who should play?

Church Basketball! I haven't seen this movie, but after reading this paper journal entry I have to admit I'm curious!!

 Feb 22, 1990 Last night we went to watch the boys play Bball.  My old Stake President was the coach of the team that played our boys.  He played boys that weren't members of the church while boys from his own ward sat on the bench...hummm I wonder why!!!???  After the game I heard the man say to his boys "Win at ALL cost...", the Bishop of that ward knew that they bent the rules this way and brought in "ringers!".  Am I just weird that I think it shows no integrity, that it teaches everyone concerned to be bad sports, to not be honest and for men to not have any ethics?  After living in Vancouver for so long and hearing President Shriener not support sports...well lets say I remember when hubby came home from a meeting he'd been to and told this story... Pres. S asked the men if they wanted a sports program, they all raised their hands in support.  He asked who did their home teaching, I guess not so many hands went up!  He said "When we have 100% Home Teaching, we will have a sports program".  His thought he explained was "if you don't have time to Home Teach, you must not have time for sports!!!"    It's been a lesson that sticks in my brain!!!  So tonight I am reminded people are always watching.  When we were leaving the hall my hubby seemed abit bothered, but still made the comment "It's just a game".  We talked about it with some old friends who were there and they asked up who we think we are? ..."pretty self righteous" a friend said to me.  You know I thought the days of peer pressure were over.  But I guess not!

Decision Decision

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work-HL Hunt
It's going to say Monday, but I haven't been to bed yet, so I think this should still count for Sunday!!!
One thing I am learning, I don't just like randomly writing here, like say Facebook or Twitter!!!  I like to think, maybe even say a prayer, I like to read a little and do some research when I blog, it tends to mean more and actually add up to something that I believe can say something!?!?!  But tonight, I haven't done that. Tonight is me wishing that I could get online and find answers  to questions that would lead us all down a happy long and straight road...one that is paved and has no hills or loose gravel.  My how we can make our lives miserable and non productive by being paralyzed by indecision.  My Mom taught me this by Edgar A. Guess; "You are the person who has to decide. Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; You are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.” I pray for peace, for guardian angels, for SOMEONE TO MAKE A DECISION!   

Getting a little of my own right back at me!!!



This kid is really on my mind today and since feb is almost over including the Tolo date picture here~!

As I was saying earlier!!! what do I do to help these two kids!!! Maybe I should try something new and back out of it VS being the Jane Austen Aunt!!! Let them see what happens without striving to explain what she said to him and What he meant when he said that to her!!!! Since I am so great at communication anyway!

Whitney having a baby shower!  So happy for her and her little family!! Love Love Love Whitney!!!

Off to Apryls....While I am with Apryl we love to watch our TV, but I especially like the way that she brings me Jane Austen and all of her weird English novels.  I could never read them, but when I watch them with her...look out, I'm in and there is no stopping our little marathon.  It's interesting too ... I like to watch and study the relationships she has with friends, men and Aunts!!! 

Austin and Anona arrived, they are doing some job interviews.  .  . woodland Hills, Downtown LA who knows where he will be this time next year?? 

I'm still at Apryl's haven't heard from anyone except Tyler.  I guess he spoils me, so I expect everyone to text me all the time, too!  But just reafirms my lesson this month in the importance of staying in contact.

The grandkids throwing books, that seems to be a big surprise since Apryl likes the book so much!??  Tonight I was suppose to babysit but Sean went with his parents vs coming home to take Apryl on her Temple Date.  When will husband (boyfriends learn!?!?!).   On another issue... Really?  Why do people think I can't keep it together?  Apryl and Sean took me to the In-Laws tonight - they pointed out to me that they prayed for me...Really?  am I that awful that I can't represent without embarrassment???  I would like to help out more, But I feel like she doesn't want or like anything that is me - the person who I am???  Today we went to a cement park and took the kids to play.  I felt like Iris and Kelly were in the car only this time it was Kelly and Apryl!  Yikes!!!  I really could delv into this more the relationship between the mother and daughter, but not tonight.  It is so much fun to be here with Vaughn and Pax, neither of them took any time at all to warm up to me.  We had tons of fun playing, reading and playing more!   Be careful how you treat your mother!!! 

I miss my family.

Feb enteries almost over.  I am learning.  I am also thinking this is a big job and wondering how Julie (Julie and Julia) ever wrote everyday AND cooked!!!!   I want to write with inspiration and not just blah blah blah my journals say this and that today.... hopefully it'll pick up!

choice, boys, grandkids, parenting, you name it!

Oh I wish that I knew how to listen and get inspired by God better, faster, easier.  The issue is this...  I can't remember making any decision as a teenager without wondering what boy would be there!  I think I have taken that to my mothering too!  I may have influenced a daughter to go to Weber thinking a certain missionary would be there.  I may have been swaying Amric to be nice to a certain young lady, because she is just that - a nice young lady.  I'm pretty sure Austin didn't listen to anything I ever said about the girls in his life and that he pretty much lied to them so they would hate me and never want to hang out at the house (so maybe he was the smartest of the bunch to see inside my manipulative soul)!!! Then the weirdest situation now I have the two kids that are my own  How do I look out for them, they have the weirdest relationship in the whole wide world.  How do I help them?  So in 1991 I was reading in my journal that life influences are choices.  Duh!!! My Mom isn't always with us, she keeps going to Judyanns and to Uncle Otis' why can't she just stay here with us!!!???  How's that for selfish!!!  Still I am making decisions for a boy!  I'm in it now though, for me it's an eternity thing...thus I need to make this work, hopefully we will and can learn to make decisions together.  My hubby was even sad about Mom leaving, but I think he might just want a babysitter!  We shouldn't just want grandmas' for babysitters!!!  Grandmas' are people too, no matter how old we get we are still 17 inside!!!!  It looks like in Feb 1996 Nanny went back to Mexico and Gramma moved in!  22 days later Gramma was gone! I guess she didn't really like it here!    Well I keep striving to bring this back around to my opening statement!!! Looks to me like other people make decisions for themselves...Maybe I'll start trying that!!!  Today I wrote to elder georg that life is a roller coaster!!

Feb 25 1996 Today is weird.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster with big dips!  One second I am Happy and hopeful and the next I think everybody hates me and there is no hope!
there isn't a clean room in the house.
Delia, is such a great help around the house!
Tomorrow we start a family color chart...Orangehubby, Yellowme, BlueApryl, GreenAustin, PinkAyris,  PurpleDelia, BrownAytyom, RedAmric, NannyRose. This applies to chores, plates, rewards, they will know!
Gramma called. only asked for hubby said nothing. 
I Miss mom.

Really life is a Roller Coaster and just keeps on spinning up and down Over and Out!!! Life lessons to learn over and over again!!!! HELP!!!  Inspiration - Please arrive!!!!

Your heart is my ....

"Your heart is my piñata.”  When I read this quote today I couldn't help but think "that sucks!" that is not love, or if it is who would want that kind of love and in researching thru my paper journals Valentine's Day certainly doesn't show well for me and mine!  Lot's of lost dinners, flowers and cry me a rivers!!! So what is love and Valentines all about or what do I want it to be about in the future...  Hubby brought me flowers this year, even after telling me not to do anything - we didn't have the funds.  For once I followed orders!!! But then, I did nothing for anyone except my little 6 year old primary class!!!  Thus, I missed Valentines day!  Along with several birthdays this year, well I'll say it...I notice that I have forgotten what my mother taught me about sending a card.  It doesn't cost much to mail (the US Post Office takes paper messages to another person for money!).  I love, love, love getting mail.  I am spoiled by facebook and email, it's just so easy.  It's sloppy easy to just wish someone happy birthday without making an effort to really take action and show you care, even with just a card.  I am prideful.  If I can't go BIG I pretty much shrink into the abyss!  Tragic!  I love a letter.  Also I think that taking the time to write, to send pics to just acknowledge and be involved is an action and LOVE is an action word.  Isn't that what Valentines Day is all about???  Therefore sadly in 2011 I missed the big picture!  Another lesson learned and that is this; I will strive to be less prideful and show more LOVE!  Today when I was reading about King Benjamin I noted that it said they did wax strong (the people) in love towards Mosiah; yea, they did esteem him more than any other man; for they did not look upon him as a tyrant who was seeking for gain, yea, for that lucre which doth corrupt the soul; for he had not exacted riches of them, neither had he delighted in the shedding of blood; but he had established peace in the land, and he had granted unto his people that they should be delivered from all manner of bondage; therefore they did esteem him, yea, exceedingly, beyond measure. Mosiah 29:40

 I was humbled to stop for a second and think about the kind of a world, place, home we would have if we could and indeed did look up to all of our leaders Political or otherwise with such awe.  How do we achieve this for ourselves, deeming this kind of respect from our family, friends and colleagues?  We strive to love the people, to serve the people, to know the people.  In doing so, we gain roots and wisdom and peace. 

The Israeli and the fitness guy!



realandsherri.com or twitter.com/realnsherri  or facebook = Sherriandreal LeBeuf!!!

 When we were first married I worked out side the home a regular 40+ hour week but I also had hustle - which my momma taught me, putting me to work at age 5 around the home and into the work force at age 12!    I wanted nice Christmas cards (or maybe my mother just did) anyway she sent me out to sell ... so I sold door to door in the 120 degree heat in August "Christmas cards" with the senders named engraved on the envelope and the in the signature spot!!!   I wanted to have nice jewelry so I sold Park Lane.  I wanted to have nice make-up so I sold Jafra!  I wanted to travel so WE sold Travel Max!!!  Pretty Burnt out on the sales end of things and never really making more than I spent on these self entrepreneurial adventures I was ready to turn down the likes of Real Lebeuf trying to get me to sell Pre Paid Legal!!!!  But when I went to the mall this weekend with Amric to buy him shoes the Israeli sales lady at the kiosk in the mall saw me coming a mile away and knew I hadn't been out of the house all winter!!!! Then there is hubby who went to get a little help loosing weight ... that complete nutrition guy saw him gettin' out of the car.  And here we sit tonight, with our buyers remorse; lotions and pills and the fluff fund EMPTY! all in one day!!!!!

HAIR!

Ok I'm all caught up!!! with my blog entries ...

Wish I could get the scanner to work.

A really cute entry of amric getting his hair cut for the first time has been left out!! well, maybe over the year another reason for that will be needed!!!

I too am in need of a hair cut! I told Elder Georg I would not cut my hair while he is gone on his mission it's almost been 21 months!!! I am in serious need of a hair cut!!!

gotta shed a few more pounds with that hair cut too!!!

But Oh, My that was a wonderful day with the grandkids!!!

He was here and then he wasn't!

we have invited a foreign exchange student into the home!
My oh My!!!
This kid has a wonderful lovely personality.  But, he has explained to us that he is Russian Mafia!  He has found the drugs and the women, before the first day is up!
I'm pretty sure he stole some stuff from a store -
He went home!
And that's the story of the Foreign Exchange Student who came to live with us!!!
I just can't have that example in my house, I get in enough trouble leading my family all by myself, I truely don't need nor can I handle that.  I do really like him though and I cried for 2 days after sending him home!

GOALS and IMPRESSIONS

Ok we've set the goal!  We are going to buy a house somewhere between Elma and Aberdeen.  We are going to have roots there.  We are going to do it ASAP!  We are going to get the kids set up in the school, and be involved in the community.  I am going to learn to help huby with the new business - we are going to call it "Approved Appraisals"!  We will be a "general Appraiser", we will build a reputation in the county and in the state, we will work together.  A house divided will fall so it must be together!

Today Apryl asked me if "you and Daddy get divorced would Dad stay active and keep going to church?"  "Would I go live with him or  I be able to stay with you?"  "We should be grateful that Dad goes to church and that he has the priesthood"   Out of the mouths of babes!!!

Oh man!!! see what I mean, now I find this entry!!! The family watched LONESOME DOVE! 

I really liked it.  It rates right up there with my top 5!  Mostly because of the characters of Gus and Woodrow.  Images of the men that raised me.  My father and my brother Tom.  I am not sure exactly where Timmy fits in, kinda afraid he was Jake Spoon!  So if you ever want to know the men that raised me, unfortunately this would enlighten you!!!  When this mini series was over Austin and I had emptied a box or two of Kleenex, Apryl tried to cry and Huby didn't cry at all, Mind you he cried when Spock died, but not the tuff cowboy!!!  But again, not a movie for little kids!!  What on earth was I thinking? 

In my defense on this one, I really believe these are my people and in some weird way I was trying to share and teach that heritage thing to my kids!!  I know writing it down doesn't even sound like a defense!!!!  Writing is good for me.  It One causes me to read more and Two teaches me to strive to be a better person!

1977 - 1990 What are you letting your kids watch??

I tend to get migraines, I used to especially more than I do now-a-days!

in the journal entry I find that I am home laying on the couch with an ice pack on my head.  I put in a movie for my son to watch til Apryl came home from school.  I shant say the name, much to my embarrassment but before this entry is over I'm sure you will know what I've done!!!

Let me back up... I remember my first discussion ever of the movie rating system It went something like this... Bishop Watson...Probably you should not go see that movie.  Me... But there are two versions of it the one I am going to see is ok.  Bishop I wish you wouldn't.  The Prophet has counseled us not to support the R-Rated movies.  Well I'm pretty sure I went.  I didn't understand the "Obedience lesson" yet.  I continued from that day to say "the only really good movies" are probably rated R! and went to see them at will (my willful rebellion).  It makes me  shutter to think of this, much less acknowledge it outloud here and now.

I've written in my journal "It is amazes me, that I notice what the kids are watching more when other peoples children are over!" How sad it that?  Really can we as parents be so blind.  I remember love love loving "Up in Smoke" and taking my mother to see it and leaving - she didn't think it was funny at all!!!  Then my nephews!!! I took them to see movies that they should not have been too at all either!  I remember Olaf hiding at the thoughts of  "Tremors"!  and Matthew and I cheering the heroics of "Tango and Cash".  Oh how I will have to answer for these errors in my choices.  If I could do or say anything to encourage you to let your babies your innocent youngins be witness to inappropriate visual stimuli ... I say I am so sorry now that i did not exercise obedience.  We think when they are young mimicking the world it is so cute and makes us laugh.  How naive are we as young parents as to what we are creating by the age of 6 when I heard the movie that my baby was watching and vowed to never let R-Rated movies in the home again. To not pay to support them.  It's even worse now, PG-13 teaches bad stuff out there.  Obedience is the lesson.  How much better off my family would be if I had willing been able to be obedient way back when I'd had that first conversation with my Bishop.  Oh that my children hadn't heard nor ever seen the things they saw ....   Be careful is all I'm saying.

It's the small things that bring us down.  Obedience is the foundation for all good things to come to pass.  John 14:15 If ye love me keep my commandments.  I am so sorry, I appologize.

Just a great guide is as follows taken from a book  titled For the Strength of Youth:

"Media: Movies, Television, Radio, Videocassettes, Books, and Magazines Our Heavenly Father has counseled us as Latter-day Saints to seek after "anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy" (Articles of Faith 1:13). Whatever you read, listen to, or watch makes an impression on you. Public entertainment and the media can provide you with much positive experience. They can uplift and inspire you, teach you good and moral principles, and bring you closer to the beauty this world offers. But they can also make what is wrong and evil look normal, exciting, and acceptable. "

Pornography is especially dangerous and addictive. Curious exploration of pornography can become a controlling habit leading to coarser material and to sexual transgression. If you continue to view pornography, your spirit will become desensitized, and your conscience will erode. Much harm comes from reading or viewing pornography. It causes thoughts within you that weaken your self-discipline.
Don't attend or participate in any form of entertainment, including concerts, movies, and videocassettes, that is vulgar, immoral, inappropriate, suggestive, or pornographic in any way. Movie ratings do not always accurately reflect offensive content. Don't be afraid to walk out of a movie, turn off a television set, or change a radio station if what's being presented does not meet your Heavenly Father's standards. And do not read books or magazines or look at pictures that are pornographic or that present immorality as acceptable.
In short, if you have any question about whether a particular movie, book, or other form of entertainment is appropriate, don't see it, don't read it, don't participate.

2005

2005

For this week I'm so grateful to have gotten to go to El Paso / Las Cruces for the Seminary Symposium!  I really really felt the spirit edify!  I WANT to PRAY and be worthy to teach.  Huby took kids to Albuquerque today for a Temple trip.  Mom and I along with Amric started to pack the house again!  I cried!  I colored Nanny's hair first time ever for her (and we never did it again!) she did not like the idea!!!  This is a small thing but Richie pointed out to me today that "I felt" like I'd been given or blessed or "had a change of heart" so It's all spiritual guidance to back to Elma, back to our roots.  I pray to be able to let go of my people and my seminary kids here, the house - I thought that we were here to stay!!! That this was the place of our new roots!

Today the 20th we are in Las Vegas attending church with Apryl and Sean.  The boys are on the way back to Elma when we are done, the girls go back to Roswell.  So my prayers are for safe travel, the house to sell, and the job to be successful for him.

Email, Paper Journals, Scrapbooks, Oh my!!!

I am looking thru the journals...Today I find that I wrote... "I am at Apryls - I'm pretty busy so I am emailing people eletters and not writing so much in my paper journal!"  thus I am reminded that I have the story of my life in way tooooo many places.  This will be a tuff job, condensing the life and married times into one place! Wish me luck!!!


"A spirit persuaded first one way and then the other cannot be relied on." --Fredrick Wentworth



Sean tells stories to the kids!  These are the morals to His stories; The moral of the story of Peter Pan = "Chicks that fight can be Hot!"  and "Boys who lie die!",  "Fat is bad" and of course "Fairies are HOT!"

"So Vaughn is a little loud and crazy this visit!"  It's this tiny apt, he has no place to vent his aggresion!!!

This is my baby - I love her!!!! She loved to read before she could!!!

"The Saints of God have always been under covenant to nourish each other spiritually, especially those tender in the gospel."  Henry B. Eyring

Save a Girl, Save a generation!

well I have a few days of makeup work to do!  Just as my son who seems to be failing History currently!!!  Thus he has had the computer and all the rights thereof!!! Now it's my turn...

Looking over the weeks in Feb I found a few things I'd like to mention, the first being where and when I found and fell in love with a quote of President Gordon B. Hinckley... and at least recorded it Feb 10 2008.

"It is so tremendously important that the women of the church stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord.  They must Begin in their own home.  The can teach it in their classes. The can voice it in their communities.  They MUST be the teachers and the guardians of their daughters.  When You Save A Girl, You Save A Generation.  I see this as the one bright shining hope in a world that is marching toward moral self-destruction."

I remember just loving this.  And the talk that went with it.  So maybe it is true, if we write it, it is One more way for us to Remember and I need all kinds of help remembering!!!!  I am often caught reminding people "I have no memory, when God gave out blessings/talents...I didn't get a memory!!"

God hears me pray!

I will write "DAILY" I will, I will I tell you...Except for the fact that our Internet continually stops working on my new computer and I cannot figure out why or how to fix it.  Still (if I will listen) I have "DAILY" evidence that He is there and that He hears me pray!!!

It seems since my writing about the roots and the transplants - the parable of the sower ... I have had a burden lifted from my heart and shoulders.  I know, I KNOW, again I WILL admit it "I'm weird"!!!!!  But lighter and eager to seek out knew roots and step out into the darkness.   I do feel an urgency in this.

Journaling is a whole private matter at best.  But doing it here has helped me be more positive and more Honest with myself I guess.  I am glad of it.  I tend to have pity parties and I can go on and on about it, but I am seeking light in a dark world now and I am achieving it by writing here. Thus I will go on.  Reminding myself that the goal is to compare the last 30 years (looking at each of my past daily entries) and then somehow to compare them to today "DAILY" and report where I've been, lessons I've learned, bring the dark to light and make peace with the choices I have made and in that leave something ... some kind of roots in some good soil for family.  Ain't nothin' like family!

Transplanted Roots!

When I say "we transplanted", it's because this time when we moved it's because I have "matured" as my friend Urlene would say and grown and well maybe bloomed a little! This thought process all started when in our last move we were abruptly loading plants to go ahead of us to our new home with the son who was now leaving earlier than expected.  I have a house full of plants that have been named and taken care of in the name of all the dead family members! Yes I say Dead, not deceased, not passed, Dead.  It has been the way I have looked at it, I guess, the way I have dealt with the rudeness of them leaving me here going on without me and well leaving me - Dead.  Anyway that is another blog prbly so today I am striving to work out the TRANSPLANT! the fact that I need ROOTS and that maybe this is the issue in my life that leaves me with walls, without a glow, not Happy, empty yep we are back to DEAD! Well I'm pretty tired of it too and so is the fam so I'm striving as I said, to work it out ... redeem my place in this world and make good use of it ... or otherwise what is the point of being here, still having the blessing of being here, still living longer than my brother and even creeping up on the age of the siblings too!  anyway blah blah blah!  so... where did I leave off????

Oh, where were we?  We are moving again from the attempted roots of heaven and Mom just died!  We are now moving the plants.  I have this one plant that is huge long, we call her Aunt EL!  I start to prune her, so that she will fit and travel well!  The daughter we'll call her AJ went (as she does) ballistic, I sat down to explain that they need to travel they might need a little pruning.  She was distressed that we would just cut off the family and throw them out!  So we made a plan ... I kept the pruned pieces in water to transplant when we got to the new place.  Have you ever heard the story in the Bible about The Parable of the Sower?  You can find it in a few different places (Matthew 13:17-24 Mark 4, and Luke 8:5-8)  This is my vision.  Our talk, that day back in Washington turned into a lingering tale that has both haunted me and given me joy over the last few months since AJ and I had this talk as we talked of plants, roots, seeds, dirt, heritage, missionary work, belief, traditions well keep in mind PEOPLE not merely plants.

When Aunt EL died (the acutal one not the plant!) and  I brought home a plant and I gave the another to my daughter. I'm not sure how she took care of it. But when she moved it did not come with, just an empty pot.  When My sister died I brought home a flower it has since dried up and is in a cedar box in my Kitchen with me. When my brother died I also brought home a flower a yellow one that was so Tom!  It was alive, bright yet rugged and handsome. When Apryl Ann was married I was afraid to use flowers that lived, for they would some day die too, so I have some of her plastic flowers place in a wase to greet me each morning as I wash my face and put on my make-up!!!

When we actually did move AJ and I put into the works a network plan, a missionary heritage, family roots type experiment just to see how it would play out!  We planted the pieces of the plants at my sons house in new pots (which was kinda dumb in retro spec since he wasn't home, nor would he be for a month! to take care of them). We bought soil and tried to strategically space them towards the light in the rooms they were left in.  Then we went away.  Two months later when I returned, the pots with their plants were outside looking abit limp and weakened, BUT still hanging on.  Then...(forgive me but for the sake of my story!) an outsider came in threw the plants to the trash and the soil to the garden.  It was a wind that shook the earth.  Some plants were replaced, some plants were not, pots were left empty, and others were left with pieces of plant and soil...to me they looked so sad!   Some were left with a tiny root to hang on to, some were not allowed a root or a connection to the past.  The picture in the previous blog is the sprout of a Christmas cactus my mom watered each week, the limbs here in this picture are from a plant that I've had since my Dad died.  The plants at home that we call JA and T were NOT even rooted.  And the one named Oats was not even shared! Is that life? REALLY? What is the story of the ancestors? The descendants? What will I leave?

If you can imagine with me, our families spread out all over the world, how do we nourish them?  Are we rooted in something good.  What are the traditions of our fathers? Are they good or evil? If they are not of Jesus Christ then what? I pray we can then be the link that strenghtens and break that chain that isn't goodness.  We are going to be responsible for that which is planted in unrighteousness.  I am grateful for my knowledge in the scriptures and the parable of the Sower and hope to break the chains of ugliness around the home and weld links of happiness transplanted for our future.

I get it this is very wordy and I need to work on that ... how to tell the thought without being so wordy!!!! But let me sum it up in away I hope that you can feel what I have felt in this experiment of needing roots to be transplanted.

This time (our move) I have not been rooted up, but transplanted.  My sadness and lack of luster is that I indeed have not found roots yet, but I will (now that I know what i'm looking for).  Over the month that I was at my sons I watched that little sprout come back to life in a pot in the back yard, she grew out of the soil and start to bloom.  If we are left to ourselves we can survive if we look upward to the light.  But if we have roots how much more blessed are we and how much more advantage do we have in this life. 
dig in and bloom. 

I Need Roots

I had an epiphany this morning while we were at the church cleaning.  First I was thinking I should have brought my ipod...for goodness sakes I needed noise, it was so quiet and I was mopping and washing toilets (i don't even like washing my own- I needed music!).  But then I said to myself "self use the time wisely, listen in the quiet for the stillness and peace and inspiration that you need"!  Yes I do talk to myself, ask anyone in the family!!!  These are the words that came to mind "I need Roots"!  so what exactly does that mean???  So Quickly I have been searching for the inspiration that is my answer.

Can you see in the center a tiny Christmas cactus root?

This is the beginning of a root.  The slightest help will encourage and lift this tiny green spirit of a thing into a beautiful Christmas cactus.  I don't really have a green thumb.  But I have had so many family members die off on me that I have a pretty good collection of plants now.  I remember one time we moved from my roots in Arizona and I was excited and young and happily starting out a new married life on my own away from my mom and dad and family members. But I was happy and excited to plant new roots and bloom.  It was a great and wonderful wonderful experience and I (WE) made friends with people that 20 years later we still call friends and the Parkers are more family.  Then another time we moved and I felt like my roots had been ripped up out of the ground.  That I was submitting if you will to the mandates of the huby!  We lost our home, our reputation, our friends, our roots oh and that was the year I lost a Brother, and my sister in death.  Once or twice we've moved before we even had a chance to make any roots!

Then there was that one time that I thought I had completed my moves and we even dug a hole for a pool, a trampoline and planted a tree, I thought for sure this time we had found our roots.  Yet again we followed the dreams of the self employed the wind blowing our roots away, as they had not yet taken to the dry ground.  This is the year my oldest brother died and his daughter reappeared after 30 years demanding she had his roots and that his mother nor I had any roots (or ties or bound to him) and sprayed poison all over to keep us out (that's my green speak for she got the guns the lawyers and wrote nasty letters!!!). She took it all.

This last time, I had found heaven.  I had rebuilt friendships.  I was surrounded by trees and grass and the temperature was pretty medium (not too hot, not to cold).  It wasn't perfect (the house a disaster needing home repairs that believe you me, we do not do nor should ever attempt to again), it maybe wasn't celestial heaven worthy - but pretty close.  I never went a day without saying thank you God for this place.  The huby tried to move us 2 or 3 times.  I told him once "you go work wherever you want, come home when you can.  Me and the kids - well, we live here!"  After we had really planted some roots this time from the youngest to the oldest - it was time to move again.  In support, and yet in sadness the family supported the job yet again and we packed up the home BUT this time transplanted ourselves to a new place. 

This was the year my mom died. 

That was bittersweet she has been transplanted to another degree of life.  She left for us the beginnings, the roots we are her transplants.  Because of her we have life, and she will want a report, full disclosure of what we have planted, how we have bloomed, if we dug deep enough, plowed, weeded, worked hard enough to not get blown away, nourished our roots to bloom in Heaven.

Does BLOG mean "SHORT"? 

to be continued...

We talk to those who talk to us

I have the thought today that Heavenly Father might like it when we talk to Him often.
As a daughter I called home daily after I moved away from home.  As a wife I tell my husband everyday that I love him. As a parent, I strive to tell my kids all the time how important they are and that I love them and to Always Remember who they are.  I work to keep in touch with my few relatives left on this earth. It's frustrating and lonely to not have that connection.  When we want something is it then and only then that God hears us or sees us on our knees?  How grateful He must be if we check in often, if we Pray always and give thanks ALWAYS and not just when we want something.

Which leads me to a time we were moving from Coos Bay Oregon to Mesa Arizona.  We were driving a HUGE U-Haul truck thru San Francisco - have you driven through San Fransisco?  We were loaded down looking like a heavy duty Semi Truck going UP one of those hills in San Fran. we hit a red light.  When the light changed we put it into gear to go and the truck would not budge.  We were WAY to heavy to be in the predicament!  Our first response as a couple was to panic and call for help, but we look over and our babies 1st and 2nd grade had their heads bowed, their eyes closed and their arms folded...their first response was to pray to God to ask for help to please help the truck move forward UP this hill.  Huby and I look at eat other, smile feel dumb that it wasn't our first response and the quickly say thank you Heavenly Father for ALL our blessings.  The truck started to move and we had a safe trip through the rest of the city, with this experience we learned that we should always turn to Heavenly Father both to ask and in gratitude.

My momma taught me to say thank you.  To finish the thought that I had today, I believe we talk to people who talk back.  We need to talk back to interact with those around us.

Pocorn and Soda the small things that bring me down! Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. Alma 37:6

let's talk about food!!!
So well you  know me it's Feb 10th! I'm still striving to eat right (right for me)!!!  Why is it that when I tell myself that I cannot eat popcorn, I find myself binging on popcorn like I am afraid I will NEVER EVER be allowed to eat popcorn again!!!???? and why is it when I tell someone that I believe in something or that I tried something good and it worked, the next hour minute or day I will for sure be tested to see if I really do believe that?  For instance... When I say a prayer to eat right before my day starts..it usually is a good day on that regard!  OR  when I make a commitment to write on my blog "Daily" then the computer Internet goes out and throws me off my directive!!!!  What about this; "Yes I walk and I think walking is important to my health" ...it is 30 below, I'm not walkin'!!!!  And let's not even talk about a budget for food!  Or let's.  Why is eating healthy is so darn much more expensive than eating white flour, white sugar and white pasta based foods that can come directly out of my food storage?!  How do people budget and feed their families? No wonder we all weigh too much, for to only eat protein and a green ... is just too darn costly! 

I'm winding down to ONE year here on my new eating program, and On March first I will do a full report (but shhhh don't tell anyone OR something will get in my way of making a full disclosure and helping me to know if it's actually done any good at all!!!).  I think I have for sure learned moderation in all things. Willpower is essential but prayer is a great absolute - a must FOR ME to be able to recover from any and all addiction.  I'm not sure yet of all the triggers, but I know they are there.  I am not positive of all the reasons I eat, but I know I don't just eat because I like the food for instance; I don't really like and I fully believe that diet drinks are not good for me, yet I want to drink a soda. I never drank soda as a youth, but since my sister and mother, My Aunt and my Uncle all had sugar diabetes I have switched from regualr soda to the lesser of the two evils - even though my good sense tells me somewhere deep inside to just not drink it, for the sake of health and the budget!!!

Well I guess I found one of my addictions caffeine.  But really In my mind I will never be able to truly do without caffeine...it's in too many things.  I have always had the head aches of my Father, and Excedrin is the only cure.  And I won't ever stop eating chocolate... So what is the answer - just what I ask!???!?  Moderation in all things and to never start anything that has any kind of addictive chemical in it, wait! I think I've heard that before - "Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost. … Any drug, chemical, or dangerous practice that is used to produce a sensation or ‘high’ can destroy your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. These include hard drugs, prescription or over-the-counter medications that are abused, and household chemicals.  We do not want to harm our mortal bodies, for they are a gift from God, and part of our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness is the reuniting of our immortal bodies with our spirits." well that is just one of the many sources I found in a talk by L.Tom Perry

Anyway I did not have any intention of talking out my need for speed here and now, but since I have maybe it will motivate and help me in my effort to resist.  To recognize and admit that a stimulant is only a depressant and a trigger to crave more carbs!!!  I will eat more healthy, have willpower and discipline in my care of my body and not sit and pig out on Popcorn as I did yesterday!!!!   WISH ME LUCK!!!!!

Pictures Pictures Everywhere!!!

Well so it's really hard to be consistent and really and truly be a "Daily" report!!! 
Today I have been sorting digital pictures!  I have them saved everywhere from MySpace to Facebook and then from this computer to that computer and then from my phone to my jumpdrive!!!! Holy smoke it's a digital nightmare!!!  I like paper!  I can see paper, sort paper Visualize paper!!!  I know for sure what I have and will be able to see again and what I won't. With Digital I am always wondering!!!  It is fun to go back and look and remember the people, the places, the dreams and the heritage that makes me who I am.  Also good to note that I must want my grandaughter to be a cheerleader, cuz it seems I have replaced the infant cheerleader outfit with yet a bigger one this last year for Christmas all in the name of motivating my daughter to get done with school!!!  It is also pointed out to me, that I love to have people over to the house.  I hope to be able to do that again once the snow melts!!!  We are outdoorsy people and love to have the fire and chat...why do I live in the city again??? really??!!?!?  I miss the freedoms from that lifestyle!

Ahhh, those were the days!



I miss my Daddy

I don't blog from post! Left from right! North from the south, east from the west??? Sync from Link!!!???
I hesitate to blog today, for my mind is reeling and anxious, frustrated and pensive.
But alas!! Maybe if I start to write I will be able to sort things out in my mind and come up with a solution.
What does one do without a "To Do List"?
It looks like I did figure out how to get my phone pics on my computer though YIPEEEE! My Pictures make me happy.  It is a happy memory I have also of my Father, maybe that is why I have kept so many scrapbooks.  He would come home for dinner on Sunday night and we would watch "Archie Bunker" and then look thru picture books together.  I loved it when he smiled and laughed, I do miss my Daddy!!!

Fathers are very important figures in a childs' life.

Odd that is where I ended up on this empty day in my life.

Time moves quickly take a moment to breathe and enjoy!

WOW! I so feel that time is flying by me with no regard.  This morning my thoughts are just of how fast time is moving I'm wondering what am I doing with it?  What are my grandbabies doing today? Do they know me? Are my children prepared for what is ahead of them? Does my family know how very much I love them? Is my house clean? What did I do with my yesterday? Am I doing everything I can and know how to do to one day meet my maker!???!???!

I recall the parable of the 10 virgins in the New Testament;

"we are living in a time of urgency. We are living in a time of spiritual crisis. We are living in a time close to midnight. There is an urgency to meet the worldwide spiritual crisis through action now. It can only be accomplished by performance. Procrastination is a deadly weapon of human progress. Thank God there is no need of a shortage in the oil of preparedness. It is accumulated at will, drop by drop, in righteous living.

Jesus, our Redeemer, has given to us for our use in this day a powerful parable to stress the importance of constant personal preparedness. It is known as the parable of the Ten Virgins, a warning to all mankind everywhere.

“Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
“And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.
“They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:
“But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

“While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.

“And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.
“Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
“And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.

“But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

“And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
“Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.
“But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.

“Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.” Matthew 25: 1-13 

It can be properly and appropriately concluded that the ten virgins represent the people of the Church of Jesus Christ, and not alone the rank and file of the world. The wise and foolish virgins, all of them, had been invited to the wedding supper; they had knowledge of the importance of the occasion. They were not pagans, heathens, or gentiles, nor were they known as corrupt or lost, but rather they were informed people who had the saving, exalting gospel in their possession, but had not made it the center of their lives. They knew the way, but were foolishly unprepared for the coming of the bridegroom. All, even the foolish ones, trimmed their lamps at his coming, but their oil was used up. In the most needed moment there was none available to refill their lamps. All had been warned their entire lives.
Today thousands of us are in a similar position. Through lack of patience and confidence, preparation has ceased. Others have lulled themselves to sleep to a complacency with the rationalization that midnight will never come. The responsibility for having oil in our personal lamps is an individual requirement and opportunity. The oil of spiritual preparedness cannot be shared. The wise were not unkind or selfish when they refused oil to the foolish in the moment of truth. The kind of oil needed by all of us to light up the darkness and illuminate the way is not shareable. The oil could have been purchased at the market in the parable, but in our lives it is accumulated by righteous living, a drop at a time..."  -Marvin J. Ashton

I pray to be ready. To have a lamp filled with oil.  "They say"; don't worry about the small stuff, but really it's the small stuff that brings us down. We have to be on guard constantly to avoid, to repent, to be prepared to face the world each and every moment so that we can not turn away from that which we know to be right.  My family tells me "a blog is to be short, no one will read them because they are too long".  Well maybe not, but I'm learning alot from my own research, my own daily journaling and I believe in the end we are judged by our own book or books!! see Revelation 20:12  And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.

This morning when I thought of time and how fast it was moving, I thought of my grandbabies and how far away from me they are...I hope someday to know them better but maybe thru my "Book", or Blog they will know me someday and the things in which I believe! 

29 years ago today I knelt at an alter and was sealed for Time and ALL eternity to my huby, this man that loves me, forgives me, is so good to me that he seeks everyday for something to do to please me and make my life better .  Even in marriage it's not the big things that make them fall or brings them down, it's the small things.  I truly believe that and am grateful everyday for the Man that I love and that he Loves me.

sadly this is the only picture we have of that day, we thought it was cold (I say thought, because it was Arizona! I live in the sub temps now - NOW I know what cold is!)  anyway we hurried away instead of relishing in the moment.  again I say; Time moves quickly take a moment to breathe and enjoy!

and then crop your pictures better than this - nice luggage in the pic-duh!!!!

Who were you before you were 6? Is it who you are today???

Ok so (you like how I start every thought with ok so?!?!?!?!)
Yesterday I wrote about trust and made the comment that "they say" we have formed our personality by the time we are 6, so today my mind has been reeling thinking about experience that shows that this plays out and what I've come up with is that it is really true, but in addition we are who we are by the time we are 6 because of our parents or our environment! take for instance;

I was talking to my husband about what he remembers about life before the age of 6. One thing we came up with is that we were both raised on a farm over 20 acres up until the age of 4 ... our whole married life we have searched for a way to live on 20 acres!  We have NO IDEA how to do that because at the age of 4 we both moved off the farm and into the city!

Huby says he only remembers a very few things from that time period.  One; crazy uncles with guns! Two; his home burning to the ground because his Dad was burning trash in the basement!!!   He says he doesn't remember anything else from that time in his life.  To this day he tends to block out things he can't control.

I can remember the dogs eating my dolls in the chicken coup.  The killer dog that my little brother had, his name was relish and he was kept tied up to the loading shoot cuz he ate the chickens.  I remember chasing the sheep.  The long walks down the canal bank following behind my dad and my brother, throwing rocks into the water trying to imitate Opie on the Andy Griffith show! I remember the big tree in the front yard and the asparagus in the ditch in front of the house.  Then BAM, I remember leaving that euphoria and my dad leaving "Gobby", my favorite dog running down the highway behind us as we drove away from the farm moving to the city...seriously I literally remember looking out the back window crying for that lonesome, abandoned, friend!   To this day I have abandonment issues and I'm not sure if I hold on to everything or if I hold on to nothing (tangible that is) I hold on to people too to two TIGHT!!!!!

who were you before you were 6?  What are your memories? Is it who you are today???

who are you really?

I don't think you can even ever really be who you really are.  What for the judgement of "the people", "the government", "your family", or "your religion".  I pretty much think it's why I eat too much, drink too much soda and am a hermit.  They say your personality is created by the age of 6! So...that's me, that's who I am.

Seems like I don't have alot of "paper entries" that are sharable! or should I say "blogable"!!!
In 2008 I did write on this day that we have a new Prophet - Thomas S. Monson and that it was said "that it's a new day - a new generation."  I compare it in my "paper" to the Old Testament time Moses transitioning to Joshua and today Hinckley transitioning to Monson.

"Trust is what holds an army together and trust

starts at the Top."

How important is it to really know yourself? to trust who you are?  Your leaders, government, your children, your spouse?  How do you think that people ask for help? How do we display or exude trust? Confidence?  Today I was making a book of quotes for a missionary just to let him know I was supporting him, thinking about him, trusting him to endure to the end.  I added pictures to this little book of mine, My daughter was looking it over ... I learned two things about myself today...ONE as a child I with my mother did alot of cut and paste - it was "our" craft time (thus I thought as a child I was crafty!)  I trusted her, she let me believe I was crafty because of "home made valentines" etc!!!   TWO as my daughter pointed out to me today...I am very literal and learn visually! I know that this missionary will look at my "craft" and "get that it is me" - I trust him to get it!!!

As a human race I also believe you don't keep doing something for anyone - weither it be self, parent, spouse, teacher, leader or even a Prophet if you don't Trust them; you give in, up and out!

I pray to be one that others trust and to Trust Myself with others.

promises, journals, paper vs blogging??!!!!

To you woman of today, who are old or young...May I suggest that you write, that you keep journals, that you express your thoughts on paper.  It will assist you in various ways....
---Gordon B. Hinckley

My daughter and I were talking she was asking how to start a journal and what to write...this is my teacher on Journals and good to review again....

"how happy we are as we find our grandparents’ journals and follow them through their trials and joys and gain for our own lives much from the experiences and faith and courage of our ancestors.
Accordingly, we urge our young people to begin today to write and keep records of all the important things in their own lives and also the lives of their ancestors in the event that their parents should fail to record all the important incidents in their own lives. Your own private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. The Royal Bank of Canada Monthly Letter made this point when it reported, “One famed book collector divided his big library into two parts—biography and ‘all the rest.’ ”
No one is commonplace, and I doubt if you can ever read a biography from which you cannot learn something from the difficulties overcome and the struggles made to succeed. These are the measuring rods for the progress of humanity.
As we read the stories of great men, we discover that they did not become famous overnight nor were they born professionals or skilled craftsmen. The story of how they became what they are may be helpful to us all.
Your own journal, like most others, will tell of problems that recur constantly in every generation, that are as old as the world and how you dealt with them.
Your journal should contain an image of your true self rather than a picture of you that applies cosmetics to everything you ever did, making you appear to be flawless. There is a temptation to paint with words one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices, but there is also the opposite pitfall of accentuating the negative. Personally, I have little respect for anyone who delves into the ugly phases of the life he is portraying, whether it be his own or another’s. The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely prudent?
The good biographer will not depend on passion but on good sense. He will weed out the irrelevant and seek the strong, novel, and interesting. Perhaps we might gain some help from reading Plutarch’s Lives, where he grouped 46 lives in pairs, a Greek and a Roman in each pair. He tried to epitomize the most celebrated parts of their stories rather than to insist upon every slightest detail of them.
Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life. There may be a flash of illumination here and a story of faithfulness there; you should truthfully record your real self and not what other people may see in you.
Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.
Writing a journal is the literature of superior people. Each individual can become superior in his own humble life.
What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved?
Some of what you write may be ordinary events and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity.
Get a notebook, my young folks, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity. Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events... Spencer W. Kimball

Better Youth Require Better Teachers -Scott

Yeah!!!! a new month!!! Month 2 February!!!! over 30 years.... In looking over my "paper" Feb 1st, this is what I find...
"Here and there, and now and then, God makes a giant among men.  President Hinckley such a GIANT - a giant of knowledge, of faith, of testimony, of compassion of vision".    -President Monson 2008

Tips for teaching Seminary (and I like to think teaching the kids at home);

1. teach students not lesson
2. let the spirit do the teaching
3. teach by the spirit, the teacher must live worthy of the spirit
4. Scriptures invite the spirit into the hearts of the students
5. Teach Pure Doctrine
6. Live to learn, learn to love and you'll love to live.
7. Stay on Course
8. Don't let  Satan undermine your worth.

In correlation with these thoughts. Since writing this blog summing up January I see a couple of things have happened that I'd like to record. 

• the missionaries from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints came for dinner and challenged me to pray for 30 min. and then listen for answers.   I did it. It is awesome. God hears and answers prayers.  I didn't think I could even pray that long but I did, I prayed longer.
• I started to teach the 6 year olds in Primary.  I was so scared.  Really me scared to teach?!?!?  I was. I still am, but I have been praying about it naming the kids individually and waiting and listening - it's been such a great experience.  They don't sit still, the seem hyperactive!  But then I don't have 6 year olds at home everyday anymore!!!  The last lesson I taught said to share a video with the class.  I found the video I watched it - it's a story of how the church was restored.  It is a religious story, not a cartoon, religious hymns in the background not catchy tunes.  I 'm thinking these kids are not going to sit still for this.  In short I was prepared, I took the DVD to show, I said We are going to watch this thinking if they don't sit still and if they get bored i will just turn it off and we will do something else.  I think my faith was lacking!!  These little kids knelt down and gathered and reverently were entranced in this story.  They made comments about the music that it was their favorite that they loved this kind of music and that they were so proud of Joseph Smith trying to tell people even though they laughed at him and were mean to him.  They were reverent. The spirit was strong and testified to us all that the world doesn't teach (it influences) but it doesn't teach.
• Reading my paper, recognizing history and admitting it has changed and helped me. I can see changes in me already.  Both reminding myself that I learned something and maybe had fallin' away from it. Or admitting that for years I have had the same goals so now is the time to move on it. Makes me grateful I kept a record and more happy and grateful to have a wonderful husband and the most greatest kids in the whole wide world.
• the missionaries also challenged us to set up a profile on mormon.org to better chat with the world and share my testimony and I also did that.
• But Jan has been a great month for family history.  I am doing a little bit everyday and working hard to find real people and sure up real family ties on ancestry.com.  I am using this season for all things Family search! having only a handful of family member left in this world really makes Malachi's word real in my life I do have a heart that turns to my father in looking for family connections.

this is my life. this is what I do and this is my quest, to leave a family heritage for those I love for eternity.