I didn't use to be like that???

Yesterday I heard my self say to my son; "I didn't use to be like that.  I wonder what happened?"

1980 University Villa Provo, Utah!

What does happen to change us?  Or do we really change at all and it's only our perspective of ourselves that changes?  Once I told my nephew that this music or that book reminded me of his brother.  He looking at me puzzled said "why do you think that? he wouldn't like that at all"?  Sunday I tried to have a "grown up" conversation with another son who I am always striving to be smart enough to be able to converse with and was immediately shut down.  Why is it that we think we know who we are and who others are, when indeed in every moment of the day we are in fact changing; both inside and out, along with everyone else around us.  I think I know subjects that interest 'so and so' and that I have found them something they'll like or discuss 'this or that' topic, and BAM - no not at all!  Once I told my niece she was beautiful and healthy and she responded "she was 98 pounds and completely unhealthy".

Then of course there is Christmas and the gift that (bowl, the socks, the ski hat yadaya!) you think says the receivers name all over it, come to find out they returned it and pocketed the cash or got something else!    Then I buy for my husband what I think he wants for a gift and he buys what he thinks I want for gift??? When really it's what I want him to have or like, and visa versa!   But wait what about that gift you have to buy for the "elephant" at the Holiday party exchange (that needs a whole other blog!).

Tio Jorge used to call them my "rope shoes"!

I love me some birks!

Then there is that couple that He buys shoes for Her, and really the shoes are for Him, we were once that couple but now, with the weight and age!!! YIKES


I wear Flats - don't you buy me heels!!!  But also, in this case I have not changed, I WANT to wear heels I used to look good in heels, but I need now to wear flats.  Anyway I tend to get in over my head in these discussions with myself!!!  --Move on!

My husband and I are discussing getting a new car, we cannot come to an agreement on this topic, because I see myself in, well something that would suck gas like nobodys business.   Because I know that logically that is not smart any more, I have tried to decide who I am in a small car.  Now, I don't want just any small car I want a car that says "Kelly" all over it, afterall he doesn't drive it - it's for me, right?  He says it's for me!   Because of this quandary, I can't really tell him what I want because in this process I am changing daily!  I want anything Nissan I say (I really do like all of their models), then the next day I want that wonderdully spunky Fiat  (you know the jennifer lopez pops out of and afterall I did try to get a loan to buy one when I was 19!), but then I was raised to buy USA so I want to do that, but what is USA made these days?  So I cannot say really what I want.  I started out with a Gremlin, I loved it, maybe no one else did and that is what made me love it more!!!  How does one explain who they are when they don't even know for themselves?

I think prayer and submission to God's will are also way over my head, I have no idea what he is making of me.  I hate the word submission.  I don't pretend (but I used to!) to understand where He is going with me.  I don't know if I'm suppose to be an 8 passenger van, an SUV, A Chevy short bed Van or a Fiat?  I can only pray that with the spirit guiding me, the changes and perspectives daily will make me who and what God is building.   Im pretty stubborn, a hermit and a really slow learner to HIM and all of you I ask for patience as I go thru this life building and rebuilding, staying the same and yet changing.
C.S. Lewis

me and Sis rockin our Maxi Dresses!

Me and Vic in our heels at the AZ Temple

Todays Me
as a family we all have our college, our favorites, our likes and dislikes but even still we evolve in a United front building a family to live in a Palace.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

I am who I am ever evolving ever changing still the same