We are Both Broken

This morning I had an epiphany!  It is that in Marriage we (the couple whoever the two people are) are both broken.  Religion aside when two people come together they merge with a past, world experience differences, and a slew of different habits.  Who are we to judge?  Seems our job is to only,  if we love each other and ourselves then we can help each other become better people everyday.  The first thing to do is accept that we are both broken.

I read others blogs and I learn, empathize and even get jealous because I want to write like they do.  My goal as I write I remind myself is to learn, demonstrate empathy and share the ability to grow progress improve with each experience, thought and lesson I have Daily!

Don't be a HateR

I HATE MY LIFE!    LIFE SUCKS!   HE SAID?  SHE SAID?  IT's NOT MY FAULT. HE DID IT!   

Once upon a time I used to work at a job that wasn't at my home.  When I was first married in fact I worked at place where I rotated shifts, sometimes  days, sometimes nights, sometimes all night.  It was a ruff way to start out.  My husband worked days and went to school for awhile, he was a Route Supervisor and that took 50 hours a week so he actually quit his job and went to work at Circle K working graveyard and still going to school full time, now that was fun!  By now in our lives we had two children.  I've told you this before I like the work place, but people are not kind there (to be clear, some are) but the majority are not, they are kicking and screaming to get to the top, get a raise, survive til they go home again, on and on we could go ...  and shift work PLZZZZZ they Hate each other!  

Why is it that people actually hate?  It seems almost cool now, in todays world to be a Hater, why is that? 

Hate and love are so close and yet so far away on the scale of balance that there is no balance.  

It's been on my mind all week this dilema  of love and hate, love 'em and leave 'em, how many times do we shatter someone else's reputation, when do we, how do we love the porcupine?

Art, Music, poetry, movies, stories, articles, crime and passion are just about all related to as 

Love Stories and/or Hate Crimes.

Do we apply, learn, ever go fix anything? 


The Scriptures are full to the brim of stories of Love and Hate, people and families, places and circumstance to apply, learn and teach by.   Today in my seminary class we talked about judging and gossip, reputations, hate and love.  If you believe in Jesus Christ or not as a Messiah or Jehovah His story is an example that we can apply, learn from and use to better our lives in general.  It is the easier road to judge, criticize, tear down and destroy - much easier to say I HATE THAT!  At times on Facebook I wish there was a dislike button, but isn't it nice that there isn't, saving us from ourselves!?

In the New Testament we are taught "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
But I think that most often we forget the rest of it "For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."   Matthew Jesus sat down to eat with the publicans and the sinners as well as his apostles and family.  Do I, sit down with everyone alike?  I like to think that I do, but probably not.   
Once Austin told me that he just "didn't know what my kids could do that I wouldn't forgive them or judge them".  I tell ya, I hold that sacred, close to my heart that he thought that well of me.  In High School I pretty much think I was nicer to the friend who didn't have my same standards than I was to the ones who did, because IN MY JUDGMENT they weren't kind --because they were so judgmental!  It's a anomaly! 
Matthew, my nephew once said to one of my kids that "if someone needed a home, I wasn't going to kick them out".  I like to think that it's true, I always thought my Dad was like these compliments my family gave me - I always wanted to foster children because I watched him have so many extra kids around the riding stables, I was always jealous of them being able to be around the horses, my brothers, and my Daddy.

The Spirit of the Lord is a spirit of kindness; it is a spirit of patience; it is a spirit of charity and love and forbearance and long suffering ... Lucifer is exercising every means to destroy the souls of the human family. He is more active than he has ever been and he works in such an insidious way. I will not take time to enumerate the many ways he employs but there is one way in which he operates, and has operated from the beginning of the world, and that is to tempt one individual to destroy the reputation of another by saying unkind things of them .. It is so easy to criticize someone else, so easy to find fault, and sometimes we speak harshly of our neighbors and friends.    --George A. Smith

but let's be real...we all judge, criticize murmur maybe even hate  I pray we can find the strength to overcome to forgive, forget not judge, not gossip, not ruin reputations making that persons problems bigger, but be kind, love them without being walked on and let people into our lives, accept "the sinner", even if we don't approve of what we call "the sin".

Another one bites the dust!

Matthew 10:14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

A scripture that has bugged me the last few weeks.  It was something. as I understand that the more self righteous Jews did, but also that Jesus taught the Apostles to do in a way of you taught them, they don't accept it, go privately dust off your feet and you can judge them openly on Judgement day.

I do not waant to judge anyone, nor do I want to be judged.  I sat down here with a thought to write and before I did so studied and read some more information about this scripture.  Thus I have deleted a blog entry and am reconsidering my stewardship of some things.  I was lead to understand a few weeks ago when i read this that it would be easier for me to "let go" of somethings using this idea "dust off your feet".   As I have read and pondered this morning, it's not my place to judge and especially not here out in the open.  Thus I will change my behavior and update my blog to only be about me and not the words of anyone else. My perspective is just that - my perspective.  nothing profound here, dang!  I really thought I had a profound statement when I sat down here to write today and what I found as I've read pondered and searched...was a chastisement, a kick in the butt.  I apologize if I've hurt anyone out there.  Let us watch our words - what's the old saying?  Do unto others - if for no other reason than, we dont want them to come back around and kick us in the butt.

Who DO you think you are?

what's an "ite"?
"...The downward slide of this civilization began to pick up momentum. The division of society into classes resulted in irreparable tears in the social fabric. In A.D. 231 there appeared what Mormon calls the “great division among the people” (4 Ne. 1:35). We might refer to this as the “-ite” phase of New World apostasy, with the Nephites, Jacobites, Josephites, and Zoramites, on the one hand, preserving the true worship of Christ, and, on the other hand, the Lamanites, Lemuelites, and Ishmaelites “wilfully rebelling against the gospel of Christ” (4 Ne. 1:38)".  Andrew skinner Nov. 2000

This is one of my biggest fears...division and war amongst the people that I live with, by, even around, my neighborhood, my church, family member vs family member.  An ideal of civil war freaks me out, I just don't know how people live in it, how they survive in times of war on the homefront.   Yet spiritually I send myself, my husband my kids AND now, my grandkids out into it (the world) every day - how will we survive what do we do to survive.
Maybe to begin with we could in times of civility and peace get along with each other, say hi to the neighbor, take 7Up to the sick - maybe just support one another friends and family alike.  I had an experience that has weighed heavily on my mind that I want to document and hope to look back on and learn from cuz even these many months later Im still trying to digest it.

Our family had a luncheon after a special occasion.  There was in attendance a boy, (a young man) his Mother, his step Mother, A "foster type" Mother and a "friend" type Mother.  These Women all had the best interest of this boy at heart yet none of them could communicate with each other.  Why is it?  Why Can't, even in a good situation people really drop the walls, release the reserve, genuinely be happy with each other for another person.  Must we designate ourselves as "ites", giving ourselves titles, conditions, roles to play that we indignantly think someone else can not do or live up to, thinking that we are the "Big Wheel" and that with out us this (whatever it is) cannot go on?  How sad it is that we are so prideful that we can't join in harmony for someone else without jealousy and judgement.  No hugs, no conversation, no pictures, no well wishes just contention.  How sad is that?  let me tell you SAD :(

so how to "fix it"? how to overcome such a issue as class, race, one uping ...blah blah blah  I would like to delete segregating names from my vocabulary and encourage you to do so too.  Next time you feel "better than someone else", remember the time that you didn't and don't let anyone ever feel that way in your presence, Im going to try to do the same.

Recently I heard Henry B. Eyring say; It takes a team!  "caring for those in need takes a team — a loving and unified society".

reference:
Pamela J. Reid, “No More -Ites,” New Era, Jan 2001, 42
Henry B. Eyring  Our Hearts Knit as one Oct. 2008, &
Nov. 2012 "The Caregiver

Delia

March 17 holds a few memories of people for me.

One my friend's Annette Harrell, her birthday is March 17.  I remember taking her a birthday present in the 5th grade.  How do I recall this memory?  My mom cautioned me that we would be out of place going to her house, I did not understand that at all.  She is my friend, why does it matter what color she is!?!?  Mom did drive me over to her neighborhood and we were starred at by each and every neighbor as we drove down the street in our Chrysler New Yorker!  I just never really understood or stand today why color is stereotyped, an issue, or defining moment.  But in my memory this is one of those moments, I can still to this day see that street in my mind and remember that it was awkward, that I wasn't invited in and that She was indeed one of my best friends. We laughed and played and studied together, at school...but NOT at home in our different neighborhoods and lives.  Later ... I loved to go to the school dances,I loved dancing with Clarence and Greg, (yes, we were judged and still starred at - this was in High School and these were my friends from elementary school I missed them),  the friendships were real.  Time has taken that all away but memories don't fade.  Please, don't judge people, it's not our job!
My goodness time does fly!

20plus years ago I met the Lebeuf family!  I was immediately endeared to Delia!  She lived with us off and on, her Dad was a single parent.  She is a fun and ambitious young woman now.  Back then she was a giggly, skinny, feisty, lovable tiny little girl!  She led in the family to do chores, to pray and to be loving and supportive of each other.  Our movie favorites were Romeo and Juliet (leo version), That thing you do, and Beauty and the Beast.  We also grew up with Dawson's Creek and 7th Heaven!  How's that for opposite ends of the media scale! 
We had the best Family Home Evening's and she always took part and would hug me and say someday "mom" I want this too!  She didn't like to read, or do math and yet she has turned out to be a wonderful student and she is a great worker, mother and wife.  She is family and I love her.  She was great to help me with Aj and Amric she was boy crazy and very much like Apryl Ann did not appreciate her father embarrassing her at school or in front of her friends!!!  Once he went to pick them up from school in his tall black rubber boots!  They choose to walk home, rather than get in the truck with him!!! teenagers!  She and Austin had a great "love hate" realtionship!  Being the same age they competed with lots of things from games to friends from who cleans up to who doesn't!!!  I've had different kids in the house over the years but Delia, well she's ours!!  And Real and Sherri they are ours too!!!!
May I speak first about the courage to refrain from judging others. Oh, you may ask, “Does this really take courage?” And I would reply that I believe there are many times when refraining from judgment—or gossip or criticism, which are certainly akin to judgment—takes an act of courage.
Unfortunately, there are those who feel it necessary to criticize and to belittle others. You have, no doubt, been with such people, as you will be in the future. My dear young friends, we are not left to wonder what our behavior should be in such situations. In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior declared, “Judge not.” At a later time He admonished, “Cease to find fault one with another.” It will take real courage when you are surrounded by your peers and feeling the pressure to participate in such criticisms and judgments to refrain from joining in.
I would venture to say that there are young women around you who, because of your unkind comments and criticism, are often left out. It seems to be the pattern, particularly at this time in your lives, to avoid or to be unkind to those who might be judged different, those who don’t fit the mold of what we or others think they should be.
The Savior said:
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another. …
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”3
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Thomas S. Monson

Today she is happily married and has so many families watching out for her from her Mother, Dad and StepMom, to Todd's family and back to Us!  She is loved and prayed for.  Happy Birthday Delia we love you.

Family Ties

Looking at family history is interesting and totally brings me to tears!  I spent the morning watching "Who do you think you are?"    It doesn't matter to me who it is that the story is about, my heart swells at the things that they find out about their heritage.  Plus you learn so much about history (just plain ole history) when you study genealogy!

Talking to the FAMILY each one somewhere else in on the conversation:

Apryl "You cannot get up at 6 in the morning if you are not going to be nice because you are are being a Butt Head!!! Vaughn "A Butt Head?!"  
Ayris "i think you need to go to bed earlier so that you can be nice"
Vaughn "Ayris I think you should just go to bed"
Apryl "I leave in 42 days!"
Gage  "Hi Ayris"
AJ "Hi Pax"
Apryl "that was Gage"
AJ "oh Hi Gage!"

I love my family, how awesome is it that I can be skyping, texting, on the phone with and on the computer with all of my kids at once!
Tonight is Amric's Stage Manager "Wizard of OZ" !!!  He is a technology Wizard!!!!  It is also getting ready to SNOW!!!! 
I'm so glad that it's 62 in Vegas!!! and that the temp is falling fast here in O!

Yesterday my hubby sweet thing that he is was having a discussion with my daughter about the idea of setting a good example.  Back story: Back in the day when I worked outside the home I would often say  "going out with the girls after work"... they would be drinking, "but I was just having a soda".  Today's story: Yesterday this was what the hubby said!!! It's been awhile since I've heard the arguement "birds of a feather flock together", "people judge you by who and what and where you are without asking questions!", and/or  "it's not you I don't trust" etc. etc. etc. 
  I remember the day when I would hear that people were judging me, and my prideful attitude would create something then for them to talk about.  Silly me!!! 
 I'm sure my Mother was shouting "Hooray!" up there in heaven yesterday ...
the punch line is, It was the child saying it to the parent this time. 
I learned the hard way that this isn't the way to go about life, I hope and PRAY that he doesn't have to learn it AGAIN too!   So if you're going out with people after work, don't be surprised if it looks like you are doing the same thing they are - DRINK MILK?!?!  Sometimes some of us have to wear a shirt that states what we believe so others "get it" and we have created a wall of protection or advertising!!!

Some reasons I choose to blog DAILY are to leave a history for my family, to communicate that which I believe in to others I know and the ones that are willing to read that I don't know.  I'd really hope to help someone who might randomly read my stories to not be inconsistent, to be lost or to waste time in darkness.  The things that are happening for me because of my choice to blog DAILY are... I'm falling in love with my husband all over again being more grateful for him than I knew that I was. AND I am being reminded that without my foundation in a belief system of Jesus Christ, the atonement and the Hope of redemption I would have no direction or focus in life.  I would feel so left alone without family or friends without genealogy, the WORD and my testimony of the great plan of Happiness.