My Happiness Project Jan Return & Report

Who knew that this would be "THE" month that I needed to read and learn about Civility? Definitely not me!  But it has surely been what I needed to help me throughout this month. Between The Election, a quest for caring for the elderly or anyone for that matter and attempting to plan a reunion of family members -no a weekend gathering - maybe only a day to take a picture while a baby is blessed and then to top it off all the social media correspondence; YES, I have needed, really needed a guide, a constant, a direction.  #MyHappinessProject is giving me that, this month my focus is civility and my sub topic of hearken to His words.  In addition Gretchen Rubin suggests find a spiritual connection, a person even one to learn of;  follow, study and apply if you will and thus we see I have added my subtopic to each month.  FYI -My person is Emmeline B. Wells, but I'll save that for another day.

Civility

I really like the following paragraph, I think because WORK is my word for the year and it correlated with civility.  

• " Truly great men and women resolve to dedicate a part of their lives and time to those in distress. Helping hands can lift someone out of the mire of difficulty. Steady voices can provide encouragement for someone who might otherwise simply give up. Skills can change, in a remarkable and wonderful way, the lives of those in need. It is not enough for us to get a job and for virtually work to produce income that leads only to personal comfort. We may gain some recompense in all of this, but we will not gain the ultimate satisfaction... The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: he or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she is Served...
• DHOaks said this about civility "......on the subject of public discourse, we should all follow the gospel teachings to love our   neighbor and avoid contention. Followers of Christ should be examples of civility.  We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere   beliefs. Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable.  Our stands and communications on controversial topics should not be contentious. We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our  influence. In doing so, we ask that others not be offended by our sincere religious  beliefs and the free exercise of our religion. We encourage all of us to practice the  Savior’s Golden Rule: “Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even  so to them” matt 7:12.

The world must be a better place for our presence. And the good that is in us must be spread to others. This is the measure of our civility." GBH

Something to Work at everyday!  In my research for civility I have the need to be true, honest, to be Fun, moral and Positive these are also needed in marriage and family relationships.

True.

• so one of the things that has been hard for me in life is death.  I have had the opportunity to sort thru the "things" of Daddy, Judyann (well not her so much), Tom, Timmy, Otis, Elda and Mom in doing so I found sadness, depression, frustration and much much comfort and joy.  This is how I was able to work thru their loss and hold on to their memories. Today in an effort to help my loved ones with civility I've gone through the house and made a list of "whats what and whos is who".  In death people who are still living can loose their civility, their true selves. To hopefully help my children, nephews and husband avoid questions I made a list of "things" in the house and where/who they came from. I really have seen people do good things in my life I hope to live up to those things I've seen ie; Ellen,Iris,Gladys,Elda,Otis,Tim,Timmy,Toni,Deb,Sis,TomandMary "salute" as they say!  and thank you to them for the "positives" in my life for "people do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." RWE

The Blind Men and the Elephant

• Well over one hundred years ago, an American poet put to rhyme an ancient parable. The first verse of the poem speaks about:
  Six men of Indostan

  To learning much inclined,

  Who went to see the Elephant

  (Though all of them were blind),

  That each by observation

  Might satisfy his mind.
  In the poem each of the six travelers takes hold of a different part of the elephant and then describes to the others what he has discovered.
  One of the men finds the elephant’s leg and describes it as being round and rough like a tree. Another feels the tusk and describes the elephant as a spear. A third grabs the tail and insists that an elephant is like a rope. A fourth discovers the trunk and insists that the elephant is like a large snake.
  Each is describing truth.
  And because his truth comes from personal experience, each insists that he knows what he knows.
  The poem concludes:
  And so these men of Indostan

  Disputed loud and long,

  Each in his own opinion

  Exceeding stiff and strong,

  Though each was partly in the right,

  And all were in the wrong!^{1    (remember tag the footnote to read the rest of the story!)  Please take a listen to this talk.}

Honesty.
I need to remember this and use it in conversations in the future! #Religion #politics #FamilyReunion

• How can you respond to an unwelcome and self-serving invitation to chill out? More or less like this: "No, I'm not going to chill out, and I'm telling you why. By telling me to chill out you are saying that I'm overreacting, which is like saying that I shouldn't feel the way I feel. I hope you'll allow me to have my feelings and express them the way I choose. Since I happen to feel strongly about this issue, there is no reason I should look the other way. I suggest that instead of making me fee bad about my reaction, you come to terms with the seriousness of your actions.” ― P.M. Forni, Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Cond

In turn I'll remember it for them in their beliefs and feelings - just work at being civil about expressing them I say!

Be Fun.  

We went to Breakfast to celebrate our 36th year! it was fun!

Positive.  "Things will Work out!"  "Keep Trying."   "Be Believing."  "Be Happy."  

“I have to plant some trees each spring,” President Gordon B. Hinckley recorded in his journal at age 82. “I think I have done so for at least the last 50 years. … There is something wonderful about a tree. It starts ever so small and grows through the seasons. It affords shade from the hot summer sun. It bears delicious fruit. It carries on the remarkable process of photosynthesis. … A tree is one of the remarkable creations of the Almighty.”1 

Morality.  noun

1. principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.

   • a particular system of values and principles of conduct, especially one held by a specified person or society.

     plural noun: moralities

     "a bourgeois morality"
   • the extent to which an action is right or wrong. 

   • 

     All of us should banish hateful communications and practice civility for differences of opinion.

Marriage attitude...my favorite quotes this month;

• Fun reading about this person (J.Story) learning more about that time in history.  Things our surroundings have changed, but really humans, civility, connections our rights and privileges "Marriage is treated in all civilized societies as a peculiar and favored contract.  It is in it's origin a contract of natural law...it is the parent and not the child of society; the source of civility..." Joseph Story  
• So in this month of civility Richard and I have had lots of conversations about what we're going to do with the rest of our lives.  We've come up with two things well maybe 3!!  1.The reality that no one's coming here to see us. 2.Yes, we like to go see your kids and 3. because of liking to go see your kids we've lost our adventurous side, meaning we don't go places really for the fun of it, we go places specifically to see our kids and babygrands. We need some fun and adventure! Thus we see our future is...to combine adventure, fun with seeing family. Today, out loud I have said two things I would never have thought I would say -  A. I would move back to Arizona and B.   I would live in a trailer again.  Now what??? from here how do we establish the last year's of our marriage.  Are we snow birds? Are we minimalists? I "feel" like we are the very tail end of the babyboomers, definitely the sandwich generation, but what does that say about us as a couple?  There ya go... in these questions we find adventure, fun, family, and with the application of civility therein we find US, who WE are indivudaully and as a couple. #MyHappinessProject rocks our world!
• "oh, that my husband could only love me even a little and not seem to be perfectly indifferent to any sensation of that kind...Oh my poor aching heart when shall it rest its burden on the Lord..." EBWells
• Reading my journals and striving to make them a condensed version causes me to have anxiety! reminding me to write things that bring joy to me vs passing along all of my own weaknesses and anxieties.  But how else do we learn and break cycles but to know them? and to share them?
• "Putting one’s committed marriage at risk by being involved in emotional infidelity is akin to selling one’s birthright for a mess of pottage (see Genesis 25)." A healthy marriage offers a secure bond and a capacity for quality and depth with which emotional infidelity—when looked at honestly—cannot ultimately compete. However, the secrecy surrounding emotional infidelity through the use of cell phones or computers can seem exciting. In contrast to this fantasy, the practical tasks of marriage—such as bill paying, childcare, and chores—may make marriage seem mundane, clouding judgment. In a technology-based relationship, people can easily control their presentations to the other person." Lori Cluff Schade LMT
• Elder Walter F. González of the Seventy said, “The power of our covenants is greater than any challenge we face or we may face.”12 (remember tag the footnote to read the rest of the story!)
• This year we celebrate our love in its 36+years in all it's #WORK and Glory!!! Lots and Lots of blessings and good things have been given us.

One result of these 36 years is - this 3 generations!

Hearken to His Words

• Define hearken- to listen or give respectful attention : 

• Isaiah 5:20 ¶Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
• In hebrews 4:12 God's word is said to be "quick and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword."  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/02/a-two-edged-sword?lang=eng  a Short article to consider when wondering about 'hearkening to His word." and the use, meaning, purpose of the scriptures.

Scripture Study

Doctrine and Covenants

• This is our study in Sunday School this year. It's a good reminder for me that I do in fact have a belief in a Godhead, and in the need for a Prophet and that thru him and our own prayers we have modern and continual revelation.

New Testament

• Apply Parables 
• https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/parable-of-the-good-samaritan?lang=eng
•  In the concluding days of His mortal ministry, Jesus gave His disciples what He called “a new commandment” (John 13:34). Repeated three times, that commandment was simple but difficult: “Love one another, as I have loved you” (John 15:12; see also verse 17). The teaching to love one another had been a central teaching of the Savior’s ministry. The second great commandment was “love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39). Jesus even taught, “Love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44). But the commandment to love others as He had loved His flock was to His disciples—and is to us—a challenge that was unique. “Actually,” President Thomas S. Monson taught us last April, “love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love.”1 (tag footnote to read the rest of the story)

Book of Mormon

• Reading 1 -13 first Nephi.  I didn’t like the nephi and laban story today. not very civil when my word for the month is Civility!!  I Did like how Nephi supports and respects his Father.  That he goes in his own prayer to talk to Heavenly Father. That gives me confidence and supports my own beliefs of both family respect and the respect of own beliefs.
• Keep reading. I had such a great read of this book last fall I do have more of a desire now to know it better.

and Along the way...

Mom and Dad
you don't understand! I never saw this before!!!

Family History

• I have connected my dad to the Bennets and Smocks!! I believe this line to finally be correct.
• Richards line is 3/4 Norway and 1/4 Polish.  I believe to have confirmed that too! Although as I write this I am acknowledging to myself that I can't figure out the lineage of his moms mom.  I do believe to have confirmed her biological father as well as Richards bio father.
• I've worked a tad bit on the Georg line and will continue to do so. 
• I am still not positive about the McCoys I still ask;  is Dad from the McCoys and the Hatfields or isn't he?!
• What is Family History? A pedigree chart? Stories? Traditions? continue i say always this search for self.

Body in Motion

• Walking wk 1 every other day.
• walking week 2 faster
• walking week 3 everyday
• walking week 4 everyday AND faster!

What I eat

• Be Healthy. 
• Knock off snacks. Knock it off I say. I bought valentine chocolate late in the month and have eatin them all. Can't have snacks in the house!!!!!
• Eat every 14-15 hours. Intermittent fasting works for me - continue this research.

Notes to myself

Had this dream all month these are the objects...

To see or do a jigsaw puzzle in your dream represents a mental challenge or problem that you need to solve in your waking life. If there are pieces missing in the puzzle, then it suggest that you do not have all the facts needed to make an informed decision.

To dream that you are in traffic signifies the frustrations that you are experiencing in your life. Things are not going as smoothly as you would like it to. You feel stuck at where you are in life.

To see dead or barren fields signifies lack, pessimism and your jaded prospects for the future.

Life is Hard and then you die.

Details and Questions you might not really want to know...

My daughter messaged me asking me what questions I might have wished I had answers for concerning the care for others in my home before I took in the Aunt, The Uncle, the Mother, so... I went to look for journals to see how and what I was feeling and ended up going thru "things" again!   I found the pictures of the youth National Guard in Denver in 1930 who's in this picture dad or uncle Otis; further investigation required!

I also found a couple pictures of my sister that I don't think I've ever seen before, she was nine.

Also, I ran across a baggie of letters my mom saved that were from my dad. He had written them before they were married and the first couple of years after they were married; new insight and also, much further investigation required.  

So, the purpose for this initial investigation was journals.  I tend to get distracted, and thanks for this day of digging into the past, daughter of mine!!!
While reviewing these things and thinking about this topic the last couple of days my thought goes to my first response to the question at hand - What do I wish I would have known before caring for the elderly in my home? My answer is - I think that it would be best to not know anything! wink wink! I think for me, it was best to have not known what was ahead of me, because I might not of done it, sad to say. 😷 These are the things that I learned that I didn't know I really needed to know and now know that I never really wanted to know!

1. It is possible your Extended family will hate you no matter what you do... you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
2. Your immediate family that lives in your house loses time, involvement, connection with you and does without, because you're so consumed with caring for this person so much that your other daily "need to dos" are lost. Depending on the needs of the person you're caring for it's time consuming, it can be all consuming. Personalities and chemistries are involved and need to be taken into consideration, in this decision and yet personalities of the patient might change.  Someone who is kind and considerate their whole life can become mean and vindictive- vice versa.
3. You'll never love someone like you love them after you've cared for them while they are sick, from taking their temperature to administering pills to bathing them, to reading to them, crying and laughing with them, to making promises to them that you'll fulfill after they're gone. The gratitude and love they express brings joy, blessings and humility your way.
4. Tips on how to hire would have been good to know. The people that you hire to come fill the void's; pick up the slack when you can't do it anymore well they tend to be minimum wage people, not necessarily in it for really caring for this person that you love. I ended up with drug users, drug stealers, misc. thieves, well; a little bit of everything in my house.  I didn't know ahead of time that I was getting into this thats for sure. I guess I figured the company I used had vetted them, that they were bonded, but you know what they say about people who assume and that was me!
5. You might need a little education in law, power of attorney - choices that are going to be made by you for this person - guardianship that's required. How best to help this person with their money.  Note that it's possible your person might have the means to take care of themselves - you would think this is a good thing but it can avail the patient no Medicare and some places don't want to take care of said person if they have money, whereas if patient has no money everybody wants said person because the government helps the company, you know like school lunch!  I also found quality of care changed after the private pay money was all used and, not in a good way.
6. Emotions are high both for the person you're caring for and for the caregiver. The caregiver needs to be surrounded by people who will help the caregiver.  If that is not available this choice should not be made. In my opinion.
7. What to document, what not to document, what to make public what to keep private in this crazy media, social media world I think it's important to know what should be kept private and what should be documented at least in a journal somewhere.  
8. People who aren't even related will still judge you, will still throw you under the bus and spew out their opinion of what you're doing causing lots of conflict everywhere between friends and family.

It's a tough choice choosing to bring someone into your home and care for them or even just going to their home to care for them yes, even helping them when they're in a care facility it all can be hard on everybody.

In correlation to #MyHappinessProject January is my month of #Civility, subtitled *"hearken unto His words" brings me back to the original question - Things I wish I would've known? My answer I think still is I wish I wouldn't of known any of it because maybe I wouldn't of done it.  But, let me clarify the joy that it brought me and the satisfaction that I know I did my best is how I live with myself today.
I like what Wendall Philips said "How prudently most men creep into nameless graves, while now and then one or two forget themselves into immortality!"   Ohh that we could all forget ourselves and be helpers.  We want to live in a civil world we have to make our surroundings moral, virtuous and keep our principles high, if we don't do that how do we live with ourselves?  Gordon B. Hinckley sums it up when he states "Caring for others, seeing and reaching beyond our own wants comforts, cultivating kindness and gentility toward others from all of life's situations and circumstances -- these are of the essence of civility, a virtue to be admired, a virtue to be acquired."

I say that in this day and age we have got to look out for each other practice civility and yes I believe the ripples will last through to other generations.

* Matthew 25:40 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25?lang=eng) and I also love Alma 34( https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34?lang=eng) this chapter lists so many things we can do and pray for and about BUT if we don't help people out we pretty much suck! see verse 28!  Maybe we could take that into our daily lives in how we treat each other at home, online, at work, in public and in private! We don't have to look to far or go to much out of our way to find someone that needs a good word or a kind deed.