So much emptiness

How can the house be full of people and the event be kind and special and cozy and wonderful and still I can feel so empty and all alone?

Time changes so quickly, one second life is well.... and then BAM -it's not!  

Without prayers continuly life is much harder. Expectations and heartache are much more deeply felt.

I don't get it.
I don't get it.
I don't.   

I can give and give and give
Say I'm sorry over and over and over
But when is it enough
When is it really over so the cut doesn't keep cutting deeper and deeper

How can I just forgive myself and not care what or how anybody else feels? How?