Guilt

December 10, 2017

Sunday Go to meetin' notes!

Obligation  - Honor - Guilt - Sacrifice - Obedience  - Atonement - Belief - Perspective - Respect

So many mixed emotions today!  I know I hear you saying to yourself; “isn’t that usual for you my dear?!”  It’s just that I can’t talk this out out loud with anyone so this is where I come to talk it with myself!! Looking for my own inspirational mind altering thoughts causing a great change of heart!  No big deal‼️

Couple of things happened today causing both a stupor of thought and my bossom to burn, now looking for clarity and that firey change of heart.
My mind swirls with where to start and yes this is a bigger deal to me than you’ll think it is I’m sure of that!  Even at 60 I’m sorting learning defining my own beliefs rules guidelines expectations and so on and so on.
First topic doing something because you just think you are suppose to

Second topic how the atonement applies to me

“In the Garden of Gethsemane, He suffered so greatly that he sweat drops of blood as He pleaded with His Father. But this was all a part of His great atoning sacrifice.

[I once sat] in the shadow of an old olive tree [in the Garden of Gethsemane] and read of that terrible wrestling of the Son of God as He faced the certain future, sweating drops of blood and praying to His Father to let the cup pass if it might--but saying, Nevertheless, Thy will be done, not mine. … I had an overwhelming feeling that He wasn’t making His plea, He wasn’t facing that ordeal in terms of the physical pain He was about to face, the terrible, brutal crucifixion on the cross. That was part of it, I am sure. But in large measure it was, I think, a sense on His part of His role in the eternal welfare of all of the sons and daughters of God, of all generations of time.

Everything depended on Him--His atoning sacrifice. That was the key. That was the keystone in the arch of the great plan which the Father had brought forth for the eternal life of His sons and daughters. Terrible as it was to face it, and burdensome as it was to realize it, He faced it, He accomplished it, and it was a marvelous and wonderful thing. It is beyond our comprehension, I believe. Nevertheless, we glimpse it in small part and must learn to appreciate it more and more and more.” GBH 1997

We read this thought at church today and the discussion was across the board “a new thought”. The idea that Jesus wasn’t just asking to not suffer pain but the idea (in my words) of being the middle man.  The thought of carrying all the weight of the burdens of the world and the hope that people would “get it”, accept it, maybe even appreciate it.  The weight of being the arch, the support for all our woes, choices and sins.

• The question was posed to us “how do you feel about that and or what comes to your mind in thinking about this? My heart literally starting burning, pumping faster I wanted to burst out; "I know how that feels!" While at the same time thinking who do you think you are, and wanting to crawl away and sink into despair speechless at these thoughts.

I need to own my own 60 year old life and I start my quest with ... “my mother raised me and in so doing made me the middle man/girl mediator”...this is my perspective and how and why I think I felt what I did in class today...

I was raised by a mother who wanted her husband to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of LatterDay Saints, married to a man that she loves like no other who promised her he would join the church “if she would marry him”!   I’m the baby of 4 with a few miscarriages thrown in.  I was a “miracle baby of birth” or so I was always told. Along the way my brothers and my sister stopped going to church and I being of the sound age of 6 when I first remember hearing “it’s up to you Kelly Sue to save this family, to keep us together for eternity”.  This being a burden I didn’t want and hated all throughout my teenage years. Many many times praying for this “burden” to be lifted from me if it be possible! I still feel it today, I still hear her words and pleading today.  I pray to face it and Go and Do my part to keep us together.  This is my desire!

I do glimpse it in a very very small part, now I need to appreciate it and move forward.
Now today I am thinking; 'look what He did and does for me and even through all of our choices' and yet I am still asking myself who am I? And thus we see my dilemma!  Move on Girl move Forward.

My Happiness Project - September Be Grateful and Submissive?!

Grateful

1. voices heard on old cassestte recordings
2. seminary kids that I taught that i still call mine and rejocie with and cry with
3. facetime which allows me to see Amric Colton and Megan
4. So blessed and grateful that Amric and Austin went on missions
5. Grateful to be married in the mesa Arizona Temple
6. Apryl Ann and her beautiful golden - nope! red locks!!!!
7. Creation of beautiful nature - for instance Multnomah Falls in Oregon
8. That Apryl Sean Vaughn Pax anf Gage have the opportunity to live in Vermont
9. So grateful for being able to send and receive pictures in the moment of Ayris & Michael
10. Holy Smokes what a blessing my 4 girls are and the opportunity to visit SanAntonio.  Grateful to know Fred Dewitt. Pray for corrine and family.
11. Again Nature and the creation = Caves in Texas! Specially The Cave with no name!
12. I am blessed with the most wonderful DILs grateful to spend time with Anona today.
13. So grateful for Colton Walker he is Adorbs! I love love love his smile and eyes.
14. Grateful to put so many miles on the vehicles and do it safely and with Richie!
15. Grateful Austins things arrived in one piece and his family is settling in to a new home
16. I am grateful for Richard and all he does to support me at home and provide for us to live.
17. Blessed to take the sacrament and "feel" worthy to do so. Grateful Richard got to albq ok and that his escape room challenge went well for work.
18. Grateful to stay home and get a lot done around the house still working to get it set up enough to say "Just Us and all are welcome"!!!
19. Grateful to get into a DOctor
20. Grateful for my health and Richards.  Prayers for those we know that are struggling with health issues.
21. Grateful for Ryan and all his help with the Samish house
22. Grateful that we have a new appraiser out at the house today on the Island doing a new Appraisal.
23. Grateful for Relief Society and the creation thereof.
24. Grateful for Shawn bringing us Ayris and Michael.
25. Grateful Colton is ok from eating a bee!
26. Grateful for Ayris Joan so so grateful. Grateful she is my daughter, my friend and a forgiving kind MOM she is a mom now!!!! Grateful for her help around here. grateful for 50cent tacos!!!
27. Grateful my pumpkin cheesecake turned out ok!
28. Grateful for Sis. shes super on my mind this year.
29. Grateful for Pax! she sent me a picture and she looked so beautiful I'm grateful she took time to send that to me.
30. I am grateful for Michael Eugene.

My Happiness Project August 2017

Resilience

I am late thats for sure! but it has been a very hectic crazy 3 months, (well 4 now) but especially craZy August.

"WORK WILL WORK WHILE WISHY WASHY WISHING WON"T"    -Monson

Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.

The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it survived.

Joshua1:9
Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

The man and I went to Gila Cliff Dwellings. I thought about Resilience everyday! But especially on this day! I didn't know if I could make it up that short hike, (but to me very long and steep trail)!  When I walk on the treadmill I always say "I don't incline!" well that day I did!

 We have moved so many times I don't know how to count the addresses.  But I have them recorded don't you know it!  This time was a little harder on me than those of the past.  Bruised my arms and legs and I even think I broke my ribs!  Well I fell that didn't help.  The point is I am resilient I snap back.  I roll with the punches as they say!  From house to house and Month to Month with this Happiness Project of mine.

Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going.     

Yasmin Mogahed

Meek

Matthew 11:28-30 Be thou humble in thy weakness and the LORD thy God shall lead thee...and give thee answers to thy prayers.

Meek; Humble is the opposite of Pride.  The anitdote for pride is Humility -- meekness submissiveness, it is the broken heart and contrite spirit.  --Benson

Water reminds me of the possibility to be both meek and prideful.  From the Samish River to the Rio Grande We've done it again and although I have not written much for this month believe me it is on my mind and it is teaching me #MyHappinessProject is keeping me focused and helping me to bounce back!  On to September!!!!! 

102 one two three generations later

Tell me a story of Nanny was a request today on this her 102 birthdate, and it being 7 years since we buried her.  As I thought about this I went to read my own past thoughts about my mom.   What ever the title Iris Mom Gram Nanny we miss you

I certainly am a fan of the thought; to keep traditions, people, memories alive someone has to tell the stories!

I remember my mom with Apryl, her princess!  They  definitely had a close relationship.   

Mom taught her to love books, they read countless hours together.

When it came to Austin, it was games they would play games for hours till one day as a teenager... I'm not sure if he was loosing or she was, but neither of them liked it he pretty much said that's it and they really never played again.  But she more than I was probably the dominate female in their lives as toddlers that's for sure, time I feel like the kids and I both missed out on thankful she was there to fill in the cracks, the wholes the traditions.

She was a great Gram for my sisters kidsshe was there for them come hell or high water.

When Wally came along Nanny was there  she loved that girl, she might or might not have been a little bit afraid of her!!! I think they were of such strong wills they did tend to but heads even when AJ was three!

Nanny and Her Zane were close as close could be. She spent many an hour with this kid she tried to keep him from climbing trees, running off and flying over hills! They were always on the go because he was always on the go, I think he kept her alive gave her reason and strength for the last 17 years of her life!

Now she has many great kids and very great great grandchildren to these generations I tell the stories of Iris. 

RIP my dear mother 

signing off KSue 

My July Happiness Project WOW is all I can Say!

Preface

Where to start.  I have to say yet again that I am amazed at how my monthly Happiness Project Goal Keywords have fit perfectly to everything in my life that is going on since I started this project.  The thing that hasn't fit is travel and not having my computer - I think I have become more paperless than I realized, so i'm now back to both the paper journal and the computer (when I have one available).

Family Appreciation

Family; descendants of a common ancestor is one definition.
Appreciation; defined as recognize, treasure, admire, respect, to realize acknowledge grasp the full worth.

Appreciate my family

We had a little family reunion and while there for a few short days I found that I did appreciate 

all the money that was spent to get there,

all the time that was put aside to be there,

all the effort that was made to put aside differences,

All the food that was provided and made specially for us, 

All of the crafts that were prepared provided and made with my baby grands, 

All of the stories of heritage and memories that were shared, 

All of the family games created just for us to play together, 

All of the conversations, 

All of the traditions brought forward 

And all of the love that was there.

Remember how I ask what's the One Thing you believe in?

I believe in family!

Friendship
As I prepare to pull up roots and move again it's been different this time because of friendship.  I have really built up walls there these last few years and have built limited friendships.  This time in letting go its been interesting to watch the man come to tears and really "feel" loss as he packed up his office and left his peers who, maybe for the first time are indeed his friends.  

It's so interesting to me to observe the ties that bind and the need for friendship and people in your life to indeed find happiness. 
Instead of note to self, lecture to self;   This next chapter I need to drop walls and be all in, the kids are gone Kel get over it and find your own self, stop waiting for the next chapter, turn the page and be grateful for friends created along the way.  In so doing be appreciative and acknowledge the blessing of living everywhere you have lived and having all the friends you do because of all the places he's drug you to and using the tool of #MyHappinessProject continue to explore, invest and build life and relationships - yes even in your 60s!

Find Joy in the Moment!  (Also Find joy getting rid of stuff)!The way I look at it is as simple as asking "what if", what if we do and what if we don't? It was me this time, it was me that said "What if hon, you should go for it".  And Thus we see... Joy in the moment!  Not that it's easy to pack it up and say good-bye to this beautiful place where we live #ilovewashington #itswhereilive Talk about a perfect topic and timing for #MyHappinessProject we made a choice to follow the dream and ONE more time make the move.  

Looking back, Feb was the month for me to find Joy in getting tidy and I totally remember getting everything out laying it on the bed and walking out of the room...and thus we see, I am not ready and will be quickly getting rid of things and taking things that I shouldn't be and will in August again be continuing to find Joy in the moment of unpacking and unloading more "things"!

This is the first time we have moved without kids and so it seems even more obvious that we have too much "stuff" when it's only 2 of us and we are loading up a semi again!  I am beginning to admire the "millennial" attitude but dang it's hard to let go.  I strive.

Restore 

Back to family. We hadn't all been together ever,  just for fun in fact the last time we were all in the same place at the same time was 2010 in Arizona when we buried my mom.

This was a time for us to restore our feelings, backgrounds, our memories, our relationships.

I liked to call it "The Gathering 2017" and when you gather you Do in fact restore.  I do so appreciate this fact and that this has happened. From Measurements on the wall at Nana and Papis to school pictures from the 80's and 90's from bowling to church on Sunday from movie time to Now the Day is Over, I pray for Blessings on my family everyday everyday everyday!

My Happiness Project June 2017 Forgiveness and Mercy

Forgiveness

Baby He is building a palace!

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace”   cs lewis

Mercy

"There is nothing so unchanging, so inevitable as change itself. The things we see, touch, and feel are always changing. Relationships between friends, husband and wife, father and son, brother and sister are all dynamic, changing relationships. There is a constant that allows us to use change for our own good, and that constant is the revealed eternal truths of our Heavenly Father.

We need not feel that we must forever be what we presently are. There is a tendency to think of change as the enemy. Many of us are suspect of change and will often fight and resist it before we have even discovered what the actual effects will be. When change is thought through carefully, it can produce the most rewarding and profound experiences in life.

As opportunity for change reaches into our lives, as it always will, we must ask, “Where do I need development? What do I want out of life? Where do I want to go? How can I get there?” Weighing alternatives very carefully is a much needed prerequisite as one plans changes."    Marvin J Ashton

As I have seen it in the month of June Forgiveness and Mercy are needed all the time in just about every aspect of our lives.  But staying with my daughter for a couple of months recently reminded me how important it is to not hold a grudge, to not harbor resentful feelings, and to change with life experiences to evolve and to grow.  I have a thing about roots and I hate change as you can see from these other blog entries!  And Yes thank you daughter of mine I learned how to make a hyperlink!!!!  I have to say that my mind and heart are evolving and I can see I am changing. I do want my roots firmly potted in the soil, but and I think forgiveness has alot to do with change these days I see it all around me and I'm ready to start digging and she has been an example to me.

When a choice plant became root bound and began to deteriorate, a young friend of ours decided to transplant it to a larger container. Carefully he lifted the greenery from its small pot and put it into its larger home, trying to disturb the roots and soil as little as possible. The novice gardener watched and waited. To his dismay, the plant still struggled. Our friend expressed his frustration to an experienced gardener who offered his services. When the plant was placed in the gardener’s hands, he turned the pot upside down, pulled out the plant, shook the soil from the roots, and clipped and pulled all the stragglers from the root system. Replacing the plant into the pot, he vigorously pushed the soil tightly around the plant. Soon the plant took on new life and grew.

How often in life do we set our own roots into the soil of life and become root bound? We may treat ourselves too gently and defy anyone to disturb the soil or trim back our root system. Under these conditions we too must struggle to make progress. Oh, change is hard! Change can be rough.

My Happinesss Project May 2017

"It's the storm not you thats bound to blow away."  Secret Garden

Spirituality and prayer for the month of May has brought to my mind and heart my testimony, questions of faith and the reminder that we need to be those people others can hold on to during their storms; we are often called on to be "angels" to help others. It's much easier to do this IF we are getting to know each other before the storms come.

In May my Happiness Project was to seek Spiritual experiences Faith and Prayer seem to be what I wrote about last in my blog.  I can't tell you how amazed I am at how these topics fit together with my life as it is happening. 

I have been gone for 2 months.  I went to stay with my daughter who was having my 9th babygrand!  So without my computer I switched over to the paper version bought a whole new planner and really kept some good records, thoughts and well I did my Happiness Project the same but different.  Now I am home and I am reading my last blog entry, recognizing without remembering or knowing I WAS and AM on the same track - I love it! #MyHappinessProject is working and I am finding My Happiness!

"Faith Must be accompanied by action or it isn't faith at all."  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2017/04/the-just-shall-live-by-faith?lang=eng

Jul 16

Last week we were asked to talk about what we learned while we lived in SR first ward!  So as I sat in Sacrament mtg, after not being there for 2 whole months I observed and searched to "feel" something, asking myself that question.

Then during the week I fasted and prayed about a direction to go and was led to a talk by President Hinckley. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-miracle-of-faith?lang=eng    Today I pray that I can say something that will bless all of us who read or re read this later a faith promoting, testimony growing life experience.  (I don't ask for much do i?)

Just to be clear I am looking for more spirituality in my life but I need to say upfront I have a testimony I haven’t said that alot lately,  I think maybe I’ve felt a bit stifled and like I haven’t had “visionary” testimony experiences so I have remained quiet. I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, of A Prophet on the earth today, Of Prophets being in the scriptures just as much in the Bible as in the Book of Mormon and in our present day.  I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that because of His atonement I am given the agency to repent.  The Holy Ghost the third member of the Godhead has confirmed these things to me in my heart and in my mind.   I also know without a shadow of doubt, that Heavenly Father placed us here to learn and to grow.  Now it’s time for us to move on, it’s bittersweet. I totally love where we live.  I can see where I have gotten a little lax with my testimony and my service, I blame it on the Island life of where I live!!!   It’s been a tuff transition for me going from being a full time mom to being a retired mom. I’ve struggled lets just say that.  When you feel your worth is one thing be it a teacher, a provider, or a mom when that one thing is over, well as I said - I've struggled.  But I have come to believe that Heavenly Father does not want me to be a "One Hit Wonder"! That none of us are one hit wonders.  The thought of moving has kicked me into gear, why you ask? Because I want something from Heavenly Father and when that happens you or at least I start to self examine.  Because of that I am asking myself what is faith?  I am asking myself this for a few reasons I won’t take the time to go into here but I am grateful for the opportunity this project has given me to do my research asking myself who has "it" and how does "it" get expressed?  President Hinckley said “Faith is evidenced in all we DO…Faith is the basis of testimony. Faith underlies loyalty to the church. Faith represents sacrifice, gladly given in moving forward the work of the Lord.” 

In May Richard and I went on a little drive toBluffUtah. It’s in South East corner of Utah - a place where my great grandparents were sent by Brigham Young to settle and build the kingdom. We went away asking ourselves why? Why were they sent there? In the Present day there is a fort there now where they lived that is a mission, a visitors center there lives are still being lived there in this little tiny dirt town.  These were pioneers, my first ancestors to join the church and come from wales and end up following the prophets call to settle that corner of Utah.  Now to me that is FAITH, it is also A move of choice because of their faith.   Neil L. Anderson said in 2015 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/faith-is-not-by-chance-but-by-choice?lang=eng   “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something floating loosely in the air. Faith does not fall upon us by chance or stay with us by birthright. It is, as the scriptures say, “substance …, the evidence of things not seen.”Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible.Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe and as we seek it and hold on to it. Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker. Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil.By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name. The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice.”

My husband is our families first pioneer, because I am moving and packing I ran across a letter he wrote to our son "The (power) of the priesthood has become an extension, like having an extra arm. It has become a part of me. I know that by being worthy and having the priesthood, anything can be done. It is having that knowledge, a strong faith, a desire to do right, and a willingness to serve that will ultimately bring you happiness." It made me so happy to read this letter, to hear and recognize my husbands testimony and to remember the importance it was to him and our son at that time on his 12th birthday. And it's and additional layer of happiness because today is the 12th bday of our oldest grandson.  I invite you to write down how you feel about, what your testimony is of the priesthood, or anything that you really believe in.  From My man I’ve learned so much, but lately my favorite thing I’ve learned is his words “if you are afraid to or just don’t take the time to talk to people you come to church with how do you expect to talk to people in the neighborhood, store, office, school or the world, going to church is  is suppose to be our safe space.”  I love that!!!  Thank you hon for being my pioneer of faith.

What I've learned from the people I go to church with while I've lived here...

• I went with Debbie Merriman to visit all kinds of people in all kinds of places it was exciting she showed me the ease and importance of meeting people knocking on doors and visiting with people that might be lost or that we just hadn’t met yet.  I'll never forget that and always appreciate her for dragging me along with her.
• Saundra and Sister Wixom showed me how import it is to invite people into your home making them feel welcome.
• The Jones Family showed me thru their actions the importance of speaking to people at church and even at the dairy queen bringing new members to church.
• I have phone anxiety I'm afraid to call on it or answer it! - I know Lame! but Emily Barnett visit taught me with friendship and heart allowing me to feel the ease and the importance of said friendship enough that I actually got the nerve to call her for a favor and she stepped right up.
• I grew up and married living in the same ward for 25 years, it's made me sad that I have not had that to raise my kids. But! We've seen and learned somethings and more importantly met people, that in one way or another changed improved influenced our lives. It's ok to move around and I've started to think … we live on the 3-4 year mission transfer schedule!!! Recently My son told me "and that's ok mom!" 
• One of the most spiritual best meetings I've ever been to was the frank and humble patriotic talks given by brother Donohue and Quezada 
• We watched and observed Justin Yeates be a great home teacher and example to his son.   I can see he will be great with the youth
• Deann Fendlay showed me that being in the nursery is a wonderful place to be
• From this ward I learned to love and Really enjoy the music between meetings more should participate and really sing while just the teachers leave quietly! for Primary and sunday school. Last week we sang Hymn 302 

1. I know my Father lives and loves me too.

The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me it is true,

And tells me it is true.

2. He sent me here to earth, by faith to live his plan.

The Spirit whispers this to me and tells me that I can,

And tells me that I can.

• I hope we listen when we can and then "Do"  remember - Faith is an action word.
• Bonnie Walker ❤️  what a rock a spiritual rock and example to me an example of a great mom and wife.
• Michelle a pioneer in the gospel herself she’s so good for me. I grew up in the church so I loved being with her and seeing her perspective and the importance of service in the community paralleled with her service in the ward not just One or the other.  
• Testimony and endurance from sister chambers
• Hovendens throw great parties and as a ward we are blessed to be invited
• But mostly I hope I've learned The importance of having a calling and doing it not shutting down and hiding out.  Seeing the importance and order of the "organizations" in the church and not having paid positions.
• Seasons of life move quickly to figure them out don't wait for something different or "better" in your own mind keep moving forward with Faith. 
• Been very grateful that the bishop kept My man busy and involved, it meant more to me than anything these last few years.  When you have adult children and they go away and are in other wards where they aren’t used and don’t have callings and you see them slip away. Words just can't express the heartache and sadness that brings to a mom.   I have a testimony of the importance of serving. 

The faith of my pioneer ancestors to give service even with sacrifice. I have failed at this in my need to lick the wounds of my children actually growing up and leaving home I had told a friend, Sister Redding that when I come back from my daughters this time I will be all in and now I’m leaving I want her to know it was important for me to say that to her outloud and to be accountable and I pray that all of us will move forward in faith like those of the first pioneer in our family and be accountable say it out loud; "I AM ALL IN".  

Pres Hinckley said; “Pioneers journey to the valley of the great salt lake is an epic without parallel. Their journey to the valley of the Great Salt Lake is an epic without parallel. The suffering they endured, the sacrifices they made, became the cost of what they believed.

I have in my office a small statue of my own pioneer grandfather burying beside the trail his wife and her brother who died on the same day. He then picked up his infant child and carried her to this valley.

Faith? There can be no doubt about it. When doubts arose, when tragedies struck, the quiet voice of faith was heard in the stillness of the night as certain and reassuring as was the place of the polar star in the heavens above.

…It is the faith within us that is evidenced in all we do.”

In conclusion of my May Spiritual thru Prayer thought here today, I want to remind us we don't know who is watching us, the impressions we are making. We don't know who may be listening or reading our posts, tweets or instagram.  Imagine we are pioneers - for aren't we when it comes to technology?  In 150 plus or minus years what will be said about our FAITH when the posts are being read?  Let us endure- It is my righteous desire to have "No empty chairs" when is comes to my family on the other side of the veil.

May 2017 MyHappinessProject Spirituality and Prayer

#itswhereilive

It is amazing to me how very much all of this is fitting together, how topics and "goals" set back in October can be right on and very on topic in the month that they pop up!  It is true that you have to think something before you can do it, for me anyway and when it is a thought it applies to everything around you from interactions with others to TV from Talks to articles in the news from relationships to your belief system all things have been affected or at least noticed by topic monthly during this project of mine.  This month the Main topic is Spirituality and the sub topic Prayer. 

I've been noticing on social media many quotes on FAITH in the last week and I had noted to myself in my Happiness Project Book under this May heading to revisit a talk given in 2016 by Elder Uchtdrof  this little story jumped out at me as I read it yesterday; 

Faith is a strong conviction about something we believe—a conviction so strong that it moves us to do things that we otherwise might not do. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”2

While this makes sense to believing people, it is often confusing to nonbelievers. They shake their heads and ask, “How can anyone be certain of what they cannot see?” To them, this is evidence of the irrationality of religion.

What they fail to understand is that there are more ways to see than with our eyes, more ways to feel than with our hands, more ways to hear than with our ears.

It’s something like the experience of a young girl who was walking with her grandmother. The song of the birds was glorious to the little girl, and she pointed out every sound to her grandmother.

“Do you hear that?” the little girl asked again and again. But her grandmother was hard of hearing and could not make out the sounds.

Finally, the grandmother knelt down and said, “I’m sorry, dear. Grandma doesn’t hear so well.”

Exasperated, the little girl took her grandmother’s face in her hands, looked intently into her eyes, and said, “Grandma, listen harder!”  

It jumped out at me for different reasons than you might think! When my mom was alive, in her later years we teased her that she had "selective hearing"!  My son got her a badge or a pin that said "Speak Up".  

This little story reminded me of that, and like I said everything comes back to this project these days. . . my thought then was to ask myself am I or can we be spiritually selective about our hearing?  

So this month I am going to strive to not put away spiritual things.  I tend to choose TV over books, Facebook over scriptures and definitely take the personal out of the conversation although I do support the whole text vs phone (there is that word again FEAR) why don't we write letters or send cards any more vs comment on IG Twitter or FB? There is something mindful, fulfilling and yes, spiritual about writing it down. Just today I ran across a note that my granddaughter slipped into my things that made me "feel something, personal even spiritual" it said; "Nana I love you and I'll miss you. Be careful, Remember who you are and keep your head up. bye  ..."  Brings me to tears again. How can we not be spiritual when it comes to loving, including and listening to our Family? 

spir·it·u·al

ˈspiriCH(o͞o)əl/

adjective

1. 1.

   relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.

   "I'm responsible for his spiritual welfare"

   synonyms:

   nonmaterial, incorporeal, intangible;

Of course spiritual can be applied also in religious beliefs as well. 

       2.

     relating to religion or religious belief.

"the tribe's spiritual leader"

synonyms:

religious, sacred, divine, holy, nonsecular, church, ecclesiastical, faith-based, devotional  I reference the following for that part of my quest for this month of May;

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/fourth-floor-last-door?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/let-the-holy-spirit-guide?lang=eng

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/stand-up-inside-and-be-all-in?lang=eng

Phase 2 Return & Report Finances and Humility April 2017

My Happiness Project is working. It's in my head all the time, and it is causing a change of heart that indeed will endure into resolutions of a life time.

In Phase 2 I will make the accountability happen, after the initial 21 days of tracking and enduring with said topics, I have to evaluate and set reasonable achievable new goals /#resolutions to be accountable for in my ledger of columns with the headings of; budgeting money, calories, movement and time.  

Here we go !!!!  Who knew Finances and humility would lead me here?!!!!


Phase 2  the war of accountability continues!  

Goals set as a result of April Tracking...

1. Pay a charitable tithe and Fast offering

2. Be out of debt.

3. Exercise 30 min a day.

4. Avoid snacks, must lower Cholesterol.  

5.  I am not responsible for anyone but me! (review #4splendidtruths http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/07/how-to-be-happier-in-four-easy-lessons/and #secretsofadulthood http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/09/secrets-of-adulthood/ !)


Remember the goal was to marry in the Temple.  But then what?  I never ever thought passed that. Be accountable, Endure to the end!!!  Be committed, resolutions for a life this time. The search, the refinement, The Project continue!

Discovery; Mindfulness in Visionpursue

For Review #MyHappinessProject Resolutions already executed to continue to build on

NOV
1. Be Healthy  I am putting into action no snacking.   Drink my shakes for meals. Move everyday. 

DEC
2. Family History

4 years one month at a time and continue the search.

JAN
3. Civility

Mostly I am "working" at Keeping it together this month. "KeepItTogether""KeepItTogether""KeepItTogether"!

3b. Scripture study His Words Keep reading everyday everyday everyday.  I can only ___________ Me! (Insert word control, save, etc etc etc!)

4 books and the parables

FEB
4. Joy

I don't know what to do here. Throw it all away, give it all away or garage sell it all?   Keep it or move it? because of my lack of ability to make a choice on this I have only reorganized and re labeled.

The life changing magic of tidying up.  

4b. Repentance

I do need this everyday. 

MAR
5. Mindfulness  BE mindful of what I am "certain of"...  Back to my basic question of yester year "What is the One thing today that I stand for, would fight for, believe in?"  Be Certain what kind of Character I have, portray and want to build on. 
Very excited to report that thru Richards work I have discovered a new app and way to be accountable for mindfulness.  In March I was discouraged with my choice of mindfulness because it didn't really lead me anywhere except to over analyze everything!  The app is called #visionpursue and for the next month I will be doing dailys to further expand #Mindfulness.

5b. Procrastination set some goals.  achieve them.  I got my pocket watch to wear around my neck, like Emmaline!!!  It will remind me of the words "but for a very short time."  Make Time count!