Phase 2 Return & Report Finances and Humility April 2017

My Happiness Project is working. It's in my head all the time, and it is causing a change of heart that indeed will endure into resolutions of a life time.

In Phase 2 I will make the accountability happen, after the initial 21 days of tracking and enduring with said topics, I have to evaluate and set reasonable achievable new goals /#resolutions to be accountable for in my ledger of columns with the headings of; budgeting money, calories, movement and time.  

Here we go !!!!  Who knew Finances and humility would lead me here?!!!!


Phase 2  the war of accountability continues!  

Goals set as a result of April Tracking...

1. Pay a charitable tithe and Fast offering

2. Be out of debt.

3. Exercise 30 min a day.

4. Avoid snacks, must lower Cholesterol.  

5.  I am not responsible for anyone but me! (review #4splendidtruths http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/07/how-to-be-happier-in-four-easy-lessons/and #secretsofadulthood http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/09/secrets-of-adulthood/ !)


Remember the goal was to marry in the Temple.  But then what?  I never ever thought passed that. Be accountable, Endure to the end!!!  Be committed, resolutions for a life this time. The search, the refinement, The Project continue!

No Empty Chairs

I just want to write today about my cute family!  

I have been writing a blog since 2010 and I titled it The Sobczak Daily, well it hasn't been written daily so that seemed to me this morning non applicable so I went right in and have retitled my blog and actually taken ownership of it! A step into the present day.  Last year I wrote in my personal paper journal more than here with the goal of being more "personal", today I ask - is anything personal anymore?  It's a little crazy how nothing is.

I see so much when I look at this picture of my family. 

first I see joy

then I see myself - and think I am alone.

I realize I am not alone, that Richard and I are the bookends of the children in between.

I see the Temple which gives me hope - that we will be a family continuing on into Eternity.

My goal for my little cute family is No Empty Chairs there.

Then I see an empty chair - why is Sean not there?

I see trials and hurdles that have been or are knocked over and some that aren't set back up.
  Then some that have been conquered set back up and the finish line crossed.
I see the world trying to tare us apart
and taking deceiving ways in doing it.

I see heritage and descendants.

I see that together or apart we are one,
that bonds need to be worked on continually and
cemented, that no matter where we live we are Family.

Dang Discipline

Jan 2014!!!
Too Walk or not to Walk?
to eat or not to eat?
to run or not to run?
to watch Tv or not to watch TV?
to Watch naughty or not to watch?
to read it or not to read it?
to clean the house or not to clean the house?
to wash the windows not or later?
to sweep, or dust or vacuum?
to do the dishes before the meal or after!
to make the kids go to bed at sundown or midnight?
to have sex or not to have sex?
to listen to Rock, rap, alternative, hymns or Country?
To count calories, carbs or fat grams?
To write or not to write?
To dance or not to Dance?
To go to church, watch football, or sleep?
To Drink or not to Drink?
To hit or let be hit?

I found that as a draft in my blog today!  I feel exactly like this today! Jan 2016!!!
I am circling the two year drain in my indecisive, what do I do with my life nature of the now, the -- today! Thinking...what the heck?! 

I think it's something about the new year.
I desire to...
I want to...
I long to...
and so many days later 
if nobody else 
desires too...
wants too...
or longs too...
(Am I the only one who thinks like this?) I find myself asking... 
"What the Heck does it matter then?"

this train of thought though, I'm sure is why Donald Ressler had sex with Samar and why, well, why people give up and why people make choices that aren't good for them. 
I want to make good choices!
I can make good choices!
I will make good choices for me!

FIND a Direction, A Focus, A Positive reference!  writing snaps me out of it usually, like now!  I'm grateful for my own weird little quirks they make me who I am and I'm grateful to be me!

Characterized Media - WHO ARE YOU IN THE MEDIA?

ok I'm going to just start brain storming about this and see where I go...

My question is Why do we read or watch the stories that we do?
Some observations -

• I figured out why I always wanted to go to New York City!  Because I am That Girl!  Or anyway I wanted to be from 1966-1971!

• When I was a young married I had a woman I worked with tell me she did not let her daughter play with Barbie or watch any TV with a barbie character because "those girls" always had sex before they were married.
• When Apryl read as a child she said she did it because we moved so much that and the stories, and the people in the stories were always still there, not new,not different and didn't move away.  She liked getting "into the story" and being part of their lives.

• I have a great friend; Marion she told me once that she liked to read her "novels" because when the guy rides in on his horse and saves the day - she pictures Zane because he is her hero.
• My Daddy used to watch "All in the Family" every Sunday night, I loved to watch him laugh - I think he totally related and that is why he watched it - because part of his character was "Archie Bunker" and so he could relate!

• Back in the day when I watched "One Tree Hill" Tyler liked the girl Peyton I liked Brooke and Haley!

• The other night I was watching "Heart of Dixie" and the couple I've always rooted for turned into a familiar couple.  I guess that is what got me to thinking about this.  Are we familiar, do we know or recognize characters on the shows we watch or the stories we read - is that why we watch?  Who do we root for? Who do we hate together? Do we repeat that in our own lives?Does Apryl really just want to be Dr. WHO? No she wants to be Sydney Bristow maybe she wants Sean to be Dr Who!  Should we learn and try a different tact?  So Ayris Yes, you can root for Emily and Micah! Then last night Richard and I were watching TV and he made the comment that all "my shows" have cute boys in them - I wondered what does that mean? What do all of his shows have what are the characters he is attracted to? (Raymond, Captain Kurk, Doug Heffernan, and Sheldon Cooper) 
• What are we putting into our minds without thought.  What thoughts am I?

• Then there is me - I like TV, never really liked to read so much, I think now that is because it has always been so hard for me to concentrate. Because I like TV and I've been doing it for awhile narrowing down characters is a task sort of in my head let's see;  I loved Friday Night Lights, I wanted to look like and have the passion of Sarah Connor in Terminator (but wait thats not TV) so I will make that Nikita or more realistically cuz she's my age anyway Jo Denville!, I want to act like and have the will of Maxine Gray on Judging Amy, I really want the Sunday Family dinners on Blue Bloods, My nickname comes from "The Andy Griffith Show" I think because I wanted to be opie and have a Dad like him and my friends all called my mom Aunt B,  I always want to talk to the dead (I have so many on the other side) that I like shows like "Touch by an Angel" and "A Gifted Man", I liked the spunk of Reva on Guiding light, I can't believe how dumb  Emily is, and I loved to Hate JR Ewing.
• Ok so that's what I came up with by memory (which as everyone knows I don't have a memory!).  Then I googled top 10 shows of the 1960s, 70s and 80s to see what my foundation is of characters from ALLLLLLL the TV I've watched.  1960 I watched them all but the Patty Duke Show.  The 1970s - Yep I watched them all!  So the 80's get interesting I see that I start pulling back and not watching what everyone else is.  This is when the Detective/Mystery enters (Wiseguy and Hart to Hart), family comedies were in the home now in the 80's the comedy changes; it's no longer in the family it's in the Bar(CHEERS) and at War (MASH), the Day time Soap moves to nighttime (Dallas and Beauty & the Beast).
• The 1990s and now I have kids watching TV with me - and I'm watching WHAT????  TV changing even more Evil/Mystery enters = XFiles at the top of my list, the DaytimeSoap moves to nightime with ER a must see, Dawson in 1998 and the culture starts to change with the introduction of the comedies "Friends" and "Seinfield".
• Which brings me to the new century and what do I see?  what has happened?  "REALITY" has happened and I think it has replaced JR with the "love to Hate" relationship.  American Idol, Survivor, So You Think You Can Dance, now it's Big Brother, The Voice and Project Runway plus so many many more than I am not watching or invested in, or even heard of.  What about all the generation that is watching, they are and will be basing their foundation on this type of TV / media, what will become of them? Who are their role models or the characteristic traits that they will "want to be" or inherit without even knowing it - honey bobo?
• Now we are in yet a new decade (dang I'm getting up there in age!) who's character do I want to watch now?  Well Ziva's cool, Richard's says I'm Dani on Necessary Roughness,  
• Even before I started writing this I had come to the conclusion that I needed to really be more watchful of what I am putting in to my mind completely without thought and discern more clearly what I am watching on the TV.  We have a couple rules about TV in this house;

1. I know exactly (and have blogged about it already) the reason and time that caused us to choose to enforce the rule of no R rated movies.  Inside the house or out. Austin was 5.
2. We didn't allow MTV in the house.  I don't know how parents control that now.
3. Nowadays No rated M or pay TV channels.
4. No TV's in the bedroom or situated screens away from the doorway!!! in the house.  Only nowadays all of us can see anything anywhere, with the internet so readily available and smart phones, so now what are the rules?
5. With the invention of the DVR and since We had a TIVO in the house - no live TV.
• SO that leads me to this week before I even started writing this.  I recorded a new show that came out this week, let's just say it had to be stopped and removed from the cue.  Because of that and the experience Wednesday I think it was with that Alabama based show, I started down the cue I deleted 7 shows.  Thousands of hours of TV are stored in my brain.  What am I doing with it that I am not even aware of? 

I think my Richie is Andy Griffith, Mike Heck, Jethro Gibbs, Mike Baxter and throw in a little Mark Slade from High Chaparral (need a little cowboy in this mix) and of course Magnum PI!  Now thats a man!!!!

I had a seminary student once who was a very lean strong wrestler and he told me as I ate my nachos, that his mom taught him "You are what you eat".  Today in my analysis I guess I'm saying that especially without being taught any morals, You are what you watch.  If you are not exerting yourself in church, scriptures, prayer, service, if you are exerting yourself in media more than positive uplifting sources then what does our brain have integrated in its software, what does it have for reference in any given situation, trial, choice or consequence. I fight depression  I can't watch shows that go nowhere, that are rollercoaster story lines that have humor that isn't positive.  Otherwise I go there too and that's gotta stop.  We must not only be observers of kindness and morality but we must fight for the future and commit to FAMILY above all!!!

This isn't even where I thought I was going with this!!!! First of all I was just wondering what TV character I might be (I'm even more unclear of that now - guess I'm just me!) and what TV character Richard would be (glad I figured that out!)!  Looking at this and seeing what I watch I'd have to just say take it back a notch Kel and exert yourself in an other directions - GO ME for deleting shows from the cue!

Decide your PASSION

So today I am having a passion for FOOTBALL ya baby I am in Football mode!  

really, you ask kelly??? 

calm down...I'm not, but for some reason their is surely something cool, bonding and alluring about a football game, something that gives a person PASSION!!!  I love a football movie, and the I love it when people come home to watch games here with Richie.  But what I want to Post about today is... PASSION and not my passion for football.

What gives you PASSION?
and I don't mean in your pants?!!!!!

Amric and I are in a different chapter of our lives, summer is over and school is back in session and neither of us have anyone in school (at least living here at home) so it has confused us - what are we suppose to be doing? what is or should be the knew routine? what happened to our plan to be healthy? what happened to our goals to study together? We are free!!! Free to stay up late, to sleep in to eat what we want to exercise or NOT!  Thus I find that with this free agency we have found no PASSION!  I listen to people say when they were 10 they knew they wanted to make movie, when they were 15 they wanted to go into space,  that forever they wanted to be on American Idol, Big Brother or Survivor.  I heard this story just this morning one day when this father came home he put a Stanford hat on his sons head and said "someday you are going to Sanford" and he is!
     I myself had the goal for as long as I can remember to be Married and stay married and live in the same house together, never moving.  I wanted to teach dance and have my own studio.  I wanted to lead youth groups and have foster kids that loved our family and returned often to share the love! I wasn't raised to go to college, school definitely not a passion.  But a PASSION, a real beat all, fight for everything never give up passion - what is that and what is mine???  The dictionary describes passion as (besides the sexual and lust aspects) strong emotion and enthusiasm.
     I can say that my passion (looking at it this way) is to keep my family together for eternity to make connections with lost family and to have a HOME where they all feel comfortable to come visit. Is that bad, if that's my passion, seems so non publishable!  Even now, with my adult children and my "happy at his job husband" is it still a passion if so what can I do to feel passionate about it?   I DO have goals to do to make this Passion happen but lately I haven't looked at the big picture.

 I have taught my kids a couple of quotes in my attempt to accomplish this PASSION they are;

• "the Chief cause of failure and unhappiness is giving up what you want most for what you want right now"
• "remember who you are"
• "Save a girl save a generation"  along with
•  "Don't YOU be the Weak LiNk". 

I can honestly say that except for "Remember who you are" these quotes were made after my Mother raised me, but without her and her Passion for me to not fail to bring the family together these quotes would not have touched my spirit and kept the PASSION alive.

anyway... to keep on keepin on I need to set some goals, I read a quote yesterday that inspired me to recognize this "People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures" which lead me to this post today!  I am reminded I can't just let myself fall into a habit everyday I need passionate goals to decide my future to not be the weak leak and to have a HOME where anybody can, will or even wants to come visit.  So to reevaluate and find my passion...

1. I want to tell my stories.  (the problem is I don't want to proofread or use correct gramar!)
2. Study gain more knowledge  - (BYU free online classes) 
3. spiritually strengthened - Study Seminary stuff daily  (apply to teach EFY)
4. BE Healthy - back to TSFL.  goal loose 60 pounds.  remember I lost 57 and now have gained back well a few!!! 30ish! lets just say im back in my fat pants!!!
5. MOVE - 30 min to 1 hour a day.  (Maybe walk outside?)  really go outside - scary!!!what's happened to me?  I used to be a hiker, a campfire girl I wanted to be outside???
6. Know the current events -read the paper know what is going outside and be able to talk about it.
7. limit my social media!!! ;(             (I kinda have a passion for facebook!)
8. genealogy names - new names I need to find more people connect more dots (I'll take my passion for facebook and turn it to Ancestry.com)
9. I need to find passion in everyday things - (I will "deep Clean" One room everyday!)
10.  I want to have a community organizer passion, gardening passion and a square dancing passion! I'll work on goals to get there next!!!

I notice as I set and reset goals here some of them are I want to, some are I will and some just this is the goal.  Guess I have work to do - wish me luck!  I'll check back with myself here!
So what's your passion? how did you know it? and what have you done to achieve it?

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

I still can't figure out how to add a picture on this knew computer but I don't ant to not write so I have no excuse to stop again!  Be patient with me I must keep moving even though I don't know what to do ...


so ... returning to my original plan; today is Sept 9th!
2009 ... zip
2010 ... zip

2008 ... looks like we were planning a move to Colorado.  I wonder what our life would have been like if we would have just done it?

this is a cool note I wrote:  "Ayris told me after seminary last week that she likes when Dad gives her "back to school blessings", she said that she loves it when she hears his voice change and he is talking for Heavenly Father.  She noted that today in Seminary the same thing had happened while I was teaching.  How cool is that ... she is learning to recognize the spirit teaching her and that is so much stronger than Richard or I trying to do so.

2007...  Tyler Georg Gone. :(

1998 ... My Mom diagnose with sugar diabetics  Nice day with Amric at Lake Sylvia.  Not happily married.  gotta loose weight!  I must get my house in order!!! Really do I say the same crap over and over and have to learn the same lessons.  Come on, maybe one of these days I'll catch on.  it looks like I'm stuck between my mom and my husband and that I worry too much.  Also I'm praying for Apryl, she seems to have a "potty mouth" and be "in Love" and not being able to just let it go.  She seems to be having issues with not being able to play soccer with the rec team because they play on Sunday!  Oh how I pray for miracles for her and that Heavenly Father will bless her and watch over her.

ok so I gotta get back into how to put this together mode but tonight as I review my journals I see that marriage is hard. Friends get mad. People leave, and I can get corny and say they come into our lives at certain time for things.  But I can also testify that that is true and we are blessed when we need to learn mostly because of those who come in and out of our lives.  Our Children need our constant prayers.  Traditions like back to school blessings and Family Home Eve discussions are stronger than we imagine and those are the memories that we hold on to.  Satan wants to destroy us.  When you ask yourself what do you do when I don't know what to do???  Read the scriptures, say your prayers. But really the scriptures are loaded with answers about what to do when you don't know what to do.  Nephi said Go and DO - keep doing it.  Joseph Smith said Study and Pray.  David, well he might have made the wrong choice so that's good to know too, my journals are filled with those!  The Brother of Jared - he prayed and communicated and DID all that he could do presenting a plan.  Live what you know to be right while you are waiting to figure out what to do!  BUT KEEP MOVING.  these last months physically I kept moving but spiritually, emotionally I stopped moving it's not good.  Grieve and then Go and Do for someone else, it takes your mind off of whatever is stabling you out.    How can it be that the LORD wants to bless us and we won't let him Doc and Cov 130:20 and 82:10 tell us Live the law that the blessing is predicated upon and receive!

wholly whollly smokes it's SEPTEMBER!

Remember how I am learning and applying wisdom this year from old journals about my last 30 years? (I want to put lots of explanation marks here but I'm hearing Anona say - people over use the explanation mark!!!!) oh and is it a mark or a point?  I don't know but I love them ... so Anona dang it I may tend to continue to OVERUSE THE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  anyway that is all beside the point - hahaha get it point!!!  again I regress.  My question is where the heck have I been since April 1st?  so just to catch up with this year and then to go off on my learning and applying wisdom journal exploring escapdes let's see....  WOW as the song says "I've been everywhere man!".

from my very nearly empty paper journals I see that at the end of March I was accounting for all my wonderful weight loss but noticing that I wasn't sticking to it and could see that I needed to start over so put all the measurements and stick figures and weight scale pictures into place to restart my weight loss program and loose again the weight that I had been slowing putting back on since October.  Can I just brag for a sec that I'd lost 53 pounds and inches - that's weird too isn't it!  Well since that wonderful day I have gained the inches and 20 pounds back UGH!  I blame it on change and my lack of discipline in dealing with it so new paper entry today I start over again!!! I will loose 60 pounds by camp next summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My paper journal from the past reads like this:
"Today I start again! the goal to loose 34 pounds another 53 to 46 would be a bonus!  I need to be HEALTHY, STRONG, COURAGEOUS.  Blogging has caused me to reflect, research and remind myself of TWO things; 1.  The joy of my life   2.  Weakness therein!
2nephi 3:21, 33:4 Ether 12:23,27,37 and 40 oh and Doc & Cov 135:5 reference where I am at in life right now and give me umph to keep on going  (Oh man I wonder where all that UMPH went?).

It goes on to read... Out of our books and actions we will be judged choosing for ourselves 'our mansion in Heaven'."

So in all my wisdom it seems as if I need to reapply, recommit and re something!  Cuz my excuses that I think I have - WHICH ARE MANY, don't seem like they will fly!  Just to make myself feel better I'd like to name a few of them... Ayris left for school, Went on a little excision of Rugby games from Kansas to Colorado, Some of the Family went on a trip to New York (I will surely write about it!), Tyler came home (To his Home in Washington), I went to Las Vegas to baby grand sit while Apryl and Sean went to England, I went to Washington with Ayris, I went to Girls camp and scam home swearing never again - I'm so glad that part of my life is over! and then I was really thrown for a loop when called to be the New Stake Camp director for 2012. A different some of the family went to Wisconsin/Minnesota for a Sobczak family reunion (I will write about that later! Can you say Mice in the walls and Bats in the Bedrooms?).  Amric is a senior. Apryl and her little family Moved to Gretna Nebraska.  Oh I know its the fault of switching up our computer system and I don't even know how to run anything now - knowing that was happening just made me stop blogging!!!!!  see I have tons of excuses and none of it works and I do HAVE MANY but they sound empty and I don't look blameless.  WRITE EVERYDAY!

Let's move! 2008 ... Let's NOT!

Richie has made several trips to New Mexico for work, we are seriously considering moving back there.  He has been traveling there so much, he just really doesn't like it here since we moved back.  Anyway he keeps pushing it, I explained to kids today that I need to get my own condirmation that the move back to New Mexico is Right Choice we all need to support Dad and be more patient with him. 

Ok we packed up the office and Richard started off for New mexico... we saw Koski's ... he drove about an hour down the road and returned home!!  Said he just didn't feel good about it.  But wait.  He already quit his job and we already have an office space in Cortez Colorado rented!!!!  Oh Man!!! 

So now Plan is to hunker down save money fix up this place dig in Be part of the community. 


Well let's see all within a few months... I came home today and the whole plan has changed, so weird... I think we are moving to Montrose, colordao now!!!  Wouldn't that be weird.  We applied for a job with Farm Credit, He has wanted to get back there he liked that company alot.  We "feel" good about this and hope that the interview works out and maybe he'll get this job.

Well it's not happening.  Not this time anyway.   We do "feel" good about the goal to get back with Farm Credit!  I guess now we are on our own and the whole "hunker down and dig in" thing is the right road.  We must prepare this house and when it's right it will all fit together.  We just have to be prepared.  The idea of moving from her breaks me though, I totally love it here and know that it is where we are suppose to be for now, I know it.  and so I guess moving is on the calendar, but for another day!!!

technology vs paper a memory is a memory it should be safely guarded

I am convinced that technology does NOT like me!!!
yesterday I went to Walmart to get some pics developed off my phone. I ended up deleting them!
I went to Mormon.org to share with the world that YES in fact I do have a testimony of Jesus Christ and it apparently doesn't want me to share with anyone.  I am on review and have been asked to not link my account to fb or my newly created and nonDAILY blog!
I attempted to buy with my christmas itunes card Blake Sheltons new album and was told the connection is not retreiving or some nonsense!!! So now I sit and wonder do I try again? will it download later? Have I charged my account 3 times trying to buy it anyway!??!?!?!?  Then I tried for hours to skype with my daughter and no ... I guess my computer doesn't know how to talk to the line that talks to her!?!?!:(

I like my paper!!!

I so I turned to my dailys from jan 1991...
"We are reading and having scripture club regularly!!! Austin is the offical policeman!! He has the responsibility to wake Apryl and I up!!! Apryl has attended 23 out of 31 times! I promised the kids a surprised to the one who came the most! I bought Austin a sweater and he got a candy bar for acheiving all of his other PMI Personal Mom Interview) goals.  Apryl didn't get anything for either! So to avoid the tears I bought the 'surprises' for Feb already and showed them to her (a cute flowered pair of pants and neon t-shirt).  Apryl just lit up!  looking forward in my paper journal, she came 100%!!!  of the time.  To help her get to sleep so that she can get up better we put her bunk bed above austins in his room...she is now falling asleep within the half hour instead of after 11pm!    Maybe with her she has to see the reward and not just be tempted by one!?!?!  How do I prepare her for life...spritiual and/or temporal rewards are not going to be seen before she acts on obedience!  Doesn't she know that??  Austin is kicking my Butt! He gets up showers and then wakes up Apryl and I, my next goal...to be up before the boy!  Isn't the mom suppose to wake up the kids and not the kids wake up the mom!?!?!?!? can I say "I have a baby!? it's her fault?!?"  She wants to watch the war and Hunter returns all night long!
Now I have tried to add this to my blog and it did some HTML faillure thing!!! It is not my week for technology!!!!  and to add to that I just realized that since I returned from visiting Austin and his family history is repeating itself....Amric is now waking me up,  not me waking him up!!!  things have come full circle .... OR HAVE THEY???
I'm grateful for my journals and the memories they help me visualize!