31 Days of 31 Christmas' - 2001

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Nanny, Ayris and Amric is Baptized Billings Montana -- Apryl playing piano.  Austin and Gramma were there too.

I got nothin'

You really can't write any more, not without everyone reading . . . Unless you have a handwritten journal somewhere in your house. But who wants that? We really do want to reach out to converse with someone in our busy worlds, have feed back engage in some sort of a social life! Or do we? How do we share our lives or get close to someone any more?
Today I posed a question on Facebook wondering what is inside a person that gives them the fight to succeed vs the willingness to quit? I do want to know, but don't want to pray to find out. I want to be a person who is strong my book, tv and movie character role models my Scripture hero's and heroines they have "it", I don't. I understand that it's mostly pride that gets in our way .. Well my way. I understand that people can't win with me, I'm not very trusting, I want help but I don't want to ask for it...if given I feel like a failure cuz I even needed it. So again ask? I wonder what is submission vs pride and how do you do that without feeling completely like, well you're a freakin idiot with no voice?

I strive, I guess, because I never like nor want to feel that way, to be non-confrontational - to not be the person that makes you feel like that. But somehow I wish I didn't care how you feel and could get you to like something I like or do something I like to do. Maybe my momma shouldn't loved me unconditionally leading to me to believe that everyone would love me that way too. That unrealistic. I got nothin.

History does repeat it's self!

So last I wrote I had gone to RS to lift my spirits and be remotivated to live life in a positive manner, while there I heard the most depressing Scriptures about how life sucks! and then I went to Primary and my primary teaching day well was  not doing so well and then... I went to do my DAILY BLOG and in 1990 1985 and 2004 I swear the same entries were written about life being hard, where should we live, we have no money, no job, I can't loose weight blah blah blah... I just got so depressed threw my hands in the air and gave up  not returning for the week to do my DAILY ENTRY! 

Now I am wondering what that got me.  It got me nothing, it labeled me slothful and I ate and ate and ate! Now I've decided to make a move again and DO something besides be slothful and eat!  I haven't had a diet soda for 3 days!  My birthday is Sunday so I am not going to stop eating until Monday!!!! This month has been a bust for the new start on eating...or anything for that matter.  I guess what the moral of the blog today is don't gloat, or brag about achieving anything...especially if you think you did it yourself, as soon as you do... it's over you have set yourself up for failure and that dark smoke to smother you and send you into a slothful stupor!

Alma 26: 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever
36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

Alma 38:10 And now, as ye have begun to teach the word even so I would that ye should continue to teach; and I would that ye would be diligent and temperate in all things.

 11See that ye are not lifted up unto pride; yea, see that ye do not boast in your own wisdom, nor of your much strength.

 12Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness