Happiness Project Mindfulness - Be Prayerful

Yesterday at Church we talked about the need and importance of Prayer.  I felt inspired to "go home and write the impressions I had during this discussion down" and encouraged others to do so too.  And Thus we see here I am.  Testimony is an important thing to have, for if you have a testimony of something you stand for it tooth and nail, come hell or high water.  Once upon a time I was a teacher and a question I liked asking was "What is the One thing you Believe in?"  It was a cool thing for me to see what was important to those I spent everyday with.  Lately, well really I am on a roller coaster with prayer and not just lately.  I have a whole issue with the word submit.  Couple of things I specifically prayed for did not ever happen, some did and then fell apart and thus I then go straight to "why pray when He is going to do what He wants to do anyway". That attitude hasn't ever gotten me anywhere positive I can say for sure, and yet I roll back down speedily on the roller coaster of life at times, well more often than not I hate to admit.  The discussion yesterday was graciously led with the questions What? How? and Why? many personal experiences were shared and that was uplifting and a great reminder to me that Prayer is a mighty powerful source for many reasons in our lives.  So why don't we use it to it's full potential and why isn't it at the TOP of our Things We believe in List all the time or at least more often?   Since My Happiness Project topic is Be more Mindful and don't Procrastinate Here I am. Writing it down does help me remember and learn.  

These are the highlights that prompted remembrance of why I know that Prayer is One thing I believe in.

What to pray for?

• In Matthew Jesus tells us "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
• Fathers and Mothers Pray for your children. I'm going to add Kids pray for your parents!  No really I'm so serious. One of my favorite most innocently observed prayers was answered was a miracle was pure it was hearing our son and daughter prayer for their parents.
• Husbands pray for your wives.
• Wives pray for your husbands.
• Pray for Peace on earth. 
• Pray for wisdom and understanding.
• Pray for Forgiveness.
• Ask for blessings.
• Ask For Righteous Ambitions.
• the question is what couldn't I pray about?!!!

How to Pray?

• Individually, pray is personal.
• Pray with your family.
• There is something in the very posture of kneeling that contradicts the attitudes described by Paul in 2 Timothy:1-4 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/3?lang=eng
• Pray with the expectation of answers.  (which of course requires faith - Yikes!)

Why Pray?

• "Prayer unlocks the powers of heaven in our behalf."
• "Be prayerful and the God of Heaven will smile upon you and bless you, and give happiness in your hearts and a sense of peace in your lives.
• prayer is one of the basic medications that would check the character of our society. 
• I know of nothing that will help ease the family tensions, bring respect for the parents lead to obedience, ... than will praying together...How tragic is the loss for any family that fails to take advantage of this precious and simple practice of praying together."

For the complete discussion;  https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-gordon-b-hinckley/chapter-6-how-mighty-a-thing-is-prayer?lang=eng

The constant thing that I kept remembering through out this discussion was hearing my mother pray.  Knowing that it was an action she took often, more than often. Knowing me and who I am, I know that without her prayers - her Motherhood pulling out all the stops, calling upon angels, her unconditional love Prayers; I first of all would not have even been born and lived, but could never have dug myself out of all the holes I so very quickly dug myself into. Only that miracle and power of a mother on her knees, begging for her daughter could have got me here today. In this I do believe and am grateful today to have been reminded of that pattern she taught me thru her act of prayer.

Many instances did come to my mind and I was reminded in my heart that prayer is good, it works it can be powerful and when you see it happen - you've seen a miracle.  Some things I have learned about prayer is that it is a discussion, a discussion takes more than one person. It's not one sided.  Garth had it right his song "Unanswered Prayer" at times we get what we pray for and well we shouldn't have even ask for that.  It reminds me of bugging my mom tell I got what I wanted, nothing good about that! Prayer is physical as well as spiritual. I'm all about no man being an island but having been on an island for awhile now, it's not all that peaceful! Prayer is mindful for sure and humbling. Both things are awkward in this world when it's moving so fast and we want to have it all and we think we can do it all Alone, for ourselves without submitting to anything or anyone.  In those instances what joy, what fun is there in it, even in achieving, if you are alone.

The Job

Dana Whitaker: "The truth is, I have a job that involves me, and stimulates me, and rewards me, and takes up a lot of my time, and I'm not willing to do my job just a little bit. I want to do ALL of it. It's part of me, and I'm different without it. And that is who I am, and that is who you need to love." Beware!!!!


Today I have no job, no kids around, no seminary to teach, my attitude is like Dana Whitakers' it's all or nothing. I miss the chaos.  I miss the adrenaline of WORK of "The Job" whatever that job might have been.
My Mother taught me to work.  She taught me to go to work. She taught me to be busy and to lead.  I use to be so bothered when she retired wondering why she had such a hard time just relaxing, why didn't she just enjoy - Finally! - the freedom that she had to not have to work or go to the job.  I'm sure I took advantage of her presence in my house because she was such a "go getter" leaving her with the kids, "letting" her do the dishes, laundry or whatever. But today I get it, what else was she to do.  She worked all of her life, what was she suppose to do now?  

I on the other hand this past year, I have not been a "go getter".  

• When I worked, which I started doing at the age of 12 I gave it all I had.  
• As a young married I swore I'd never work, that my kids would not be "latch key" children. But after having my babies (the first ones any way) I could not wait to get back to work.  Yes I dropped off Apryl at Betty Abbotts one morning at 5:30 am and cried all the way to work. But I got over it!  Sadly.  
• Then I had Austin. Apryl never really seemed to care if I left her, she'd rather the "friends" even at a young age. But Austin, he never liked me leaving him anywhere, in fact he didn't like being left away from his home. But setting that aside (as I very much so did) I liked working.  Much more "atta girls" in the work place than at home. Sadly. I again gave it my all - working 60 to 70 hours a week, on the clock or off - I was there. They "that company" NEEDED me, I thought "I had a job that involved me, stimulated me and rewarded me".  
• Then one day My husband was gone.  I thought I could have it all work, kids and the social life. Three months later, I regretted my choice.
• Family was much more important to me and I did a reboot and made the decision, along with my husband to be home. To come home and be a mom. I have never regretted it, not one single day. But the adjustment was hard I reprogrammed myself to believe that my new "job that would involve me, stimulate me, and reward me" was to be a Mom.
• 26 years later a new chapter is starting, a new transition, no Wait - it started over a year ago. The problem is I don''t know what this job is but i do know; I am not involved, stimulated or rewarded. The relaxing, the darkness and well, lets just say it - the slothfulness have slipped in slowly, so slowly I barely noticed and it has me like a flaxen cord!!!   I kinda noticed but ignored it, like my weight which is back in Full Swing over the last year. I've sat back not engaging, not getting involved, not working. I've started over and over again but with no reward. I am a task oriented worker.  I did make a list of projects - I even have most of them done.  But raking leaves, pulling weeds, cleaning house even watching TV are so boring alone. Slap me in the face and kick my butt! I guess it's been a slow day.
• Oh Mom! I miss you! I get it. I'm sorry.  But I'm so glad Grateful and blessed that Richard supported me worked with me and loved me and that I got to be a full time mom and early morning seminary teacher.
• Tonight I pray my sons and daughters hear me when I say - make good choices. Your Job is your family. Double check your priorities. Be involved, stimulated and loved - in this is your reward.

Also; this wasn't going to be about my mother at all - I wanted to talk about me!!!  It's suppose to be about me and the fact that I like to work and it's time to pull my head out - wish me luck!

Singing Dead ... yet another Dream

Emotional Goodbyes and Discord????

The dreams, they just keep on coming!  More real more complete, more colorful!  If I could just put it all together I probably would have all my life's questions answered!!!

the Lyman family in Blanding 1956

To begin with my mom was singing to me - She NEVER SANG! I never heard her sing except at church!  One thing she always liked about going to the Lyman Family reunions and get togethers was that they always sang.  In the dream, ;like I said She was singing in a quartet, with the "sisters Lyman" by the way.

  I was leaving to go into another room and she wanted to come too, but I oh so diplomatically sat her down on a pew. 

 When I went into the other room it was mostly white, with Drapes hanging from ceiling to floor and wall to wall.  For some unknown reason I started to clean - I was dusting with a rod and feather that reached to the top of the drapes.   In the corner was a cob web, I was pulling it away from the wall and down when all of a sudden I realized there were bugs. 
 Then I saw it a nest??? that looked like a hive, but it wasn't bees - it was little tiny bugs.  Thousands and thousands of them. When I went to knock it down the bugs flew at me and I ran back to the room with my mom.  She wasn't there any more.  

The scene pulled back like a camera pulling away and I was standing in a large room that looked like a chapel, with a piano, pews and me no one else.
 The piano started to play by itself no one singing or playing,
 but it was our old piano (remember the green one!) completely out of tune  (I can't hear a tune if I had too, yet I knew it was out of tune)..... fade to black!!!  

 Holy Moly now my dreams have directors!!! CUT!

Interpertation:

Singing 
To sing in your dream represents happiness, harmony and joy in some situation or relationship. You are uplifting others with your positive attitude and cheerful disposition. Singing is a way to celebrate, communicate, embrace and express your feelings.

To hear someone sing in your dream signifies emotional and spiritual fulfillment. Your mood is changing for the positive as your outlook in life is looking up.

Dead 
To see or talk to the dead in your dream forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd.This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes material loss. If you dream of a person who has died a long time ago, then it suggests that a current situation or relationship in your life resembles the quality of that deceased person. The dream may depict how you need to let this situation or relationship die and end it......To see and talk with your dead parents in your dreams represent your fears of losing them or your way of coping with the loss. You are using your dream as a last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them. 

Bug 
To see a bug in your dream suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby. 
Piano
To dream that the piano needs to be tuned indicates some aspect of your life is in discord. You need to devote more time to a relationship, family duties, project, or other situation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NazxAHYOJfk&list=AL94UKMTqg-9CgDv-LZ2PfaaCssVWpNV8X

Me Myself, Mom & Tom, Life and Death

I have to live with myself and so

I want to be fit for myself to know.

I want to be able as days go by,

always to look myself straight in the eye;

I don't want to stand with the setting sun

and hate myself for the things I have done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf

a lot of secrets about myself

and fool myself as I come and go

into thinking no one else will ever know

the kind of person I really am,

I don't want to dress up myself in shame.

I want to go out with my head erect

I want to deserve all men's respect;

but here in the struggle for fame and wealth

I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to look at myself and know that

I am bluster and bluff and empty show.

I never can hide myself from me;

I see what others may never see;

I know what others may never know,

I never can fool myself and so,

whatever happens I want to be

self respecting and conscience free.

A poem my mom made me memorize as a youth by Edgar A. Guest

I miss you mom.  Yesterday Richie and I were talking about you - about all your counsel, about how parents do know more than their kids but that kids won't, & never will admit that and learn without experience.  Sometimes secrets do come off the shelf and out of the closet, we can only hope before we meet our maker that amends have been made - as our parents have taught.  We don't always have to be the center of all the action and Drama around us that we shan't care about the mote in someone else's eye, but instead only be concerned about our own eye and be self respecting and conscience free.  
 thank you Mom for teaching me that.

I'm remembering today the days and the night we waiting beside my brother Tom for him to die.  It's such and empty hopeless feeling.  The visual of it never ever leaves your brains' storage base.  The race to drive to him from Washington to Arizona.  Austin, Mom and me ...and Tom, praying out in the little patio garden for him to not have to suffer, feeding him, reading to him, teaching him the Plan of Happiness on deaths door, the room we stayed in, the book we read together as he lay there waiting knowing the end was near, the looks between Mother and Son.  The look he gave me when I said you'll be ok - go find Big Sis.  And the moment he was gone.  The look of a shattered conscience.   He had gone to that hospital with the intent of being "fixed" of living and "fixing" things when he came out, I hope he has the chance on the other side.  It came over me like a tidal wave that feeling of whatever happens I want to be self respecting and conscience free.  

I am grateful for "O" - Optimism

I am grateful for the attitude of Optimism

I am probably not a very optimistic person.  Someone ask me why I don't come out of my house more, do more with other people? - my answer to her that day was "People are stupid",   it's kinda haunted me that I actually said that out loud or that I even thought it.  Since then I've been more aware of that tough and attempted to be more optimistic and have more faith in people.  After all my mom raised me with a couple poems about that, that should have helped me since I know the poems and President Hinckley said the following about it;

 "We have so much to live for, so much to hope for!  Humanity is essentially good.  We are all of one great family.  We can give strength to the voice of hope. We can give thanks to those who work for peace. We can give added attention to those who feed the hungry and bind up the wounds of conflict. To the extent we cultivate this virtue of OPTIMISM, we will bless all the word's people!"

and Mother taught me:

Mr Meant-to has a comrade,
And his name is Didn't-do;
Have you ever chanced to meet them?

Did they ever call on you?


These two fellows live together

In the house of Never-win, 

And I'm told that it is haunted,

By the ghost of Might-have-been.

And

"Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve."  idk who said this  (mom)!

And

"A young couple came to see me a while ago.  Six months earlier, they had been married. They had declared their love one for another. They had pledged their loyalty one to another. Now, the young man came to my office disillusioned, bitter, and heartbroken. His wife, he said, did this and that -- simple little things of small consequence, such as leaving the dishes undone when she left for work in the morning.  And nothing seemed to make her happy. Then his wife came in, a beautiful girl of great talent. She spoke of her husband's faults. He was stingy. He did not pick up his clothes. He was careless. Each had his or her faults, every one of which was easily correctable. The problem lay in the fact that these two had a stronger inclination to emphasize each other's faults than to talk of their respective virtues. With a little discipline, each could have changed. WIth a little desire, each could have spoken with a different tone.   But neither was willing. They had permitted a negative attitude and outlook to destroy the sweetest, richest association of life. They had thrown away with careless and sour words the hopes and dreams of eternity. With criticism and shouting, they had violated the most sacred of all relationships.  Criticism and pessimism destroys families, undermine institutions of all kins, defeat nearly everyone and spread a shroud of gloom over entire nations." 

--Gordon B Hinckley

My plea, my pray is for me and you to find the good, be positive, be still in the noise and look for the positive -

 BE OPTIMISTIC!

Affection 101

As a child what do you remember about affection in your home?

One thing I know and that is - I was RAISED TO BE A "McCoy!" and that meant tuff, resolved, resilient, work hard, Use it up, make it do or do with out kind of girl!!!  Not to much affection, patience or need for worldly things.

My dad was not affectionate he was a cowboy. Don't touch his hat that's for sure! As a teenager though when he was in a good mood (I think cuz he was getting older and mellowing) I'd sit on his lap and rub his bald head and tell him about my week trying out my sarcasm.  I'd say "dad don't cuss at me you'll give me a complex and he'd say I'll give you a duplex!"- guess you had to be there!!! Then he'd laugh and say he was going to "put his boot where the sun don't shine"- I knew that meant that he loved me, but he never said it, not until I was 18 and moving away from home - he had taken me to KFC for dinner on Apache blvd that night! A bittersweet memory for sure.  My Daddy kept me from the cowboys and protected me from a world of disorder.  In some weird way he taught me to respect and honor my mom in a way that to this day I can't explain.  For I do know that they loved each other.  That they made a commitment to each other and they stuck to it with all their differences and there were many.

What are those ridiculous glasses mom!

Mom and I were huggers. Lots of hugs always!  Happy, sad we were hugging. She liked to have her hair combed and her head scratched with a rat tail comb. Most often I would do this for her because I loved her and knew that she liked it, but sometimes I resented it cuz I felt like I did and did and did for her without her recognizing it. Me recognizing now, as an adult how much she did and did for me, me not appreciating it then. Some of my favorite memories are laying by her in bed after prayers and talking ourselves to sleep about our day or our dreams.  My mom and I had a rare Mother /Daughter relationship we were truly best friends, but I knew my role and I knew hers somehow she knew how to do it and still be my Mother.  Parenting is a crazy thing and not really learned til it's over unfortunately!!!  I thank God my mom and Dad sacrificed their relationship (as I see it now) for me to be raised the way I was. 

And thus we see:  

Save a girl save a generation!  and my parents saved me, if from nothing else from myself.  Look for someone to marry that isn't the parent you were missing!  I always dated boys that I can see now were "father figures" discipliners and gave affection, both  character  traits I needed and missed out from my father.  I also thought the mom ran things in the house and the dad protected his job and did everything he could to provide, even if that meant never being home.  AND THUS WE SEE; marriage has been hard for me but from them I did learn I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it with all our differences and there are many!!!!  

But it helps that I married my mom and not my Dad!!! And that it always ALWAYS takes two to show affection!

Family Ties

Looking at family history is interesting and totally brings me to tears!  I spent the morning watching "Who do you think you are?"    It doesn't matter to me who it is that the story is about, my heart swells at the things that they find out about their heritage.  Plus you learn so much about history (just plain ole history) when you study genealogy!

Talking to the FAMILY each one somewhere else in on the conversation:

Apryl "You cannot get up at 6 in the morning if you are not going to be nice because you are are being a Butt Head!!! Vaughn "A Butt Head?!"  
Ayris "i think you need to go to bed earlier so that you can be nice"
Vaughn "Ayris I think you should just go to bed"
Apryl "I leave in 42 days!"
Gage  "Hi Ayris"
AJ "Hi Pax"
Apryl "that was Gage"
AJ "oh Hi Gage!"

I love my family, how awesome is it that I can be skyping, texting, on the phone with and on the computer with all of my kids at once!
Tonight is Amric's Stage Manager "Wizard of OZ" !!!  He is a technology Wizard!!!!  It is also getting ready to SNOW!!!! 
I'm so glad that it's 62 in Vegas!!! and that the temp is falling fast here in O!

Yesterday my hubby sweet thing that he is was having a discussion with my daughter about the idea of setting a good example.  Back story: Back in the day when I worked outside the home I would often say  "going out with the girls after work"... they would be drinking, "but I was just having a soda".  Today's story: Yesterday this was what the hubby said!!! It's been awhile since I've heard the arguement "birds of a feather flock together", "people judge you by who and what and where you are without asking questions!", and/or  "it's not you I don't trust" etc. etc. etc. 
  I remember the day when I would hear that people were judging me, and my prideful attitude would create something then for them to talk about.  Silly me!!! 
 I'm sure my Mother was shouting "Hooray!" up there in heaven yesterday ...
the punch line is, It was the child saying it to the parent this time. 
I learned the hard way that this isn't the way to go about life, I hope and PRAY that he doesn't have to learn it AGAIN too!   So if you're going out with people after work, don't be surprised if it looks like you are doing the same thing they are - DRINK MILK?!?!  Sometimes some of us have to wear a shirt that states what we believe so others "get it" and we have created a wall of protection or advertising!!!

Some reasons I choose to blog DAILY are to leave a history for my family, to communicate that which I believe in to others I know and the ones that are willing to read that I don't know.  I'd really hope to help someone who might randomly read my stories to not be inconsistent, to be lost or to waste time in darkness.  The things that are happening for me because of my choice to blog DAILY are... I'm falling in love with my husband all over again being more grateful for him than I knew that I was. AND I am being reminded that without my foundation in a belief system of Jesus Christ, the atonement and the Hope of redemption I would have no direction or focus in life.  I would feel so left alone without family or friends without genealogy, the WORD and my testimony of the great plan of Happiness.