are you an advocate for the devil?

I heard the question today "Why would you want to be the devil's advocate?"
Now I've heard this in conversation before, I've probably said it myself.  But today I wondered ... why would you?  The devil wants us to be dark, fearful, question everything about ourselves and our lives around us, he wants contention, depression, darkness well I could go on.  Thus my quote on facebook today which reads; "that which does not edify is not of God".  I'm not sure about how crazy personal I want to get on this blogging thing yet, but today I guess since this is my goal to rid myself of paper and "declutter" ... well this is where I write tonight! 
I ask myself what does it mean to be edified?  To learn, to educate, to uplift are a few things that come to mind.  So as I go about my day what would I be doing to be an advocate for the devil?  My daughter and I have been tossing around the word "Television"!, (that and fast food are my down fall!!! but that is another entry for another day).   Well we have decided that if the TV show is depressing we are going to stop watching it!  Constantly filling my mind with stories of people who are devils advocates who never get their love right who kill, cheat, and steal probably shouldn't be my constant, probably don't give me edification! 

quote by Coleen Menlove

Fear can paralyze us if we allow it. Satan promotes fear that he might have power over us.

Satan also promotes darkness. In both Lehi’s and Nephi’s dreams, darkness in the form of a mist confused some and caused them to lose sight of the tree of life (see 1 Ne. 8:23; 1 Ne. 12:4). Darkness was part of the Prophet Joseph Smith’s experience in the grove just before he was instructed by God the Father and Jesus Christ (see JS—H 1:15–16). Many have allowed darkness to keep them from the love of God. Satan’s way is to confuse and discourage or, at the very least, distract us from doing what Heavenly Father would have us do.

As we replace fear with faith and then demonstrate our humility, we are blessed with a feeling of peace. Lisa said: “Peace finally came after I was sustained and set apart. I felt a little excitement, but not without caution and humility close behind. I began to gain greater insight into the love our Savior and Heavenly Father have for me. It is a deeply felt love I have experienced.”

The Lord trusts and loves us enough to want to use us in blessing the lives of others. What a wonderful feeling of peace and joy that knowledge can bring! In Helaman we read, “Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved” (Hel. 5:47).

I can face it.  I can have peace. I am replacing fear with faith and emptiness with service!!!

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. -Alexander Smith

First Loves...
What can I say about first love?  this comes to mind because in my Paper I have found a reminder of first love with an entry about my daughter and her  first date with her first love.  my comments are that they are cute together, but weird!  I don't think you're suppose to be "in love" before the 1st date!!!!
I remember being in love for the first time.  I like the words of Thomas Moore..."No, there's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream".  Really we just don't understand or appreciate the true value of love as a teenager, a good, no a great reason to not move so fast to think "this is it" at a young age.   It's not all about the "chemistry", although ya gotta love that too!  But it's about how you stick it out, hang in there together when you are at your lowest point as a couple.  It's about forgiveness.  It's about the end goal to have done this thing together.  Oh to love. To forgive. To endure thru thick and think!

In my gandering thru the web trying to find the perfect couple to leave as an example, I am not sure I agree on anyones creative list of book, movie or TV couples that are perfect and why do they all have to have trauma in their lives.  I do not believe it has to be that way, I would rather believe as Spencer W. Kimball stated; "Don't just pray to marry the one you love but instead pray to love the one you marry.".  and this one too "Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."  

I like the diamond analogy and the Triangle analogy of a perfect love in marriage.

Watchmen

Quickly two bits of background ...

ONE...This is George or a cat that looks just like him!  Im not going out to the garage right now to look for attain scan and display a picture I have of George getting his own toilet paper!  (maybe later!)  This cat ran the house.  My Aunt had the bathroom rigged for this cat.  She had no children thus - this was her child.  This cat had a chair in the living room, a seat in the kitchen and I kid you not it's own roll of toilet paper in the bathroom!  I was petrified of this cat as a child. He was a spoiled, scary cat.
TWO...So okay it's 2008 January we've just left some wonderful friends, a family that through example has taught compassion, tradition and the importance and blessings of reading the scriptures as a family.  This month they send their 3rd son on a mission.  This family have watched over and guarded their little ones as to all things spiritual, I admire that. 

Ok that's the background to my inspiration, which goes like this!!!!

We arrived at the daughter-in-laws parents house for warmth and a good nights sleep and then to go forward, returning home after a quick trip out of state. My daughter in laws parents have a cat!  We were all in the living room sleeping. Sleeping bags everywhere.  I could hear it. Then I could see the shadows of it roaming around in the room.  The Christmas was still up, it would weave under it through the branches and behind the couch.  I tried to wake someone, to get someones attention.  I want to protect them and keep them safe "wake up the cat is here!" I would cry!!!   I am trying to protect you wake up! They all ignored me, they snored and grunted and continued to sleep.  I on the other hand exhausted and wanting to sleep, could not because their is a cat on the loose.  I moved to the couch, then to the corner, then to the recliner.  I situated myself there, with just my face exposed in case I nodded off!  I thought of Auntie and her cat how he was possessed and would scratch and hiss if I went anywhere near him or her or his territory.  I thought of this family we had just visited and their son who so many were praying for and watching over.  Then it came to me. We have in our lives people who Watch over us, guardians or WATCHMEN.  Tonight I would be one for my family, keeping them safe from this unruly oh so scary CAT!

In the Old testament it teaches about Watchmen who watch over Israel.  Thus I have a base.  On 911 I totally remember wanting to hear the voice of a Watchman.  That was what I longed for.  David R Stone in 1009 said "But we also have our spiritual hurricane guardians, those whose calling it is to watch and warn, helping us avoid spiritual damage, destruction, and even death. Our watchmen on the tower are known to us as apostles and prophets."  It is taught in the scriptures that the a Prophet is a watchman!!!  How cool is that.  That night in that chair in the living room in the dark I felt an itsy bitsy tad bit ...  how it might feel to want to teach, protect and guard our family and loved ones from the scary things that come out from the darkness at us. I am grateful to know of parents and leaders, families and a Prophet who warn, guard and look after us here in the dark.

Uncle Otis

Today in 1912 my Uncle Otis was born.  He was the oldest child, he seemed to take issue with his parents and leave home at a very young age.  He loved animals.  He served in the military, for awhile he was in France.  He was married at least 3 times, and maybe once or twice more!!!  He loved to fish, hunt and drink!  He was kind to me and always looked after me.  He was very very good to my mom.  He had no children. His family name died with him as far as I can tell.   How sad would it be to loose the family name.  I hold to my name with loyalty and pride yet my children do not carry my maiden name.  What is the History of your family name? Unc I miss you, and I pray you are finding happiness in the life you live now on the other side of the veil.

Movin on

Oh man it's late in the daily process!!! I thought when I saw Julie and Julia, a wonderful little story about two chefs - well I thought it was lame, asking myself -who couldn't cook something everyday and then blog about it?!!!! I named my blog The Daily ...cuz I planned to do just that write Daily!  Well it's not proving to be as simple as I had "judged"!!!  But as I am learning from my "paper Journals" that we keep records so that we can and must learn from the past.  I once prayed for wisdom ... I'm not sure what month that was in, but I know where we lived and can see myself in my bedroom, down on my knees praying for wisdom.  I have since identified with the definition of wisdom; "Wisdom is knowledge rightly applied".  So if I am to learn from the "paper", from the "past" and go and do better or even BEST in the future I must just keep moving and not give up....and so must you.  so let's move on!!!

Car trouble in Baker City

I have surmized that January is not a good month for me!  In reading and reviewing my "paper journals" I seem to not find too much happiness in January and I always in every year have new resolve. So I am going to learn from this and change stop repeating the same blah blah blah stuff!  I found two "HAPPY" enteries to share ... Jan 6 2001 Mom Apryl and I left for Utah!  It was such a fun drive.  I really do have so much fun with Apryl Ann when she is not worried about "the social network" of her life.  On this drive she was not, we drove thru rain and sleet and snow in her little honda on an adventure back to Weber State.  We had a little car trouble and for awhile thought that Nan was going to freeze to death right there in the car! We stayed in Baker City just to warm up Nanny!  Ohhh Apryl I do love you,  she is pretty confused about why she is going to Weber, and leaving love behind her.  It is so hard as a mom to watch your daughter go off to college to see her sad, scared, anxious, curious, excited all in a matter of seconds!  I remember leaving her there that first semester, standing on the balcony of her dorm - I cried all the way to Boise!  She is a wonderful deserving young woman, she will be ok, she will get thru school and be running a hospital someday!!!  Austin got his letter of acceptance to BYU this week, what will I do when they are both gone??? They are my life.

Action

I like this thought I found today in my paper

Action is the cure for worry.  Do one thing that brings you a step closer to coping.  Even if it's the middle of the night, get up and write a to-do list and then DO IT.

Family comes together in Death

Jan 2000 and I quote some thoughts from my paper; My sister died this week.  I am shocked and shaken, disappointed and scared.  What will I do without her? Who will take care of everything? I can't even believe she is gone.  Richard told me in the garage as I got out of the car, Matthew called mama she was home alone when he told her. We were all afraid about half the time of what she would say to people or what she would do next, but she was our defender! 

We flew down Mom, Austin and myself.  We stopped and picked up Tom in Maricopa. I hadn't seen my brother in years.  He looked terrible, He looked like a little old pregnant man - My big strong cowboy has something killing him in his pancreas. I am so worried for him, I am praying for him to be healed and find happiness in Jesus Christ.

We got to the church in Rocky Point at 11pm.  The people had stayed there waiting for us to arrive. In fact they stayed there all night long they were mostly catholic in a mormon church having a wake! or it seemed to the tradition of the people to be what they thought was happening.  Austin said he would miss school and come with me he was the only one to volunteer, he served well he was my strength and my crutch.  When we got there my sister lay in a box covered with glass I just wanted to fall to her.  I was crazy mad at who ever had done her makeup...she didn't ever wear pink lipstick!  -it wasn't her, it couldn't be.  I feel such loss, such pain for myself but more for mom, matthew, Olaf and Jorge.  Tio Jorge actually talked to me in English it took something like this for him to say "I love you Kelly you can still come to the house anytime".  How do people cope when they loose someone? Only have ever lost my Dad (who also died in January! another entry).  It is so awful that it took this to get us as a family all together at Sis's house in Rocky Point, something she had always wanted. People should take the time and make the effort to get together as a family oft.

The funeral was nice and lots of people attended. My heart breaks for the boys. Later in the month as I see in my notes I am trying to deal with the idea of her being gone.  It's been a really long week - at times I think I'm loosing my mind. Can't control anything not even my thoughts.  I lost my pack for 3 days can't stop thinking about it can't get anything else done worrying about where it is.  Austin is a big help, he has been supportive and helped me look he is kind.  I must pull my head out, Amric is too little he deserves a fair shot I will take him to Basketball camp today.

When we arrived in Mexico, Timmy was already there. Timmy if you can imagine turns out to be the fastest there and actually a helper to Matthew.  He was for once of good cheer and attempting to control the consumption of alcohol (at least in front of mama)!  I am grateful that he and Austin had a better visit this time.  The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Puerto Penasco Mexico came through, the offered food, compassion and much support I will always be grateful.

Today WILL be a good day!  I'm showing signs of depression Scaring myself don't think anyone else notices -- I must take care of myself.  have had no friends here send any note of compassion.  If Kelley were here she would help me.  I am seeing that I am depressed and want help yet need to be strong so that no one knows I need help. How is that?  How do I get through this? the scriptures help me with this thought:  in the book of Mormon Ether 12:4Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

 5And it came to pass that Ether did prophesy great and marvelous things unto the people, which they did not believe, because they saw them not.

 6And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

This was my hope and my light in these dark days.  If there is anyone who needs this I hope that you can read this and find hope too.  I will for sure write more about this and how it evolved as I review the last 30 years month by month over the next year.

While I take inspiration from the past, like most, I live for the future. Ronald Reagan

Off to a great NEW start! Got myself up this morning and made breakfast and lunches already!!!
So good to know that I CAN LEARN from the past and start anew!!!  And the journaling continues!!!

Richard had a new beginning, a new start a different call...21 years ago this month he was called to be a High Priest and Made the 1st counselor in the Bishopric. . . I write on paper; I'm excited and scared for him.  I'm jealous too! I don't know why?? I guess I don't ever feel worthy (like he is) when he gets callings like this and I'm just ask to teach Primary!
and my reaction today is:
Hilarious 21 years later!!! Ahhhh the young and naive!
In the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints people who are members are "called" to serve...it's not a paid job it is revelation and inspiration and volunteer service  The time spent serving those in your calling, well they are what make it and YOU better!!! (that is your reward/pay).  Today he has one of those same type callings again, .... it's time consuming and he has to get on his knees and seek guidance to really help people.  .  . and I teach primary!!! This time I am grateful for it (no jealousy or whining on part any more)!!! I love my primary class they are a light in my eye.

technology vs paper a memory is a memory it should be safely guarded

I am convinced that technology does NOT like me!!!
yesterday I went to Walmart to get some pics developed off my phone. I ended up deleting them!
I went to Mormon.org to share with the world that YES in fact I do have a testimony of Jesus Christ and it apparently doesn't want me to share with anyone.  I am on review and have been asked to not link my account to fb or my newly created and nonDAILY blog!
I attempted to buy with my christmas itunes card Blake Sheltons new album and was told the connection is not retreiving or some nonsense!!! So now I sit and wonder do I try again? will it download later? Have I charged my account 3 times trying to buy it anyway!??!?!?!?  Then I tried for hours to skype with my daughter and no ... I guess my computer doesn't know how to talk to the line that talks to her!?!?!:(

I like my paper!!!

I so I turned to my dailys from jan 1991...
"We are reading and having scripture club regularly!!! Austin is the offical policeman!! He has the responsibility to wake Apryl and I up!!! Apryl has attended 23 out of 31 times! I promised the kids a surprised to the one who came the most! I bought Austin a sweater and he got a candy bar for acheiving all of his other PMI Personal Mom Interview) goals.  Apryl didn't get anything for either! So to avoid the tears I bought the 'surprises' for Feb already and showed them to her (a cute flowered pair of pants and neon t-shirt).  Apryl just lit up!  looking forward in my paper journal, she came 100%!!!  of the time.  To help her get to sleep so that she can get up better we put her bunk bed above austins in his room...she is now falling asleep within the half hour instead of after 11pm!    Maybe with her she has to see the reward and not just be tempted by one!?!?!  How do I prepare her for life...spritiual and/or temporal rewards are not going to be seen before she acts on obedience!  Doesn't she know that??  Austin is kicking my Butt! He gets up showers and then wakes up Apryl and I, my next goal...to be up before the boy!  Isn't the mom suppose to wake up the kids and not the kids wake up the mom!?!?!?!? can I say "I have a baby!? it's her fault?!?"  She wants to watch the war and Hunter returns all night long!
Now I have tried to add this to my blog and it did some HTML faillure thing!!! It is not my week for technology!!!!  and to add to that I just realized that since I returned from visiting Austin and his family history is repeating itself....Amric is now waking me up,  not me waking him up!!!  things have come full circle .... OR HAVE THEY???
I'm grateful for my journals and the memories they help me visualize!

Goals of the past!

1989

• Pray always
• not yell
• to not say negative phrases or sentences (ie; Stupo and You're so dumb!)
• Get up early exercise, shower and dress BEFORE waking the kids!!!!!!!!!
• HAVE FAMILY PRAYER
• homework with kids 30 to 50 min 6 days a week
• GAIN PATIENCE.
• Scripture; Revelation 3:19  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
  
  

1990

• Pay 100% tithing
• Pray Pray Pray
• Continue in Patience; no yelling or neg displays
• Scritpure Club with the kids
• Creative and Consistant Family Home Evenings on Monday night
• Study Study Study Learn Learn Learn; The world, The scriptures, The family.
• Be healthy (ie; weight, strength, Food, Caffeine!)
• Get out of debt.
• Have a Baby!
• Personal Progress with the Young Women
• Stay on a Budget
• Life Histories; (Me, Richie, AES,AAS, Iris)
• Scripture Theme; Doctrine and covenants 58:26-29

For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward. Verily I say, men should be aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.  But he that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned.



1991

• Tithing, Budget, Missionary Fund.
• Hold my tongue.
• Read, Ponder Scriptures
• Prayers.
• Family Search; Histories, Genalogy
• Write two stories.  Maybe send to New Era or The Ensign.
• PMIs (Personal Interviews with kids) every sunday now I can't remember what the M stands for!
• Budget Budget Budget Maybe we could make one and then live on it!
• Survival Clun once a month -- even if it's alone!
• Be prepared and maybe one time not be so stressed out because I'm on time!!!
• Be a 100% Visiting Teacher.
• Develop a talent...singing, instrument, writing, sewing !?!?!?!?!?!
• Scripture; Doctrine and Covenants 88:119 & 124

119Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a bhouse, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;124Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to dsleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be einvigorated.






1992

• Tithing
• Prayers
• A house to raise my kids. One with 5-10 acres! What would I even do with it? But that's the goal.
• Scripture; James 2:26 faith without works is dead also.

1993

• read the scriptures
• the best seminary teacher I can be
• go to the Temple more often
• Endure well
• To not procrastinate - time is of the essence.
• Improve, Perfect and Redeem.
• Mathew18:26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

I just don't do this enough to figure it out!

Last summer I moved, I went through the house I cleaned out clutter either by way of Desert Industries, Good Will, Salvation Army, Fire or shredder!!! I was surrounded by clutter, peoples stuff that somehow I inherited in the wake of death.  Over the last 10 years I lost all my syblings, my aunts, uncles, and my mother.  I don't want to nor do I mean to sound burdened or victimized...today I talk about clutter. Somehow, I just ended up with losts of stuff...   Stuff I had no idea what to do with.  I have since learned that I kept it for 2 reasons 1. memories, 2 not wanting to let go of them.  When my mom died it was over, that generation was all gone and to deal with it, I let it for the most part all go.  So I kinda dealt with it sorting and stacking now in clear crates that I will again begin to start to deal with in a new light and at a much smaller scale. BUT I am now discovering a whole new kind of clutter...
We have currently in the house 6 computers - something different on them all!!!   2 don't work at all, one is the girls, one is the Dads, one is the missionarys', and one is for us all to share.  I have lost my music and pics on 3 at least 3 different computers I am afraid to put my heart and soul out in the world and even on to a computer that loses things easier than I do!!!  Everyday I check my email, my text messages and my facebook wall!  I am set up to tweet, to blog and to YouTube! I have a church profile and a ancestry.com profile!!!!  I have a written journal of church notes, daily: "it's cold and snowy" notes, a planner and now a phone that does everything!!! I feel like I have tech clutter!!!  How do I live with it, sort it and become efficient in it all!!!????? HELP.
And to that I add blogging, I am a person who wants to write.  I am not blessed with a great vocabulary, good grammar or the "wit" of some, but I "feel" the need to write.  To deal with my "tech" clutter it is my goal to take this year to merge it all to one.  Over the next year I will review the last 30 years and eventually rid myself of paper in the house and only have a minimum of 2 places that i have "notes"!
I have a scripture that motivates me in this; Eccleiastes 3:2-8.