Afraid to step off

Consider you are in SLC how do you drive to El Paso?  My huby and I we like the back roads, we take the long way around on all sorts of roads in life in more ways than one!  Why of course you take a four hour drive over mountains... it was beauty let me tell ya Grand Jct to Durango you must do it some time, take the time don't be afraid to step off the main freeway.  Well in some of those pull offs You Should Be Afraid!!! Hwy 550 in Colorado was an often traveled road in my youth. Not a road to be considered lightly! Views are spectacular, extra time should be allowed. It's on this road I had the thought, "don't be afraid to step off".  But then asking myself how to do that as a happily married "couple" well that's been enlightening to consider!!!

the road over the mountain

May 2017... But, I ask; How then are we to step off when our lives are so intertwined with the love of our lives, or our family or our work when we are controlled by other peoples choices - how do we step off on our own?  I can make choices and goals, dream dreams all the day long but when it comes down to it ... if he isn't going to step off with me - their ain't no steppin' off going on!

Feb 2019...I've been hand writing my "blogs" for the most part the past year or so, I do like coming back to see where I was at in my head, what were my thoughts I can see from my last entry more than a year ago I was pretty down and out I like using my blog entries (maybe they only influence or help me) so here I am.  I feel like I write more and in a little more depth of thought when I am typing it out on my blog vs paper so let us see where I am at here in Feb. 2019!         

 Lets back up where am I and why before I see where I am going to step off ....

I started this entry in May 2017! Entitled Afraid to step off, the title jumped out at me today and then in rereading it it seemed to only be gibberish -notes making no sense, yet it is exactly how I feel today  Afraid to step off, make the cut (Feb 21) so I am going to Step off here start blogging again and move forward. I am going to put up or shut up or as my dad would say "shit or get off the pot"!  It's time for me to Not be afraid to step off, afraid of answering the phone, afraid to open the door, afraid to write, to make a choice, to commit.

My Happiness Project Oct 2016-2017 stepped off well!  Executed and followed thru with, I was committed.  I will ever be grateful for my experience #MyHappinessProject.

Endeavour to be... 2018 every month I stepped off into a new goal.  Endeavour to be was in everything.  Megan bought me a necklace that I love and still can feel the desire to step off into endeavouring at something new (example of one of my topics).

My theme for life 2019 is "Consider Your Ways" so I have indeed been doing that with about every choice I have had before me, sometimes to the point of overthinking it.  So far in 52 days we have considered buying A Unity Motorhome, A 32' travel trailer, Trading in our truck for a different bigger beefier Truck, Moving to Texas, then Arizona, then Colorado and back to Arizona!  Each time it seemed "consider your ways" actually talked us out of those choices.  Yesterday we decided to move back to Washington!
Now in considering our ways I have reviewed all our moves searching for Why on earth He would suggest this when he is the one that wanted to prepare to retire in the Sun of the Southwest.  We have been married coming up on 38 years 20 of those years in Washington!! We moved often, we've stepped off lets say into 7 states and more times or houses than years! This is how I see it. Every time we stepped off it was for the purpose bettering the career.  Finally it's time for Us! We are the parents that didn't ever take time away from the raising of our kids, right or wrong in the long run it's what we did and now it's time for us.  And so we ask ourselves - Where do We love living?   We love Washington.  I loved it from the moment I got out of Arizona. He was raised in the PNW so he loves it too.  He asked Where would I live if I could live anywhere? I said Washington and here we go!!! Consider that will ya!!!

Mountain Baker

Now!
We are all moved in.  We have really gotten organized, we have gone on drives, walks, dinners ... now it's time to get back to work.  I have my own space.  He has his.   Some goals, some dreams require only one of you to step off, some require 2.  I'm not good at dreaming or imagining even which makes me afraid of stepping off of everything.  Of that which I can control I commit as I did in 2016 to step off and be productive.  Consider my old ways and better them, improve everyday everyday everyday to be a little better.  When you are not bread winner you have limitations, you can't just step off when and where ever you want.  You kinda have to follow the job.  It's a complete drag.  I feel like I let that make me dependant and more subservient than I pictured myself ever being. Control your choices to the edge of what you can control.

Neptune Beach just above Lummi Bay

 I am hoping and dreaming and imagining taking back some of my choices.  I will blog, write, sort, quilt, travel walk, maybe hike again someday!!! I consider it time to step off, I don't have much time left.  How many chances can a girl get anyway?

Last night I debated posting this, its committing myself if I do right!  This is my problem being afraid to step off to commit to be consistent with my goals, dreams and lets just say it - My expectations of myself -- I gotta step off.

again i say - Wish my luck!

April My Happiness Project Phase 1

April MyHappinessProject

Finances

Interestingly enough taxation and #MyHappinessProject align in the month of April!!!  As I have considered this topic I have arrived at the word Budget which leads me to columns which leads to pluses and minuses or debits and credit or gains and losses.  As I ponder this I am led to all the things that go under these sub headings and into the said columns!  death and taxes, Money and calories, credit cards and cash, weight and self image, sit ups and push ups, walking and running, screen time and what I eat - the columns can go on and on... do you see where I am going with this?

Last month I got lost in the big world of "thinking and considering", without the specific task to do, although I did learn things and I will apply them to my lifestyle and resolutions I continueing to work on them.  I need actual, specific things to budget and account for.  There it is  - the word, the other word I ran into in my pondering - Accountability. Without kids, without a job, without a real schedule to keep, without a chur  ch responsibility well,  I have no accountability!  This silly blog has proven to be my accountability this year giving me the checks and balances of my present circumstance.  And so as I like to say; Thus we see...   I need to get real here and actually be accountable for my columns in life. set some real goals / #resolutions....  her is how I'm going to approach that.

Phase 1 is 21 days  (remember my old blog enteries 21 days 21 days at a time. #Endure

1. track money spent

2. track what I eat   

3. track how much I move 

that is it!   no more than that or I won't do any of it them.  I also realize I am pretty good at tracking.  The next step will be writing down what I AM GOING TO DO and then doing it!  this is where my Sub (spiritual) Happiness Project topic comes in Humility and why I have to track these things first,  because I can't say I'm going to this or that - since I have no accountability. I don't know where to start. I am giving myself 21 days to find a starting point and then to re-evaluate and do the hard thing that is to set the limits and then be accountable. 

Personal side note; I dated a few guys in my time as they fell away no one ever REALLY said why (and thus we see I have a few attachment issues) anyway One young man did say. His name was Glenn and he told me he couldn't marry me because "I wouldn't endure".  Isn't it funny such a small thing would stick with me and echo in my head constantly for all these years.  OR IS IT!        I have always applied it to church, and I hate to admit that ya, maybe I had my non enduring moments, but 98% of the time I always WANTED to ENDURE and that really does help, the "want to", the "desire to".  But this is the other thing I learned in the early month MyHappinessProject research, I don't endure in finances for sure, but I may have other issues I'm not enduring in too, like; diet and exercise.  For instance because of my tracking (Phase 1) I noticed I drink alot of Coke Zero.  Too much soda for me. I came to the conclusion that I needed to STOP.  So I haven't had a soda for a week when I weighed in this morning I had gained 3 pounds.  My thinking is with no soda I should have had a loss in that column not a gain!!! Now I just want to go have a soda, and thus we see my lack of endurance. 
In Phase 2 I will make the accountability happen, after the initial 21 days of tracking and enduring with said topics, I have to evaluate and set reasonable achievable new goals /#resolutions to be accountable for in my ledger of columns with the headings of; budgeting money, calories, movement and time.  

Here we go !!!!  Who knew Finances and humility would lead me here?!!!!

For Review #MyHappinessProject Resolutions already executed to continue to build on

NOV
1. Be Healthy  I am putting into action no snacking.   Drink my shakes for meals. Move everyday. 

DEC
2. Family History

4 years one month at a time and continue the search.

JAN
3. Civility

Mostly I am "working" at Keeping it together this month. "KeepItTogether""KeepItTogether""KeepItTogether"!

3b. Scripture study His Words Keep reading everyday everyday everyday.  I can only ___________ Me! (Insert word control, save, etc etc etc!)

4 books and the parables

FEB
4. Joy

I don't know what to do here. Throw it all away, give it all away or garage sell it all?   Keep it or move it? because of my lack of ability to make a choice on this I have only reorganized and re labeled.

The life changing magic of tidying up.  

4b. Repentance

I do need this everyday. 

MAR
5. Mindfulness  BE mindful of what I am "certain of"...  Back to my basic question of yester year "What is the One thing today that I stand for, would fight for, believe in?"  Be Certain what kind of Character I have, portray and want to build on. 

5b. Procrastination set some goals.  achieve them.  I got my pocket watch to wear around my neck, like Emmaline!!!  It will remind me of the words "but for a very short time."  Make Time count!

21 Days, 21 Days at a Time Rightly Applied

It is a new Dawn!  The small and simple things that I have learned over the past have led me to this new experiment of Trial and error, observing what I've learned and then recording how I will apply what I've learned and then following up on it thru this blog. Establishing Accountability and trust of self. All in the cause of the self discipline, being Healthy and not caving in to the addiction of self misery, self doubt, slothfulness, over eating and other assorted "Kelly Issues"!  I know it's public, it's out there... and if it's too self oriented, way too much information - well then STOP READING!  This is for me to be converted to my own new self established new program - 21 days, 21 days at a time to be a more healthy self, wife, empty nester, grandmother, friend, relative, church going woman!

The compare issue...

The one thing Positive that I look back on from my Youth was that I was always so proud to have a "Flat Stomach"!  My girl friends and I (and yes I did used to have friends I know that my children will not believe that!) used to stand in front of the mirror and inspect our bodies looking for imperfections. For example; I remember Debbie saying she was so much cooler than me cuz my thighs touched all the way down! Hers did not.  But on the other hand I had the flat stomach she had a pooch!  I'll stop there the rest really might be too much information and she isn't here any more to defend this conversation.  I miss you Deb.  When I graduated from High School I weighed in at 107 pounds and was 5'3".  I liked being considered short, sassy and lovable! a force not to be reckoned with lightly!

Life's consequences...

I lost my flat stomach after my first baby and continued from there to loose self esteem for the body, because that was the only "flattering" characteristic I believed that I had.  Well, I liked my freckles!  And now they have even turned on me and can all be considered perspective sources of cancer I have learned. Karma, life, trials all pretty much suck.  Then I go into self misery and doubt.  Hide in my house, don't answer my phone make excuses for going out and or Doing just about any thing.  Except when it comes to my husband, my kids or my seminary class and for them I would go and Do just about anything.  Which leads me to today, to this new Dawn in my life's journey.  No kids, No Seminary.  I've been this way for 4 months.  What is "This Way" I ask myself.  No life, No purpose, Nothing to do, No one to care for, again with the self misery, the self doubt and the wa! wa!  For the past 2 weeks I keep hearing that Wilson kid from the SEAHAWKS quote his Dad "Why Not You", if I was going to quote my Dad it would sound more like its time to "Shit or get off the Pot".  I am striving to do that today Daddy, wish me luck!

Change and Depression cause weight gain for me...

I can remember exactly the first time I bought (because I had to) size 13 pants! we lived in Vancouver Washington I had just quit my job to stay home and be a Mom. Making that change was a very hard "Choice" for me, but one I have never regretted any day of my life since wether we had money or not.  I can also remember exactly the first time I bought size 18 pants we were going to see Reba at the Tacoma Dome with some friends, I had gained so much weight I had only sweats to wear, we lived in Elma Washington Dec. 1995.  I have been on a roller coaster since that size 13 just trying to get back to a size 7 where I remember liking myself and being comfortable in my own flat stomach skin!  The following is me recording that roller coaster of trying, which in Richards words - "Trying is for Losers" has become my own downfall, creating walls with no windows some might call it - hermit status.  Then there was the day I had to buy size 20 - I was chasing 3 kids at home had a daughter in college and taking care of 2 older women living with us, not taking care of myself at all.  Roswell New Mexico 3 hours from anywhere!!   All I can say here is thank the good Lord for a church that requires a person to give by doing a "calling" which allowed me to give service and to study, pray, and learn all at the same time; it was in those days,  my only saving grace.

The Roller Coaster -

The Soup Diet, The Grapefruit Diet, Slim Fast, Metabolife, Eat and Be Lean, Weight Watchers, Take Shape For Life (Medifast), HCG, Solutions4 and Cleansing Detox all programs I have "tried" and both won and lost at!  In this dawn of a new season of my life I am going to apply the quote "Doctrine understood changes BEHAVIOR" by Boyd K. Packer from each of these programs I did in fact learn at least ONE thing that FOR ME is applicable and Best, something that will indeed create a lifestyle change using the knowledge that it takes 21 days to create a habit.   I want strong GOOD BETTER BEST habits in my lifestyle, I want to believe that they CAN BE to STRONG to be BROKEN.  That GOOD does WIN over BAD.


21 Days 21 Days at a Time

• Program
• Doctrine that I learned from doing it that helped me individually
• How will I apply this knowledge and change my Behavior   

1. The SOUP diet; it's highly good for you. It might be one meal of the day by the second day the soup is old and who wants to eat 8 bananas on wednesday!!??? Often we are willing to do the Great Big Thing, but not the small and simple things. Whatever, It makes since to me!  I'm gonna stop eating and just do this and then go back to what I was doing.  That doesn't work, not matter what the topic!  That isn't changin behavior.
2. The grapefruit diet;  grapefruit is a great meal for breakfast and who doesn't like bacon!
3. Slimfast; drink liquid don't eat food makes you loose weight.  Taste buds were never satisfied, I like food seems unnatural to ONLY drink.  Their is a need for protein, nutritional nutrients and must drink healthy!  Drink Water.
4. Metabolife; pills can boost your energy. Zane would ask "Why the hell do you need a pill when you wake up to get moving you just had 8 hours of sleep?".  Well my metabolism was screwed up.  Because I was running faster than I was physically able and thus turning to a quick fix.  Diet pills are not the answer.  Sometimes they aren't in the budget! Most times they affect the body in unnatural ways and can hurt your body even kill you.   Avoid chemicals and stimulants.
5. Eat and Be Lean; counting fat grams is a great skill. Replacing oil with applesauce also useful.  But on this program I was eating tons of muffins with converted recipes because she counted fat grams.  I am a carb addict.  I can eat a whole bag of chips, a complete bowl of popcorn WITH Butter, a foot long etc etc etc any time of day or night.  Along with the carbs comes the sugar.  If you know something isn't good for you avoid it.  At the time, I didn't really understand what works for her might be bad for me.  For instance; I taught my kids to never take a drink of alcohol. My reason was just this and I won't put my Father and my brothers, and my husbands Grandmother on the "A.A." list for them, I guess only they could have done that.  But it's in the blood and alcoholism has it's own consequences, is a problem for addicts and definitely runs in the blood stream of their heritage. Lets just say I got out lucky. My Mother, and both of her siblings had "The Sugar!".  My Sister died as a consequence of Sugar Diabetes.  I have the suffered and become aware of the toxins and consequences of Candidia.  Carbs make this condition worse and out of control for me. I "want" to say; absolutely No White Flour and White Sugar.   My Name is Kelly I am a "carbaholic", and a "caffeine alcoholic".  BEWARE and avoid.  This program did have a great record keeping format; journaling is a skill.  While eating, use this rule; in this order fill up on ... Water, Protein, Veggies, fruits, grain (carbs)! - for me anyway thats not the order she taught it!!!
6. Weight Watchers; Amric liked counting points, I did not. It has it's benefits. I will count carbs and calories.  I learned that I must keep track of what I eat.  I must weekly weigh in. I must take care of myself to enable me to take care of others.  Use a fork for dressing and condensed fruit is deceiving and a big waste of points/calories!
7. TSFL; small meals *3 hours apart, (they call it the 5 and 1 plan) with one meal of more substance. For me it is workable and achievable.  I lost 63 pounds in 6 months.  I had the best time wearing smaller clothes and mostly I remember the energy I had to keep up with Sammymantha, it was a Great summer!! I also started walking.  I liked walking, my kids bought me shoes that talked to my ipod and I loved that time for me. Be careful of your music choices it's really a time to feed your mind positive uplifting impressions. It's expensive, I don't always have the money to buy the bars, I didn't like the food in the cups nor the liquid drinks.  I really don't like ANY of anybody's drinks - I want FOOD! If I'm gonna drink-- well we covered that.  Because I ran out of money and my Mother died and I went into depression I gained this lost weight back plus 20 pounds.  I will continue to eat like clockwork every 3 hours allowing 100 calories at each meal and it doesn't need to be a bar it can be a hand full of veggies, a boiled egg, or a bowl of soup.  My substantial meal needs to not be over 600 calories.  Eat Slow.
8. HCG; 500 calories a day and drops of something that helps you not be hungry is wrong! But a great jump start to clean you out and get you started. But it's not over and it's not long lasting it's only a jump start - ask yourself whats next before even starting.
9. Solutions4; I learned so much, I will be continually learning from this program.  It's the applying I'm having a hard time with because it's such a lifestyle change.  I grew up on red meat and potatoes, milkshakes and cheese crisps!  Herbs are good for you (also super expensive), and come in all sorts of grades. Again no white flour or sugar, use Brown Rice - watch the carbs, fruit grows the candida. A Partner helps a GREAT deal - Richard did this one with me.  Must plan ahead and be prepared with your mind made up about choices, again keep a journal, budget money, calories, carbs and exercise is a must.  It's a mind thing, your mind has to be in it.  This program used We both lost 50ish pounds on this journey over the 5 months - 84 day set up for change in lifestyle program.  We also went down 3 sizes in clothes.  Also, again, SUPER EXPENSIVE.  When Stress happens or Vacations occurs don't say "it's ok to eat what I want for now".  If you have a office worker or family or friend making the effort to change behavior be a helper, a good healthy supporter not that person your mom never wanted you to hang out with. Don't be a tease, a tempter, a bully! Be positive, cheerful, uplifting.   Remember in the end though ONLY YOU CAN CONTROL YOU, sometimes you are all you've got.  Prepare yourself for battle everyday, Be prepared with the choice made ahead of time.  Even it's only I can do this 21 days 21 days at a time -ONE Day at a Time. Decide this - I will apply knowledge.  Experience is Knowledge. Wisdom is Knowledge rightly applied. 
10. The Cleansing Detox; I have felt toxic at times that is for sure.  I don't think it hurts to do some sort of detox twice a year maybe even quarterly.  Why not do a 24 hour fast Once a Month!
11. Isagenix so far I have not learned anything.  I have been buying the vitamins and "food" for a year now. I just can't committ I guess to  never eating real food again. The vitamins do seem to be a value and the protein shake is the best one I've tried. What do I need to motivate me to really DO this???

So for the first set of 21 days I  set the goal to exercise and keep a record/journaling.  I DID IT! I used the term the "4C's" -Carbs, calories, calisthenics,Cash. Over the years I am learning all of these things need to be budgeted for and reported on establishing accountability and trust.  For me it has to be done DAILY.  The next 21 days I will eat small meals every 3 hours - *5 and 1 - (as explained in number 7 previously) with continued calisthenics (the habit already established now) and adding get Up and Read!  When Amric left on his mission I wanted to sacrifice something too, as he was (is) my choice was to **keep the missionary hours (WOW I suck at this one) and not adding any "new" TV ! With all the changes in the last 6 months I am not teaching any more so I'm **not studying, I still read daily, but I'm not studying, the goal to make the habit "get Up and Read" will help with **both these issues!  My 21 day habit will then be choosing because I "thirst and hunger" (get it? it's about food) after good better best choices for myself, and not just because tomorrow I have to teach.  I want to Choose to be committed not be compelled to. It's just not in my nature, when compelled I will always make the wrong unhealthy choice.  With the help of my Heavenly Father I will be WISE!

note; 

• I didn't plan for this to be so long. I talk way more than needed to get my point across but you know that by now!
• I still don't know how to link this post with another post in this blog... so I'm using the labels to do that for pictures and posts about eating habits diet (see labels posted at bottom of this blog) soooo.... as they say -"use your words" in the "Labels" gadget also on the side tabs in the web version of this blog

Lots of Diversity

Variety is the Spice of Life...

We headed for Chinatown from Wall street We walked - it was kinda nice to just walk from place to place to sight see in slow motion.  It gives you a different perspective!  The culture and diversity being very vivd and outspoken on these streets surrounded by people and buildings on this Island.

"No man is and Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of they friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee"  john donne

 Austin had the bright idea that we needed to get a foot massage!

We found the place and it was wonderful!  by the time we decided to get back massages too, they were full! Booked up!  People just kept coming in the door while we were relaxing!  So we headed out and we were hooked!  We had to have more :) so we kept walking til we found another place we liked and went in for a back rub!  It was so fun and I recommend it any time you are visiting Chinatown in New York City!  Hallelujah, Austin - Brilliant Idea!!!

Then we were ready to walk again and HUNGRY for Dinner! so off to

Little Italy

It was beautiful. 


We did exert ourselves! Did I mentioned we walked alot!!!???








 Lombardi's!

It tasted delightful!  We were put in the upstairs back room looking out to someones porch and laundry!  We were definitely in the CITY!

The Colors of Italy and Christmas just match so it must be Christmas all year long!  But seriously it was still decorated when we were there!!!

Smile for the camera Austin!  Yes I am taking more pictures!

Austin and His Dad Dig in!

Bella Ferrara for Canolli  - The BEST!!! on Grand in Little Italy - I highly recommend it!   Delicious! 
Of course I could eat it, because I'd walked like 20 miles that day ;) 
But I definitely WANT another One someday!!!


Remember
"Strength lies in differences not similarities"

     -Steven Covey



What an experience!  Thank you Again.

Dig in .. Exert Yourself

Dig deep, Exert yourself increase in faith and spiritual knowledge gain and incorporate a STRONG Testimony...

These are the words of Lorenzo Snow

they apply so much to our day that I just had to include them here ... PLUS it's my whole EXERT YOURSELF theme for the year 2013!!! and something Amric wrote about this week in his letter, how we all have to find our own testimonies and not live in the shadows of anyone else's.

ENJOY!

It is just so in regard to matters that pertain to the things of God. We have to exert ourselves and go from grace to grace, to get the law of action so incorporated in our systems, that it may be natural to do those things that are required of us


So in regard to us, respecting the things which we are undertaking. If we expect to improve, to advance in the work immediately before us, and finally to obtain possession of those gifts and glories, coming up to that condition of exaltation we anticipate, we must take thought and reflect, we must exert ourselves, and that too to the utmost of our ability

Because he failed to exert himself before God with the view of developing the gift within him; he became greatly disappointed ... Nothing can be more foolish than the idea of a man laying off his religion like a cloak or garment. There is no such thing as a man laying off his religion unless he lays off himself. Our religion should be incorporated within ourselves, a part of our being that cannot be laid off. If there can be such a thing as a man laying off his religion, the moment he does so he gets on to ground he knows nothing about, he gives himself over to the powers of darkness, he is not on his own ground, he has no business there. 

Every man has got to learn to stand upon his own knowledge; he cannot depend upon his neighbor; every man must be independent; he must depend upon his God for himself entirely. It depends upon himself to see if he will stem the tide of trouble and overcome the impediments that are strewn in the pathway of life to prevent his progress. A man can get information by the operations of the Holy Spirit, and he approaches to God and increases in his faith in proportion as he is diligent.

It is impossible to advance in the principles of truth, to increase in heavenly knowledge, [unless] we exercise our reasoning faculties and exert ourselves in a proper manner

 We are getting up higher and higher. We are advancing to a higher condition and sphere and to a higher plane, and we are receiving such an education that the wisdom of the world with all its attainments and false doctrines and principles, will have no effect upon the Latter-day Saints, for they are rising above the theories and hypothesis of human inventions and soaring in things of truth that raise the mind, exalt the understanding, and establishing them[selves] more and more fully in the true principles of life and glory. We are filled in our hearts with these truths and we cannot tell the day or the hour in which our faith has been increased, but we feel, when we look back over the last week, month or year, that we have increased in faith and in the knowledge of faith and power of God; we know that we have got nearer our God and we feel that we are in fellowship with God our Father

Characterized Media - WHO ARE YOU IN THE MEDIA?

ok I'm going to just start brain storming about this and see where I go...

My question is Why do we read or watch the stories that we do?
Some observations -

• I figured out why I always wanted to go to New York City!  Because I am That Girl!  Or anyway I wanted to be from 1966-1971!

• When I was a young married I had a woman I worked with tell me she did not let her daughter play with Barbie or watch any TV with a barbie character because "those girls" always had sex before they were married.
• When Apryl read as a child she said she did it because we moved so much that and the stories, and the people in the stories were always still there, not new,not different and didn't move away.  She liked getting "into the story" and being part of their lives.

• I have a great friend; Marion she told me once that she liked to read her "novels" because when the guy rides in on his horse and saves the day - she pictures Zane because he is her hero.
• My Daddy used to watch "All in the Family" every Sunday night, I loved to watch him laugh - I think he totally related and that is why he watched it - because part of his character was "Archie Bunker" and so he could relate!

• Back in the day when I watched "One Tree Hill" Tyler liked the girl Peyton I liked Brooke and Haley!

• The other night I was watching "Heart of Dixie" and the couple I've always rooted for turned into a familiar couple.  I guess that is what got me to thinking about this.  Are we familiar, do we know or recognize characters on the shows we watch or the stories we read - is that why we watch?  Who do we root for? Who do we hate together? Do we repeat that in our own lives?Does Apryl really just want to be Dr. WHO? No she wants to be Sydney Bristow maybe she wants Sean to be Dr Who!  Should we learn and try a different tact?  So Ayris Yes, you can root for Emily and Micah! Then last night Richard and I were watching TV and he made the comment that all "my shows" have cute boys in them - I wondered what does that mean? What do all of his shows have what are the characters he is attracted to? (Raymond, Captain Kurk, Doug Heffernan, and Sheldon Cooper) 
• What are we putting into our minds without thought.  What thoughts am I?

• Then there is me - I like TV, never really liked to read so much, I think now that is because it has always been so hard for me to concentrate. Because I like TV and I've been doing it for awhile narrowing down characters is a task sort of in my head let's see;  I loved Friday Night Lights, I wanted to look like and have the passion of Sarah Connor in Terminator (but wait thats not TV) so I will make that Nikita or more realistically cuz she's my age anyway Jo Denville!, I want to act like and have the will of Maxine Gray on Judging Amy, I really want the Sunday Family dinners on Blue Bloods, My nickname comes from "The Andy Griffith Show" I think because I wanted to be opie and have a Dad like him and my friends all called my mom Aunt B,  I always want to talk to the dead (I have so many on the other side) that I like shows like "Touch by an Angel" and "A Gifted Man", I liked the spunk of Reva on Guiding light, I can't believe how dumb  Emily is, and I loved to Hate JR Ewing.
• Ok so that's what I came up with by memory (which as everyone knows I don't have a memory!).  Then I googled top 10 shows of the 1960s, 70s and 80s to see what my foundation is of characters from ALLLLLLL the TV I've watched.  1960 I watched them all but the Patty Duke Show.  The 1970s - Yep I watched them all!  So the 80's get interesting I see that I start pulling back and not watching what everyone else is.  This is when the Detective/Mystery enters (Wiseguy and Hart to Hart), family comedies were in the home now in the 80's the comedy changes; it's no longer in the family it's in the Bar(CHEERS) and at War (MASH), the Day time Soap moves to nighttime (Dallas and Beauty & the Beast).
• The 1990s and now I have kids watching TV with me - and I'm watching WHAT????  TV changing even more Evil/Mystery enters = XFiles at the top of my list, the DaytimeSoap moves to nightime with ER a must see, Dawson in 1998 and the culture starts to change with the introduction of the comedies "Friends" and "Seinfield".
• Which brings me to the new century and what do I see?  what has happened?  "REALITY" has happened and I think it has replaced JR with the "love to Hate" relationship.  American Idol, Survivor, So You Think You Can Dance, now it's Big Brother, The Voice and Project Runway plus so many many more than I am not watching or invested in, or even heard of.  What about all the generation that is watching, they are and will be basing their foundation on this type of TV / media, what will become of them? Who are their role models or the characteristic traits that they will "want to be" or inherit without even knowing it - honey bobo?
• Now we are in yet a new decade (dang I'm getting up there in age!) who's character do I want to watch now?  Well Ziva's cool, Richard's says I'm Dani on Necessary Roughness,  
• Even before I started writing this I had come to the conclusion that I needed to really be more watchful of what I am putting in to my mind completely without thought and discern more clearly what I am watching on the TV.  We have a couple rules about TV in this house;

1. I know exactly (and have blogged about it already) the reason and time that caused us to choose to enforce the rule of no R rated movies.  Inside the house or out. Austin was 5.
2. We didn't allow MTV in the house.  I don't know how parents control that now.
3. Nowadays No rated M or pay TV channels.
4. No TV's in the bedroom or situated screens away from the doorway!!! in the house.  Only nowadays all of us can see anything anywhere, with the internet so readily available and smart phones, so now what are the rules?
5. With the invention of the DVR and since We had a TIVO in the house - no live TV.
• SO that leads me to this week before I even started writing this.  I recorded a new show that came out this week, let's just say it had to be stopped and removed from the cue.  Because of that and the experience Wednesday I think it was with that Alabama based show, I started down the cue I deleted 7 shows.  Thousands of hours of TV are stored in my brain.  What am I doing with it that I am not even aware of? 

I think my Richie is Andy Griffith, Mike Heck, Jethro Gibbs, Mike Baxter and throw in a little Mark Slade from High Chaparral (need a little cowboy in this mix) and of course Magnum PI!  Now thats a man!!!!

I had a seminary student once who was a very lean strong wrestler and he told me as I ate my nachos, that his mom taught him "You are what you eat".  Today in my analysis I guess I'm saying that especially without being taught any morals, You are what you watch.  If you are not exerting yourself in church, scriptures, prayer, service, if you are exerting yourself in media more than positive uplifting sources then what does our brain have integrated in its software, what does it have for reference in any given situation, trial, choice or consequence. I fight depression  I can't watch shows that go nowhere, that are rollercoaster story lines that have humor that isn't positive.  Otherwise I go there too and that's gotta stop.  We must not only be observers of kindness and morality but we must fight for the future and commit to FAMILY above all!!!

This isn't even where I thought I was going with this!!!! First of all I was just wondering what TV character I might be (I'm even more unclear of that now - guess I'm just me!) and what TV character Richard would be (glad I figured that out!)!  Looking at this and seeing what I watch I'd have to just say take it back a notch Kel and exert yourself in an other directions - GO ME for deleting shows from the cue!

Good Manners or Just Plain Fear

I love You Ayris Joan those eyes are a light in my life.

Today Ayris asked - Why when I go to do something - why can't I just do the minimal?  I chuckled to myself thinking Why would any of us Do the Minimal?  And yet, I think I am guilty of the minimal!  When the list goes around at church to sign up to volunteer to bring food for the dinner at the church, feed the missionaries, bring mittens for the cold kids!, or when Molli asks for help to feed the less fortunate, when your neighbor has no family around and she needs help with her children - what do we do?  Well we should exert ourselves!  I am pretty great at volunteering when it's placed in front of me with a list, infact I don't just want to bring the bring dessert for the potluck but bread or something else too!  But to be aware, look around observe and then serve - kinda awful at it, I need to do better  - I needed Mollis encouraging words "God made you to be a giver. The best way for you to be fulfilled is to get your mind off of yourself & reach out to others."

and Amric says it like this in every letter so far - "forget about yourself Turn outward like Christ would when the Natural Man would turn inward." quoting David Bednar

The thing is I am starting to recognize I could go do this or that, before I didn't even recognize what I should go do.  I have some darn FEAR of putting myself out there, interfering, being hurt, falling on the ice, being rejected! I can blame my Mom - isn't that what were suppose to do, Blame our Mothers!  She always said; "dont interrupt", "don't bug them", "knock first", Don't call them by their first names", know matter family, friend or stranger.  I think THAT MESSAGE took!   At the time I always thought it was manners I was learning, but to this day it's hard to call someone I meet, friends I make as an adult by their first name! Ridiculous!

This one is for me tonight.  I find myself boarded up, secluded from the world, safe with my walls to protect me - tonight I ask myself - Protecting myself from who or what?

I'll come back as the year goes on and report on my effort to Exert MySElf!

Exert Yourself Be Considerate! Alex Boye & Carmen Rasmus...

For each year for as long as I can remember something has touched me as a "theme" so to speak for the year - it's amazing how it turns out, what I notice, learn, see...  Last year was Perspective!  I have a whole new one now!

This year It's; Exert Yourself, Be Considerate.  Together or separate   these are words I need and have been inspired to be aware of .... so I'm sure You'll be hearing about it!  Wish me luck = and Exert Yourself Be Considerate!!!

to help me get the spirit of it this song will become part of me this year!!  besides that I have discovered talent I didn't know  :)