Happy Birthday I'm 20

Kelly Sue McCoy

a birthday poem by Iris (you know my mom!)

K is for the kaleidoscope of events in her daily life
E is for the exuberant enthusiasm of each day
L could be for Lady but it's not more for love, or laughter, or lessons learned.
L too, might mean loneliness or leisure enjoyed or light of the gospel she holds so dear.
Y stands for the youthful quality of her heart.

S is the silky long hair, sunshiny smile and SELF for which she searches
U is the indescribable Urgency she feels in LIVING!
E the Enigma of those Elaborate dreams she has.

M what else? the Man in her life she looks for and the marvelous magnetic thought of Marriage
C well lets see -- Capable, clever, cunning, capricious or cute?
C too, can be Caring, Catty, Caustic, cautious, challenging and ever changing!
O might be oblique, or obstinate, outspoken or overflowing with love of others.
Y is for the 20 Years she has had or maybe for the Yellow of her favorite color!

Mesa Third Ward Reunites

#Perspective #Roots #Family #Time #Closure

And Not One Picture! (Really? me! the queen of pictures from the past!)

Thoughts on seeing, hugging and reuniting with friends from the past....

Pre - anxiety, fear and excitement - joy if you will...

But more than that, (believe me or I wouldn't have showed up) is the "feeling", the feeling I remember of being there in that building WITH them.  I lived in this ward boundary and attended church with these people for over half of my life (as of now!) and maybe especially because we have moved so much since we have been married I am overwhelmed with
love and desire to be there, to see them.
The feeling that the past is the past and for good or bad these are my people and that I accept them now and forever (of course should mean that they in turn will accept me)!!!

side notes...

I met at Urlene and Mikes we talked and talked and talked.  Amazing how without seeing each other for so long we can just pick right back up. I love her! We talked so long our husbands were very bored with the same stories and not that impressed with the fond memories of past boyfriends, memories of 3rd ward and family - Funny the different perspectives!

At the reunion...Lyle ask me if I remembered all the pictures of the Bishops on the wall in the Bishops office? I answered without a thought "Yes indeed I was in there alot"!  

I really missed the sliding glass doors to the overflow!  You know I was married in that chapel and had my reception in that cultural hall.

I Had a great conversation with Sister Willis. See I still say "Sister" my mom demanded respect that way - no one (well except Betty) was ever called by their first name. Still to this day it's hard for me to call people by their first name!!!

It was so cool to just "chat" with old friends. To hug the boy I sent on a mission. To hear the voices of leaders. To see adults that were children I taught and babysat. To see Tyson and meet his son. To know that life moves on lives and families are created and to be reminded that without the atonement life would be harder, uglier and less successful, joyful complete.

Back to my thoughts on the reunion...

I wanted so badly to see them all (this village that helped raise me) and "feel" something.  I wanted that so much that I paid lots of money to fly across the states to spend an hour and a half in their presence.  I'm not saying that every memory I had there is a good one, but because of them I am who I am. 
I have none of my immediate "growing up" family left, so I think that my association here is needed that "these are my people" these "are my roots" and yes I indeed believe that what I have in these relationships is family; the Parent figures; Harvey and Betty Green, Sophie and Lloyd Harper, Betty and Stan Abbott, Corrine and Fred Dewitt, Brenda and Terry Reed, and Liana Willis,  these are they who along with Bishop Watson, and Bishop and Toni Brown, Ella O'loughlin and Mary Jepson(who have all moved on to a better world) well, these are they who raised me.  So yes to go to a ward reunion for me was a "Family Reunion". 
With those parental figures also comes all the "siblings" - Urlene, Susan, Lyle, Sheila, Debbie, Jane, Renee, Valerie, Julie, April, Rhea, Terry, Bobby, Eldon, Mark, Andra, Tanya, Richard, Elmers, Tyson, Stacy, Tera, Marion, Taun the Jensens, the browns, the Flakes, The Sanchez, The Starks, The Abbotts, Ronnie, Timmy, Kristen, Tom, The Farnsworths, The Rowleys, Brother Ball!!!.... just to name a few who each one in one way or another had something to do with who I am today.  
Then the only "blood family" I have there in Arizona; Matthew and Olaf - I was SUPER blessed they showed up ... we are all of the "McCoy Clan" since 1961 that is left to REPRESENT at the Mesa Third Ward reunion. My sister had ties there and brought her sons up always including them in the Third Ward from blessings and baptism to friendships and campouts.
Which brings me to Iris!!!  WOW! As I looked around the room and silently remembered the people, the experiences, the building, that room and that stage, the pictures and slide show and comments... Mom you were woven in that tapestry inside and out. I couldn't see anyone that you didn't affect the life of in one way or another. I saw People that you raised.  People that you taught. People that you served with. Thank you mom for being my strongest root, my beacon in a storm. You Mom, were the light and example for me and so many others.  From Relief Society to Primary. From Young Women to Ward Camp Outs. Come Hell or High Water you were there to serve and support all of us. I watched that! I observed you in your actions of; "Observe and then Serve" way before it was "popular"!!  From you I learned so many many things and I can honestly say; 
"My Mother Taught me".  I'm sure many there the 25th day of October 2014 could have said the same.  You were indeed missed.  I felt your presence your arms around us, your unconditional love right there in that big hall on that evening.

Post - peace, closure, gratitude, joy in remembrance...

it was more about the people than the building, (I guess it does help to have the village!!) it is feelings and the bonds felt therein.  It was the traditions. The Unity. It was the Things our Mothers taught us, remembered with love, woven into it all was the Gospel that was felt, testified to and taught there.  

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!!

A letter from Iris ... Her 30th Mothers Day 1973

   

My Dear Kids, as this, my 30th Mothers Day, approaches it makes me more than aware of the responsibility that has been entrusted to me in the rearing of the four choice spirits that came into our home and of the failure I've made of that trust!
     There are several of the best known holidays that have always been special to me and that I've tried to help you kids and your father feel excited about.  Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July they all are very meaningful to me -- not just for the well known reasons, but because they are significant in drawing a family closer together if that family will allow the deep feelings to develop, that these days arouse.
     Perhaps the two days that really meant the to me, though, are Mothers Day and my own birthday. Believe it or not the two seem closely related -- Each year as my birthday comes I feel so grateful to my Mother and to all those that have helped my life amount to the little it does.  And since I've had you kids after I thought for so long that I'd be denied that privilege, I just can not express the gratitude I feel for each one of you.  And of course for Daddy for helping me to become a Mother!!
     As it is a special day for me I'd like to use it as an excuse to do something I try not to do and that is to say some of the serious things that are so often on my mind.  They are not new things nor are they different -- so if you do not want to read farther now is the time to toss this in the waste basket.
     As each of you has grown up and even matured a little most of the time I've felt pride in your endeavors.  Oh and of course there are the little things I've seen or known of that I'd like to change but until the past two years I've always told myself that soon you would remember who you are and why you are here on this earth and make an effort to live as you have been taught.  But as I've watched you all get farther an farther away, not only from me (and I do not mean in distance) but from every semblance of religion of worship of God I've had a hard time not doing some preaching!!  and some pleading!!  to beg you, each one of you to take a long look at yourselves and what you really want -- to realize how short a time the life we live on this earth is and how long the eternities will be and ask if it means nothing to any of you that we cannot be a family in the hereafter if we don't live more righteously and more unitedly here and now.  Oh my dear kids how I love you, I'd give anything I have to help you see what you are are doing, even my life if it would help.  No one of you is really happy -- no one of you is doing with his or her life what you really want nor what you have been taught and yet their isn't one of you that isn't specifically blessed in one way or another that could be instrumental in make your own life so much more complete.  If you'd just read your patriarchal blessing and try to live as you have been taught you'd be much more happy and probably more prosperous!!!  At any rate -- may I take this opportunity to bear my testimony to you that I KNOW that God Lives, that He hears and answers prayers and that "IF" we make the effort to keep our lives in tune with His spirit we will (you will) feel an inner peace and joy that nothing earthly can give to us.
     My love for each of you is more than I have the capability of expressing.  Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the desire to just put my arms around you and weep with joy because you came into my life.  Thanks to each of you for the much happiness you give to me and for the opportunity to become a little bit more complete person because of the trials you've also brought into my life.  Please forgive me for the many times I've failed to give you the right kind of counsel, or been too strict or not strict enough, please know I've tried to do my best but not always been wise.

Remember
I love You,
 Mother

Me Myself, Mom & Tom, Life and Death

I have to live with myself and so

I want to be fit for myself to know.

I want to be able as days go by,

always to look myself straight in the eye;

I don't want to stand with the setting sun

and hate myself for the things I have done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf

a lot of secrets about myself

and fool myself as I come and go

into thinking no one else will ever know

the kind of person I really am,

I don't want to dress up myself in shame.

I want to go out with my head erect

I want to deserve all men's respect;

but here in the struggle for fame and wealth

I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to look at myself and know that

I am bluster and bluff and empty show.

I never can hide myself from me;

I see what others may never see;

I know what others may never know,

I never can fool myself and so,

whatever happens I want to be

self respecting and conscience free.

A poem my mom made me memorize as a youth by Edgar A. Guest

I miss you mom.  Yesterday Richie and I were talking about you - about all your counsel, about how parents do know more than their kids but that kids won't, & never will admit that and learn without experience.  Sometimes secrets do come off the shelf and out of the closet, we can only hope before we meet our maker that amends have been made - as our parents have taught.  We don't always have to be the center of all the action and Drama around us that we shan't care about the mote in someone else's eye, but instead only be concerned about our own eye and be self respecting and conscience free.  
 thank you Mom for teaching me that.

I'm remembering today the days and the night we waiting beside my brother Tom for him to die.  It's such and empty hopeless feeling.  The visual of it never ever leaves your brains' storage base.  The race to drive to him from Washington to Arizona.  Austin, Mom and me ...and Tom, praying out in the little patio garden for him to not have to suffer, feeding him, reading to him, teaching him the Plan of Happiness on deaths door, the room we stayed in, the book we read together as he lay there waiting knowing the end was near, the looks between Mother and Son.  The look he gave me when I said you'll be ok - go find Big Sis.  And the moment he was gone.  The look of a shattered conscience.   He had gone to that hospital with the intent of being "fixed" of living and "fixing" things when he came out, I hope he has the chance on the other side.  It came over me like a tidal wave that feeling of whatever happens I want to be self respecting and conscience free.  

Father and Son Timmy's Perspective

Daddy

I had a dad,
For this I am glad.
     I didn't know him well,
     so there's not much to tell.
His life was often rough,
because of this he was so gruff.
     He had kids and a wife,
     All he cared for in his life.
If there was a fight,
He could throw his might.
     With a two by four and more -
     I have seen him show that power.
He gave his kids a home,
so they wouldn't be alone.
     In Him, He had love,
     held tight like a glove.
He would drink a beer or a shot,
didn't think a lot was too hot!
     Many friends he had,
     though some thought Him bad.
He wore boots, and a hat,
When younger chaps shaped like a bat.
     Around the race courses
     He loved to watch the horses.
He was many things this man
but never completely tan!
     He would never put his hat on the bed,
     for it was always on His head.
But now he's gone home....
Never more to roam....
    He is laying on the bed,
    Yes, My Daddy's dead.

Tim M McCoy
son of
Tim McCoy
Jan 1986

Dear Son...

Yes, dear  Son, your Daddy's dead.

Here now are some things he  said:

"I love every daughter and son,

and the Grandkids, each special one.

Then there's the ones who joined our tribe

to live with our kids, side by side.

Always I wished only to do

what was best for all of you.

I was too dumb to think and plan,

Usually failed to be a man.

Too late now to show how I cared,

and enjoy the life we all shared.

Please tell all the kids, to try hard

to not allow their lives to be scarred

by the things I did or didn't do,

but live their lives to not have to 

regret their acts, or their thought.

But look ahead to changes brought

about by the course  in life taken, 

by habits that need to be forsaken.

To show their love, declare their pride

and not those feelings try to hide.

For me the end of life is near

and death itself I do not fear.

If God be just, merciful, kind,

He knows what's in my heart and mind.

If there really be another life,

I hope to be with kids and wife.

Goodbye to all, remember me,

As the man I wanted to be."

Yes, dear Son, your Daddy's dead,

and of all the many thing he said,

None so important and so true

As the simple phrase, "I love you".

Iris McCoy

The Mom

Jan 1986

I am grateful for "O" - Optimism

I am grateful for the attitude of Optimism

I am probably not a very optimistic person.  Someone ask me why I don't come out of my house more, do more with other people? - my answer to her that day was "People are stupid",   it's kinda haunted me that I actually said that out loud or that I even thought it.  Since then I've been more aware of that tough and attempted to be more optimistic and have more faith in people.  After all my mom raised me with a couple poems about that, that should have helped me since I know the poems and President Hinckley said the following about it;

 "We have so much to live for, so much to hope for!  Humanity is essentially good.  We are all of one great family.  We can give strength to the voice of hope. We can give thanks to those who work for peace. We can give added attention to those who feed the hungry and bind up the wounds of conflict. To the extent we cultivate this virtue of OPTIMISM, we will bless all the word's people!"

and Mother taught me:

Mr Meant-to has a comrade,
And his name is Didn't-do;
Have you ever chanced to meet them?

Did they ever call on you?


These two fellows live together

In the house of Never-win, 

And I'm told that it is haunted,

By the ghost of Might-have-been.

And

"Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve."  idk who said this  (mom)!

And

"A young couple came to see me a while ago.  Six months earlier, they had been married. They had declared their love one for another. They had pledged their loyalty one to another. Now, the young man came to my office disillusioned, bitter, and heartbroken. His wife, he said, did this and that -- simple little things of small consequence, such as leaving the dishes undone when she left for work in the morning.  And nothing seemed to make her happy. Then his wife came in, a beautiful girl of great talent. She spoke of her husband's faults. He was stingy. He did not pick up his clothes. He was careless. Each had his or her faults, every one of which was easily correctable. The problem lay in the fact that these two had a stronger inclination to emphasize each other's faults than to talk of their respective virtues. With a little discipline, each could have changed. WIth a little desire, each could have spoken with a different tone.   But neither was willing. They had permitted a negative attitude and outlook to destroy the sweetest, richest association of life. They had thrown away with careless and sour words the hopes and dreams of eternity. With criticism and shouting, they had violated the most sacred of all relationships.  Criticism and pessimism destroys families, undermine institutions of all kins, defeat nearly everyone and spread a shroud of gloom over entire nations." 

--Gordon B Hinckley

My plea, my pray is for me and you to find the good, be positive, be still in the noise and look for the positive -

 BE OPTIMISTIC!

I am Grateful for "I" - Iris

I am grateful for "I" Iris

Iris and her Mother Gladys

Iris at her 8th grade graduation

Tim and Iris McCoy

3 generations Iris, KSue & Apryl Ann

Iris and Matthew

Iris and Matthew

Family Ties

Looking at family history is interesting and totally brings me to tears!  I spent the morning watching "Who do you think you are?"    It doesn't matter to me who it is that the story is about, my heart swells at the things that they find out about their heritage.  Plus you learn so much about history (just plain ole history) when you study genealogy!

Talking to the FAMILY each one somewhere else in on the conversation:

Apryl "You cannot get up at 6 in the morning if you are not going to be nice because you are are being a Butt Head!!! Vaughn "A Butt Head?!"  
Ayris "i think you need to go to bed earlier so that you can be nice"
Vaughn "Ayris I think you should just go to bed"
Apryl "I leave in 42 days!"
Gage  "Hi Ayris"
AJ "Hi Pax"
Apryl "that was Gage"
AJ "oh Hi Gage!"

I love my family, how awesome is it that I can be skyping, texting, on the phone with and on the computer with all of my kids at once!
Tonight is Amric's Stage Manager "Wizard of OZ" !!!  He is a technology Wizard!!!!  It is also getting ready to SNOW!!!! 
I'm so glad that it's 62 in Vegas!!! and that the temp is falling fast here in O!

Yesterday my hubby sweet thing that he is was having a discussion with my daughter about the idea of setting a good example.  Back story: Back in the day when I worked outside the home I would often say  "going out with the girls after work"... they would be drinking, "but I was just having a soda".  Today's story: Yesterday this was what the hubby said!!! It's been awhile since I've heard the arguement "birds of a feather flock together", "people judge you by who and what and where you are without asking questions!", and/or  "it's not you I don't trust" etc. etc. etc. 
  I remember the day when I would hear that people were judging me, and my prideful attitude would create something then for them to talk about.  Silly me!!! 
 I'm sure my Mother was shouting "Hooray!" up there in heaven yesterday ...
the punch line is, It was the child saying it to the parent this time. 
I learned the hard way that this isn't the way to go about life, I hope and PRAY that he doesn't have to learn it AGAIN too!   So if you're going out with people after work, don't be surprised if it looks like you are doing the same thing they are - DRINK MILK?!?!  Sometimes some of us have to wear a shirt that states what we believe so others "get it" and we have created a wall of protection or advertising!!!

Some reasons I choose to blog DAILY are to leave a history for my family, to communicate that which I believe in to others I know and the ones that are willing to read that I don't know.  I'd really hope to help someone who might randomly read my stories to not be inconsistent, to be lost or to waste time in darkness.  The things that are happening for me because of my choice to blog DAILY are... I'm falling in love with my husband all over again being more grateful for him than I knew that I was. AND I am being reminded that without my foundation in a belief system of Jesus Christ, the atonement and the Hope of redemption I would have no direction or focus in life.  I would feel so left alone without family or friends without genealogy, the WORD and my testimony of the great plan of Happiness.