Was is worth it?

Went to the cemetery to pay honor to my parents.

This is my Daddy

This is my Mother!

I wondered if they think I amounted to anything and if all they went thru for me was worth it?  

As parents we go through lots for our kids.  We probably only realize and maybe a little bit understand it, after we have children ourselves.  It can be a very unselfish thing to bring children into this world. I know my parents sacrificed and struggled in behalf of their namesake.  I hope I made it worthwhile for them. I pray that when I see them again I can hold my head up high with no regrets, but that too they will be glad to see me not sorry or wishing they'd done something else!
  While in life we might wish things were different, really we wouldn't be who we are if they were and I am glad to be me and wouldn't change a thing in my circumstance molding me into the weirdy that I am today! 
Thanks mom and Daddy for being my Mother and Father.

Cattle

I'm starting to get the idea!  peace and gratitude??? IDK!

Yes another dream!  I wouldn't record them and talk about them except they are vivid, so very real that they are in my head til I do write about them!!!

This dream had corrals with cattle in them a lake, pond, trough, some kind of pool of water.  The corrals were laid out all around the water.  It was dry and dusty.  It was time for church.  Someone young man came to visit us.  I can tell you the names of the body builds of who he resembled, but not the point.  I could also tell you the personality of him as he talked to us, also I don't think its the point either, except to say that Richard baptized him.  Anyway  this kid came over and I sat down by the pool of water to talk to him, this is a place I felt peaceful and comfortable.  I do remember rationalizing I don't need to go to church if I am doing good hear with this kid.  Richard not happy didn't go to church either, instead he went out to wrangle some calves in his cowboy hat and really really western botton shirt!!!  I listened to this kids "problem" he had gotten himself involved with a woman who had a daughter now he found some letters that were in opposition to the "story" she had told him and he didn't know what to do.  end of story.

Now I'm in a corral with lots of cattle and one BIG BLACK HORSE. (I remember thinking in my dream about the dream the other night that I was suppose to compare the corrals with the All the cattle in them to the white house with all the children in All the rooms - WEIRD!)  I was working with the cattle and outside the corrals in the (I can't say pasture cuz there was none) dirt the cattle were getting anxious and starting to move which caused the cattle in the corral with me to start circling!  The horse started getting flighty and jumping so I opened the gate and herded the cattle out which started a stampede.  I could see over to Richard, his buttons all shinny and was a afraid as her wrestled with the calves the stampede was going to run over him.  I hollered "Are the outer gates open"?  I was afraid that the herd was all going to run out and I'd have to go herd them back in.  end of story.

I am awake now.



So today when we went walking Richard asked me "What do you like about living in Nebraska? and what don't you like".  As we talked I heard myself "I like where we live.  I like looking at the water.  I don't want to necessarily get in it, but I find it peaceful.  I miss the green of washington, but I don't remember looking out at the trees and thinking 'this is peaceful'.  I'm not all that over whelmed with Nebraska per-say  but I am grateful for our job and our home and for exactly where it is.  The water is peaceful, like my living room!"

Be Grateful.  Be at peace.

Interpretation:

Cattle 
To see cattle in your dream indicates that you need to proceed with caution in some situation or relationship.

To see a herd of cattle in your dream represents a lack of individuality. You generally go with the flow of things. Alternatively, it symbolizes prosperity.

To see a stampede of cattle in your dream suggests that something in your life is out of control.

Church

It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred.

Water 

To see water in your dream symbolizes your subconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation. 

Horse 
To see a horse in your dream symbolizes strength, power, endurance, virility and sexual prowess. It also represents a strong, physical energy. To see a black or dark horse in your dream signifies mystery, wildness, and the unknown. You are taking a chance or a gamble at some unknown situation. It may even refer to occult forces. 

Buttons 
To see a button in your dream indicates a metaphor for being too "buttoned up" or refrained. You need to let loose and be yourself. also to see a button in your dream indicates that you are stuck in some problem, situation or relationship. You need to push forward. Perhaps, it is time to make a new start... the dream symbolizes second chances.

31 Days of 31 Christmas' - 2012

What can I say about the year 2012?  

I can say this COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS for they are MANY!

Merry Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

My first quote in my calendar for the year is this: “Any attempt to compel behavior is accompanied by withdrawl of the spirit and decreased effectiveness”.  –Merrill

Applicaable for the year ahead, little did I know what was ahead for us this year.  My “keyword” for the year that I had picked to focus on was “Perspective”, I have a whole knew perspective now of sooooo many things, even in my old age and 31 years of family life.  "We can learn to love again" pink, I "believe in the forgiveness of sin and redemption of ignorance" a. stevenson and "he that is without sin let him (or her) cast the first stone" Jesus Christ.

I notice in my journal that one of my goals for the year was to loose 40 pounds by April!  I’m sure I gained 40+ pounds by April!!!  A very stressful 4 months.  Reading thru my journals is interesting, I pray my kids are writing – keeping records – for it is very insightful looking back definitely a learning tool.  As I have been reading and posting 31 Days of 31 Christmas’ I have struggled with how much I “posted” in each years Christmas letter telling people stuff they didn’t need to know or maybe even should know.  Because I did it though, I have it, I have the history (which is a blessing) plus My kids have it and I am indeed sharing it - a marriage and family evolving into what we have become, (I’m still not sure what that is, even today)!  I do know though that from it I see struggles, triumphants, failures, joy, mistakes, love, hurt, religion, lack of religion, testimony, vacations, money, "causes", the world around us, relatives, growth (we are slow learners, lots of growth!), friends, callings, and what I see today is SURVIVAL, ENDURANCE a family fighting to be a FAMILY TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY!  For that I can be grateful, count my blessings and move forward - not embarrassed for sharing as many details as I have, hoping that someone learns something and maybe grows too.

One of the things I was enlightened to from reading the scriptures this year came from King Solomon and it was that we were “moved from house to house to be where the LORD needed us to be, some moves might have been us counseling the Lord, but most were for our benefit and in the end were Joyful to the purpose”.  Somewhere along the year I was taught this “ETTE” Enjoy to the End! and that I hope my friends and family that we apply all the days of our lives...

To begin the year we were stuck in Wyoming and didn’t get home for a proper New Years Eve… that should have been a clue to the year ahead!!!  I want to preface this year with the resolve that we had made to NOT GO ANYWHERE THIS YEAR – for the sake of the budget (that didn’t really work out!).

•          We spent the first recovering from a trip home from Utah stuck in Wyoming for many many hours due to semi crash and bad weather.
•      Richard and I flew to Washington for the weekend in Jan. – during a snow/ice storm – I do love it in Washington.  I was ever so happy to go to church and see friends that I love dearly. And go to Jack in the Box both in Vancouver and in Chehalis!!!  Yippee!!!
•        We spent the next 4 months planning a wedding.
•       Ayris and Tyler moved to Utah
•       Apryl and her family struggled with unemployment for months. They came to the house just about daily up until August ;) love spending time with them and enjoying the boats, the beach and the time doing YOGA!!!!
•      Amric Graduated 4 years of seminary
•           Amric Graduated from Burke High School
• Ashlee and Dillon move to Omaha - fun to have her her, sorry we weren't better company!
•      Amric, Richard and I were blessed to travel with a “Youth Group” to Nauvoo, it was beautiful, wonderful fun experience.  Made knew friends, got to know the youth better.  The Temple is beautiful and the stories of the settlement are tremendous and tragic at the same time.  The spirit that is there is peaceful, the work and the effort, the suffering and hardship it left an undeniable mark that will imprint Testimony of a Prophet, a People and reminds us that Jesus Christ still lives.  Carthage is the saddest place ever, I felt like I was suffocating being there, seeing and hearing how he was treated.
•      I spent 6 months working on and planning “Girls Camp”. It went off without a hitch except that silly weather!!! Rains and wind, but I loved it and I believe (as I must) that the girls had a great time!!!  Soon after it was over I was released.
•       The A. Sobczaks came to visit and we got to go to Chicago with them.  Richard and I went for walks and we all enjoyed the sites, the food the hospitality of Chicago! 
•       Richard travels LOTS and LOTS doing his Appraisal Work - which by the way he still loves!
•      Amric starts his “paperwork” online to serve a Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
•       Apryl and Sean, Pax, Gage and Vaughn moved to Vermont.  Sean had 3 jobs this year! with prayer and the Lord's blessing (not mine!! hehe!) they moved to Vermont :(
• Ayris gets a job working for EFY in the office scheduling teachers and such!!  loves it too by the way!!!
• Amric still working at Fuddruckers and gets a second job at Best Buy!
•       Sudden trip to Utah - Ayris and Tyler Separated.
•          Tender Mercy that the Wares  (thank you Steve and Jake) were in Salt Lake too!  "Tender Mercies" all around,  let me count the ways!!  Jenni we love you and are so grateful for your influence, sacrifice and friendship to all of us but especially to Ayris at this time.  When Austin and Anona moved to Utah they had a family emergency, but I still believe it also had to do with Ayris I've been so grateful they lived close by as she has attended school at both SUU & BYU.
• We've been blessed to attend Nauvoo, Oquirrh, Salt Lake, Draper and Winter Quarters Temples this year.
•        Draper Temple - beautiful.  Very spiritual experience there.  I know that I totally felt and heard the presence of my mom and Aunt El, I can say this - I know they are watchful for and after Ayris Joan
•        Kelly called to teach Seminary – AGAIN!
•        BYU Parents Week-End!!  The Mom (that's me!) loves being with Ayris at BYU we went on tours, went to Womens Conf. with Anona and we were Blessed to attend the Salt Lake Temple (it has definetly been a year of "the Temple" for our family and we are all grateful for that blessing).
• Austin and Amric go to Washington D.C. - Amric sneaks in a trip on his own to New York City!
•       Sammy and Felicity came to visit for 3 weeks!!!  It was wonderful.  Austin and Anona went on a cruise!  But we got to keep the kids, it was so fun.  We sang, played games, went for walks, baked - celebrated Halloween – much JOY!
•        Amric Received his mission call – Carlsbad California Mission – He reports Jan. 2, 2013.
•       Amric went to the Winter Quarters Temple Nov. 3rd – Count our blessings!
•       The family gathered for Faux Thanksgiving and to support Amric leaving for mission we were sad that everyone couldn't be here, we missed Sean and the kids! L
•   An Annulment was granted :(  But, A fresh knew start, a wonderful positive future ahead for them both.  
•       Amric gave his talk in church (see highlights and follow his blog Storminmormonazsobczak.blogspot.com for the next 2 (count 'em - TWO) years!
• Leaving to take Ayris back to school and Amric to the MTC getting in a little time with Noyes Family and Sobczaks in the process!  YAY I’m so excited!!!  
• I am sure I will cry all the way home!  I'll tell you abou that in the Jan 2nd blog!!! Stay Tune!

The Following is a collage of pictures in remembrance of 2012....

The Mom and Amric Oct 2012

Dad Sam, Cici and Firt

Samantha in Gretna

Dad and Daughter Provo Ut Aug 2012

Austin and Cici Valley Oct 2012

Pax and Apryl Valley

Cici in Draper on Parents Weekend

The Mom and The daughter on Parents Weekend BYU Sept. 2012

Matthew and Matteo

The Bean

CHicago

Sean and Vaughn in the back yard!

Vaughn and Pax back to school only this time in Vermont!

Ayris at Jenni's Aug 2012

Ayris and Mom Salt Lake City Sept 2012

Ayris gets a new phone for her birthday!

Calvin!  visits -- What a Surprise!!! 

The Ren's where else? Baseball!!!

The Cousins at Amrics Graduation

Apryl, Ayris come home for Amric Nov 2012

Faux Thanksgiving Nov 2012

Anona helps mom Landscape this is my little bit of the southwest here in Nebraska

Fall here in Valley

Felicity 

Ashley and her Family 2012 (Timmy's Grandaughter and My Great Niece!)

Tim the third! with his family! (Timmys grandson and name sake)

Nikki and her family (Timmys grandaughter)

Olaf and Dania (Judyanns beautiful baby son)

RIchard and I  at Sioux falls  March 2012

Amric Graduates!  His parents tag along for the ride!!

Bianca Ren

Ayris and Tyler go to Seattle

My little runner - GO APRYL!

Apryl Ann I miss you so much!!!

When I grow up I hope they call me on a mission!

Richard finally gets his boat!

Winter Quarters Temple .... What a blessing to have our kids there together.

Anona and Austin with Sammy and Cici

Tyler and Dad

Oquirrh Temple

Matthew and Marcella (Judyanns Oldest Son)

Amric is fulfilling Uncle Tom's prophecies with Girls and Blackeyes!
 (see his christmas card quote in 1999 letter)

Ayris goes to the Oquirrah Temple Parkers and Noyes came in support

Apryl and The Dad as she left for vermont

Oquirrh Temple

Ayris and Dad

Zane instructs Austin in Utah at lunch!

Gage - isn't he cute!

Apryl and Pax

Just love the shoes

Apryl and The Mom Love the shoes!

Matteo is blessed in Mexico

Vaughn so somber

Amric in the back yard! with his graduation present!!

The family comes together to support Amric as he goes to the Temple and
Prepares to serve the LORD on a 2 year mission.

Count your blessings - 

I know I am counting mine, as this years perspective seems to be how blessed we are.

"Count your blessings.  Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace strength, courage and confidence."  Og Mandino

Hugs to all and to all a Good night and Great New Year 
Please, bless us all with a even better than 2012 - 2013!!!