIPEEEE! My Pictures make me happy.  It is a happy memory I have also of my Father, maybe that is why I have kept so many scrapbooks.  He would come home for dinner on Sunday night and we would watch "Archie Bunker" and then look thru picture books together.  I loved it when he smiled and laughed, I do miss my Daddy!!!

Fathers are very important figures in a childs' life.

Odd that is where I ended up on this empty day in my life.