Forgive how bout Forget - WISE

My Mom!

I've been thinking about forgiveness.  My Mother always said that I was a forgiving person, that she in fact wished she could forgive as easily as I do.  Well Mom I don't think I am as good as it as you thought, seems I've been holding some stuff in thats bringing me down!

The scriptures I read today taught me, jumped out at me - I just want to mention here them here

• Judge not that ye be not judged, condem not and ye shall not be condemed, forgive: and ye shall be forgiven (Luke 6:37 in the New Testament)

• But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.  (Matthew 6:14)
• Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.  (Matthew 18:22).

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury".   EH Chapin

Debbie is there somewhere!

My friend Debbie (who I'd beat on the head with a spelling book and switched the heads of her barbies so I could have the cool ones, all forgivable offenses, I would think) stole my boyfriend and came to a party with him with his class ring on, I was teenage shocked and horrified.  I had had no clue, I felt it was a horrible feeling to be betrayed like that from both of them I pledged to myself to never again be conned like that, to trust, to let down my guard.  One day I had to go say I was sorry for being mad at her so that I could live with myself, she and I sat and talked for hours. We laughed about it later.  Eventually we shared stories about our kids and husbands.  She died of cancer she was one of my best friends, what would have I done if I hadn't said "I'm sorry"?
Once my Mom totally embarrassed me (well that was more than once) but this time in front of my friends; by jerking me out of a car and kicking my butt all the way into the house (not to mention here that I had lied about where I was and made her crazy with worry).  
I can remember having been hurt at girls camp, in show choir, being let down by leaders who shouldn't have done what they did, being crushed because my dad didn't tell me he loved me til he kicked me out the door at 18, the Man at the church who told my brother never to come back to a youth activity with Wranglers on ever again - he did not, he did not ever step a foot in that church again except for to sing God Be With You Til We Meet Again with Mom on his way to Vietnam.  Being so mad at my brother I didn't talk to him for 10 years for shaking my son ridiculously in his drunken state.  Should I hold a grudge should I forgive? I should've not only learned to forgive, but to forget?  Or how bout this - should I be forgiven for yelling at my in-laws, my children, my husband for stealing a watch or cigarettes for my boyfriend, for letting my kids watch movies they shouldn't or gossiping about how dumb people are - (Yes I think I just has a little confession and forsake moment!!!) 
I want to be WISE!!!! and forgiven!
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget". thomas Szasz

Wisdom is knowledge rightly applied I say!  I've had a couple very dear friends get mad at me and completely stop talking to me, and I never knew why. Do I hold on to it? Do I learn from these experiences?  I also say - People shouldn't stop talking.  People should never just be silent (well never is an absolute so in reality I suppose their is a time for silence)  but in this instance people need to speak up say whats on their mind when they don't they do things they regret.  "I don't care" isn't appropriate either when friends and family are involved. 

I found this quote today too that sums up all my thoughts;

When i say i don't care it either means:
-i'm pretending
-i'm joking
-i'm clueless
-i dont' know the situation
-i can't be bothered
-i hate the person alot
-i'm too busy thinking of other stuff
-i want to sleep now
-i'm too full of pride
or
-i REALLY don't want to care anymore.

So say those words don't keep me guessing, my mind has neurons that trigger and immediately GO TO THE WORST PLACES.  How do you forgive me or me you if we don't even know what happened?  

I write for therapy so none of this could be making any sense at all.  Just know this I'm evolving, ever learning, trying to apply life experiences, to forgive, care and move on ;).

Iris and Tim Michael

Kelly & Iris 5 years sick

I guess I need to wrap this up! Life is hard, trials have come my way.  I've been letting them weigh me down (literally like 40 pounds worth!).  My Great Nephew contacted me this week (A surprise of great satisfaction)and ask to be a part of my brothers life, (his grandfather) or at least to have something of his to know him by.  Short and to the point people did stupid things, and now My Oldest brother is dead (he made stupid mistakes as a son, brother, husband & Father), My great nephews father is dead (people killed him on a street corner), my niece is a drug addict (allegedly) and hurt us so badly when my brother died (long story), how all of this and the death of My Mothers 2 middle children (Judyann & Tom) lead her to be so depressed and angry it made her crazy sick, how for 5 years I nursed and cared for her and literally watched her give up life.  I "feel like" I could have some grudges and wish some revenge on some people.  I'm sure we all could go on and on about taking offense and in some way being wronged. I stop now with these few examples and really for the future (I will not be offended and if I am I'm gonna tell you why and how - well I hope I will!) because if anything from writing this I have learned I've made some mistakes and need forgiveness myself.  See Matthew 18:15-17 it gives a 3 step program on how to forgive!)

But Today I want to learn from the next generation (no pictures! I don't want to embarrass them, they might not forgive me!!) - I want to hear my nephew ask for things of his fathers and his grandfathers because he never knew them  - an act of letting go of grievances and handed down bitter family stories.  Also to learn from my daughter who stands up and fights for herself and is so doing without being petty, speaking badly of others or holding a grudge.

I pray my Mother can be right about me and that I can be forgiving, let go of the past, forgo revenge, not cause injury to any others, always keep striving to be a friend a family member who like my mother loved me unconditionally forgetting about everything wrong I did to her. 

I share this hoping to help anyone else who holds a grudge, who says "I don't care", who is careless with family and friends; stop it, don't pass down negative traditions - for if we don't forgive how do we expect to be forgiven and what will become of our heritage?

thank you kids (all of my kids out there that teach me!) I council; be wise in that forgiveness remember only enough to not make the same mistakes ever again.

I feel better! I hope you do too!!!

Decide your PASSION

So today I am having a passion for FOOTBALL ya baby I am in Football mode!  

really, you ask kelly??? 

calm down...I'm not, but for some reason their is surely something cool, bonding and alluring about a football game, something that gives a person PASSION!!!  I love a football movie, and the I love it when people come home to watch games here with Richie.  But what I want to Post about today is... PASSION and not my passion for football.

What gives you PASSION?
and I don't mean in your pants?!!!!!

Amric and I are in a different chapter of our lives, summer is over and school is back in session and neither of us have anyone in school (at least living here at home) so it has confused us - what are we suppose to be doing? what is or should be the knew routine? what happened to our plan to be healthy? what happened to our goals to study together? We are free!!! Free to stay up late, to sleep in to eat what we want to exercise or NOT!  Thus I find that with this free agency we have found no PASSION!  I listen to people say when they were 10 they knew they wanted to make movie, when they were 15 they wanted to go into space,  that forever they wanted to be on American Idol, Big Brother or Survivor.  I heard this story just this morning one day when this father came home he put a Stanford hat on his sons head and said "someday you are going to Sanford" and he is!
     I myself had the goal for as long as I can remember to be Married and stay married and live in the same house together, never moving.  I wanted to teach dance and have my own studio.  I wanted to lead youth groups and have foster kids that loved our family and returned often to share the love! I wasn't raised to go to college, school definitely not a passion.  But a PASSION, a real beat all, fight for everything never give up passion - what is that and what is mine???  The dictionary describes passion as (besides the sexual and lust aspects) strong emotion and enthusiasm.
     I can say that my passion (looking at it this way) is to keep my family together for eternity to make connections with lost family and to have a HOME where they all feel comfortable to come visit. Is that bad, if that's my passion, seems so non publishable!  Even now, with my adult children and my "happy at his job husband" is it still a passion if so what can I do to feel passionate about it?   I DO have goals to do to make this Passion happen but lately I haven't looked at the big picture.

 I have taught my kids a couple of quotes in my attempt to accomplish this PASSION they are;

• "the Chief cause of failure and unhappiness is giving up what you want most for what you want right now"
• "remember who you are"
• "Save a girl save a generation"  along with
•  "Don't YOU be the Weak LiNk". 

I can honestly say that except for "Remember who you are" these quotes were made after my Mother raised me, but without her and her Passion for me to not fail to bring the family together these quotes would not have touched my spirit and kept the PASSION alive.

anyway... to keep on keepin on I need to set some goals, I read a quote yesterday that inspired me to recognize this "People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures" which lead me to this post today!  I am reminded I can't just let myself fall into a habit everyday I need passionate goals to decide my future to not be the weak leak and to have a HOME where anybody can, will or even wants to come visit.  So to reevaluate and find my passion...

1. I want to tell my stories.  (the problem is I don't want to proofread or use correct gramar!)
2. Study gain more knowledge  - (BYU free online classes) 
3. spiritually strengthened - Study Seminary stuff daily  (apply to teach EFY)
4. BE Healthy - back to TSFL.  goal loose 60 pounds.  remember I lost 57 and now have gained back well a few!!! 30ish! lets just say im back in my fat pants!!!
5. MOVE - 30 min to 1 hour a day.  (Maybe walk outside?)  really go outside - scary!!!what's happened to me?  I used to be a hiker, a campfire girl I wanted to be outside???
6. Know the current events -read the paper know what is going outside and be able to talk about it.
7. limit my social media!!! ;(             (I kinda have a passion for facebook!)
8. genealogy names - new names I need to find more people connect more dots (I'll take my passion for facebook and turn it to Ancestry.com)
9. I need to find passion in everyday things - (I will "deep Clean" One room everyday!)
10.  I want to have a community organizer passion, gardening passion and a square dancing passion! I'll work on goals to get there next!!!

I notice as I set and reset goals here some of them are I want to, some are I will and some just this is the goal.  Guess I have work to do - wish me luck!  I'll check back with myself here!
So what's your passion? how did you know it? and what have you done to achieve it?