Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 09, 2017

My July Happiness Project WOW is all I can Say!



Preface

Where to start.  I have to say yet again that I am amazed at how my monthly Happiness Project Goal Keywords have fit perfectly to everything in my life that is going on since I started this project.  The thing that hasn't fit is travel and not having my computer - I think I have become more paperless than I realized, so i'm now back to both the paper journal and the computer (when I have one available).

Family Appreciation

Family; descendants of a common ancestor is one definition.
Appreciation; defined as recognize, treasure, admire, respect, to realize acknowledge grasp the full worth.

Appreciate my family

We had a little family reunion and while there for a few short days I found that I did appreciate 
all the money that was spent to get there,

all the time that was put aside to be there,

all the effort that was made to put aside differences,
All the food that was provided and made specially for us, 
All of the crafts that were prepared provided and made with my baby grands, 

All of the stories of heritage and memories that were shared, 
All of the family games created just for us to play together, 
All of the conversations, 
All of the traditions brought forward 
And all of the love that was there.
Remember how I ask what's the One Thing you believe in?
I believe in family!

Friendship
As I prepare to pull up roots and move again it's been different this time because of friendship.  I have really built up walls there these last few years and have built limited friendships.  This time in letting go its been interesting to watch the man come to tears and really "feel" loss as he packed up his office and left his peers who, maybe for the first time are indeed his friends.  

It's so interesting to me to observe the ties that bind and the need for friendship and people in your life to indeed find happiness. 
Instead of note to self, lecture to self;   This next chapter I need to drop walls and be all in, the kids are gone Kel get over it and find your own self, stop waiting for the next chapter, turn the page and be grateful for friends created along the way.  In so doing be appreciative and acknowledge the blessing of living everywhere you have lived and having all the friends you do because of all the places he's drug you to and using the tool of #MyHappinessProject continue to explore, invest and build life and relationships - yes even in your 60s!

Find Joy in the Moment!  (Also Find joy getting rid of stuff)!The way I look at it is as simple as asking "what if", what if we do and what if we don't? It was me this time, it was me that said "What if hon, you should go for it".  And Thus we see... Joy in the moment!  Not that it's easy to pack it up and say good-bye to this beautiful place where we live #ilovewashington #itswhereilive Talk about a perfect topic and timing for #MyHappinessProject we made a choice to follow the dream and ONE more time make the move.  

Looking back, Feb was the month for me to find Joy in getting tidy and I totally remember getting everything out laying it on the bed and walking out of the room...and thus we see, I am not ready and will be quickly getting rid of things and taking things that I shouldn't be and will in August again be continuing to find Joy in the moment of unpacking and unloading more "things"!

This is the first time we have moved without kids and so it seems even more obvious that we have too much "stuff" when it's only 2 of us and we are loading up a semi again!  I am beginning to admire the "millennial" attitude but dang it's hard to let go.  I strive.

Restore 

Back to family. We hadn't all been together ever,  just for fun in fact the last time we were all in the same place at the same time was 2010 in Arizona when we buried my mom.

This was a time for us to restore our feelings, backgrounds, our memories, our relationships.

I liked to call it "The Gathering 2017" and when you gather you Do in fact restore.  I do so appreciate this fact and that this has happened. From Measurements on the wall at Nana and Papis to school pictures from the 80's and 90's from bowling to church on Sunday from movie time to Now the Day is Over, I pray for Blessings on my family everyday everyday everyday!


Thursday, February 02, 2017

MyHappinessProject Feb. Updated!

Reposted and Updated Mar 6, 2017


Emmaline B Wells

I'm so excited ... I got my book in the mail!!! 

this is a great read for me so far. I'm a very slow reader.  She is inspiring.  She never stops, she is industrious, and sees the needs of others.  One thing I found inspiring for me was, at age 51 she had a defining moment that sent her off in a direction of hope, work and the cause of the rights of women every where.  Her interest in people motivated her to cross boundaries of all sorts when making friends and building alliances.  She experienced much sorrow but did not wallow in it or express it in public. She was very self reliant. Her ambitions were high and her purposes lofty. (She had purpose, even her last 4 decades - she lived to 92)!  She wore a blue neck scarf and a pocket watch on a chain around her neck. (As an inspiration to be more like her character traits I've been shopping for these items!!!) Her consistent message in both her writings and her speeches was to live up to your potential, embrace the opportunities for development offered, shun traditional but artificial dependencies, that lock women into perpetual childhood (which is how I feel actually as a wife sometimes like another child).  She always urged women to seek the qualities of "real womanhood: an active mind, common sense, knowledge for themselves, respect for individuality and a desire to enlarge their own experience.   I want to be like Emmeline!

The following are Notes to myself along with Action Items

Today's February 1 
I already knew I was a list person I know I think it more so .
At the beginning of the month I make my agenda, my table of contents, my list for #MyHappinessProject lining out the things that I need to do.
I've noticed as I've done this that at the month I go back and see how I feel about each item and write out what I did and what I didn't do with the exception of a few notes throughout the month here and there.  
So this month I am going to apply myself a little differently and make paperless yes I am that person I am a list person and I need the daily list not just the monthly list the daily list! This month I also learned I think I already knew I am a control person I like to control things I've lost control of so many things in my life that I let it get me down knowing that about myself the only thing I can change is me the only list I can control is my own so if it makes me happy to control things I need a daily list!!!  

Joy

joy joi/noun.
a feeling of great pleasure and happiness."tears of joy"
  1. synonyms:  delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation, rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture
Work.Work

The life changing magic of tidying up I choose to call this months resolution Joy because of the book titled the life-changing magic of tidying up, as I read it a few months ago it stated that as I sort and organize to in fact "tidy up" I will feel joy at the thought of keeping something and if I don't it will be dismissed from my life!!! Or anyway that is how I remembered reading it, so this month is the month of Joy and I feel alot of sorting and organizing ahead, now to prepare myself for the dismissing!!!

Work. Eliminate. Restore. Books. Clothes. Dishes.

remind myself part of my joy and search for happiness is to identify; "Feeling Good Feeling Right in an Atmosphere of Growth."  GR

I very much like the idea of clearing out all my clutter and I'm usually ALL in or not in at all so for this reason I have found some of the things in this book harder to do I really love the additional comment of Gretchinrubin in this blog post http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2016/05/disagree-marie-kondo-life-changing-magic-tidying/#disqus_thread "KNOW YOURSELF!"  thank you Gretchin!!!

GlimpsesGlimpses into the life and heart of Marjorie pay Hinckley

Questions to ask myself this month...Be myself.  I am Kelly.   find out who I am then separate who I want to be or who I wish I was from who I am! when are my goals not a natural extension of myself?  What do I want to do and like to do and think is important to push myself to do versus what I just don't like to do?  What is an atmosphere of growth FOR ME?

Repent

2-1-17 This is my sub focus for the month of February and it's amazing on cue this morning I literally fell physically and I guess spiritually repentant and my knees asking for help!  I believe that I am learning really learning after having heard for so many years "you have to think it before you do it" because the thought is out there, it's stirring around in my head all these #Myhappinessproject resolutions! last month was a testimony to civility and I am carrying it forward and I could tell you what I have done every month, so it's in there and something about me is changing. I am curious to see what and how it plays out and if I can actually be resolute!

The spiritual side


  • How do you receive revelation - 1. light is just turned on and you just know. (to me that would be an AHA moment!!!)2. It is like a gradual sunrise.  (to me that says slow and steady light)  3. Foggy and just a little lifting our of a darkness you've been in.   Check out this video - it's 3 min!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slTa15a3mp0


  • When I was visiting my babygrands this month I had this revelation.  We went to McDonalds for a meal - for 4 kids meals!!!  the prizes inside were distributed 2 of each, I'm sure the kid thought that was only fair! Well one of the girls DID NOT want the prize she was given. She went kinda CraZy about it. I went and ask for the prize to be exchanged.  On our way home after much playing on the inhouse playground and eating all of their suppers the prizes were in hands!  The Mask vs the cup was given to the one who was not pleased with her cup.  Again NOT HAPPY and wanted to throw it take it back give it up.  Only one of the girls could even put the stupid mask together and then it was Lame, I admit it!  Seemed the only one really ok with this eve was the one with the cup!  Well as you see it's not a tale we haven't heard before or experienced before with our own children.  The thing that was different for me, was the Aha moment the thought, the wonderment, the self reflection - Do I do that?  Am I blessed with prizes, gifts, rewards, talents and then exchange them, have a tantrum about them, refuse them and or throw them out?  This month Repentance is my objective along with Joy I am going to work on this. Seek out my blessings, gifts talents, treat them like prizes and use them vs rejecting and fearing them as is my character standard.  
  • I'm asking myself what should I pray for.  I'm asking that in my prayers everyday now. I feel like the thugs are happening underneath me and I am not sure where I'll fall. Saying that I'd like to Land and not fall! So I need to know what to pray for!  One specific day in deep solace I found myself praying to not hate myself, to forgive me for hating myself from within for so long now.  I pray for children and my childrens children, My nephews and nieces, people I know that are sick and for my friends that I really want to find and feel happiness. I pray for Heavenly Father to not give us this or that just because we keep asking!!!   I think and RIchard will tell you that as kids we got things from our parents because we just kept asking, I don't want that anymore, I want to be smarter than that to not be selfish and greedy!!
  • #DEEP THOUGHT!   Another eye opener was in a Sunday School class the teacher ask the question Do you remember when you were given the priesthood or do any of you parents remember when your boys were given the priesthood and can or would share that spiritual experience with us today? No one had any comments in a chapel filled with (kinda) with people.  it made me think and wonder about my boys and Richard and ask myself what in the world do I journal about?
  • Yes this #HappinessProject stays in my head now 24/7 #DEEPTHOUGHT 2; when I am confused about life and choices I need to keep the "whole Plan in mind",  I really liked this thought when I heard it.  asking myself when I mess up how do I act in that moment? who or where do I turn in THAT moment?  Do I panic? Do I access shame? Guilt? Anger?   One time in my life that I did keep the whole Plan in mind is about marriage! I can testify that that keeps us together, working, in love and moving forward hopefully in and toward the light, sometimes it can be dark and hard and in the moment, in that darkness things get lost and people are hurt so I am SUPER GRATEFUL for the image and my tiny hope, understanding and knowledge of the Whole Plan!   https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/rise-up-in-strength-sisters-in-zion?lang=eng  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-great-plan-of-redemption?lang=eng

Habits

Notes to self from #the4tendencies to look back on and study 
#1 how do I respond to expectations?

Upholders
Questioners
Obligers
Rebels

The theme of the 3 goddesses
The fateful tendencies we bring into the world
Colors the way we see the world

Questioners hate to wait in line
Respond to an expectation only if it makes since? Inner expectations questioners resist rules for rules sake come to own conclusion uphold or rebel
Need sound reasons.
Upholders reliable deal with real
Obligers motivated external demands and deadlines make terrific colleagues and friend difficult to self motivate depend on external deadlines external accountability self sacrifice is often need for accountability 
Need to be a role model do for the sake of others key 
Need external accountability.
Rebels own goals in own way high value on authenticity rebels frustrate others if you give an assignment creates a stop mechanism rebels need boundaries rebels resist habits  

We manage what we monitor
If we want something to matter we have to figure out a way to monitor it

Look for an Up Band
"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good"

"Monitoring whatever is important to me insures that my life reflects my values"

Foundation 4
1.Sleep 
2.move - Start. Consider morning person or night person. Lark or owl? 
*chapter29=3.eat and drink right
4.unclutter outer order contributes to inner calm 

"Begin by addressing big obvious habits"
"Act the way we want to feel"
"The way to loose weight is eating habits"

Essential 7? #4restrelaxrestore

Civility applied from January

Read chapter 3 making a case for morality

Read Apologue the loneliness of moral leadership

Family history from December

Me and him 4 years a month - GO!
I did this. It's really an action item that I must DO everyday a little bit - it's a massive project.

From November Be Healthy

Body in motion I started walking. I traveled alot this month but I started walking and am keeping a daily record.
What I eat I ate terrible with all of the tracking prbly weighing in at the most ever.  MARCH AND APRIL Mindful and not procrastinate will pick this topic up 100% Plus I have a contest of sorts now in play for family pictures in July - Ready Set GO!

Quotes I like this month

"I can only change myself and my behavior"
When I change, the atmosphere around me changes."

President Eyring said the atonement is not a thing, it is a something that Jesus DID for us to be able to repent.  a good reminder for me. He also explained how to share the gospel and your testimony with others to do it boldly with love without judgement with this attitude; "It's not that you are better than they are, it's that you want them to be better than they are."  I like that, I like that alot!!!!  Aren't we all sinners and so aren't we just here to be there for each other?

"We manage what we monitor" this is why I need to track what I eat, weigh and write!!!

Dreams to document 
I was in like a High school parking lot - lots of parked cars.
To see a parked car in your dream suggests that you need to turn your efforts and energies elsewhere. You may be needlessly spending your energy in a fruitless endeavor.a parked car may symbolize your need to stop and enjoy life. To dream that no one is driving a moving car suggests that you need to reassess your level of control over your life. You are unwilling to take responsibilities for your actions.

My parked car started up on its own I was in the back seat I was too fat to get over the seat to brake quickly so it kept moving.-

Brakes
To dream that your brakes fail or that you can't reach the brakes forewarns that you lack stability in your life. Now is not the time to take risks. Your life is out of control and you need to make some significant changes. It may also not a bad idea to check out the brakes in your car, as you mind might have picked up subtle cues and is manifesting the problem in your dream.

Storm
To see a storm in your dream signifies some overwhelming struggle, shock, loss or catastrophe in your waking life. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm symbolizes your rising spirituality. It may signal rapid changes ahead for you.
To dream that you take cover in a storm foretells that whatever disturbance or problems is occurring in your life will quickly blow over. Consider also the phrase "weather the storm", which refers to your ability and strength to withstand whatever comes.

I saw someone and I knew her by name 3rd grade teacher maybe?!?!! She didn't know me but she told me something like a warning

Teacher
To see your teacher (past or present) in your dream suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and are ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. What subject was taught? Alternatively, a teacher relates to issues with authority and seeking approval. You may be going through a situation in your waking life where you feel that you are being treated like a student or in which you feel you are being put to a test. Also pay attention to the demeanor and attitude of the teacher in your dream. If the teacher in your dream is mean, then it implies that you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to succeed.


Follow everyone car to house once inside I realize it's strawberryhill house but it wasn't! There was a few horses meandering I assumed to keep out of the storm I found myself wondering around in the house "hinting" to everyone that I used to live in this house. 

Spill
To dream that you spill something represents your carelessness and inconsideration of someone's feelings. You are not paying enough attention to those around you and as a result are offending and upsetting them. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for something that you are dying to say, as in "spill it."
Medicine
To dream that you are taking medicine represents a period of emotional and/or spiritual healing. It also indicates that the troubles you are experiencing are only temporary. Things will work out in the long run.


I spilled my pills into a planter or something when I retrieved them I also had bark dirt rocks and a giant worm... the worm stuck out the most it was red and black and huge and wormy!

Earthworm
To see an earthworm in your dream indicates that you need to go deep into your subconscious in order to unearth your hidden feelings and desires. Alternatively, earthworms symbolize little things that can be beneficial for your growth and well-being. It also represents renewal. Perhaps you need to restore some aspect of yourself.

and another dream...
I also had a dream about moving.  again in a high school parking lot.  i was attempting to fit in to my new congregation at church and the youth invited me to a football game!  I couldn't understand who would put maroon and blue together for school colors and the thought came to me that it was a comfort, a home feeling, an elma feeling- elma and monte merging!!!  How crazy is that!! that would not happen!!!  Anyway the colors gave me peace. I looked up school colors and came up with the Tempe Union School District!!!! Wow!!!

Thursday, December 01, 2016

My Happiness Project

Return and Report!
These are my 5 Strengths, I would also refer to them as my strongest weaknesses!
My Friend Urlene and I started a smash book to record and document to make a fun place to see our progress our resolve to dig in to My Happiness Project.  She told me about Gretchen Rubin and her books and I fell hard!  Urlene loves me and so she indulged me setting up these books of ours my last visit to Arizona, you should have seen us, it was quite a mess both the room and us!! I was enlightened to see how much she cared about me, this isn't something she wanted to do! I watched her work at it staying there processing this project idea, I want her to know I appreciated that she did this with me - I don't know how I would have started it without her.
Solitude is a weird thing, I've had my share of it these last 3 years, done some serious soul searching.  These books of GR are amazing and fit to my personality I can relate to her so much, anyway ... Because I'm not a reader, if you know me - you know that, it jumps out at me that I can attempt to use her pattern and find my Happiness, my purpose added to and upon the things I've been taught, my upraising and my current emptynester status.  This list is the first of the things I want to learn about, character traits I want to develop, and the person I want to find down deep within.
and this is where I start.
What is a Patriarchal Blessing?   https://www.lds.org/topics/patriarchal-blessings?lang=eng
The #4spendidtruths These are from her Book(s) and she talks about them in her YouTube videos http://gretchenrubin.com/ this is a great place to go and learn from her

My inspiration comes when I'm reading from The Light of Scriptures
Ok so I don't have my own 12 commandments yet these are Gretchen's http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/09/twelve-commandments-of-happiness/


I hope to have my own 12 commandments at the end of this project.  After completing my first month (Nov and Dec of this year are going now to be considered my practice months!!) I think one of my commandments will be Don't Give Up, if you didn't write yesterday write today. Writing, Logging, recording, documenting somehow some way will help me not give up.
I just like this paper! It will have a cool picture on it before this is over!!!

I love her #SecretsofAdulthood
I will apply these and read them often.  I have added to this page the following list for my secrets of Adulthood.  
  1. Pray everyday everyday everyday Pray asking what should I pray about! Pray for my kids!
  2. Move the Body!
  3. Minimize time screen time - evaluate daily
  4. remember mom taught me to write thank you cards  - Say Thank you everyday.
  5. Spend Time Outside make myself go outside everyday everyday everyday
  6. Unplug  (I don't know how long yet but I know everyday everyday everyday that I need to)
  7. Do service and this doesn't count my chores!
  8. Have a good clean joyful laugh (this one is hers, but I like it I don't know how to do it)
  9. Use your talents always searching and maybe adding new ones
  10. Live with who I am sleepwise be productive
  11. Don't look back longingly
  12. Read more Learn more Apply knowledge

This is a great guideline for Happiness also
Proverbs 31:10-31 I want to be that woman

The first 2 practice months and first 4 months
 Main Resolution with subgoals
the next 8 months FamilyisForever Nov and Peace Dec.




So Stay tune and I shall return and report my progress of #MyHappinessProject the coming of self.


Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Self sabotage about happiness

Buying and selling a house is for some easier than for others. This time in particular we had been on a Sunday afternoon drive and we found a house and we actually talked Dad into calling a realtor to go inside and look at it (he didn't ever really let us do that much).  It was just a few short weeks later and we were packed up yet again and moving in.  Everything fit together so smoothly. Some would say - Like it was meant to be! Super stoked, felt very blessed so happy to settle in and belong somewhere.

this is me in Hawaii - "Gitty" with excitement to be there
I was able, allowed, privileged, blessed with the opportunity to go to Hawaii 2 times in my life. Once on a very fun very timely school "field trip" with my daughter and her class to sing and serve thru her choir class her senior year in high school.  I was so excited to go and spend time with her.
Recently I was able, allowed, privileged, blessed to go with my husband, son and 2 granddaughters.  Terrible picture -  I will get to this... this is me "gitty"!

Holy Holy! Super spoiled. I love my mini pool and I am in it almost daily.  Richard spent big bucks on the baby for me and I know that he did it for me.  Inside I was bursting!

These three small experiences are quick thoughts about times when I have felt Happy, excited happy like "come on down", or "Lets make a Deal" jump up and down happy.  But I cannot remember jumping up and down any of these times or for a very long time. That might be a reason people think I am not a happy person.


I started writing this around Mothers Day and so I stopped.  I don't want to be one of "those" people that blames the mom!  So where my thoughts were going seemed non appropriate for the time, let me pick up with this thought.  My Mother was a very good mom. She loved me unconditionally.


Now what I am striving to do is 
1 be happy without her and 
2 learn from how I was raised who I am.

Maybe I mean to say show happiness without her.  I love my daughters all 8 of them! just as unconditionally as I know she loved me.  But this is not about me being a mom, this is about me thinking I can show happiness without hurting or offending another person.

I'm struggling here to write what my thoughts are.  --Obviously.

One day I was communicating with one of my daughters, she suggested therapy.  Is it that obvious I ask myself? Am I unhappy? I suggested to my husband that we go to a Marriage retreat, he said absolutely not and then ask later why would I think we needed to go to that? It all got me to this place where I am still today.

My Mom.

I loved talking to her as a tween, we did everything together. She was my best friend, (well besides Urlene who was more of a sister bff type!). I watched her take me on Vacations, send me to dance, pay bills, discipline, pray all with me and only me. When I was growing up I watched this woman work - she taught me to work to like it and to expect that I'd be doing it all of my life and to find happiness in the completion of a job well done!  I watched her on occasion with my Dad mostly at the dinner table, I don't remember seeing what I would have perceived as happiness, you know joy. I watched her volunteer in many capacities before, after and during church - that is where I saw the passion, the light, the happiness and the joy.  Because my older siblings didn't really participate in the church, I watched her be sad a lot.  (Side note here, as a mom it is frustrating to think you have taught your kids something from a chore to a feeling and see them not care about it) thats what she felt.

From this 2 things happened
1. I thought I was in charge at home and in the marriage and 
2. I've thought - It's my responsibility to save the family, make mom happy and ignore me.

When I say ignore me, what I mean is and didn't realize until just last month. I didn't act happy to be "gitty" around her about stuff, anything because I didn't want her to be sad or have her fillings hurt because I was happy and she wasn't.  And Thus we see I have created a pattern of not showing, displaying even knowing how to express happiness.  If I am "gitty" someone will think I self absorbed someone will be hurt.  I am no better than anyone, I have self control.

Now what?

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Today I Cry

Today I Cry

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy -Psalms 126:5


I do not know why
 it's unknown today why I cry
look at me - I shake, I cry.
I cry to blog and share why I cry!
I cry for friends and family
I cry because I have a headache.
I cry because I'm offended.
I cry to God because of this dark world in which we live.
I cry because I weigh too much.
I cry for protection for each of the ones I love.
I cry for my babygrands!
I cry to know and appreciate my heritage.
I cry in joy!!
I cry because I see skin that is wrinkled and old :(
I cry grateful to be alive!!
I cry to better show the love I feel for my neighbor.
I cry because I'm jaded.
I cry for that 17 year old inside me to LIVE ON!
I cry in sorrow for those I've hurt.
I cry for the pain I caused my Savior.
I cry because I've let myself get out of control.
I cry in celebration and appreciation of the rivers and the trees.
I cry for my mom.
I cry for that LIGHT that sometimes I let go of willfully and even at times unknowingly.
I cry because I let you go.
I cry because I miss my children.
I cry because I am so DANG PROUD of my kids!
I cry out in sadness being left alone here.
I cry when I find a black striped suit in the closet size 38L.
I cry because I have Not One Cousin!
I cry asking why is it that I have not one cousin and never have?
I cry because my hair is not doing what I want it too! or to? I know it's not 2!!
I cry because I miss him.
I cry for my parents and my siblings, I cry they are in a good place.
I cry in prayer for those I've lost.
I cry for those that need rescue, how do I save them?
I cry in prayer for their return.
I cry because I have offended someone, I cry for forgiveness.
I cry because I'm genuinely happy!
I cry to know family that live far away...
I cry again, asking how do I be a strong link to them from so far away?
I cry in gratitude for blessings I have.
I cry grateful to live in this beautiful place.
I cry because I see that I have so much,
 truly I am blessed and yet I still ... cry!
I do not know why
it's unknown today why I cry
look at me - on my knees, I cry.
I cry when I see this, for this is how I feel today! Thank you internet for sharing!