My Happinesss Project May 2017

"It's the storm not you thats bound to blow away."  Secret Garden

Spirituality and prayer for the month of May has brought to my mind and heart my testimony, questions of faith and the reminder that we need to be those people others can hold on to during their storms; we are often called on to be "angels" to help others. It's much easier to do this IF we are getting to know each other before the storms come.

In May my Happiness Project was to seek Spiritual experiences Faith and Prayer seem to be what I wrote about last in my blog.  I can't tell you how amazed I am at how these topics fit together with my life as it is happening. 

I have been gone for 2 months.  I went to stay with my daughter who was having my 9th babygrand!  So without my computer I switched over to the paper version bought a whole new planner and really kept some good records, thoughts and well I did my Happiness Project the same but different.  Now I am home and I am reading my last blog entry, recognizing without remembering or knowing I WAS and AM on the same track - I love it! #MyHappinessProject is working and I am finding My Happiness!

"Faith Must be accompanied by action or it isn't faith at all."  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/04/the-just-shall-live-by-faith?lang=eng

Jul 16

Last week we were asked to talk about what we learned while we lived in SR first ward!  So as I sat in Sacrament mtg, after not being there for 2 whole months I observed and searched to "feel" something, asking myself that question.

Then during the week I fasted and prayed about a direction to go and was led to a talk by President Hinckley. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-miracle-of-faith?lang=eng    Today I pray that I can say something that will bless all of us who read or re read this later a faith promoting, testimony growing life experience.  (I don't ask for much do i?)

Just to be clear I am looking for more spirituality in my life but I need to say upfront I have a testimony I haven’t said that alot lately,  I think maybe I’ve felt a bit stifled and like I haven’t had “visionary” testimony experiences so I have remained quiet. I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, of A Prophet on the earth today, Of Prophets being in the scriptures just as much in the Bible as in the Book of Mormon and in our present day.  I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that because of His atonement I am given the agency to repent.  The Holy Ghost the third member of the Godhead has confirmed these things to me in my heart and in my mind.   I also know without a shadow of doubt, that Heavenly Father placed us here to learn and to grow.  Now it’s time for us to move on, it’s bittersweet. I totally love where we live.  I can see where I have gotten a little lax with my testimony and my service, I blame it on the Island life of where I live!!!   It’s been a tuff transition for me going from being a full time mom to being a retired mom. I’ve struggled lets just say that.  When you feel your worth is one thing be it a teacher, a provider, or a mom when that one thing is over, well as I said - I've struggled.  But I have come to believe that Heavenly Father does not want me to be a "One Hit Wonder"! That none of us are one hit wonders.  The thought of moving has kicked me into gear, why you ask? Because I want something from Heavenly Father and when that happens you or at least I start to self examine.  Because of that I am asking myself what is faith?  I am asking myself this for a few reasons I won’t take the time to go into here but I am grateful for the opportunity this project has given me to do my research asking myself who has "it" and how does "it" get expressed?  President Hinckley said “Faith is evidenced in all we DO…Faith is the basis of testimony. Faith underlies loyalty to the church. Faith represents sacrifice, gladly given in moving forward the work of the Lord.” 

In May Richard and I went on a little drive toBluffUtah. It’s in South East corner of Utah - a place where my great grandparents were sent by Brigham Young to settle and build the kingdom. We went away asking ourselves why? Why were they sent there? In the Present day there is a fort there now where they lived that is a mission, a visitors center there lives are still being lived there in this little tiny dirt town.  These were pioneers, my first ancestors to join the church and come from wales and end up following the prophets call to settle that corner of Utah.  Now to me that is FAITH, it is also A move of choice because of their faith.   Neil L. Anderson said in 2015 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/faith-is-not-by-chance-but-by-choice?lang=eng   “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something floating loosely in the air. Faith does not fall upon us by chance or stay with us by birthright. It is, as the scriptures say, “substance …, the evidence of things not seen.”Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible.Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe and as we seek it and hold on to it. Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker. Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil.By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name. The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice.”

My husband is our families first pioneer, because I am moving and packing I ran across a letter he wrote to our son "The (power) of the priesthood has become an extension, like having an extra arm. It has become a part of me. I know that by being worthy and having the priesthood, anything can be done. It is having that knowledge, a strong faith, a desire to do right, and a willingness to serve that will ultimately bring you happiness." It made me so happy to read this letter, to hear and recognize my husbands testimony and to remember the importance it was to him and our son at that time on his 12th birthday. And it's and additional layer of happiness because today is the 12th bday of our oldest grandson.  I invite you to write down how you feel about, what your testimony is of the priesthood, or anything that you really believe in.  From My man I’ve learned so much, but lately my favorite thing I’ve learned is his words “if you are afraid to or just don’t take the time to talk to people you come to church with how do you expect to talk to people in the neighborhood, store, office, school or the world, going to church is  is suppose to be our safe space.”  I love that!!!  Thank you hon for being my pioneer of faith.

What I've learned from the people I go to church with while I've lived here...

• I went with Debbie Merriman to visit all kinds of people in all kinds of places it was exciting she showed me the ease and importance of meeting people knocking on doors and visiting with people that might be lost or that we just hadn’t met yet.  I'll never forget that and always appreciate her for dragging me along with her.
• Saundra and Sister Wixom showed me how import it is to invite people into your home making them feel welcome.
• The Jones Family showed me thru their actions the importance of speaking to people at church and even at the dairy queen bringing new members to church.
• I have phone anxiety I'm afraid to call on it or answer it! - I know Lame! but Emily Barnett visit taught me with friendship and heart allowing me to feel the ease and the importance of said friendship enough that I actually got the nerve to call her for a favor and she stepped right up.
• I grew up and married living in the same ward for 25 years, it's made me sad that I have not had that to raise my kids. But! We've seen and learned somethings and more importantly met people, that in one way or another changed improved influenced our lives. It's ok to move around and I've started to think … we live on the 3-4 year mission transfer schedule!!! Recently My son told me "and that's ok mom!" 
• One of the most spiritual best meetings I've ever been to was the frank and humble patriotic talks given by brother Donohue and Quezada 
• We watched and observed Justin Yeates be a great home teacher and example to his son.   I can see he will be great with the youth
• Deann Fendlay showed me that being in the nursery is a wonderful place to be
• From this ward I learned to love and Really enjoy the music between meetings more should participate and really sing while just the teachers leave quietly! for Primary and sunday school. Last week we sang Hymn 302 

1. I know my Father lives and loves me too.

The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me it is true,

And tells me it is true.

2. He sent me here to earth, by faith to live his plan.

The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me that I can,

And tells me that I can.

• I hope we listen when we can and then "Do"  remember - Faith is an action word.
• Bonnie Walker ❤️  what a rock a spiritual rock and example to me an example of a great mom and wife.
• Michelle a pioneer in the gospel herself she’s so good for me. I grew up in the church so I loved being with her and seeing her perspective and the importance of service in the community paralleled with her service in the ward not just One or the other.  
• Testimony and endurance from sister chambers
• Hovendens throw great parties and as a ward we are blessed to be invited
• But mostly I hope I've learned The importance of having a calling and doing it not shutting down and hiding out.  Seeing the importance and order of the "organizations" in the church and not having paid positions.
• Seasons of life move quickly to figure them out don't wait for something different or "better" in your own mind keep moving forward with Faith. 
• Been very grateful that the bishop kept My man busy and involved, it meant more to me than anything these last few years.  When you have adult children and they go away and are in other wards where they aren’t used and don’t have callings and you see them slip away. Words just can't express the heartache and sadness that brings to a mom.   I have a testimony of the importance of serving. 

The faith of my pioneer ancestors to give service even with sacrifice. I have failed at this in my need to lick the wounds of my children actually growing up and leaving home I had told a friend, Sister Redding that when I come back from my daughters this time I will be all in and now I’m leaving I want her to know it was important for me to say that to her outloud and to be accountable and I pray that all of us will move forward in faith like those of the first pioneer in our family and be accountable say it out loud; "I AM ALL IN".  

Pres Hinckley said; “Pioneers journey to the valley of the great salt lake is an epic without parallel. Their journey to the valley of the Great Salt Lake is an epic without parallel. The suffering they endured, the sacrifices they made, became the cost of what they believed.

I have in my office a small statue of my own pioneer grandfather burying beside the trail his wife and her brother who died on the same day. He then picked up his infant child and carried her to this valley.

Faith? There can be no doubt about it. When doubts arose, when tragedies struck, the quiet voice of faith was heard in the stillness of the night as certain and reassuring as was the place of the polar star in the heavens above.

…It is the faith within us that is evidenced in all we do.”

In conclusion of my May Spiritual thru Prayer thought here today, I want to remind us we don't know who is watching us, the impressions we are making. We don't know who may be listening or reading our posts, tweets or instagram.  Imagine we are pioneers - for aren't we when it comes to technology?  In 150 plus or minus years what will be said about our FAITH when the posts are being read?  Let us endure- It is my righteous desire to have "No empty chairs" when is comes to my family on the other side of the veil.

May 2017 MyHappinessProject Spirituality and Prayer

#itswhereilive

It is amazing to me how very much all of this is fitting together, how topics and "goals" set back in October can be right on and very on topic in the month that they pop up!  It is true that you have to think something before you can do it, for me anyway and when it is a thought it applies to everything around you from interactions with others to TV from Talks to articles in the news from relationships to your belief system all things have been affected or at least noticed by topic monthly during this project of mine.  This month the Main topic is Spirituality and the sub topic Prayer. 

I've been noticing on social media many quotes on FAITH in the last week and I had noted to myself in my Happiness Project Book under this May heading to revisit a talk given in 2016 by Elder Uchtdrof  this little story jumped out at me as I read it yesterday; 

Faith is a strong conviction about something we believe—a conviction so strong that it moves us to do things that we otherwise might not do. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”2

While this makes sense to believing people, it is often confusing to nonbelievers. They shake their heads and ask, “How can anyone be certain of what they cannot see?” To them, this is evidence of the irrationality of religion.

What they fail to understand is that there are more ways to see than with our eyes, more ways to feel than with our hands, more ways to hear than with our ears.

It’s something like the experience of a young girl who was walking with her grandmother. The song of the birds was glorious to the little girl, and she pointed out every sound to her grandmother.

“Do you hear that?” the little girl asked again and again. But her grandmother was hard of hearing and could not make out the sounds.

Finally, the grandmother knelt down and said, “I’m sorry, dear. Grandma doesn’t hear so well.”

Exasperated, the little girl took her grandmother’s face in her hands, looked intently into her eyes, and said, “Grandma, listen harder!”  

It jumped out at me for different reasons than you might think! When my mom was alive, in her later years we teased her that she had "selective hearing"!  My son got her a badge or a pin that said "Speak Up".  

This little story reminded me of that, and like I said everything comes back to this project these days. . . my thought then was to ask myself am I or can we be spiritually selective about our hearing?  

So this month I am going to strive to not put away spiritual things.  I tend to choose TV over books, Facebook over scriptures and definitely take the personal out of the conversation although I do support the whole text vs phone (there is that word again FEAR) why don't we write letters or send cards any more vs comment on IG Twitter or FB? There is something mindful, fulfilling and yes, spiritual about writing it down. Just today I ran across a note that my granddaughter slipped into my things that made me "feel something, personal even spiritual" it said; "Nana I love you and I'll miss you. Be careful, Remember who you are and keep your head up. bye  ..."  Brings me to tears again. How can we not be spiritual when it comes to loving, including and listening to our Family? 

spir·it·u·al

ˈspiriCH(o͞o)əl/

adjective

1. 1.

   relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.

   "I'm responsible for his spiritual welfare"

   synonyms:

   nonmaterial, incorporeal, intangible;

Of course spiritual can be applied also in religious beliefs as well. 

       2.

     relating to religion or religious belief.

"the tribe's spiritual leader"

synonyms:

religious, sacred, divine, holy, nonsecular, church, ecclesiastical, faith-based, devotional  I reference the following for that part of my quest for this month of May;

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/fourth-floor-last-door?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/let-the-holy-spirit-guide?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/stand-up-inside-and-be-all-in?lang=eng

Happiness Project Mindfulness - Be Prayerful

Yesterday at Church we talked about the need and importance of Prayer.  I felt inspired to "go home and write the impressions I had during this discussion down" and encouraged others to do so too.  And Thus we see here I am.  Testimony is an important thing to have, for if you have a testimony of something you stand for it tooth and nail, come hell or high water.  Once upon a time I was a teacher and a question I liked asking was "What is the One thing you Believe in?"  It was a cool thing for me to see what was important to those I spent everyday with.  Lately, well really I am on a roller coaster with prayer and not just lately.  I have a whole issue with the word submit.  Couple of things I specifically prayed for did not ever happen, some did and then fell apart and thus I then go straight to "why pray when He is going to do what He wants to do anyway". That attitude hasn't ever gotten me anywhere positive I can say for sure, and yet I roll back down speedily on the roller coaster of life at times, well more often than not I hate to admit.  The discussion yesterday was graciously led with the questions What? How? and Why? many personal experiences were shared and that was uplifting and a great reminder to me that Prayer is a mighty powerful source for many reasons in our lives.  So why don't we use it to it's full potential and why isn't it at the TOP of our Things We believe in List all the time or at least more often?   Since My Happiness Project topic is Be more Mindful and don't Procrastinate Here I am. Writing it down does help me remember and learn.  

These are the highlights that prompted remembrance of why I know that Prayer is One thing I believe in.

What to pray for?

• In Matthew Jesus tells us "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
• Fathers and Mothers Pray for your children. I'm going to add Kids pray for your parents!  No really I'm so serious. One of my favorite most innocently observed prayers was answered was a miracle was pure it was hearing our son and daughter prayer for their parents.
• Husbands pray for your wives.
• Wives pray for your husbands.
• Pray for Peace on earth. 
• Pray for wisdom and understanding.
• Pray for Forgiveness.
• Ask for blessings.
• Ask For Righteous Ambitions.
• the question is what couldn't I pray about?!!!

How to Pray?

• Individually, pray is personal.
• Pray with your family.
• There is something in the very posture of kneeling that contradicts the attitudes described by Paul in 2 Timothy:1-4 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/3?lang=eng
• Pray with the expectation of answers.  (which of course requires faith - Yikes!)

Why Pray?

• "Prayer unlocks the powers of heaven in our behalf."
• "Be prayerful and the God of Heaven will smile upon you and bless you, and give happiness in your hearts and a sense of peace in your lives.
• prayer is one of the basic medications that would check the character of our society. 
• I know of nothing that will help ease the family tensions, bring respect for the parents lead to obedience, ... than will praying together...How tragic is the loss for any family that fails to take advantage of this precious and simple practice of praying together."

For the complete discussion;  https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-gordon-b-hinckley/chapter-6-how-mighty-a-thing-is-prayer?lang=eng

The constant thing that I kept remembering through out this discussion was hearing my mother pray.  Knowing that it was an action she took often, more than often. Knowing me and who I am, I know that without her prayers - her Motherhood pulling out all the stops, calling upon angels, her unconditional love Prayers; I first of all would not have even been born and lived, but could never have dug myself out of all the holes I so very quickly dug myself into. Only that miracle and power of a mother on her knees, begging for her daughter could have got me here today. In this I do believe and am grateful today to have been reminded of that pattern she taught me thru her act of prayer.

Many instances did come to my mind and I was reminded in my heart that prayer is good, it works it can be powerful and when you see it happen - you've seen a miracle.  Some things I have learned about prayer is that it is a discussion, a discussion takes more than one person. It's not one sided.  Garth had it right his song "Unanswered Prayer" at times we get what we pray for and well we shouldn't have even ask for that.  It reminds me of bugging my mom tell I got what I wanted, nothing good about that! Prayer is physical as well as spiritual. I'm all about no man being an island but having been on an island for awhile now, it's not all that peaceful! Prayer is mindful for sure and humbling. Both things are awkward in this world when it's moving so fast and we want to have it all and we think we can do it all Alone, for ourselves without submitting to anything or anyone.  In those instances what joy, what fun is there in it, even in achieving, if you are alone.

Oh I heard you!

August 1, 2016


I'm not here to float along
behind you - I'm just not.

Yes I fear, I am drowning!

There is no more float.

Throwdown Meltdown
Get Up Get Down

Voices coming from?

Positive negative; mom,You, me?
I want my own echo.

Choices - you can't make it for me

Battles within mine
so sick of it all I choose

Choose what Submission

Pray, Pray to who asking for what?

What matters ya'll get your way anyway!

Do I Submit.
Am I Selfish? or Empathetic?
An enabler or Sympathetic?
more like Pathetic!

Find myself Know my heart.
For goodness sake

Be satisfied.
with what?
with who?

I want happiness.

To know a smile.

To laugh, I used to laugh, where has it gone?
I'm jaded and alone
I need to FEEL again.

To make a choice without hesitation
without fear.

Fear of disappointment 

Fear of rejection

Fear of failure
Have faith you say
Have hope I pray
My sincere desire is eternal life
with the Love of Family and God
and self
Love In my own heart.
It's trust
I seek
and peace.
It takes two to not drown.
There is an undercurrent happening
a constant silent conversation going on.
There is white water all around.



It needs work but it's a ruff draft~
isn't that life? a ruff draft
I hope I get to edit and update in the eternities!!!

To self destruct or Not to Self Destruct....

IWhat a crazy last few months.  I was home minding my own business when Richard appeared and whisked me away to a new place, a place on the skagit River in the middle of no where with no internet! and then he suggested we MOVE there!!!  WHAT? I said to myself...I am just now settled again. I am Unpacked, I thought this would be forever - right?  Not!!!

i really like this quote too

To avoid all the details of selling a home when you've already moved and in this economy lets just go... long story short ... we ended up paying people more or less to buy our home.  Thus we have NO money any more and can't afford to live in the home we live in and it's time to pack it up again.  Well I shut down, closed the books, the blogs, the letters, the walls went up and Kelly once again I went into self destruct mode.  I found this amazing definition of what I've learned thru this last few months that I've done to myself my whole life!

thanks to whoever wrote this I couldn't figure out how to describe what I do to myself now that it's out there described and all maybe I can get a better grasp of how to overcome it.

Thus I am behind on my goals, dreams and anything that I would have wanted to do since FEB.  But in all of that I have been to Vermont, Arizona and Utah.  I have built relationships with my babygrands, nephews, nieces and children ( i will hit these experiences all up in other blogs).  I have moved, yes again and this time Richie promises it's the last - and FYI; he has NEVER said that before! I am unpacked, had family here to visit and even done some yard work!  

I've set up a great place for me to write, sort through all the things that I hold on too and now need to do something with and hope to be inspired and guided both in writing and sharing why these "things of this world" matter.  When I get tired I even have a place to sleep without going back up the stairs!!!

I love living by the ocean.  I am going to need to study up on when and why the tide is sometimes out in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon.  I mean I get it, but I do want to learn more about it.  I am grateful for this season that Richie and I have to build a relationship, home and memories together, to "fall in love" all over again.  Even now I find that I'm afraid to let go to really be vulnerable.

and this quote! totally me!

When family life gets busy, burdened and chaotic I think we forget to be "in love".  I tend to self destruct in any all relationships too, even from my youth.  Not wanting to be embarrassed, hurt or left behind.  As the saying goes "everybody leaves", I am living proof of that! It's heartbreaking.  It's prideful though to be the one that makes that happen.  But what I am better able to see these days is heart break happens. Find the good in each day and keep moving.  
Even though I put up the walls, I did strive to keep moving (it helps that other people had plans and I had to go with the flow) because if they hadn't drug me along with them I would have drowned in my own mud hole of SELF DESTRUCT.  thank you to my FAMILY for loving me and not deserting me, even when I push you away, don't agree with what you are doing or how you are doing it, don't answer my phone and hide you are always here for me.  
For that I am grateful.

P.S.  Note to self....  TIMING PATIENCE PRAYER MOVING 

Proverbs 4:5 - 7 Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not...Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

August.   Home.    Job.    It's time to move again.  Some things you just Feel. 

House in October sat in it for an hour placed all the furniture.  Went to look at it the next day. Sat in it.  Immediately we started to "change" things; like buy the lot across the street cut down the trees knock down walls, put up walls, reassign drainage.  But this was all good, we still WANTED this house.  We desired to be and see the lake, put the boat out next to the house or down in the water.  HOA Rules boat can't be by the house has to be in garage. This last min knowledge was news to us.  Unknowingly after a few days maybe,  but for sure weeks we seem to take note that we had forgotten all about this house in our continued search for the "one" house.

Nov. The One house is available with Lease Option. I didn't think it looked like us. But it was the One thing that fit we moved in. I unpacked and set up again, as I do, For the long haul. 

Feb found house on skagit river went to the temple fasted felt good about it. Richard really wanted it. I could see us there. It was something we would buy. I support him, but I'm not excited about it. I shut down quit doing everything at home and at church. This idea faded and the choice was forgotten.

March went to look at house listed on Samish Island. Really like the lot. House needs thousands of dollars of work.  LOVE love love the feeling of being there. Now this is where I "Feel" good about living.  Realtor took us out to see it. and introduced us to a house just down the street. This is the house. this is it. Buy it now!  It was laid out for us, it wasn't easy we had to work at it thru paperwork and time.  But we are blessed. I love it here. 

Listen to the promptings be patient and wait for the Lords Timing.  One year later and two moves down the road we are settled and ready to get back to serving and forgetting self.

Want and Desire

Preface
Yesterday I wrote about not wanting to go to church anymore.  The word WANT then, was on my mind all night and day! I desired to find why.  I see slight differences in the words Want and Desire both by definition and in the scriptures, this is the result.

My Psalm of Want and Desire!

I Acknowledge thee Oh LORD, I know that thou exists and without thee I am nothing. Lost for sure. Help me.
I Come to Thee in remiss of my mixed emotions, wants and desires. Help me.
I search the WORD for answers and guidance. I seek to know Thee and Thy ways. Help me.
I want so many things that I forget to acknowledge what I have. Forgive me.
I forget to see the truth and the honest desires of my heart. Hear me.
Then recognizing the foundation of my life and the Joy that is therein. I Thank Thee.
I am thankful that the desires have been met of family, freedom, health, and that of being able to go to Church and worship when, where and however I can. Forgive me.
For truly my desire is to Live this Life completely and to find Joy in it with Family and Friends. Thank Thee.
I want in my desire to be fearless and take courage. Hear me.
I desire to see my family on the other side and want for us here in this life still; to be restored as a family forever and for always, to be forgiven and united. I Thank Thee
I want in friendship and desire to be a friend, Help me.
I want to know thee better and understand thy ways I desire to be at Thy side and at Thy feet when You come again, Help me.

At age 8 I did want to be baptized, I desire now to live up to my covenants, Please, Help me!
I am wanting in my habits for good, Forgive me.
I desire to have a change of heart, to not be a sluggard, slothful and greedy but willing to commit, and not willfully rebel, to be honest and have integrity not have the want to be commanded in all things, but the Desire to Daily Choose to follow the commandments. Hear me.
I want to give wholly my sacrifice and offerings; in doing so I desire to be humble, simple and endure to the end. To not want to look back longingly but instead go and do, showing my desire through actions to plant seeds having the desire to see the roots and harvest of the future that is Thy Will for me, I thank Thee.  Amen.

Search diligently, Pray Always and Love Unconditionally

Elder Sobczak

This is my son - Amric!  He is presently serving a mission in California.

You might (if you know me at all, recall that I mentioned a few times that I was and am missing Amric and that for my Birthday My sweet husband, Richard gave me a cardboard rendition of him, we call him "flat Amric"

"Flat Amric" and Richard summer 2013

It was a wonderful "bittersweet" kind of gift - it made me laugh and cry at the same time!

We haul him around the house, talk to him in his room bring him out to watch TV with us, I even took him to Relief Society with me once!  

"Flat Amric" hanging out by the clock!

Often you could find him just hanging out by the clock or looking out the window at the lake, he loved the lake, the beach and just being outside!

Loading up in Nebraska

Then one day we got a new job, packed up our things and moved away from our house on the lake.  In an effort to be sure that "flat Amric didn't get lost ... (mostly i was worried about him being bent) I secured a spot for him in with the Pictures that were to be packed the day the movers came over.  So I didn't see "Flat Amric" for a few weeks.  

When we unloaded in our new house I sat picture boxes in the corner - safe and sound thinking I'd get him out when the house was all sat up again protecting him, keeping him safe and sound.  I sorted and trashed, I gave away and set up. 

 Moving is a crazy crazy process.

Unloading in Washington

Well This week I felt unpacked enough that it would be safe to bring him out.  Unpacked one box and then another... he was no where to be found.  So I went to his room I unpacked everything - he was not there. I went to the garage I franticly unpacked the rest of the boxes in the garage - no Amric.  I felt the complete since of bad parenting, not doing it right, leaving him somewhere and not following up on him, what was I going to do, where is Amric??!!??  I prayed "Heavenly Father help me know where to look" -  Ok I know you think I'm nutty here but think of all the analogies! I did.  Where are our kids? How much attention do we pay to what they are doing, who they are with? what they are watching? if they are warm or too cold? fed or even if their homework is done - I don't know being a parent is HARD WORK!!!  Do we keep them so protected that they can't survive in the world? do we not pay enough attention thinking of our own selves first?  Oh I could go on and on asking myself these questions and more concerning  all the kids I've taught or the grandkids the nieces and nephews...over the years and the individual names I pray for? I could name them here too along with all my worries and stewardship  - But I won't - different story, different day!

 This is me and my story today ... I just never gave up.  I have diligently, really searched and prayed for about a week now for "flat Amric" and for myself and how to find him.  Then this morning at 3 AM out of a sound sleep I was awaken by the words "you never even opened the glass table top box,  you just gave it away".  I sat up with a start! I had sent a 36" square glass table top marked glass table top, the box about 3" deep to the DI truck - reason -because I've been "cleaning house", - getting rid of things...things that we haven't used or have dragged around from move to move - I thought, at the time, I knew what it was and I didn't even open it, sending it away!  I was as they say "judging a book by its cover!"

I couldn't go back to sleep. When Richard awoke and the thought had not gone away for hours  I mentioned the words to him that I'd heard and we said together "we have to go find him".

Bless his heart he went with me to the donation trailer and we dug for an hour under what other people had placed inside searching diligently to find that box that I had discarded without even opening it up. Oh and a side note ... People throw stuff away that isn't useable don't donate gross shower curtains, worn out mattresses, broken lamps and pieces of glass - take your crap to the dump, I digress :)  I should have taken pictures but we were searching in the rain and the cold! Also noted here was a new found confidence in my husband realizing how much he both loved and trusted me, to go and actually help me search.

YES! yes he was there!  wrapped up tightly, safely and unharmed with the glass table top!  OHHH Amric. I hope I never loose you, I pray for you out there in the world everyday for your success and safety for your health and good choices.  I hope we all pray for our kids every day - I know I do.  I know my Mother did or I'd be nuttier than I am now and you can see that is pretty nutty!!!  I know I will never give up on the ones I love, even from my perspective the ones lost and alone out in the cold.

What I have also discovered since is that during this time that "flat Amric" was lost  down south in California, Elder Amric was having some trouble he too was searching for himself, learning about who he is. It's all just a wonderful insightful lesson about stewardship, motherhood  and unconditional love. All things my mom did a great job of throughout her life with her actions teaching me.  thanks mom I miss you (was it your voice I heard?).  Miss you too Am, hang in there ;) to my kids with kids you hang in there too and Pray for them everyday of your life by name.

What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness and go after that which is lost until he find it?  Luke 15:4

If thou shalt find that which thy neighbor has lost, thou shalt make diligent search till thou shalt deliver it to him again.   Doctrine and Covenants 136:26

thank you, to who ever the angel was that put those words in my head at 3am.

You might like this talk -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B6FXdACLbI

Plow in Hope and Keep moving Forward...

And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.  

Luke 9:62

Last Saturday evening I had a great experience reading the scriptures.  I was praying and pondering, meditating about life and a few questions I had.  I felt lead to read Chapter 9 in Luke in the New Testament.   As I read, I wondered what is it that I am suppose to be learning here?  Vereses 37-62 seemed to be my focus.  I read them several times.  Then my eye caught it vs 62; "no man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of heaven."  A few weeks ago someone said to me "I don't look back".  That kinda hit me for some reason.  There are always things to look back on,I thought. But what I've discovered for myself this week is I have been, for the last several months driving forward while looking in the rear view mirror.  

Thus I have made some changes, extreme some may say but I am having hope in the future and digging in with my Plow.  This I am sure will give me more and strengthen the faith I already do have, especially in reading the scriptures, patience and Hope. The Lord's timeing is definitely not always, rarely ever my timing.  But in the last year, I have learned about timing and the importance of handing it over, in Faith, after all that I can do to Him.  Thy will be done.
My theme or motto for myself this year is "Exert yourself, Be Considerate!".  As I read, prayed and pondered over these scriptures Saturday night I thought; to "put your hand to the Plow" is an action it is actually work, it is exerting yourself!!  In my mind I see that if you aren't focused the furrows will be rough and crooked allowing weeds and pour nourishment to flow.  But on the other hand to really drive forward, hold my hand to the plow exert myself I would come clean and have nourished, straight, beautiful furrows and a harvest worth the reward.
In my opinion we should look back to Remember the learning pattern so not to repeat the same mistake.  As the saying goes "We do not learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on experience."  While treating ourselves poorly, staying down, not getting back up we are not reflecting the character of Christ.  Surround yourself with positive people you trust who want to exert and dig in with you.   Set goals, go back to the "primary answers" Say your prayers (get on your knees in helps in that whole humility thing!), and read your scriptures asking questions and for direction.  
I promise the light will come.  
I felt prompted to do something that scared me after this experience so I ask Richard to give me a Blessing.  This week I've got my hand to the plow, I'm fully engaged - out with the "old me" and in with the new!  No more Depression (cold turkey), I am eating healthy (14 days no Black Soda!), I am cleansing my inner self (fasting), and I plan to go outside my house (be patient with me God!) outside scares me!  Confidence in yourself is sometimes very hard to grasp, I believe with God's help we can forgive ourselves, others and put our hands to the plow and exert ourselves with full confidence   RIght now for me, that might just be a seed of belief, it's a process and writing this is part of that process. In the verses pervious to 62 the man makes excuses for NOT digging right in, I pray to not make excuses for myself not let the bumpy terrain throw me off course, but if it does - to grab the reins and the plow and dig in again, not looking back and falling into darkness but instead, moving forward.  I hope you will too.

For our sakes, no doubt, this is written that he that ploweth should plow in hope; and that he that thresheth in hope should be partaker of His hope. 
 1 Cor. 9:10