Want and Desire

Preface
Yesterday I wrote about not wanting to go to church anymore.  The word WANT then, was on my mind all night and day! I desired to find why.  I see slight differences in the words Want and Desire both by definition and in the scriptures, this is the result.

My Psalm of Want and Desire!

I Acknowledge thee Oh LORD, I know that thou exists and without thee I am nothing. Lost for sure. Help me.
I Come to Thee in remiss of my mixed emotions, wants and desires. Help me.
I search the WORD for answers and guidance. I seek to know Thee and Thy ways. Help me.
I want so many things that I forget to acknowledge what I have. Forgive me.
I forget to see the truth and the honest desires of my heart. Hear me.
Then recognizing the foundation of my life and the Joy that is therein. I Thank Thee.
I am thankful that the desires have been met of family, freedom, health, and that of being able to go to Church and worship when, where and however I can. Forgive me.
For truly my desire is to Live this Life completely and to find Joy in it with Family and Friends. Thank Thee.
I want in my desire to be fearless and take courage. Hear me.
I desire to see my family on the other side and want for us here in this life still; to be restored as a family forever and for always, to be forgiven and united. I Thank Thee
I want in friendship and desire to be a friend, Help me.
I want to know thee better and understand thy ways I desire to be at Thy side and at Thy feet when You come again, Help me.

At age 8 I did want to be baptized, I desire now to live up to my covenants, Please, Help me!
I am wanting in my habits for good, Forgive me.
I desire to have a change of heart, to not be a sluggard, slothful and greedy but willing to commit, and not willfully rebel, to be honest and have integrity not have the want to be commanded in all things, but the Desire to Daily Choose to follow the commandments. Hear me.
I want to give wholly my sacrifice and offerings; in doing so I desire to be humble, simple and endure to the end. To not want to look back longingly but instead go and do, showing my desire through actions to plant seeds having the desire to see the roots and harvest of the future that is Thy Will for me, I thank Thee.  Amen.

It's an Island!

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND... but New york city is!!!

I've since done more reading and become more familiar with New York City.  I get confused about the logistics but as I recall it is 13 miles long and 2 miles wide and has more than 8 million people on it!  40% of it's population being foreign born - WOW!

Our Island Tour Ship!

Yet another line to stand in 

New York Skyline

Building of one of the New Freedom Towers

silhouette of Ellis Island

Ellis Island

skyline - of buildings

New York City with 5 busy Burroughs just like Kelly and Richard with their family we are together an island bridged together to our parents, grandparents and to our children their families, stories, loves, losses, chaos, children and all around busy lives.

Statue of Liberty

Bridge to Staten Island

used to be a "Fort" but the city bought it and they are making it into a park - "soon you'll have a place to ride your bicycle"!

this is the "Fort"

Brooklyn Bridge

the bridge furthest is Brooklyn 

How do I describe this wonderful day that we enjoyed?

Long Island

The first Lunatic Hospital located on Roosevelt Island

empire state building in christmas lights

skyline at sunset

ellis island at sunset

ellis Island

statue of liberty

wall street

I was just so amazed with the buildings

  

how do they work and live like that?

Yankee stadium

bridges at sunset

 When I look back and think about 32 years of marriage, about family life about relationships, about Kelly & Richard.  I will remember this day.  This day that was chaos, and joy.  We were one, we were separate, we loved each other & the city, we cried, we laughed, we ate, held hands, enjoyed the company of our Son, we saw beauty, we were in and OUT of our comfort zone!, we felt gratitude, we ran for a taxi as one, we floated on the Hudson as one, we huddled in the freezing cold together, we were sad missing Amric and well Apryl and Ayris the grandkids too, but we expressed joy in knowing that we are together for eternity that we have hope in the Savior together.  Now not to loose you in religion or the thought of Jesus Christ I have to end with this we would not be together still after all these years and been able to enjoy all that we have had to get thru - all the chaos,  if it weren't for our Hope and belief in Redemption and that the third party in our marriage is Jesus Christ.  That has to be taken in consideration.

we are headed there next - the Empire State Building!

suck it up...

So I've had some deep thoughts, well maybe not so deep but some troubling pensive kind of thoughts the last month....  lets see where I go with this....


So I've had a long conversation or two of late with the "girls" in my life from ages 2 to 32! (well she's not 32 but it sounded better than 31!)  In doing so I keep asking myself, How do I share with them the things I want most for them to learn?  How do I tell them how much I love them? How do I explain that life is hard - suck it up - and still let them know "you'll make it, it's going to be ok"?  

You'd think I would have learned by example ..My Mom didn't "talk" to me about life being hard. Except to say "Life is Hard, and then you die", My sister and my brothers taught me "life is a B* and then you marry one"!  So thats what I got!  I'd like to be a little more clear with my progeny. It's not to say that Mom and I didn't talk cuz we talked!  It seemed to me we talked about everything - except, I still don't know why she and Daddy lived apart since I was 4 or why she married him when she only wanted all of us to go to church.  I wish she'd told me these things even it embarrassed her, YET hold on maybe I don't.  (Side note; I had a leader once who was trying to "help" me "suck it up" or get me on the right road. To understand that life is hard in doing so she spilt her "story" to me - it didn't help me nor her I don't think, she fell back into the same cycle and today I only remember that awful thing that she did.  So my philosophy has evolved into one of not telling, or "confessing" attempting to be more like alma and describe the pain it may have caused and the redemption involved without the gory details.  The goal in writing and talking is helping others stay on the right road, or at least motivating you to suck it up and circle back and getting yourself on the right road. 

So I ask again - how does one help anyone else not have to travel toooooo far down the wrong road at all, much less before they can get back on the right road or never circle back around at all?  Comments welcome of course!  I put this question out there is the "FAmiLy LetTer" and that family letter "got lost" so I got no feed back from the "four corners of the earth"!


to be continued....