Tables Tea sets and Trash

Last nights had a dream, it hasn't happened for a really long time not like this nor like it did there for awhile with its detail and color and complexity so I'm logging it! I like to do it here because it's faster and more visual so I can remember it better as I go.

A group of us were at a concert lots of people and buses (of course) then we were at someone's house it wasn't mine but it was huge inside and out.  It had wood beams and was lined in wood everywhere. There were long halls and they were wide and open.  The kitchen was open to the dining area which had an elegant rectangular wooden table that glistened in the light with a very out of place shining chandelier.  Tea cups were out and tea? was being served to us I remember that they were tiny and thin to hold. 

We left and went to someone (I can't see who specifically), when we got there I see that people were everywhere, some sleeping in sleeping bags some just chatting. It was cold. Things were going on here that either I didn't want to know or that I was avoiding. 
I walked with someone (I can't see who this is - I want to, I'm trying to even in my dream) we left that place we were looking at little stick built buildings and I was choosing which one to buy to start a store in.  Then we followed a dirt road back to the people.  I'm pretty sure Blake Shelton was there!!! (Maybe it was his concert??).  

the table no kidding looked like this

Then buses came and some of them got on the buses to go somewhere, but I wanted to drive. I wasn't allowed to I wasn't in charge and I knew it.  We went back to the house where we had been.  Only now the table was round with long sections reaching out to chairs to sit on, it looked like maybe the shape of a flower clock?!!!  The tea was served again and I broke my tea cup (this part of the dream was so intense frantic and felt real the anxiety was heightened in my dream).  I looked frantically for a place to hide that I had broken this beautiful fragile cup and saucer. I found piles and piles of trash/ garbage. I tried to hide it in there so no one would see it and I found stacks of very neatly folded clothing.

Like In a store where the edges and lines of the clothing all meet perfectly I started to hide the broken teacups In between the clothes but then thought "it'll be too easy to find when someone picks these clothes out to line them up or throw them out the person will notice that I moved them" (for heavens sake they were in the trash)! So I found a bag and smashed this little set up fine and shoved it into a bag and buried it in the pile of garbage that people then came and gathered into boxes not cans and took away.  Like it was a storage or inventory warehouse.

  
Then I was back at the second house and the maid came in and started to clean the water glasses or beautiful goblets of some kind.  I offered to help but she said she would do it it was her job. So I went back to the kitchen people were there and I left with someone feeling no cause to stay in this house any more and we kept driving to that place where the people went on the buses. We all met back there, even the sleeping people were there. I thought next time I should just take a beautiful bus and not walk or drive so far out of my way.

would love to hear your comments!!!!

The Job

Dana Whitaker: "The truth is, I have a job that involves me, and stimulates me, and rewards me, and takes up a lot of my time, and I'm not willing to do my job just a little bit. I want to do ALL of it. It's part of me, and I'm different without it. And that is who I am, and that is who you need to love." Beware!!!!


Today I have no job, no kids around, no seminary to teach, my attitude is like Dana Whitakers' it's all or nothing. I miss the chaos.  I miss the adrenaline of WORK of "The Job" whatever that job might have been.
My Mother taught me to work.  She taught me to go to work. She taught me to be busy and to lead.  I use to be so bothered when she retired wondering why she had such a hard time just relaxing, why didn't she just enjoy - Finally! - the freedom that she had to not have to work or go to the job.  I'm sure I took advantage of her presence in my house because she was such a "go getter" leaving her with the kids, "letting" her do the dishes, laundry or whatever. But today I get it, what else was she to do.  She worked all of her life, what was she suppose to do now?  

I on the other hand this past year, I have not been a "go getter".  

• When I worked, which I started doing at the age of 12 I gave it all I had.  
• As a young married I swore I'd never work, that my kids would not be "latch key" children. But after having my babies (the first ones any way) I could not wait to get back to work.  Yes I dropped off Apryl at Betty Abbotts one morning at 5:30 am and cried all the way to work. But I got over it!  Sadly.  
• Then I had Austin. Apryl never really seemed to care if I left her, she'd rather the "friends" even at a young age. But Austin, he never liked me leaving him anywhere, in fact he didn't like being left away from his home. But setting that aside (as I very much so did) I liked working.  Much more "atta girls" in the work place than at home. Sadly. I again gave it my all - working 60 to 70 hours a week, on the clock or off - I was there. They "that company" NEEDED me, I thought "I had a job that involved me, stimulated me and rewarded me".  
• Then one day My husband was gone.  I thought I could have it all work, kids and the social life. Three months later, I regretted my choice.
• Family was much more important to me and I did a reboot and made the decision, along with my husband to be home. To come home and be a mom. I have never regretted it, not one single day. But the adjustment was hard I reprogrammed myself to believe that my new "job that would involve me, stimulate me, and reward me" was to be a Mom.
• 26 years later a new chapter is starting, a new transition, no Wait - it started over a year ago. The problem is I don''t know what this job is but i do know; I am not involved, stimulated or rewarded. The relaxing, the darkness and well, lets just say it - the slothfulness have slipped in slowly, so slowly I barely noticed and it has me like a flaxen cord!!!   I kinda noticed but ignored it, like my weight which is back in Full Swing over the last year. I've sat back not engaging, not getting involved, not working. I've started over and over again but with no reward. I am a task oriented worker.  I did make a list of projects - I even have most of them done.  But raking leaves, pulling weeds, cleaning house even watching TV are so boring alone. Slap me in the face and kick my butt! I guess it's been a slow day.
• Oh Mom! I miss you! I get it. I'm sorry.  But I'm so glad Grateful and blessed that Richard supported me worked with me and loved me and that I got to be a full time mom and early morning seminary teacher.
• Tonight I pray my sons and daughters hear me when I say - make good choices. Your Job is your family. Double check your priorities. Be involved, stimulated and loved - in this is your reward.

Also; this wasn't going to be about my mother at all - I wanted to talk about me!!!  It's suppose to be about me and the fact that I like to work and it's time to pull my head out - wish me luck!